How long do I still have?

[cola]

When I post on so suave I'm at work, on public transportation or taking a sh#t, sir.

 

[Wisconsin144]

The way I got over my extremely low self-esteem. Where I would literally tell myself I wouldn't even get an ugly girl of my own. I realized I'm actually quite good looking, and eventually said **** it. When you are tempted to make a movie, say **** it and count down from three and do it, you'll either get a good outcome or get rejected. And rejection is better than regret in my book.

 

[SamTheHobit]

Than it's the fact that I'm too silent and my body language stinks of low self-esteem.

Books and material I must read on these subject?

Forget books, forums, advice.. Just talk to women and practice the rest is a waste of time.

 

[SayWhat]

Danger and SamTheHobit

The social part is my biggest issue. I am known as the silent guy, although I like it (basically because of the mystery part), in the end it doesn't get me nowhere.

Yesterday I had to work with a beautiful and fun girl, customers before had said to me she was checking me out, basically a green pass as long as we would get a long. But the question is "do we get a long"? I don't know because I just have basic conversations with her, i.e. vacations, hobbies, the weather,... (And yes the window has already closed because I waited too long).

I don't know how to escalate, how to go deeper (no pun intended). I notice her initiating with stuff I said a few hours back and she comes back onto it. I just say "yeah", or "no", or basic stuff. My conversations are filled with 'just saying because I feel like I have to say something, otherwise it would be silent all day".

My past relations have been with girls who initiated, who kept talking and 'leading' me. Recipe for disaster of course but I need to change the social part in me. I work as a waiter for almost two years and still...

We all know people who can talk to everyone and we all know it's something that can be learned, but I don't know how and need some guidance (yes with books or other stuff).

 

[SayWhat]

I am quiet overall, I get this comment from everyone. It's more with girls yes and even more with girls I'm interested in.

But with my family I barely say anything. With my friends it's more but even them think I'm quiet.

 

[3agle 3yes]

What do you do in your spare time op? Our you the type who does their own thing? Or do you just follow your friends/other people and do what they do?

9 times out of ten, quiet people fall into the latter category.

If you want to improve your life overall, you are going to have to start doing things on your own and being open to new experiences.

 

[prison/con.net]

if you can get a student loan, 30k in a year, is possible if you go at it just right. anyone can get 24k if they'll start in may or Jan. If you start in August, you'll lose out on a potential 4k.

That kind of cash in your hand will go a LONG ways towards fixing your problem. If you don't have decent car (ie, 2k, private party, if you are careful) or at least a motorycle (warm weather state). GET one. Unless you live in NYC, being without wheels is a horrible handicap, in life in they US, period. Yes, it will cost you 2k per year, minimum, to maintain that car, insure it, drive it even a bit.

Next, get enough training/practice at karate that you can make money teaching it. This will take about a year and cost you 10k, for classes of 4 or fewer people, at least 4 hours per week. When you get that good, women are going to DIG you, I promise. MMA-grappling/judo, not so much, cause few women want to (or CAN) mix it up like that. they lack the strength, reach/leverage, weight, etc to be anything but hugely disadvantaged at such fighting and they instinctively know it. But the idea of SWIFTLY breaking a guy's knee, from out of his reach, yeah, they REALLY groove on that idea! You'll be just as much in demand as the lead guitarist of a popular local group, if not as much as the lead singer.

 

[Huffman]

OP, you're going to die soon. Better start going for it.

You're just delaying the inevitable.

 

[SayWhat]

^^^^

Agree with eagle eyes. Tou are going to have to push past your comfort zone.

Are you the best of your friends at anything? In other words, are you ever a contextual alpha?

How is your confidence? Is it low? Do you feel inadequate compared to others?

It's weird, I feel some of my friends are better than me in some ways (more salary, more talkative). But I just started a new hobby (paramotoring), and I feel in some way (although I feel bad thinking this way that I'm better because I have a new thrilling hobby) it would be an advantage (I want to make clear I did not start this hobby because of having a better chance of p*ssy, I really want to do this because I love the thrill).

My confidence is low yes, I get complimented every week at least once, but still I feel inadequate.

 

[bigneil]

The main question is that I'm currently 27. I have a good physique and I want to know how long guys are considered good looking, from what age do they go 'down'?

For a man, 27 is a big milestone. You are entering your peak physical strength phase. Baseball players and other athletes tend to have their prime years in statistics during this age.

27 is also the age when women your age will start to seem old (they simultaneously will decide they want to date men their age after 10 years of choosing older men). They usually go from having long hair to having short hair at this age, tragically (see Olivia Newton John in Xanadu and then "Physical" (video) for an example).

In our top-down society (run by private, off-shore, central bankers who want to kill all young men - see WW1 and WW2), we are held back until age 21 and told we are old at age 22. In reality, 15 is when you are an adult IMO, 30 is when you are at your physical prime and you should live to be 150 (our bodies are designed to live that long, under optimal circumstances).

Never let anyone tell you that you are too old. A man is as old as he feels an a woman is as old as she looks.

You will need to reinvent yourself along the way in order to remain pertinent. Around age 35 you'll notice that the bar scene isn't much fun anymore because you are close to twice their age. You will also have to try harder and harder to remain lean. You will no doubt gain weight and have to lose it. It's not easy.

However, my best dating years were 41-44 so far.

Get a bodyfat scale and stay in shape. Eat a diet of whole foods and avoid GMO and fast food. Drink distilled water.

As long as you keep earning more money, you can keep getting more successful until about age 50. At that point time takes its' toll and age offsets the increased wealth and power. According to my 22 year old gf who I've casually dated for a year now, she says 45-55 are the prime years for men.

 

[SayWhat]

I don't know why I feel this way. I think it's because I can't talk to people and so I don't talk that much to people because I can't, basically a vicious circle. This of course eats my confidence.

When I say something that is a bit forced, I can hear it in my tone and the way I say it. And we know woman sense this.

Sometimes I want to say stuff and I don't do it...

I think if I would act normal and say what I want to say, try to be fun, etc... Many people would not like me for who I am. I feel I'm weird when I'm behaving normal and the real me would not get a long with anyone.

 

[thatfeel]

if you can get a student loan, 30k in a year, is possible if you go at it just right. anyone can get 24k if they'll start in may or Jan. If you start in August, you'll lose out on a potential 4k.

That kind of cash in your hand will go a LONG ways towards fixing your problem. If you don't have decent car (ie, 2k, private party, if you are careful) or at least a motorycle (warm weather state). GET one. Unless you live in NYC, being without wheels is a horrible handicap, in life in they US, period. Yes, it will cost you 2k per year, minimum, to maintain that car, insure it, drive it even a bit.

Next, get enough training/practice at karate that you can make money teaching it. This will take about a year and cost you 10k, for classes of 4 or fewer people, at least 4 hours per week. When you get that good, women are going to DIG you, I promise. MMA-grappling/judo, not so much, cause few women want to (or CAN) mix it up like that. they lack the strength, reach/leverage, weight, etc to be anything but hugely disadvantaged at such fighting and they instinctively know it. But the idea of SWIFTLY breaking a guy's knee, from out of his reach, yeah, they REALLY groove on that idea! You'll be just as much in demand as the lead guitarist of a popular local group, if not as much as the lead singer.

dude, fvck off already. your post are giving everyone cancer.

 

[zekko]

As long as you keep earning more money, you can keep getting more successful until about age 50. At that point time takes its' toll and age offsets the increased wealth and power.

I have to agree that there is a subtle change after you hit 50. You can still get younger chicks, but there's no question you're on the downhill slide. It was this realization that brought me to SoSuave in the first place. But to answer the OP's question, if a man stays in shape, he should be able to go well into his late 40s while still being very attractive to younger women.

I would be more concerned about my career than women. Unless you're happy being a waiter, if that's what you want then that's very cool. But if it isn't, I would start figuring out what I want out of life career-wise and what I can do to make it happen.

 

[thatfeel]

For a man, 27 is a big milestone. You are entering your peak physical strength phase. Baseball players and other athletes tend to have their prime years in statistics during this age.

27 is also the age when women your age will start to seem old (they simultaneously will decide they want to date men their age after 10 years of choosing older men). They usually go from having long hair to having short hair at this age, tragically (see Olivia Newton John in Xanadu and then "Physical" (video) for an example).

In our top-down society (run by private, off-shore, central bankers who want to kill all young men - see WW1 and WW2), we are held back until age 21 and told we are old at age 22. In reality, 15 is when you are an adult IMO, 30 is when you are at your physical prime and you should live to be 150 (our bodies are designed to live that long, under optimal circumstances).

Never let anyone tell you that you are too old. A man is as old as he feels an a woman is as old as she looks.

You will need to reinvent yourself along the way in order to remain pertinent. Around age 35 you'll notice that the bar scene isn't much fun anymore because you are close to twice their age. You will also have to try harder and harder to remain lean. You will no doubt gain weight and have to lose it. It's not easy.

However, my best dating years were 41-44 so far.

Get a bodyfat scale and stay in shape. Eat a diet of whole foods and avoid GMO and fast food. Drink distilled water.

As long as you keep earning more money, you can keep getting more successful until about age 50. At that point time takes its' toll and age offsets the increased wealth and power. According to my 22 year old gf who I've casually dated for a year now, she says 45-55 are the prime years for men.

What entity is paying you to shill for "whole" and "organic" foods?

 

[SayWhat]

First off, there is a lot of self-reflection here. This can be a strength or a weakness. It can be a strength if you use it to constantly try to improve upon what you notice. It can be a weakness if you let it keep you from doing anything.

Right now for you, it is a weakness. A MAJOR one. You are too worried what people think. Why do you feel you are weird? Why do you feel they would not like you? If they don't like you, they can go fvk themselves.

Ultimately there are two types of men, those who despair at problems, and those who commit to fixing them. You need to change to a person who looks at how to FIX the problem instead of letting it hold you back. There are no keys to achieving this other than your own ambition. Do you want to live this way forever?

Your life is yours and yours alone, rise up and live it.

I want to fix the problem of course but how do I do it? Just throw myself out there and just talk? Even it would sound stupid?

 

[thatfeel]

Op after reading through all of your posts I'm really starting to get the feeling that you think that there's some magical singular answer or formula to what ails you.

you seem to think that somebody on this forum is going to say or write something that's going to fix you.

There is no one right answer for secret formula or elixir that's going to cure you. Again, it's all in your mind. You can choose to think of yourself as a person of high self esteem or as a person of low self-esteem. You can choose to think of yourself as alpha or beta. You can choose to think of yourself as successful or failure. It takes work and it takes practice and it takes time and it takes repetition. Change will not happen overnight, and life will never be 100% perfect. The inherit nature of life is that people struggle. No matter who you are or where you come from or how much money you have or how alpha you fancy yourself, life is a daily *****. Those who exert the most effort and work the hardest to overcome the obstacles are usually the most satisfied but not necessarily the happiest. Because life in my opinion is incapable of being enjoyed 100% of the time. Just keep practicing and forget about the illusion of Easy Street. It doesn't exist.

 

[SayWhat]

Op after reading through all of your posts I'm really starting to get the feeling that you think that there's some magical singular answer or formula to what ails you.

Tou seem to think that somebody on this forum is going to say or write something that's going to fix you.

There is no one right answer for secret formula or elixir that's going to cure you. Again, it's all in your mind. You can choose to think of yourself as a person of high self esteem or as a person of low self-esteem. You can choose to think of yourself as alpha or beta. You can choose to think of yourself as successful or failure. It takes work and it takes practice and it takes time and it takes repetition. Change will not happen overnight, and life will never be 100% perfect. The inherit nature of life is that people struggle. No matter who you are or where you come from or how much money you have or how alpha you fancy yourself, life is a daily *****. Those who exert the most effort and work the hardest to overcome the obstacles are usually the most satisfied but not necessarily the happiest. Because life in my opinion is incapable of being enjoyed 100% of the time. Just keep practicing and forget about the illusion of Easy Street. It doesn't exist.

On some level it's true I want that one magical answer, that one moment of epiphany were I would change my mindset for good. I've read my fair share of self-help books etc.

I find it hard to believe that changing how you think (ie having positive thouhts and affirmations) would really help. I throw myself from time to time in uncomfortable situations to improve myself but I still think about the missed opportunities I had from girls who I heard afterwards that were into me but I just didn't do anything because of the low self-esteem.

 

[Amazing]

Why is no one speaking up that in the real world, certain benchmarks ARE VERY MUCH SET, and it doesn't matter how many times you tell yourself you're alpha, if you're making $5000 a year, it's going to be pretty damn tough to maintain that illusion.


That's where the disconnect happened for me as well - I realized that being a super duper dude and trying to bring girls to a friend's pull out couch didn't go hand in hand.

But it's not just money - it is about where you are as a person at your age group as it relates to career and desire to have a "normal" life. Because that's what people around you mostly have - a career, wife and kids, at some point. That's 75% of people around you.

So one must be considerate about these social believes and then think about where he wants to go, and whether he can present it as an advantage to the woman if it's not something typical.

 

[MAYALL]

It depends on how well you take care of yourself. If you eat a bunch of crap food never working out, you're going to go downhill faster. Your body will start to clog up and you won't be able to extert your body as before. I know older guys in their late 30's who get winded just barely working out. Taking care of your body and health is the most important thing you can do to stay fit.

If you're a waiter, that exposes you to be in contact with various people helping your self esteem and conversation skills. I would make a point to enage in conversation with your customers about different subjects. It will help you gain more confidence when you approach women. Low self esteem is a mental block in your head that only you can fix. All the advice in the world won't help if you have a negative outlook about yourself. Figure out what about yourself is making you have the low self esteem. Many times it's about fear or failing, being afraid of rejection, or how others look at you. Your goal is not to worry about that or past failed experiences

Starting out fresh with a positive mindset should be your number one objective. From there establish little bench marks until you reach your maximum goal. For example, make a list of what you plan to achieve by approaching women to the date to the lay. Each time you succeed, check off one of your marks until you reached your goal. Your self esteem should improve to where it will become a natural thing just to approach women without thinking about it. If you have poor opinion about yourself, it will relect thay way upon others and you will feel that way. Create a positive mindset and you'll be on your way.

 

[Amazing]

So I've known a lot of people in the restaraunt biz and worked there myself..unless you're at one of the top spots in your city, by 29 you need to be in mgmt.. or have something going along with waiting. That's what I meant about progression above.