How Long To Wait Before Making Things Official

[MrNiceGuy23]

Sort of a long story here...so I'll try to summarize it.

I posted on here last year about this girl I hooked up with, things went sour and I went NC until this past October. We were both in LDRs but ended up hooking up again and things ended up escalating throughout the entire year. She almost broke up with her boyfriend in December for me but I was foolish and pulled away. Fast forward to April, I break up with my girlfriend and haven't spoken to her much since. She broke up with her boyfriend and since then we've been going on dates together, hanging out 1 on 1 almost every night, spent probably 20 or so nights together in the past 4-5 weeks, and have done everything together.

The problem is her boyfriend is in denial, he keeps emailing her tell her how they can fix things together and how they're meant to be...blah blah BS. She's shown me the emails, she doesn't respond to most of them, even tells him things can't be fixed but it doesn't get through to him.

Because of this frequent contact she's been having trouble getting over him, I'm pretty much ready to start a relationship with this girl as it's been in the making for over a year now. She acts like my girlfriend in public but I prefer the comfort in labeling it.

We talk about the future and admit that we'll be dating soon, and I've told her I want her to be my girlfriend, but how do I bring it up again and lay down the law that she needs to ignore the boyfriend so she can fully move on from him. Keep in mind that she fully understands things are done with her boyfriend but the contact is making it difficult to move on.

Thanks everybody.

 

[expos]

Sort of a long story here...so I'll try to summarize it.

I posted on here last year about this girl I hooked up with, things went sour and I went NC until this past October. We were both in LDRs but ended up hooking up again and things ended up escalating throughout the entire year. She almost broke up with her boyfriend in December for me but I was foolish and pulled away. Fast forward to April, I break up with my girlfriend and haven't spoken to her much since. She broke up with her boyfriend and since then we've been going on dates together, hanging out 1 on 1 almost every night, spent probably 20 or so nights together in the past 4-5 weeks, and have done everything together.

You've already had things go sour with her. This a sort of an issue and things could go down the drain pretty quick. The fact that you were able to lure her back is probably a good sign...

Because of this frequent contact she's been having trouble getting over him, I'm pretty much ready to start a relationship with this girl as it's been in the making for over a year now. She acts like my girlfriend in public but I prefer the comfort in labeling it.

Not good. Never good to be involved with a girl who is "getting over" another guy...unless you want things casual. She's essentially emotionally unavailable to you. Yes, she's been spending time with you...but not ready to quite ready to close the door on the other guy.

We talk about the future and admit that we'll be dating soon,

Aren't you dating her already?

and I've told her I want her to be my girlfriend, but how do I bring it up again and lay down the law that she needs to ignore the boyfriend so she can fully move on from him. Keep in mind that she fully understands things are done with her boyfriend but the contact is making it difficult to move on.

You do just that. Lay down the law. Simply tell her to choose him or yourself. Be strong and serious with your questioning. Don't be passive. Part of being a DJ is having the confidence in letting the woman know you are ready to bail at any moment and she is just another number in your line up. The more you don't seem to care, the more they start caring. You should have nothing to prove to her, she should be proving herself to you.

 

[bigneil]

Because of this frequent contact she's been having trouble getting over him.

Frequent contact with his c*ck.

 

[MrNiceGuy23]

Frequent contact with his c*ck.

He's hours away from her and she hasn't seen him in months. She's supposed to meet with him this week to exchange things and tell him what he needs to hear so he stops with the persistence (probably that she's been fooling around with me).

I'm not really worried about the end result because I think things will go how I want, I just hate waiting around I'd rather advance things how I want them to sooner rather than later.

I guess I'll wait until after they meet and if she's still talking to him then I'll tell her she needs to cut him out completely or I'm done.

 

[donking]

never wait, seize what you want. if it isn't there, leave.

 

[MrNiceGuy23]

Not good. Never good to be involved with a girl who is "getting over" another guy...unless you want things casual. She's essentially emotionally unavailable to you. Yes, she's been spending time with you...but not ready to quite ready to close the door on the other guy.

Yeah I tried to avoid it, she wanted to date in December but for some reason I thought I could fix things with my girlfriend and I couldn't man up to dump her then (stupid I know).

I just don't see the emotional unavailability when things have been going on for 7 months now. We've spent hours laying around together just talking and she's confided in me. If we just met I would understand, but considering the circumstances I feel like she should be ready.

 

[MrNiceGuy23]

never wait, seize what you want. if it isn't there, leave.

What do you mean? He's back from school this weekend but will be leaving again like 5 days afterwards. I'd only be waiting a week to hear how the meeting went, if she tells me she's still confused afterwards than I'll tell her she either stops talking to him or I'm leaving and she can come find me when she's ready.

I have a lot of feelings for her and I can normally control them, I don't want to mess things up I see a good potential in her.

 

[donking]

you have oneitis. you are letting her choose whether or not she wants to be with you. she has low interest.

 

[MrNiceGuy23]

I know I have oneitis with her. Things have gone back and forth for awhile, she more attached, I was more attached, back and forth.

It's hard to shake, I want to be with her, but I'm getting to the point where I can't deal with it if I'm not getting 100% out of her.

 

[donking]

read muscleman's blog @ adarkheart.com

 

[joker79]

this can help, i've been in the same situation

http://www.adarkheart.com/2012/10/18/high-interest-level-only/

she should show clear signs of interest and fear to mess things up with you ... I presume her interest level is not so high.. waste of time my friend.

 

[Fatal Jay]

This relationship your pursuing has failed before it already started, and let me tell you why. You posted two red flags, one you said that things have already went sour between you guys two times, and the second thing you mentioned was that she can't move on from her ex. It doesn't matter if dude lives a million miles away if she can't get over him, then your going to be with an overly emotional girl who can't make rational choices, which means hell for you.

You have been warned, if you date this girl, then you deserve the pain and frustration that will come when you guys get into it again. A good relationship should always start off in the honeymoon stage, where none of you can do wrong in the other eyes.

Another red flag, is you asked her to be your girlfriend and she didn't respond, so why would you ask again? You gave us three red flags and your still blind to the fact she has low interest, she already struck out with two red flags, and I gave you three, put your d*ck in your pocket and leave this situation.

 

[MrNiceGuy23]

It's hard to explain everything about our relationship without typing a lot. She shows clear signs of interest: she's expressed jealousy about me talking to other girls, never wants me to leave, etc. I didn't squirm because he's so misinformed about everything, he insults me which only pushes her further away from him.

It failed last year because it was crappy timing, and I was just being stupid in the winter.

I understand all of your points but everything has been great and honeymoon stage-esque for awhile now, I just want to put the label on it.