How is it possible for gay guys to find a man extremely attractive, yet the ladies largely view him as invisible?

[sevbucmash]

Good feedback.

One thing that stood out in particular was the idea that I'm more comfortable around gay guys than around straight gals.

Since I have zero fear whatsoever of getting rejected by a gay man (seeing as I have no interest in a date or romp with a man), I'm understandably more comfortable around gay guys.

For that matter, I know a decent amount of gay guys. Perhaps I could seek feedback from a gay guy on why exactly he thinks I trigger so many gaydars.

It sounds like you’ve made an interesting observation about your comfort levels in social situations! It’s great that you feel at ease around gay men; often, the lack of romantic tension can create a more relaxed atmosphere.

As for why you might trigger "gaydars," it could be a combination of factors like your mannerisms, style, or simply the way you interact with people. Seeking feedback from your gay friends could provide valuable insights. They might see things from a different perspective and help you understand how you present yourself. Plus, it could lead to some fun and enlightening conversations! Just remember, everyone has their unique vibe, and that’s what makes social interactions interesting.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

In all seriousness, I much prefer the sexually aggressive behavior from gay guys over the awkwardness (and feelings of idiocy/inadequacy) that comes from crossing paths with a woman I got turned down by.

I say that as a man who's experienced both. Crossing paths with a woman I got turned down by is a thousand times worse than getting objectified by gay guys.

At least these gay guys are complimenting me. Rejection, on the other hand, is an insult.

 

[Gamisch]

Most people don't have to 'act' one way or the other.
You are submissive and effeminate that's why you are pursued by gay tops.
You're not dominant and not very good at pretending to be manly, so whenever you act that way, it looks awkward.



I think you should just got the gay way. You'll be in demand, not many rejections, you don't have to act dominant, and you don't have to worry about getting pregnant from all the jizz pumped into your corn hole.

And I don't think it matters much to you who gives you attention, as long as you get some.

This thread was a long time coming ( no pun intended).

 

[sevbucmash]

@AmsterdamAssassin It sounds like GoodMan32 is expressing frustration with his experiences in dating and attraction, feeling caught between the expectations of being dominant and the reality of how he presents himself. He seems to prefer the attention he receives from gay men, finding it more affirming than the rejection he faces from women. Ultimately, he suggests that embracing his appeal in the gay community might lead to a more positive experience, as it could offer validation without the pressure of conforming to traditional gender roles.

@GoodMan32 It sounds like you've found yourself in quite the conundrum! It's like being stuck between a rock and a hard place, except the rock is a gym bro and the hard place is a fabulous gay bar.

But hey, if you prefer the sexually aggressive vibes from the gay guys, maybe it's time to embrace your inner diva! Who needs the awkwardness of a rejected date when you could be strutting your stuff on the dance floor, getting compliments and maybe even a few cheeky winks?

And let’s be honest, the only thing you’ll be getting from those gay guys is a whole lot of attention and maybe a ****tail or two. Plus, no worries about pregnancy—just a fabulous night out and some unforgettable memories (and possibly some glitter in unexpected places).

So why not dive into the fabulous world of gay dating? You might just find that you’re the hottest ticket in town, and who knows, you might even enjoy the ride!

 

[GoodMan32]

You prefer really attention from gay guys?



I've crossed paths with women that I've been turned down by and don't get how you are blowing it up like it is really that bad. She is still a woman and you are being true to yourself and who you like, no matter how she is with you.

I guess I went to an all boys high school, you went to a coed high school. You never experienced being in an environment when you only had mainly guys around I guess for four years during your most formative years. @MatureDJ also went to an all boys High School.



Are you bi-curious? I can't wrap my head around how a straight guy who likes women would like complements from gay guys unless some part of him was a little bi-curious? It means on some level you are comfortable with other guys seeing you on a sexual level. To each their own I guess if that is the case. Rejection means you shoot your shot and it didn't stick. Everyone gets rejected. It means the one who breaks the ice/dry-spell, all the more rewarding.

If I had to pick between attention from gay guys vs crossing paths with a woman I got turned down by, yeah, I really would prefer the attention from gay guys.

High school can set the trajectory for the rest of your life. I totally see where attending an all male high school would give you a different perspective than me. I had to deal with the vast majority of girls at school viewing me as a freaky creep no girl would possibly want. You, on the other hand, were stuck in an all male environment at an age when you had raging hormones. Both scenarios suck in their own way.

I get why a guy with your history (no girls around at school for all of high school) would welcome any contact with a woman, even crossing paths with a woman you got rejected by.

No, I'm not bicurious. I can tell when certain men have good looks. Yet I have no desire to get with a man. On that note, I experimented with a man once in college. We didn't go as far as having sex. Even with the experimentation I partook in, however, I couldn't get hard (as a result, I know for a fact I'm neither gay nor bi)

As for why I welcome sexual harassment from gay guys (despite being straight), it's because I have critically low self-esteem (to the point where any attention sexually is better than no attention at all)

 

[Gamisch]

Now we know the process that some of the 68% of dateless men go through ..

The easiest way out instead of working on improving.

 

[GoodMan32]

It sounds like you’ve made an interesting observation about your comfort levels in social situations! It’s great that you feel at ease around gay men; often, the lack of romantic tension can create a more relaxed atmosphere.

As for why you might trigger "gaydars," it could be a combination of factors like your mannerisms, style, or simply the way you interact with people. Seeking feedback from your gay friends could provide valuable insights. They might see things from a different perspective and help you understand how you present yourself. Plus, it could lead to some fun and enlightening conversations! Just remember, everyone has their unique vibe, and that’s what makes social interactions interesting.

I ran into a gay neighbor. I told him I can handle the cold hard truth of why he thinks I trigger so many gaydars. He said "Gays are ruthless. They'll hit on anything. It doesn't necessarily mean they think you're gay."

His boyfriend happened to be right there. The boyfriend seconded what he said.

Most people don't have to 'act' one way or the other.
You are submissive and effeminate that's why you are pursued by gay tops.
You're not dominant and not very good at pretending to be manly, so whenever you act that way, it looks awkward.



I think you should just got the gay way. You'll be in demand, not many rejections, you don't have to act dominant, and you don't have to worry about getting pregnant from all the jizz pumped into your corn hole.

And I don't think it matters much to you who gives you attention, as long as you get some.

In that case, all the more reason it's pointless for me to try to act dominant (as you said, I'm simply not dominant...so that's why it comes off as awkward when I try to fake it)

As awesome as homosexuality sounds (no pregnancy, I'd be in high demand, minimal rejections, no need to do an awkward dominant act, etc), I simply have no interest in a romp with a man.

Yeah, I like attention from gays...but that doesn't mean I want to go gay.

Besides, just like I can't help the fact I'm not dominant, I also can't help the fact I'm not gay.

 

[GoodMan32]

@AmsterdamAssassin It sounds like GoodMan32 is expressing frustration with his experiences in dating and attraction, feeling caught between the expectations of being dominant and the reality of how he presents himself. He seems to prefer the attention he receives from gay men, finding it more affirming than the rejection he faces from women. Ultimately, he suggests that embracing his appeal in the gay community might lead to a more positive experience, as it could offer validation without the pressure of conforming to traditional gender roles.

@GoodMan32 It sounds like you've found yourself in quite the conundrum! It's like being stuck between a rock and a hard place, except the rock is a gym bro and the hard place is a fabulous gay bar.

But hey, if you prefer the sexually aggressive vibes from the gay guys, maybe it's time to embrace your inner diva! Who needs the awkwardness of a rejected date when you could be strutting your stuff on the dance floor, getting compliments and maybe even a few cheeky winks?

And let’s be honest, the only thing you’ll be getting from those gay guys is a whole lot of attention and maybe a ****tail or two. Plus, no worries about pregnancy—just a fabulous night out and some unforgettable memories (and possibly some glitter in unexpected places).

So why not dive into the fabulous world of gay dating? You might just find that you’re the hottest ticket in town, and who knows, you might even enjoy the ride!

As I just said to @AmsterdamAssassin, I can't help the fact I'm simply not gay.

 

[GoodMan32]

Now we know the process that some of the 68% of dateless men go through ..

The easiest way out instead of working on improving.

The fact I (despite being straight) prefer attention from gay guys over approaching a woman shows how crippling my phobia of rejection is.

I'm not sure it's even possible to get over a phobia that crippling.

 

[SW15]

This a good discussion so far.

It's a function of 3 factors: Testosterone, Proximity, and Vibe

Testosterone

Men have higher testosterone than women. That will even include effeminate gay men. With more testosterone, homosexual males will be more motivated to seek out and find sex from other males.

Proximity

Heterosexual men in majror cities/metropolitan areas are more likely to encounter homosexual males.

In major cities/metropolitan areas, there are certain neighborhoods where homosexual males tend to be. Many of them tend to be near city center, which are near good nightlife venues for heterosexuals and good daygame venues for heterosexual men seeking heterosexual women.

In Dallas, the Oak Lawn district is the hub of gay activity in the city. Oak Lawn is near the center of the city. I don't go to things in the Oak Lawn district because nothing interests me there. However, almost all areas that are somewhat close to Downtown Dallas have some homosexual presence, including areas near some of the best heterosexual pickup spots (nightlife and daygame).

I spend my time in Dallas in areas where heterosexual meet. These heterosexual areas are near the center of the city, which is also near where homosexual are. It's possible for me to encounter homosexual males in social settings.

I have never been approached for sexual purposes by a homosexual man since I moved to Dallas. I haven't been complimented by a homosexual male and I haven't gotten strong IOIs from a homosexual man. It is possible I could be unattractive. I don't think I've been considered unattractive in the last 20+ years.

I don't draw interest from homosexual males because of my vibe, which is strongly heterosexual.

Vibe

I have a strongly heterosexual presence. None of my mannerisms or speech patterns are effeminate. In interacting with me, I seem like a regular heterosexual man. When I am in nightlife venues, they are nightlife venues that seem to cater to heterosexuals.

I go to majority female fitness classes at times. I approach women in fitness classes. It is unlikely that any of them have thought that I was a homosexual. I'm also careful with the fitness classes that I attend as well. I look for formats that are more acceptably masculine.

There are likely some heterosexual men that would give off an unclear vibe or miss some social cues that would indicate heterosexuality.

 

[GoodMan32]

This a good discussion so far.

It's a function of 3 factors: Testosterone, Proximity, and Vibe

Testosterone

Men have higher testosterone than women. That will even include effeminate gay men. With more testosterone, homosexual males will be more motivated to seek out and find sex from other males.

Proximity

Heterosexual men in majror cities/metropolitan areas are more likely to encounter homosexual males.

In major cities/metropolitan areas, there are certain neighborhoods where homosexual males tend to be. Many of them tend to be near city center, which are near good nightlife venues for heterosexuals and good daygame venues for heterosexual men seeking heterosexual women.

In Dallas, the Oak Lawn district is the hub of gay activity in the city. Oak Lawn is near the center of the city. I don't go to things in the Oak Lawn district because nothing interests me there. However, almost all areas that are somewhat close to Downtown Dallas have some homosexual presence, including areas near some of the best heterosexual pickup spots (nightlife and daygame).

I spend my time in Dallas in areas where heterosexual meet. These heterosexual areas are near the center of the city, which is also near where homosexual are. It's possible for me to encounter homosexual males in social settings.

I have never been approached for sexual purposes by a homosexual man since I moved to Dallas. I haven't been complimented by a homosexual male and I haven't gotten strong IOIs from a homosexual man. It is possible I could be unattractive. I don't think I've been considered unattractive in the last 20+ years.

I don't draw interest from homosexual males because of my vibe, which is strongly heterosexual.

Vibe

I have a strongly heterosexual presence. None of my mannerisms or speech patterns are effeminate. In interacting with me, I seem like a regular heterosexual man. When I am in nightlife venues, they are nightlife venues that seem to cater to heterosexuals.

I go to majority female fitness classes at times. I approach women in fitness classes. It is unlikely that any of them have thought that I was a homosexual. I'm also careful with the fitness classes that I attend as well. I look for formats that are more acceptably masculine.

There are likely some heterosexual men that would give off an unclear vibe or miss some social cues that would indicate heterosexuality.

Thanks for your input.

Here's the thing: Unless I were to go to gay nightclubs (which I don't), heterosexuals are going to pretty much always outnumber homosexuals...even in a neighborhood with a higher gay population than the national average.

Where I live, for example, gays are definitely overrepresented compared to the national average. But even so, I see/know plenty of straight couples where I live.

My point: Even if I cross paths with many a gay man, I also cross paths with many a straight woman. Yet I get way more attention from gay guys.

I find it interesting you don't get attention from gay guys. Yeah, I know you said on your post that you have a totally straight vibe. But according to what my gay neighbor said (gay guys will hit on anything), your straight vibe shouldn't make a difference.

 

[sevbucmash]

Yet I get way more attention from gay guys.

What kind of attention? Big black guys for example I bet they get attention from gay bottoms. But submissive white dudes probably get attention from gay tops.

Do you get attention from gay tops, gay bottoms, or are they uni?

 

[Travel memoir21]

Maybe you’re fishing in the wrong spots. America’s sexual polarity sucks. Why bother trying to get Lgbtq Fem nazis turned on when you can have a normal conversation abroad?


Time to passport bro it up and find a decent woman over seas. South East Asian women can be feminine and traditional.

If you like white women, I suggest you try out Russia or Eastern Europe.

 

[SW15]

I get way more attention from gay guys.

What kind of attention? Big black guys for example I bet they get attention from gay bottoms. But submissive white dudes probably get attention from gay tops.

Do you get attention from gay tops, gay bottoms, or are they uni?

These are good details.

It would be interesting to learn if he gets approach invitations from gay men, similar to how a woman would try to put out an approach invitation when they want a man to approach them.

if I cross paths with many a gay man, I also cross paths with many a straight woman.

In thinking about your day-to-day, real life routine, you probably have more proximity to heterosexual women. After you subtract the married women and the married women with children, you don't have that many contacts with childless, unmarried heterosexual women, especially those 33 and under (if you were a regular guy who was seeking women near his own age or younger).

I know you said on your post that you have a totally straight vibe. But according to what my gay neighbor said (gay guys will hit on anything), your straight vibe shouldn't make a difference.

It makes enough of a difference. Gay men will know when they are completely wasting their time. I think that's the case when gay men see me. I have been in my city nearly 15 years. In those nearly 15 years, not one gay man has approached me for sex/dating and not one gay men has given me strong IOIs to approach him.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Your poor mentality, body language and lack of confidence in yourself make you invisible to the ladies.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

You prefer really attention from gay guys?



I've crossed paths with women that I've been turned down by and don't get how you are blowing it up like it is really that bad. She is still a woman and you are being true to yourself and who you like, no matter how she is with you.

I guess I went to an all boys high school, you went to a coed high school. You never experienced being in an environment when you only had mainly guys around I guess for four years during your most formative years. @MatureDJ also went to an all boys High School.



Are you bi-curious? I can't wrap my head around how a straight guy who likes women would like complements from gay guys unless some part of him was a little bi-curious? It means on some level you are comfortable with other guys seeing you on a sexual level. To each their own I guess if that is the case. Rejection means you shoot your shot and it didn't stick. Everyone gets rejected. It means the one who breaks the ice/dry-spell, all the more rewarding.

This a good discussion so far.

It's a function of 3 factors: Testosterone, Proximity, and Vibe

Testosterone

Men have higher testosterone than women. That will even include effeminate gay men. With more testosterone, homosexual males will be more motivated to seek out and find sex from other males.

Proximity

Heterosexual men in majror cities/metropolitan areas are more likely to encounter homosexual males.

In major cities/metropolitan areas, there are certain neighborhoods where homosexual males tend to be. Many of them tend to be near city center, which are near good nightlife venues for heterosexuals and good daygame venues for heterosexual men seeking heterosexual women.

In Dallas, the Oak Lawn district is the hub of gay activity in the city. Oak Lawn is near the center of the city. I don't go to things in the Oak Lawn district because nothing interests me there. However, almost all areas that are somewhat close to Downtown Dallas have some homosexual presence, including areas near some of the best heterosexual pickup spots (nightlife and daygame).

I spend my time in Dallas in areas where heterosexual meet. These heterosexual areas are near the center of the city, which is also near where homosexual are. It's possible for me to encounter homosexual males in social settings.

I have never been approached for sexual purposes by a homosexual man since I moved to Dallas. I haven't been complimented by a homosexual male and I haven't gotten strong IOIs from a homosexual man. It is possible I could be unattractive. I don't think I've been considered unattractive in the last 20+ years.

I don't draw interest from homosexual males because of my vibe, which is strongly heterosexual.

Vibe

I have a strongly heterosexual presence. None of my mannerisms or speech patterns are effeminate. In interacting with me, I seem like a regular heterosexual man. When I am in nightlife venues, they are nightlife venues that seem to cater to heterosexuals.

I go to majority female fitness classes at times. I approach women in fitness classes. It is unlikely that any of them have thought that I was a homosexual. I'm also careful with the fitness classes that I attend as well. I look for formats that are more acceptably masculine.

There are likely some heterosexual men that would give off an unclear vibe or miss some social cues that would indicate heterosexuality.

Straight men's physiological stress response to seeing two men kissing is the same as seeing maggots

In heterosexual men, pictures of rotting flesh, maggots and spoiled food induce the same physiological stress response as pictures of two men kissing each

www.psypost.org

I also have a visceral disgust with the thought of engaging or even witnessing any homosexual activity.

I don’t enjoy any attention I get from gay guys. It does not trigger the dopamine rush I get when I get attention from women.

I would rather struggle in the trenches to get women’s attention than be carried on a silken divan to get men’s attention.

 

[GoodMan32]

What kind of attention? Big black guys for example I bet they get attention from gay bottoms. But submissive white dudes probably get attention from gay tops.

Do you get attention from gay tops, gay bottoms, or are they uni?

One gay guy has hinted at being a top.

The others, I don't know either way.

The gays I've gotten attention from have been somewhat diverse: White, Mexican, and Native American.

 

[GoodMan32]

These are good details.

It would be interesting to learn if he gets approach invitations from gay men, similar to how a woman would try to put out an approach invitation when they want a man to approach them.



In thinking about your day-to-day, real life routine, you probably have more proximity to heterosexual women. After you subtract the married women and the married women with children, you don't have that many contacts with childless, unmarried heterosexual women, especially those 33 and under (if you were a regular guy who was seeking women near his own age or younger).



It makes enough of a difference. Gay men will know when they are completely wasting their time. I think that's the case when gay men see me. I have been in my city nearly 15 years. In those nearly 15 years, not one gay man has approached me for sex/dating and not one gay men has given me strong IOIs to approach him.

I don't really get approach invitations from gay guys. They flat out come onto me (no need for me to approach)

 

[GoodMan32]

Your poor mentality, body language and lack of confidence in yourself make you invisible to the ladies.

Yet visible to gay guys.

 

[GoodMan32]

Straight men's physiological stress response to seeing two men kissing is the same as seeing maggots

In heterosexual men, pictures of rotting flesh, maggots and spoiled food induce the same physiological stress response as pictures of two men kissing each

www.psypost.org

I also have a visceral disgust with the thought of engaging or even witnessing any homosexual activity.

I don’t enjoy any attention I get from gay guys. It does not trigger the dopamine rush I get when I get attention from women.

I would rather struggle in the trenches to get women’s attention than be carried on a silken divan to get men’s attention.

Maybe I'm a special case in the sense that my attention from the ladies is severely lacking.