How much do you value looks in a woman?

[DJKid]

One thing that's apparent in this game is that beauty/looks is very subjective. Just among my friends I notice we rate women very differently...

That being said I'm curious from a personal perspective how much do you value looks in a woman? How much do you value them in a woman you'd be in a relationship with? How much do you value looks in a woman you would just bang?

Would you rather have a hot girl with an ok attitude or cute/average girl with a great personality?

For me personally if I'm in a relationship with someone her personality trumps looks completely. I see other guys that will only chase very attractive women and are willing to jump through hurdles to get them.

As far as just sex I know guys that would bang ugly girls just to get laid and I know guys that will only sleep with very attractive women.

So I'm curious as to everyone's line of thinking when it comes to how important the attractiveness of a woman is....

 

[jophil28]

The shallow part of me declines to reply

 

[Tazman]

It depends on individual circumstance. I would assume almost every guy wants to have sex with beautiful women, but we'll settle for less if we feel we can't get what we want or it requires more work than we're motivated to put forth. Not to mention the fear of rejection.

Path of least resistance (everyone engages in this, whether or not they admit it).

 

[STR8UP]

One thing that's apparent in this game is that beauty/looks is very subjective. Just among my friends I notice we rate women very differently...

This is a common fallacy that Roissy addressed not too long ago with this blog post.

Read the follow up that shows that beauty is in fact NOT very subjective here.

Don't fool yourself into thinking that you value personality over looks dude. Looks comprise the vast majority of a woman's value.

 

[sodbuster]

She has to be at least attractive enough so no one wonders why I am with her,doesn't have to be jealous of me "just not repulsed. 7 or 8 seems to be the best mix for a LTR

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear DJKid,
Sensuality and personality are way beyond looks which tend to extinguish both,good looking women are a pain in the butt,they rarely try hard,and you must constantly be watching them,how does the song go?"When you go out with a beautiful Woman,watch your friend...."

 

[Zunder]

Hah - well I am gonna rock the boat here and say that there are really not that many very good looking women out there at all.

Modern makeup techniques of today can do an incredibly outstanding job of covering flaws. This is no joke. I have chatted up some 8's who turned into 4's once all the gook was washed off their face in the morning.

A young woman between 16 -30 of very good health and fitness, can remain beautiful for a long time. But - I have seen many oustanding looking girls from my school days or early working career - whom I accidentally bump into a few years later, and they have gone downhill in a bad way, and quickly, lookswise. A hard living lifestlye doesn't help, and neither does having kids - as many women just let themselves go after popping out a couple of juniors.

I will guestimate and say that a woman has perhaps a 5 years on average where her natural beauty will hold - but if she doesn't take care of herself then the fall from grace is dramatic. There are always exceptions, but exceptions they are.

 

[STR8UP]

She has to be at least attractive enough so no one wonders why I am with her,doesn't have to be jealous of me "just not repulsed. 7 or 8 seems to be the best mix for a LTR

Here here. I can't think of anything more annoying than someone saying to me (man OR woman) "Why are you with HER? All of the rest of your girlfriends have been so pretty."

It's almost like society won't let you date down. I only really heard this when I was with one chick, and it wasn't that she was ugly, it was just that she rarely went out of her way to get dolled up like a lot of girls do.

 

[Colossus]

It's funny how much peer approval goes into mate selection.

I agree with sodbuster that 7-8 range is perfect for an LTR. Not too hot, but attractive nonetheless. I'm part of that school of thought that thinks really hot women are more trouble than they are worth. And it's not necessarily the girl herself that brings the trouble, it's all the attention--positive and negative--that comes with her.

Frankly the quality of the sex has less to do with a perfect figure and more to do with her attitude and enthusiasm.

 

[Duffdog]

Men and women are programmed to seek the best genes possible in their partners for the greatest chance of success for their offspring. Whether or not they actually get it is another story.

So yeah, men who can value a womans looks over everything else do. The rest of the guys don't have that luxury, so they have to justify why they can't by saying "personality matters" and other crap to make up for their lower status/attractiveness/wealth. Every guy on this site would love to just line up a bunch of chics and pic the hottest ones, then from those selections, pick the best personalities, then go on down the line till we found our "soulmate"...

 

[insidious]

Of course I value looks. I think anyone who denies the value of looks is deluded.

However, in my own life, I value 3 things above pure looks:

-Fitness. A women with a very fit body shows a commitment to self and diligence which will manifest itself in personality characteristics which I'm fond of.
-Intelligence. I need my brain stimulated also. It's the rare woman who can discuss crap I find interesting. If a woman's idea of analytical thinking is dissecting last night's episode of American Idol, I don't care how hot she is.
-Sense of humor. I have a great sense of humor...and it's dark as hell. I expect a woman to have a similar sense of humor so she doesn't have that constant puzzled look every time I make a joke.


Looks. Yeah all that tells me is that she's won the genetic lottery. Good for her. She did nothing to earn those good looks, so it tells me nothing about her personality.

I will say this...pretty women are generally friendlier and have less hang-ups than their ugly sisters. Conversely, they can sometimes be utter and self-absorbed *****es.

 

[insidious]

This is a common fallacy that Roissy addressed not too long ago with this blog post.

Read the follow up that shows that beauty is in fact NOT very subjective here.

Don't fool yourself into thinking that you value personality over looks dude. Looks comprise the vast majority of a woman's value.

Looks are subject to the Bell Curve.
Once in a while you run across a woman who is REALLY beautiful or REALLY ugly...enough so that she falls in that category at either far end of the curve. Most women will be cluttered around the middle section of the curve.

I think more accurate assessment would be our preference for idiosyncratic traits which aren't considered "attractive" by most.

For instance, I found the 6th woman down on the 1-10 blog kinda sexy. She is pudgy and frumpy and I realize most guys would not touch her with a ten-foot pole. I would.

 

[DJKid]

It depends on individual circumstance. I would assume almost every guy wants to have sex with beautiful women, but we'll settle for less if we feel we can't get what we want or it requires more work than we're motivated to put forth. Not to mention the fear of rejection.

Path of least resistance (everyone engages in this, whether or not they admit it).

I concur that this is the frame a lot of guys probably have.

STR8UP - That was a very interesting blog. I agree that there are certain facial/body features that the masses tend to associate with beauty and this proved it based on the women that ranked low versus those that ranked high. However when it came to deciding who the hottest girl was you can see the totals were very much divided. Even among the mid level girls. That to me clearly shows that look are subjective. When I'm out with my friends I call a lot of girls 6's where they may think they are 8's and vice versa... To great portion of people this rating of 2 points on the HB scale determines whether they will choose to go after the particular female.

I do value a woman's personality over their looks that I can honestly say. However I also admit that I must be at least physically attracted to a woman to engage her. I've had girls with great personalities I wasn't attracted to engage me and I turned them down. So that's the kernel of truth I'll admit in the looks department. However I'd rather be with 6 with a great attitude/personality than an 8 who is a b#(# and expects the world to cater to her.

Haven't you ever felt a girl's look elevate when she has great personality versus a girl's look decline when she is a bi#t*h... I certainly know I have.

Danger - Amen lol

Colossus - This is my view as well.

 

[radiodude]

We all have our own personal preferences with an obvious overlap in the group.

I have found girls hot that my buddies didn't quite get. They have also found some hot that I could have cared less for. Then there is the obvious consensus from both of us.

 

[DJKid]

Men and women are programmed to seek the best genes possible in their partners for the greatest chance of success for their offspring. Whether or not they actually get it is another story.

So yeah, men who can value a womans looks over everything else do. The rest of the guys don't have that luxury, so they have to justify why they can't by saying "personality matters" and other crap to make up for their lower status/attractiveness/wealth. Every guy on this site would love to just line up a bunch of chics and pic the hottest ones, then from those selections, pick the best personalities, then go on down the line till we found our "soulmate"...

Ah Darwin's theory of Natural Selection... This will always hold true however the "genes" or "attributes" that women seek are not substaniated by looks. I see too many subpar or ordinary males with very attractive women for this to be the case. As a male I will humbly admit that when it comes to just fornicating I would pick the hottest girl possible. However with the same degree of certainty that I said that I can also say that when it comes to LTRs her personality is what I deem most valuable because I'm going to have to deal with it on every interaction.

Insidious- Just goes to show that looks are subjective as is our philosophies towards the type of woman we'd be willing to have sex with. Btw I bet with some make up and a different outfit that girl would look decent. Some guys can see the potential beneath the surface...

 

[DJKid]

What I think is hilarious is that if a guy dates down, even WOMEN will wonder why he's doing it. Even though personality figures far more into attraction for females, they still get that a man is after an HB first and foremost.

Looks are probably the most important factor, but they're always negotiable depending on the personality. I think some guys get confused because people here talk about what a pain an HB 9 or 10 will be, and the advice given is "don't date a girl just because she's hot." What it means is, of course, don't compromise your principles because she happens to be hot (but also a b!tch) because she's not the only hot one out there.

The hottest girl, on a superficial level, that I dated was also one of the worst from a quality standpoint. I think of her as kind of ugly now, but that's because I know her. I'm not kidding myself, though - if I saw her walking down the street for the first time I'd hit on her just like I did the first time I met her. In a vacuum, I'd nail her again, no doubt. But I'd never, ever date her again knowing what I know. That tells me that looks are #1, but they can be devalued by personality.

Conversely, a less attractive female can only be improved upon only so much by a great personality.

A woman is like a ****tail - four ounces of looks, four ounces of personality. The ideal woman is 8 ounces. But she can never be more than four ounces of one or the other. Okay...maybe the ratio is more like 6 looks, 2 personality, but you see what I am saying.

Good post. I've had similar experiences with hot girls and my current view now has surely been conditioned by these experiences...

 

[STR8UP]

What I think is hilarious is that if a guy dates down, even WOMEN will wonder why he's doing it. Even though personality figures far more into attraction for females, they still get that a man is after an HB first and foremost.

As much as women love to b!tch and moan about men being "shallow", they are 10x more critical of other women's looks than most men will ever be. I should have mentioned that out of the handful of people who pointed out the mismatch with the chick I mentioned, most were women.

The very FIRST thing a woman will ask when you tell her you are seeing someone is "Is she good looking?"

 

[sodbuster]

I once dated a 9.5 who was 5'9", long blonde hair,slim- she would almost cause traffic accidents walking down the street.BUT she was so dumb and lazy that I couldn't stick around long enough to nail her[probably would have been a dead fish anyway] An 8 with brains and personality had me on the line for a year.

 

[Trader]

As much as women love to b!tch and moan about men being "shallow", they are 10x more critical of other women's looks than most men will ever be. I should have mentioned that out of the handful of people who pointed out the mismatch with the chick I mentioned, most were women.

The very FIRST thing a woman will ask when you tell her you are seeing someone is "Is she good looking?"

That is so spot on. In my social circle I have a notorious reputation for being picky and *passing* on having serious dating relationships with girls. I casually mentioned that I met this other girl at a party and got her number, no big deal.

Right away the girls are like: "What does she look like? Is she beautiful?"

Girls know guys screen on looks heavily and they are hyper-competitive when it comes to looks.

 

[DJKid]

That is so spot on. In my social circle I have a notorious reputation for being picky and *passing* on having serious dating relationships with girls. I casually mentioned that I met this other girl at a party and got her number, no big deal.

Right away the girls are like: "What does she look like? Is she beautiful?"

Girls know guys screen on looks heavily and they are hyper-competitive when it comes to looks.

Agreed