How long can oneities last?

[LateComer]

I catched a very strong oneities. Have it already for over half a year. There is not much hope of getting the loved one. Since I can not think much about anything else, I wonna know what is the worst case scenario until this desease goes away?

What is your experience, what has been the longest time till you got rid of oneities?

Many thanks from LateComer.

 

[MindOverMatter]

It lasts as long as you let it. If you are not pursuing other girls and are just sitting there on your ass thinking about this girl, then your oneitis will last forever.

If you go out and hook up with other girls, your oneitis will be gone in a day. Oneitis is nothing but lazyness and a self-imposed lack of options.

 

[Caveman]

I agree with MindOverMatter.

You need to realize this girl is not as perfect as you made her out to be. Instead of sitting at home sighing and staring at her picture, go out there and meet other girls. Give them a chance.

Start focussing on you and make sure you are having fun and you can do that without her. Try it.

 

[MarcP]

Oneitis is something really hard to get rid of. Before I knew about this site I had a really strong oneitis for this girl. Since I found the site I've been out with girls who are better than her in every way but I still get a sort of nervousness when I see her. Its nowhere near as bad as it was though. I don't think about her at all at home or when I'm out but its just when I see her. I'm glad I had oneitis for this girl though because thats what made me find this site. In other words it going to last as long as you let it and it could be very hard to get rid of. Hope I helped.

 

[Dirtheart]

As long as you continue feeding the oneitis with fantasies and hopes it will continue to thrive. The only way to beat it is to starve it.

I had oneitis for about a year for an ex- and turned down a lot of top women (because they were just not her - ack!) then I took a chance with one. My heart wasn't in it to begin with, but let's just say I woke up the following day cured of my oneitis.

 

[Omega]

Oneitis is the same thing that occurs with women. You only recieve it because the girl you have the mindset for is different from the others. Once you find out more about her and realize her true self, it will either dissapear or become stronger. If it becomes stronger, then you must learn to control it while persuing other girls. Once you meet a girl the same as the one you currently have the mindset for, it will dissapear.

The trick is controlling it. You can think about her 24/7 but as long as you come off the way you'd handle a girl you don't have it for, then your fine.

 

[becker]

The only way to cure oneitis is to find another girl that you like better. There will always be one. The hard part is always starting back at square one each time this happens. That's a pain in the arse.

 

[CvB]

I had oneitis for a year and a half...when I look back at it now I don't know WHAT I was thinking then! When I see her now, her behaviour even irritates me, there isn't a lot I like about her anymore.

My oneitis was cured when she got a boyfriend, I then cut off all contact with her for half a year and in that time I got to know a lot of girls I like better. Nothing happened with any of those girls, but it made me realise how stupid my oneitis was.

 

[mahon83050]

Originally posted by LateComer
I catched a very strong oneities. Have it already for over half a year. There is not much hope of getting the loved one. Since I can not think much about anything else, I wonna know what is the worst case scenario until this desease goes away?

What is your experience, what has been the longest time till you got rid of oneities?

Many thanks from LateComer.

I had oneitis in highschool for about 2.5 years and it sucked. I was so obsessed with this girl, I felt so sorry for guys who did not know her.

If she did not say hi to me or smile at me, my day would be ruined. Of course, I had no balls in H.S and never asked her out. It was bad, and I have vowed to never let it happen again.

 

[daceovspades]

Yeah, I know oneitis sucks but as it has been said over and over again the best cure is to go out and pursue other chicks. It may even be hard to build up the energy to go out and meet girls because bemoaning over a girl is sometimes satisfying, in a twisted, masochistic way. But just overcome it, go meet those girls, and soon enough you'll forget this girl.

 

[becker]

Yeah, I agree, there is some satisfaction in it, I believe it's partly a closure thing. At least for me, if things end badly, then there is no desire to see the girl again. However, if things ended well, then I will be more apt to try to resolve things with her either way, just for peace of mind.

 

[LateComer]

Feeling better now

Hi, to answer my own post, I almost got over with it. Some answers in this thread have actually helped me quite a bit. It took 10 months now. In the end I simply told her and found out she is in love with someone else. Looks like she has a similar problem. Anyway, it helped to know my chances are fairly diminished and to have it spoken out.

BTW, I red somewhere infatuation can last up to 30 months. I am glad it didn't took that long for me.

 

[christz]

Re: Feeling better now

Originally posted by LateComer
Hi, to answer my own post, I almost got over with it. Some answers in this thread have actually helped me quite a bit. It took 10 months now. In the end I simply told her and found out she is in love with someone else. Looks like she has a similar problem. Anyway, it helped to know my chances are fairly diminished and to have it spoken out.

BTW, I red somewhere infatuation can last up to 30 months. I am glad it didn't took that long for me.

mine lasted about that long, well almost about 19 maybe 20 months, then i snapped outta it, then i fell back into it with another girl who i fell for that was emotionally unavalible

 

[KnightRyder]

4ever

 

[Javelin44]

haha, the feelin sucks big, just hang out with multiple girls, they all have their ups and downs

 

[FM 3321]

My best female friend used to be my "oneitis" until I started to like another girl. That's how I went from having "oneitis" over her to actually seeing her as a real friend as if she were another guy.

 

[Straydog]

From my experience oneitis is something that happens only once in your lifetime. Maybe thats why people mistakenly talk about "love of your life" and that sort of crap.

Oneitis girls are always being put on pedestals by the afflicted. They represent to him everything that he has been brought up with in regards of finding "real love" - A fantasy that the afflicted still believes can happen.
Part of the problem is that we are taught through mediea during our upbringing that "love" is associated with some of the following concepts:

Altruism, Goodness, Honesty, Selfsacrifising, Courage, Valor

Thereby these concepts are easily projected to the oneitis girl i.e your relationship with her.

Sad but true. Nobody (except Sosuave) prepares us for the hard truth: That love is really a selfish need which has nothing in common with the above mentioned concepts.

Here are some common examples of oneitis feelings related to the above (misguided) concepts
She loves me for the way I am
Wrong, she loves you for the way she sees you. In other words it's idea that people fall in love with

She makes you want to be a better person
This is just as dishonest and cowardly as the AFC buying her drinks, and remind yourself that the road which doesn't begin in the heart will always end blindly

The more I show her that I care for her, the more she will love me
Does anyone in here still believe this..? Not after you've had oneitis thats for sure

This love or this girl is unique. I will never find someone like her
The only reason she seems unique is because you make her so. Whether she is unique or not is simply a matter of your perception


The good news is that oneitis can only happen once. It's like a virus that you become resistent to after you've had it once.

When it's over you'll feel stronger, more free and you will know for sure that it can Never Ever Happen Again.

At that point it would be a good start to rediscover altruism, courage, valor goodness and everything that is honourable and good in man. That is what life is really all about in my opinion.

But keep it far away from this...this... "love-kinda-thing-I-don't-reallyknow-what-it-is"


Peace