How many of you can say you still battle with insecurity.

[SamTheHobit]

Today, I came to realization that I am still extremely insecure. I've been trying to fight this for over a year I though by getting in shape and allot of exercise, I'd get a healthier mind set but to no avail.. The funny thing is that I am considered a good looking guy.

I get the impression that if you are raised with insecurity its something you have to live with it.
I mean let's face it, and if your parent doubt you for you whole life how the fvck can you ever accept yourself.

The insecurity I face is so bad, I've never had a successful relationship with anyone. I have no friend and no matter how hard I try I can't get a girlfriend.

The only person I hang out with is my 22 year old brother who is in the same boat as me.

I keep reading self acceptance and all that, but how the fvck can one accept them self when self hatred has been ingrained in to me from birth.

Suppose I feel a bit better writing this shiit out.

 

[ebracer05]

I can empathize with what you're saying. I have about 2 shelves on my bookcase full of psychology, self help, and counseling books and after 5 years of seeing a psychologist, I still feel insecure in a lot of situations.

The biggest thing about insecurity, I think, is that it's a habit more than it is anything else. At least that how it seemed to be with me. Why are you insecure? Do you really believe you are inferior or is the problem that you believed you were inferior and you cognitively know that you are not, but you haven't been able to translocate your rational thoughts to your soul where you feel.

That's the problem I face. I had (and have) a habit of thinking and believing that I was inferior and those thoughts and beliefs manifested in to actions and behavioral patterns that are freaking tough to change.

One of the biggest things that has helped me is just forcing myself to do things I feel insecure about. Particularly cold approaching and sarging. At some point you have to just do it, and eventually it won't bother you so much because you will have either eliminated your insecurity or you will be so used to it (progressive desensitization) that you just don't care anymore.

Those are my 2 cents.

 

[Serg897]

It really is just a mental trick. Half the time when my mind keeps dwelling on insecurity in the prescense of a group of people or a particular person they are also showing insecurity - I just dont see it because Im too caught up in my own stupid thought patterns.

Its all subjective.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Sam,

I recommend that you create a new diary, whether in a notebook or in a Word file, and call it "Victory Log"

As you go through your days, WRITE DOWN the small victories in life and all the things you did well. You will start to amass a trail of successes that you can refer back to. This is a great way to start to eradicate those thought habits and replace them with healthy ones. Keep on keeping track of all those little victories, no matter how small.

Examples:
"Today I gave a dollar to a homeless person. This tells me that I am empathetic and am willing to help my fellow man."

"Today I made small talk with 5 people I wouldn't have normally. This shows that I can be sociable."

"Today I scored an A on my Science test. I have a real aptitude for many subjects."

Just keep on saturating your mind with the positive things about yourself, no matter how trivial you might think they are at first. That little voice inside that tells you that you are no good will be so overwhelmed eventually that you will barely be able to hear it anymore. And if you do hear it, you will have loads of evidence to refute it.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Sam,

I recommend that you create a new diary, whether in a notebook or in a Word file, and call it "Victory Log"

As you go through your days, WRITE DOWN the small victories in life and all the things you did well. You will start to amass a trail of successes that you can refer back to. This is a great way to start to eradicate those thought habits and replace them with healthy ones. Keep on keeping track of all those little victories, no matter how small.

Examples:
"Today I gave a dollar to a homeless person. This tells me that I am empathetic and am willing to help my fellow man."

"Today I made small talk with 5 people I wouldn't have normally. This shows that I can be sociable."

"Today I scored an A on my Science test. I have a real aptitude for many subjects."

Just keep on saturating your mind with the positive things about yourself, no matter how trivial you might think they are at first. That little voice inside that tells you that you are no good will be so overwhelmed eventually that you will barely be able to hear it anymore. And if you do hear it, you will have loads of evidence to refute it.

Not a bad idea at all. It's easy to focus and magnify everytime we f*ck up, but how often do we highlight our successes the same way. most of us that struggle in this way are likely humble people (we don't want to be noticed for our accomplishments...some of us would rather they even go propogate goodness unnoticed)...

AS -- going to give your words a try here. Thanks.

 

[Gray The Prince]

Today, I came to realization that I am still extremely insecure. I've been trying to fight this for over a year I though by getting in shape and allot of exercise, I'd get a healthier mind set but to no avail.. The funny thing is that I am considered a good looking guy.

I get the impression that if you are raised with insecurity its something you have to live with it.
I mean let's face it, and if your parent doubt you for you whole life how the fvck can you ever accept yourself.

The insecurity I face is so bad, I've never had a successful relationship with anyone. I have no friend and no matter how hard I try I can't get a girlfriend.

The only person I hang out with is my 22 year old brother who is in the same boat as me.

I keep reading self acceptance and all that, but how the fvck can one accept them self when self hatred has been ingrained in to me from birth.

Suppose I feel a bit better writing this shiit out.

And in other news: Water is wet, the sky is blue during the day and the OP is a faggot.

 

[Mr.SomeoneElse]

And in other news: Water is wet, the sky is blue during the day and the OP is a faggot.

In what way are you contributing or helping out on this forum? How does your response benefit anyone here?
What are you even contributing to society you insignificant zero.
I'm at a loss for words for how pissed off your post makes me, ridiculous. This isn't what these forums are for. If there are several people like you on this forum that I am still unaware about then I will find a new site to contribute to.


Sam/OP, I used to have problems with insecurity all through my childhood. I was raised in an abusive home as a kid and really had to put up with being told I wasn't good enough/low expectations and parenting.
Atom Smasher gave the best advice that's possible, and it's exactly what I did.
Throughout high school as I grew older I just started focusing on hobbies that made me feel good about myself, and seek out mini-accomplishments.
Success is the greatest confidence builder.
I would sit down every month or so and just think of what I was insecure about, whether it was my smile, or clothes, attitude, the way I talk, walk, whatever.. and I would write them all down -> then find a solution to all of them -> then break that solution down into steps -> start at step 1
before you know it you have less and less to be insecure about and more things to feel good about.
Make sure all of these changes you make are for yourself, I didn't get braces for other people, I did it for myself. I didn't refine my sense of style to fit in, I did it for myself. This is the most important.
I got involved in lots of things, some I wasn't as good at and some I was better and through those I made friends, acquired social skills and skills I get to keep for the rest of my life ( Guitar, Piano, Boxing, Photography ) and best of all acquired a new found tenacious attitude towards life which I base all of my success off of.
I now easily have the most extroverted personality out of my friends. It just takes time and if you want a friend, i'll be yours, I can never have enough.

 

[Purefilth]

And in other news: Water is wet, the sky is blue during the day and the OP is a faggot.

You're being a d!ck

 

[Shockwavedave]

I can empathize with what you're saying. I have about 2 shelves on my bookcase full of psychology, self help, and counseling books and after 5 years of seeing a psychologist, I still feel insecure in a lot of situations.

The biggest thing about insecurity, I think, is that it's a habit more than it is anything else. At least that how it seemed to be with me. Why are you insecure? Do you really believe you are inferior or is the problem that you believed you were inferior and you cognitively know that you are not, but you haven't been able to translocate your rational thoughts to your soul where you feel.

That's the problem I face. I had (and have) a habit of thinking and believing that I was inferior and those thoughts and beliefs manifested in to actions and behavioral patterns that are freaking tough to change.

One of the biggest things that has helped me is just forcing myself to do things I feel insecure about. Particularly cold approaching and sarging. At some point you have to just do it, and eventually it won't bother you so much because you will have either eliminated your insecurity or you will be so used to it (progressive desensitization) that you just don't care anymore.

Those are my 2 cents.

Agree with every word. Challenging yourself is definitely one way to beat insecure thoughts.

And in other news: Water is wet, the sky is blue during the day and the OP is a faggot.

And you are a bellend

 

[Gray The Prince]

In what way are you contributing or helping out on this forum? How does your response benefit anyone here?
What are you even contributing to society you insignificant zero.
I'm at a loss for words for how pissed off your post makes me, ridiculous. This isn't what these forums are for. If there are several people like you on this forum that I am still unaware about then I will find a new site to contribute to.

Don't let the door slam you on your ass on the way out. Me and SamtheHobbit have been at it for about a year and a half. You're obviously new here since that's common knowledge around these parts, but I'll forgive you this time.

And you are a bellend

Your jimmies are rustled.

You're being a d!ck

Your point?

 

[FairShake]

I battle with it all the time.

But I've found a way that it fuels me, makes me try harder than others.

My mom, in her infinite wisdom, knew about me before I knew about me. She said i would have to try harder to be good at life than other people. After years of depression I realized she was right. Her point was NOT that I was WORSE than other people, just slower to grasp. Call it a subtle manipulation of words if you will but it allowed me a certain freedom to set my own path.

So now failure fuels me. I prove to myself that I can handle the situations and when I do it's so much sweeter. I can deal with failure so much easier with this mindset so i succeed more. Not because I am better but because I work harder.

 

[Fly By Night]

Don't let the door slam you on your ass on the way out. Me and SamtheHobbit have been at it for about a year and a half. You're obviously new here since that's common knowledge around these parts, but I'll forgive you this time.

Well you need to drop it. I deal with too much drama from women in real life to come here and deal with it from you guys.

 

[Atom Smasher]

I suggest we keep this thread on topic and not turn it into a war. The OP is at a certain place in life and has laid it on the line asked for help. Let's quit the name calling, the flaming back and forth, and try to give him some constructive help. I'm sure there are lots of lurkers out there who are in the same boat as Sam and could use some help getting themselves on track. No need to distract them and derail the thread with a flame war.

Thanks for considering.

 

[evan12]

I was like you , I think you have to force yourself to not say any thing negative even if you think it is reality
then start saying positive things even if you think it is not the reality
that helped me
also read a book called "self esteem" , it was good

 

[GotED?]

Start dating with women that are ON YOUR BELOW YOUR LEVEL (not HB 7, 8, or 9's because they will cut you up like fish bait), depending on a fair self-assessment of your physical attractiveness and personality that has to be offered. BUILD up your experiences from there - I was just like you when in my early 20's. Life was living hell with shyness and insecurity. Now I am in my 30's - I have never felt more confident, wonderful, and more attractive anywhere else in my entire life. If you are not darn fugly and have charisma -you have hope. I used to believe I was ugly my whole life, now I can turn most women's head walking into a room. It truly is a journey in life to find yourself, believe in yourself, and never sell yourself to the lowest bidder. However, you must start somewhere - and take care not to get trampled upon in the beginning.

With respect,

Exodus

 

[SgtSplacker]

It is natural to feel insecurities. Our brains in primitive times were wired to constantly be on the lookout to survive. Consider it kinda like instinct handed down through generations and generations of dudes that had to really look out for their arses due to dinosaurs and such. All those random thoughts, you have to control them if you ever want your brain to behave differently. You have to show it how to act, it is flesh and flesh learns through repetition. Otherwise the neural pathways only get stronger and reinforce the bad behaviour

Hey I get stressed out sometimes, the same negative thoughts going through my head over and over. It doesn't let me sleep or focus on work and studies. You just have to learn to silence your mind, it takes a bit of getting used to, but whenever you catch yourself mulling over negative crap just try to think of nothing for as long as you can. Maybe focus on a imaginary light in your chest and just take easy deep breaths and silence. At first you can only empty your thoughts like that for maybe 5 seconds max but you will get used to it and find peace...

 

[Indigo7]

Your only 18 and there has been plenty of good responses so far. What have you got going for you? Have some positive role models and start looking outside.

Are you studying at college? Are you taking part in sports? Join clubs and societies to boost up your confidence.

Your very, very young. I come from the same boat and I was treated poorly. But you are old enough to be your own man and go after what you want.

 

[synergy1]

At 18, most people are insecure. Its healthy as a male to be a little insecure at that age. Here is the secret no one will tell you ; everyone is insecure. The more someone brags or boasts, the more likely they are pretty insecure.

Part of being insecure is good as it drives you to achieve good things. I used to be insecure about my weight and strength and this caused me to work out (at least initially). A little dose of insecurity quenches complacency which is far more dangerous.

If you don't want to give off the vibe that you are insecure, don't try hard to impress people. I have seen your posts here in the past, and you seem to have little problem eviscerating people and the like. If you are like this in person, you will certainly not win friends. Self help books might be a good start, but another avenue to consider is to have some serious introspection with yourself and ask yourself some tough questions

1- Why don't people like me? Have I seen this behavior in other people and disliked them?

2- What can I do to change?

Easy questions on a forum, hard/impossible to really get to the bottom of for most people. The ball is in your court. You are 18 and will grow a great deal in the next 10 years so might as well get cracking now.

 

[Cremasta]

The biggest thing about insecurity, I think, is that it's a habit more than it is anything else.

I used to be here. One habit I used to have was that if someone complimented me on something I'd done, I'd think to myself "Oh I could have done that better somehow" or "Actually I screwed that up a bit...".

It took me a while to realise that if someone was giving me compliments, then it was because I'd done a good job. Just learn to say thanks and accept that if someone else is giving you a compliment, you deserve it.

 

[Alvafe]

I say most of time my insegurity come from thinking too much and overthinking, course we need to think to do things but pretty much you jsut have to do it without thinking,

that work for me at least, I just do a huge yell or warcry(that make me laugh a little) inside my head to stop thinking and just do it, also lately i'm forcing me to do things I normally won't do alone or not, last saturday my bro's friend dida aprty and my bro let then use our home to do it, thing is when they asked me to join I said ok and started to help and organize all things, in the end pretty much looked like it was me who was giving the party because I was talking with everyone without thinking, and I never saw then ever before(only my bro, his friend and friend GF), it was something new to me worked well.

other thing i'm doing now is going to gym to make me less lazy and to try to talk with people there, and make a better social circle. this weekend I will try to join or at least check out a place for painball (I will go alone) and see if I can play there a little, or the kart ring close here too.

and to kep things nice I just asked for a girl's number and she give me, I should call her soon to try to go to someplace. even though I did make mistakes where and there, even more witht eh girl who I work with(with btw I did a NC on her saying she is not worth of my attencion and am ignoring her and only talk when is work related) i'm pushing to cahnge my reality.

just hope you can see anything you like to do now and try, don't need to be anything too big, just do small things, go find a place you can play, any sport you like? go try to play it, sometimes just watching a game you can start to talk with people waiting for they trun and you can play too, anything you can see who can make you make contact with people and you like to do make things far easyer for you get used to it