How is it that some people have such a grandiose/certain view of their future?

[itouchyou]

Was thinking back to an old friend of mine, probably my best friend. Asked him for career advice one day and he told me:

"Think about where you want to be at the end of your career and work backwards to get there."

That advice messed with my head for a long time and to this day (that was 10 years ago) I still can't figure it out where I want to be at the end.

This guy always wanted his own company and by the age of 35 has already started two of them. Venture capital + startup.

Where do these people get the ambition/drive? Is it something that's instilled in them from birth, due to being surrounded by high achievers?

He had the confidence of someone 20-30 years older back in college, never met someone quite like him again.

I'm sitting here on a Tuesday night just wasting time on the internet meanwhile this guy is worth much more than me and I guarantee he's doing something productive with an extremely busy life.

 

[jaygreenb]

Was thinking back to an old friend of mine, probably my best friend. Asked him for career advice one day and he told me:

"Think about where you want to be at the end of your career and work backwards to get there."

That advice messed with my head for a long time and to this day (that was 10 years ago) I still can't figure it out where I want to be at the end.

This guy always wanted his own company and by the age of 35 has already started two of them. Venture capital + startup.

Where do these people get the ambition/drive? Is it something that's instilled in them from birth, due to being surrounded by high achievers?

He had the confidence of someone 20-30 years older back in college, never met someone quite like him again.

I'm sitting here on a Tuesday night just wasting time on the internet meanwhile this guy is worth much more than me and I guarantee he's doing something productive with an extremely busy life.

Some are just born with that hustle and ambition in them. Many times its the class and peer group you are around growing up and what seems normal/possible. What I see a lot of is, guys in the middle class with some sort of trauma, family dysfunction on self worth issues early. This is what drives that obsessive work ethic and dedication to achieve to over compensate for that. Of course, trauma can lead to the other end of the spectrum as well, drugs/depressed, failure etc Common trait is believing you can handle/tackle any issue, takes a lot of confidence in your own abilities.

 

[AAAgent]

Maybe when science gets better to be able to analyze character traits your question can be answered if people are born with it or not.

All I can say as one of the worst kids in my school district, having been expelled from middle school, racking up more than 30 suspensions from elementary to highschool, 2.28 GPA in highschool and in college, that things can change.

One thing that really helped is to always keep my eye on the prize, as you friend did. Even if i'm spending time on a forum late at night, I'm also doing something else to help progress myself towards that goal. Even if it's ever so slightly. Otherwise, you're wasting your time. Wasting time is unacceptable for me if I'm not happy with my current situation.

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If you however, just end up doing things not beneficial to your future/goals, and understand you're wasting time and aren't doing anything about it to change that....than you reap what you sow.

 

[HaleyBaron]

You just have to have a desire and pursue it. I told everyone since day 1 what I wanted to do, and now I am doing it. Not perfectly at the finish line yet, but I will get there in ten years. When you have a purpose, you never lose sight of it. Never. I had a lot of ups and downs, but I keep advancing everyday.

To be honest, it's exceptional for people to have a drive. Majority of people do not have a purpose. They live day to day and you know what? That is fine. Not all of us are born on this earth with a major divine purpose. And when you think about it, I sometimes envy those people. They can sit by everyday and enjoy life [even if it is depressing]. People like myself have to carry the burden of putting ourselves to higher standards, sacrificing the short term for the long term.

Life is a game. We all choose what to do with it until death.

 

[AAAgent]

To be honest, it's exceptional for people to have a drive. Majority of people do not have a purpose. They live day to day and you know what? That is fine. Not all of us are born on this earth with a major divine purpose. And when you think about it, I sometimes envy those people. They can sit by everyday and enjoy life [even if it is depressing]. People like myself have to carry the burden of putting ourselves to higher standards, sacrificing the short term for the long term.

Unfortunately, this is true.

One friend got so frustrated at me trying to push him to work harder and do more, that he told me "Not every wants to be like you AAA." I was 25 or so then. I never actually realized until then that people are different and that not everyone wants to be the best they can be. I always thought people were just trying their own way of being the best version of themselves when in reality, some people are just lazy. Most people just want to sip their latte's and party on the weekend and that to them, is enough.

Unfortunately, to me, breathing oxygen as my main purpose in life is just not acceptable. I'd rather die trying to achieve my goals and fail than to just waste away.

 

[AAAgent]

Choosing your own adventure in the way we know it wasn't normal throughout most of our history. Only a small minority of people have such a roadmap at an early age, and it usually comes from their parents' will and guidance from their own achievements.

If you can't decide what specific flavor of life you want to commit to, then the concept of choosing it in of itself is probably foreign to your nature. You'd probably be better off if someone just told you at a young age "You will be a lawyer" and then sent you to law school, took you to courts when you were young, created an internship for you, etc.

Most of my peers just went to college because they were lost. Too much freedom of choice, imo.

This is probably most people. I didn't "figure it out" until I was about 21(what i wanted to do) but by 14 years old, i already figured out what I didn't/shouldn't do. Knowing what I don't want to do was very useful. I went through process of elimination of trying to figure out how I would be successful in the future by listing out all my pros and cons. When i realized that none of the things i was good at was relevant for a future that resulted in me being alive or being able to sustain a living, I quickly moved away from those and started to change my lifestyle.

Would have been great to have a mentor or someone to guide me, but I had to figure it all out by myself. I'm one of the lucky few that figured it out and managed to turn a ****ty situation into something that's pretty good.

 

[RazorRambo24]

As someone who went from nowhere fast and not even having a great resume to owning multiple 6 figure businesses... its just capitalizing on knowledge of what works and having the desire to be more.

I grew up poor and dealin wit alot of the sht that comew with poverty and adversity.. that was enough for me to be motivated.

I used to quit jobs after a month, sometimes a week.. now I sometimes spend $5k-$10k in a single weekend and dont flinch

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

I agree with the other posters that some people are just built different. The genetic component alone is pretty substantial. We already know that there is a strong correlation between IQ and life success, is that any surprise? People like to insist that everyone who has an IQ of 100 or more can do anything - this is basically gaslighting. If your IQ is 100, you cannot be a software engineer, period. And there is certainly a genetic/epigenetic component to drive and ambition (call it conscientiousness) as well.

Going beyond genetics, this gets into the area of "privilege". I have a hot take on this, but privilege is real, just not in the ways we think. The biggest privilege anyone can have in life is being born into a stable, functional, supportive family who raise you properly, with a strong male father figure who instills strong values and ethics.

Last I checked, more than 50% of millionaires were self-made, this has nothing to do with being born into wealth, it's about being raised in a healthy environment by parents that bring out your strengths and build you up.

Last point, but there is also a degree of luck involved that no one ever seems to want to admit. I find it incredibly annoying when successful people say "if I could do it, anyone can, you have to want it and work hard for it!" But they never seem to account for survivorship bias; what about the 1000's of other people who did the exact same thing as them but failed again and again? Luck plays a big role. This doesn't mean you shouldn't try or be afraid of failure, but this is not how reality works, if everyone became successful, no one would be successful. It's called the pareto prinicipal.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

In my generation, many of us watched our parents chase one thing above anything else: Comfort... They always needed bigger spaces, more comfortable furniture, snacks, drinks, food in excess, mindless entertainment, all of it for the sake of comfort, even career wise my dad worked at the same place for over 40 years but would feel totally comfortable today telling you how to find a job or create a resume as if he's just done it yesterday.

Newer generations are following this same sample, only difference is that this isn't the same world anymore, success is a long term game, yet most are looking for short term success; rather than chasing success to become comfortable, success has become a road block to comfort.

You must learn to love the pain, these people you mention, pain to them means something different than it does to you.


Comfort also was never worth chasing, comfort is closer to death than abundance, so not only are people chasing comfort but their comfort will get them nowhere.

 

[SmoothSmooth]

He is an alpha male. You are a beta male. There’s your explanation. The world is 5% confident upbeat leaders, 95% hating doubtful followers. The fact you went on the internet - sosuave of all forums, to search for an answer why your friend is better at rising dominance hierarchies than you, just further highlights how much of a beta male you are. The females will procreate with him for obvious reasons. Could you imagine Michael Jordan going on an Internet forum at 35 and asking a bunch of strangers he knows nothing about, why his other friend is more succesful than him? Lmfao

 

[jaygreenb]

Last I checked, more than 50% of millionaires were self-made, this has nothing to do with being born into wealth, it's about being raised in a healthy environment by parents that bring out your strengths and build you up.

It is around 80%. In business, the majority of guys I see really kill it come from fairly typical middle class backgrounds. Raised in a relatively functional environment where they develop normal social skills but also have that drive to achieve more and are willing to work for it. A lot of kids from rich families often times get things handed to them and do not develop that same work ethic. Many still depend on their parents in their 30's and 40's to supplement their lives to different degrees.

Would somewhat disagree on the luck aspect, it can play a role into what degree you succeed but most of the guys I see could make a business work in many industries. Majority of business's are boring services that people or companies use every day not hyper growth tech companies or new products. A lot of it boils down to belief in yourself, intelligence, willing to take on risk, sacrifice and being consistent over a long period of time. Vast majority just are not willing to do that for one reason or another.

79% Of Millionaires Are Self-Made — Lessons From Those Who Built Wealth Without Inheritance

Recent studies have shown that the notion that most millionaires are born into wealth is a myth. Recent studies have shown that the notion that most millionaires are born into wealth is a myth. In fact, over two-thirds of millionaires are self-made, according to a 2019 study by Wealth-X and a...

finance.yahoo.com

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[SpartanWarrior77]

They got juice in them. It's all about hunger. Lots of ppl I know are too satisfied and lack juice. They're okay with mediocrity. I'm not. A lot of people call me neurotic. I also dont enjoy things most people enjoy. I NEED to win cuz its the only way I can get my fix. This is what drives me and I am definitely one of the most driven people around in my circle. I cant allow circumstances to dfictate my life, it can only be the other way around. Its a total lack of submission in terms of lifestyle.

 

[SpartanWarrior77]

In my generation, many of us watched our parents chase one thing above anything else: Comfort... They always needed bigger spaces, more comfortable furniture, snacks, drinks, food in excess, mindless entertainment, all of it for the sake of comfort, even career wise my dad worked at the same place for over 40 years but would feel totally comfortable today telling you how to find a job or create a resume as if he's just done it yesterday.

Newer generations are following this same sample, only difference is that this isn't the same world anymore, success is a long term game, yet most are looking for short term success; rather than chasing success to become comfortable, success has become a road block to comfort.

You must learn to love the pain, these people you mention, pain to them means something different than it does to you.


Comfort also was never worth chasing, comfort is closer to death than abundance, so not only are people chasing comfort but their comfort will get them nowhere.

I dont think its about loving pain. It's about hating ur current situation so much that ur willing to go through anything to get out of it. I fudding hate pain but what drives me is I know what the alternative is : mediocrity and being stuck in ur position in life. That scares me way more than any pain.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

I dont think its about loving pain. It's about hating ur current situation so much that ur willing to go through anything to get out of it. I fudding hate pain but what drives me is I know what the alternative is : mediocrity and being stuck in ur position in life. That scares me way more than any pain.

There's levels to experience; being fearful of the mediocrity is one of them but actually allowing that mediocrity into your life is another level of motivation.

For me, I needed to taste it to get to where I really wanted (want) to, I'm still not there but the downright pain of being exactly where I didn't want to be was what I needed. It was a big risk, some people do the same and never make it back again, mediocrity forever.