how likely is it that

[ckdon]

if a girl shows interest in you (invites you place contacts you a lot etc) but then you have the mindset to be ****y/jerk ish and always respond to her messages late like hours later, and at times end up being rude in attempts to be in control

that she starts losing interest?

ive been talking to this for a while and in the beginning she was crazy about me. great kino and contacting me everyday via text or call. i pretended im busy and only replied here and there. now i notice she is contacting me a little less and isn't as eager to meet up (or maybe she feels desperate now?)

of all our 5 or so meetings, SHE is the one who asked me to meet. i never asked her to meet. is it possible that she is getting tired of always being the one to ask us to meet?

what can i do to fix things? im willing to contact her first more often and even ask her out to dinner etc, but i want to word this properly so i figured asking for help here would be the best thing to do

thanks everyone

 

[ckdon]

basically, I want to know:

1) why is she not contacting me as much? she still contacts me, just now also answers later compared to before where she did almost instantly.

2) could my actions possibly have put her interest level down? i never asked her to meet up. 90% of the TIME SHE TEXTS ME FIRST. or maybe 95%.

 

[Iceberg]

basically, I want to know:

1) why is she not contacting me as much? she still contacts me, just now also answers later compared to before where she did almost instantly.

She might have found someone else. She might just be losing interested just because.

Sometimes things just end. No amount of ****y&funny behavior can keep a relationship going forever.

2) could my actions possibly have put her interest level down? i never asked her to meet up. 90% of the TIME SHE TEXTS ME FIRST. or maybe 95%.

It's always possible. You don't want to play games with women just for the sake of playing games.

But whatever it was about your style, she was liking it enough to invite you out 5 times. Maybe now she's just not that into it anymore. Who knows. It could be a billion things, really.

 

[ckdon]

nah she hasn't found anyone else. she comes to college, has no breaks on 4 of her 5 days, goes straight home. she texts from home and has work on the weekends. pretty much eh life.

the problem is, i am ****y and funny in person. in the text messages i think i come off very busy/"i dont have time for you".

is too much of "i am busy" tone bad?

 

[flashpoint]

you have to reward her good behavior and punish her bad behavior. too much reward can spoil her so much is true, but if you make it seem like you dont care OF COURSE she will lose interest (unless she has very low selfesteem).

warning though: what's with the 5 "dates" and no action? or was there some you forgot to mention? there is a possibility that she loses interest because you dont escalate. if the relationship isnt moving forward that seems pretty probable. you need to walk the talk (being c+f and all).

 

[ckdon]

you have to reward her good behavior and punish her bad behavior. too much reward can spoil her so much is true, but if you make it seem like you dont care OF COURSE she will lose interest (unless she has very low selfesteem).

warning though: what's with the 5 "dates" and no action? or was there some you forgot to mention? there is a possibility that she loses interest because you dont escalate. if the relationship isnt moving forward that seems pretty probable. you need to walk the talk (being c+f and all).

there's a lot of kino action (she touches me a lot, slight pushes, hair ruffling, MAJOR eye contact and always bumping into me when walking. she sits very comfortably in front of me; sits, lens back onto her elbows, legs crossed, almost like an incline chair position,)

however, i admit i am low on the kino. i rarely have touched her in return.

the fact that she is still trying to contact me says that she hasn't lost all interest in me im sure, but its definitely looking lesser by the day.

 

[flashpoint]

i am not talking about just kino but kissing and sexual escalation.

 

[ckdon]

shamefully, i havent tried to kiss her.

 

[flashpoint]

shamefully, i havent tried to kiss her.

MAN. there is a window of opportunity and with each time you meet her and dont go for it, it's getting narrower until it is completely closed.

look at it this way. she prolly wants it. you dont act she starts to feel there is something wrong with her. she invests and gets nothing in return. bad deal. so do the lady a favor and grab a boob or two (metaphorically speaking). or just kiss her when you feel like it.

 

[Iceberg]

shamefully, i havent tried to kiss her.

Flashpoint brought up an essential point.

A woman isn't going to wait around forever for a man to make a move. Part of what attracts women to us is the idea that a man takes what he wants. Your lack of making a move either makes her think:

A) you don't want her

or

B) you want her, but you're too weak to take her


It's a mistake I made a few times when I was younger, but never again.

 

[flashpoint]

It's a mistake I made a few times when I was younger, but never again.

me to lol. too bad it took me YEARS to realize how easy chicks are in reality.

so one addendum: you dont "try" to kiss her, instead you just go for it when you feel it's right. and there is no shame in it. there is also no shame in being so busy with the c+f stuff so you forgot to act. still time. but not much.

when she talks you look at her lips. and in her eyes. and at her neck. wandering up to her earlaps. and back at her lips again. then if you dont just wanna go for it tell her "you have nice lips" .. she will know... "thanks" .... "you mind if i try them?" look her in the eyes, give her time to answer. if she doesnt within the next 3 seconds you just do it.

or some variation of that. there is no need to be afraid of escalation. she talks to you=she likes you=she is waiting for it.

 

[thevilittletroll]

sounds to me like you are coming across incongruent. what that means is your ****y funny talk has initally attracted her so you sound like a confident sexy guy. problem is that you did not sexually kino escalate to prove with your actions you are the guy you say you are. in other words you are all talk and no action. the girl wanted you to make a move on her but you didnt. she has lost interest because she thinks you are all bark with no bite. i agree with a previous post you have a small window of opportunity to make your move. basically you gave her blue balls. if now she's coming across cold you are gonna have to start over and build attraction again. but this time dont forget to take action and escalate.

 

[floydb25]

Youre being WAY too passive and nonchalant. She's not going to keep doing everything - while you sit back, respond, and accept. She's going to lose interest, because she senses that YOU have no interest. Also, youre supposed to be leading with assertiveness. She's giving you ALL of these signals to advance, and youre not doing anything about it. She wont act like the man. Her role is being fulfilled - its yours that isnt. Youre also acting overly selfish and indifferent, and putting NO effort into anything. This doesnt fly by women - contrary to the nice guy whineage.

Sounds like youre steering too far in the opposite direction of being needy, clingy, co-dependant, etc, out of fear of coming on too strong. But making her do everything isnt effective, either. Any and all extremes are bad. Going from one to the next doesnt work, although many people do just that (after getting burned). You might also be weak and afraid of rejection. If so, get over it, and start reciprocating. Otherwise, you ARE going to lose her. Thats what fear does - it causes the same thing youre trying to avoid (ie, rejection, lost interest).

Theres a difference between being a challenge (good) and passive / aloof (bad).

 

[ckdon]

MAN. there is a window of opportunity and with each time you meet her and dont go for it, it's getting narrower until it is completely closed.

look at it this way. she prolly wants it. you dont act she starts to feel there is something wrong with her. she invests and gets nothing in return. bad deal. so do the lady a favor and grab a boob or two (metaphorically speaking). or just kiss her when you feel like it.

damn, that hit me harder than i thought. she probably does think something is wrong with her.

she's always all over me (not literally) when me meet (which was like 15+ days ago now), always asks me questions, talks A LOTTT and does kino. contacts me 95% of the time text or call; and has arranged all our meetups to date so far basically.

now she barely texts me during the day. IF i start texting her, wouldn't she get the vibe "oh i stopped texting him as much, now he came back, maybe i should use this to my advantage". ??? or should I skip the texting catch up and just set dinner with her and fix things in person?

 

[ckdon]

Flashpoint brought up an essential point.

A woman isn't going to wait around forever for a man to make a move. Part of what attracts women to us is the idea that a man takes what he wants. Your lack of making a move either makes her think:

A) you don't want her

or

B) you want her, but you're too weak to take her


It's a mistake I made a few times when I was younger, but never again.

she's definitely thinking option A. I can sense it in her texts.

shvt. I know I still have time to fix this. just gotta know how to iniate it

 

[ckdon]

me to lol. too bad it took me YEARS to realize how easy chicks are in reality.

so one addendum: you dont "try" to kiss her, instead you just go for it when you feel it's right. and there is no shame in it. there is also no shame in being so busy with the c+f stuff so you forgot to act. still time. but not much.

when she talks you look at her lips. and in her eyes. and at her neck. wandering up to her earlaps. and back at her lips again. then if you dont just wanna go for it tell her "you have nice lips" .. she will know... "thanks" .... "you mind if i try them?" look her in the eyes, give her time to answer. if she doesnt within the next 3 seconds you just do it.

or some variation of that. there is no need to be afraid of escalation. she talks to you=she likes you=she is waiting for it.

thanks man, the "look at lips" and your last part of the message totally motivated me to fix things now.

the lips part is def true, just saw a video the other day. that looking at her lips while either one of us talks subconsciously makes her want to kiss. Definitely doing this trick.

as for the "she talks to you=she likes you" totally true. not a day goes by that she doesn't text me at 8AM or 10AM (both are times she usually wakes up around) and has to get ready for college.

 

[ckdon]

sounds to me like you are coming across incongruent. what that means is your ****y funny talk has initally attracted her so you sound like a confident sexy guy. problem is that you did not sexually kino escalate to prove with your actions you are the guy you say you are. in other words you are all talk and no action. the girl wanted you to make a move on her but you didnt. she has lost interest because she thinks you are all bark with no bite. i agree with a previous post you have a small window of opportunity to make your move. basically you gave her blue balls. if now she's coming across cold you are gonna have to start over and build attraction again. but this time dont forget to take action and escalate.

loved your take on this as well man. totally right about the being ****y without action for too long. she definitely tries to tell me that i am not showing any action,even kino really. because I noticed at the start she was HEAVY with kino but i didn't respond even once by touching her back. now she has become less active with the kino. next time I see her, im using every opprotunity to touch her etc.

planning to see her within the next week.

 

[ckdon]

Youre being WAY too passive and nonchalant. She's not going to keep doing everything - while you sit back, respond, and accept. She's going to lose interest, because she senses that YOU have no interest. Also, youre supposed to be leading with assertiveness. She's giving you ALL of these signals to advance, and youre not doing anything about it. She wont act like the man. Her role is being fulfilled - its yours that isnt. Youre also acting overly selfish and indifferent, and putting NO effort into anything. This doesnt fly by women - contrary to the nice guy whineage.

Sounds like youre steering too far in the opposite direction of being needy, clingy, co-dependant, etc, out of fear of coming on too strong. But making her do everything isnt effective, either. Any and all extremes are bad. Going from one to the next doesnt work, although many people do just that (after getting burned). You might also be weak and afraid of rejection. If so, get over it, and start reciprocating. Otherwise, you ARE going to lose her. Thats what fear does - it causes the same thing youre trying to avoid (ie, rejection, lost interest).

Theres a difference between being a challenge (good) and passive / aloof (bad).

seriously, ANOTHER great advice in a row in a single topic? you guys, thanks. definitely giving me hope that there's still time and i can fix this even though it hasn't become that bad yet.

i totally agree with your opener, she's not going to keep doing everything. I mean, I would get pretty pissed too if I always did something and a girl doesn't respond the same way. from her messages, i can easily pick up a "i like you but you dont seem to like me" vibe. shouldve sensed it earlier. actually, i did sense it but I admittedly didnt take action even then.,

the good news? She's STILL TEXTING ME, just not as much as she used to.

 

[ckdon]

this is my plan:

she;s gonna text me in a while (she always texts before sleeping), I'm gonna have a short text convo.

after that, I'm going no contact for the weekend. on monday Im gonna surprise text/call her and set up a dinner date.

meet her up, make up on my end (kino, playful teasing, more kino, etc). see where it leads us to.

 

[Slickster]

It's called push and pull.

You pull her in a little by showing a little interest in her. Then you push her away by being too busy to respond or spend time with her.

If you go back and forth with push and pull you will have women going crazy for you. They WANT to be chasing you. They want to be unsure of whether you actually like them. Don't deny them. This is what makes their hearts flutter.

Too much push = bad. Too much pull = bad.

Enjoy the game!