How important are friends?

[Nicholas]

There were times in my life when I was alone. My old friends friends had been abandoned me and school time was over. I remember now how lost and desperate I was, since I had no one to go out with that summer. I would sit around and bust my balls thinking how others are having fun and I'm at home near my PC. I didn't know about gym or had any real interests or hobbies but playing PC games.

Now things changed. I met some new people, regrouped with older friends for an occasional night out, and every now and then I meet new person on uni. Now I wonder how important are friends in ones life?

I mean sure they are important, no one wants to be a loner. But looking at a long term perspective, friends do come and go. Maybe one of my largest mistakes was thinking that to achieve any success with women you need to have many friends. Originally I thought that if you have no friends you can't go out, meaning you can't get females. But to be honest out of all people I know, all of them are 'afc' in the way they think. Some of them are geeks, some are handsome, or rich, or both...have a car, or have no future what so ever. But on an average scale their success with females is less then acceptable.

I was always afraid to ride solo. But now I realize I'd be better off relying only on yourself. Every investment in a 'friendship' I guess is a waste, not only because of temporary character, but also because everyone is looking their own interests. And if they do something for you or anything it's most probably for boosting their ego. I personally never ask for favors or anything, but also don't like doing them for others. Kind of like Sheldon in Big bang theory - If you give him a gift of $100 and he got you one of $88, he returns you $12. Anyway you can't have much fun without people around you in younger age, but maybe fun for yourself should be in a main focus.

So what are your thoughts, stories...
Should a guy invest himself in acquiring new friends for having fun or just let things go naturally and focus more on long term perspective and self-improving?
Should a guy change his ways and the way he is in order to be more accepted in social circles, to be considered more outgoing and 'fun'?

 

[saltynipple]

There were times in my life when I was alone. My old friends friends had been abandoned me and school time was over. I remember now how lost and desperate I was, since I had no one to go out with that summer. I would sit around and bust my balls thinking how others are having fun and I'm at home near my PC. I didn't know about gym or had any real interests or hobbies but playing PC games.

Now things changed. I met some new people, regrouped with older friends for an occasional night out, and every now and then I meet new person on uni. Now I wonder how important are friends in ones life?

I mean sure they are important, no one wants to be a loner. But looking at a long term perspective, friends do come and go. Maybe one of my largest mistakes was thinking that to achieve any success with women you need to have many friends. Originally I thought that if you have no friends you can't go out, meaning you can't get females. But to be honest out of all people I know, all of them are 'afc' in the way they think. Some of them are geeks, some are handsome, or rich, or both...have a car, or have no future what so ever. But on an average scale their success with females is less then acceptable.

I was always afraid to ride solo. But now I realize I'd be better off relying only on yourself. Every investment in a 'friendship' I guess is a waste, not only because of temporary character, but also because everyone is looking their own interests. And if they do something for you or anything it's most probably for boosting their ego. I personally never ask for favors or anything, but also don't like doing them for others. Kind of like Sheldon in Big bang theory - If you give him a gift of $100 and he got you one of $88, he returns you $12. Anyway you can't have much fun without people around you in younger age, but maybe fun for yourself should be in a main focus.

So what are your thoughts, stories...
Should a guy invest himself in acquiring new friends for having fun or just let things go naturally and focus more on long term perspective and self-improving?
Should a guy change his ways and the way he is in order to be more accepted in social circles, to be considered more outgoing and 'fun'?

I'm an introvert. I don't consider myself a loner because I do enjoy the benefit of relationships with other people. I have a few "good" friends and probably have more female friends then male. In the end, my friendships or lack of have not affected my ability to pickup women. In fact, most of the opportunities I've had are situations when I'm alone anyways. Grocery store, work, the mall... Just my 2 cents. Friends are good for you but not always needed to get them...

 

[Kenny Powers]

I'll admit I didn't read your entire post because its late and im drunk, but in the past i used to hate being alone back in highschool when i had few to no friends. However, when i finally found kids to hangout with i quickly learned while it was better to be with them than alone, i really wasn't missing much since we often struggled with boredom just as much as i did when alone.

I found the same to be true in college as well. More recently though i've been connecting with a few of my friends on a really strong level. While I still hangout with them so as to avoid being alone, of my group of friends there are a few with whom i can go to a bar with and have a deep bro moment in which we talk about girls, our personal heroes, movies, life, etc. Its these moments that I know i've found a friend more valuable than any other i've had before. This is where the true value of friendship lies. I dont hangout with these particular guys because its better than being alone or any social or ego boost they offer. Its because I truly enjoy and gain from being with them. Its nice to have someone you can open up to and talk with on a personal level.

For example, the other night my friend and i went to a bar, but when we got there it was surprisingly dead. So, we got a pitcher, sat down and for an hour or so just talked. As gay as it sounds it was really a nice moment. You need friends almost as much as you need family. They are there for you when you need them and are incredibly valuable. Just dont confuse true friendship with people you enjoy being with simply because its better than being alone or to improve your social standing. Everyone has friends like this, but not everyone has a true friend who has your back and will support you when need be.

Sorry for the rant but this is somehting I feel passionately about. As i;m sure you've seen on this site, you can't trust women, so its important to have a guy friend or two who you can confide in and talk to on a personal level.

 

[PapiChulo]

You need true friends that you can lean on, your bros. These are hard to come by...especially latter in life. I recommend that you stay close with your family, always.

Then you could go about getting a social circle which is mostly for fun, as it exposes you to life and finding new cool people, potential mates too.

Once you meet the right woman, she will become your best friend.

If you follow my chain of thoughts you will realize that you are gonna have to build a social circle to increase the chances of finding women.
P.S.
In my opinion riding solo requires confidence. Most people indeed need others to get the false sense of security or to simply enjoy each others company. What I am trying to say that being alone is harder- we are social animals after all.

 

[TonyBaloney]

Friends are very important - but only good ones who you can trust. My grandfather always used to quote "Friends and there adoption tried, grapple them to thy heart with hoops of steel" I think its Shakespeare.

Never really understood it, until the course of life brings you into contact with unsavoury characters who mascerade as `friends`.... When you put your faith into shallow characters and get hurt, then you realize what the statent means. Friends are important in so much as women come and go, even the one who you thought was, `The One` can walk out the door for reasons unknown, but friends, once established, dont do that.

Without my buddys, who come from all walks of life, I'd be lost at the moment. I'm 39 now, and with no kids and no significant woman, they might be the only thing that makes life bearable as time goes on.

 

[Packers2010]

if I can be in wales for 6 months and not make a single friend and still be happy. i don't think they are needed.

it's like facebook. does having 1000 friends on facebook make you happy? no. it's the true 5 friends you have that stick by you and you regularly contact that make you happy.

 

[FairShake]

If you can't make friends you will never be able to get many or keep any girls. If you don't have any friends there is something seriously wrong with your personality that keeps EVERYONE away from you. That means it keeps even the weird, nerdy, and new-in-town away from you. No girl wants that. Extreme social awkwardness is perhaps the most unsexy trait out there.

 

[TonyBaloney]

if I can be in wales for 6 months and not make a single friend and still be happy. i don't think they are needed.

it's like facebook. does having 1000 friends on facebook make you happy? no. it's the true 5 friends you have that stick by you and you regularly contact that make you happy.

I'm very suprised - the Welsh are known to be friendly folk. Why do you think this is? Have you REALLY made an effort, joined classes, looked at ways to meet new people, or does it seem to difficult?

Mark

 

[ilikecharlene]

people who say "nobody needs friends" are just being PC and trendy, they deserve a slap lol..

As social animals we value companionship, it's simple as that. can friends be problematic? which human relationship isn't? family can let people down, look at familial/spousal abuse. Really, no human relationship has any absolute trust/loyalty to it.

 

[MrJibbles]

I think what the OP is trying to get at is that we should be perfectly content with being alone. In that sense, we should differentiate solitude from loneliness. Yes, we are social creatures by nature. But that doesn't mean we should depend on the company or validation of others to be happy. We should depend on nobody but ourselves for happiness.

Not having many friends should not prevent one from getting girls. We are so quick to ask ourselves if we have enough social proof to be "good enough" for a girl that, in the end, we are depending on female validation to feel better about ourselves.

 

[betheman]

your best friend, your best man...will f cuk your girlfriend/wife gven the chance, make no bones about it, this is real. friends are over valued, absolute genuine friends who will cover your back are very very few and far between.


48 laws of power

"Be wary of friends-they will betray you more quickly, for they are easily aroused to envy. They also become spoiled and tyrannical. But hire a former enemy and he will be more loyal than a friend, because he has more to prove. In fact, you have more to fear from friends than from enemies. If you have no enemies, find a way to make them."

dont value friend so much, those who hold you close have access to your heart..and will plunge the knife if it suits them

 

[ilikecharlene]

your best friend, your best man...will f cuk your girlfriend/wife gven the chance, make no bones about it, this is real. friends are over valued, absolute genuine friends who will cover your back are very very few and far between.


48 laws of power

"Be wary of friends-they will betray you more quickly, for they are easily aroused to envy. They also become spoiled and tyrannical. But hire a former enemy and he will be more loyal than a friend, because he has more to prove. In fact, you have more to fear from friends than from enemies. If you have no enemies, find a way to make them."

dont value friend so much, those who hold you close have access to your heart..and will plunge the knife if it suits them

PC reasoning. I don't see how that invalidates the concept of friendships.

 

[Serg897]

Good friends are few and far between. I think its important to learn to enjoy your time alone, because in the end the only person you can really trust is yourself.

However, I think its also important to recognize when you have a good connection with another human being, wether its a sexual relationship or not.

 

[Deep Dish]

Law 2: Never Put Too Much Trust In Friends, Learn How To Use Enemies
Be wary of friends—they will betray you more quickly, for they are easily aroused to envy. They also become spoiled and tyrannical. But hire a former enemy and he will be more loyal than a friend, because he has more to prove. In fact, you have more to fear from friends than from enemies. If you have no enemies, find a way to make them.

The problem is that you often do not know your friends as well as you imagine. Friends often agree on things in order to avoid an argument. They cover up their unpleasant qualities so as to not offend each other. They laugh extra hard at each others’ jokes. Since honesty rarely strengthens friendships, you may never know how a friend truly feels. Friends will say that they love your poetry, adore your music, envy your taste in clothes—maybe they mean it, often they do not.​

But you must have friends. Just be careful with whom you allow into your life, and how.

Law 18: Do Not Build Fortresses to Protect Yourself – Isolation Is Dangerous
The world is dangerous and enemies are everywhere – everyone has to protect themselves. A fortress seems the safest. But isolation exposes you to more dangers than it protects you from—it cuts you off from valuable information, it makes you conspicuous and an easy target. Better to circulate among people find allies, mingle. You are shielded from your enemies by the crowd.

Since humans are such social creatures, it follows that the social arts that make us pleasant to be around can be practiced only by constant exposure and circulation. The more you are in contact with others, the more graceful and at ease you become. Isolation, on the other hand, engenders an awkwardness in your gestures, and leads to further isolation, as people start avoiding you.

...Since power is a human creation, it is inevitably increased by contact with other people. Instead of falling into the fortress mentality, view the world in the following manner: It is like a vast Versailles, with every room communicating with another. You need to be permeable, able to float in and out of different circles and mix with different types. That kind of mobility and social contact will protect you from plotters, who will be unable to keep secrets from you, and from your enemies, who will be unable to isolate you from your allies. Always on the move, you mix and mingle in the rooms of the palace, never sitting or settling in one place. No hunter can fix his aim on such a swift-moving creature.​

Nicholas:
Every investment in a 'friendship' I guess is a waste, not only because of temporary character, but also because everyone is looking their own interests. And if they do something for you or anything it's most probably for boosting their ego. I personally never ask for favors or anything, but also don't like doing them for others.

“I’ll scratch your back if you’ll scratch mine” reciprocal altruism is an evolutionary adaptation and is a non-zero sum game: you both benefit. While it’s true the ‘free lunch’ has unspoken obligations of indebtedness, of expecting something in return, often more than merely boosting an ego, you can turn the dynamic in your favor. You might not like doing favors, but you’re doing yourself a favor if you would.

Law 11: Learn to Keep People Dependent On You
To maintain your independence you must always be needed and wanted. The more you are relied on, the more freedom you have. Make people depend on you for their happiness and prosperity and you have nothing to fear. Never teach them enough so that they can do without you.

Law 7: Get Others To Do The Work For You, But Always Take the Credit
Use the wisdom, knowledge, and legwork of other people to further your own cause. Not only will such assistance save you valuable time and energy, it will give you a godlike aura of efficiency and speed. In the end your helpers will be forgotten and you will be remembered. Never do yourself what others can do for you.​

 

[TonyBaloney]

your best friend, your best man...will f cuk your girlfriend/wife gven the chance, make no bones about it, this is real. friends are over valued, absolute genuine friends who will cover your back are very very few and far between.


48 laws of power

"Be wary of friends-they will betray you more quickly, for they are easily aroused to envy. They also become spoiled and tyrannical. But hire a former enemy and he will be more loyal than a friend, because he has more to prove. In fact, you have more to fear from friends than from enemies. If you have no enemies, find a way to make them."

dont value friend so much, those who hold you close have access to your heart..and will plunge the knife if it suits them

I believe this is based on Machievelli??

If you take these words to heart, you will become a lonely and bitter man.

Great friendships thrive on respect; respect comes with time. Time weasels out who are great and who are bad friends. The man who is the author of the above statement was a politician; we all know what self interested c unts politicians are..........................................................................

 

[Trump]

Based on experience, Law 2 above is absolutely true.

Partly out of curiousity and knowing they owed me nothing, several years ago I asked several friends if they could set me up with their cousins/wife friends/coworkers/etc. All of my friends who had significant others basically said NO, they won't do it (yet not in so many words) All of my friends used my singledom at the time against me and to their advantage to feel better about themselves.

I then asked one person at a small party who I never ever got along with and seldom hanged out with. The same night I asked him, he phoned his cousins friend in front of me and I got set up with the pretty hot girl, ended up dating her for 6 months.

Friends dont want to see you succeed, they are just there to do stuff with. Thats not to say if you have an emergency they won't be there, but you have to watch yourself with them.

 

[TonyBaloney]

Based on experience, Law 2 above is absolutely true.

Partly out of curiousity and knowing they owed me nothing, several years ago I asked several friends if they could set me up with their cousins/wife friends/coworkers/etc. All of my friends who had significant others basically said NO, they won't do it (yet not in so many words) All of my friends used my singledom at the time against me and to their advantage to feel better about themselves.

I then asked one person at a small party who I never ever got along with and seldom hanged out with. The same night I asked him, he phoned his cousins friend in front of me and I got set up with the pretty hot girl, ended up dating her for 6 months.

Friends dont want to see you succeed, they are just there to do stuff with. Thats not to say if you have an emergency they won't be there, but you have to watch yourself with them.

Oh come on Trump, thats a really poor excuse for not trusting friends. Perhaps their were other reasons behind why they didnt arrange, such as the girl had a fishy c unt, was heartbroken, liked big white men/big black men, big chinese women, who knows.... but the guy u dislike could have had a sneaky reason for setting you up - he could of got that bit ch to record the whole episode on a hidden cam..........

I think a load of you guys have gotta start to forget the ho's and remember the bros...............

 

[coochieman]

Be good alone.

Get quality friends... Do remember the word "quality"... They broaden your social reach, and quality ones help your value. I'm talking reputation and attributes.

Generally, Be an almost-everybody's guy[not a random-everywhere-friendly-nice-guy] but more importantly be yourself's guy. Do not necessarily feel pressed to commit and as long as you look like you have something to offer [on whatever level], you'd never run dry of good connects.

Get busy, have good alone time.

 

[Packers2010]

I'm very suprised - the Welsh are known to be friendly folk. Why do you think this is? Have you REALLY made an effort, joined classes, looked at ways to meet new people, or does it seem to difficult?

Mark

oh no, they welsh are friendly. i have been playing pool with people from down the pub. i guess i haven't settled as much as i would have liked and i know for sure it is down to me.

I still have trouble talking to women so it could be a contributing factor. though i am getting better i must say, when i do have a few beers.

 

[Aaron B]

I'm an introvert.

this isn't a healthy way to think, imo

humans aren't static - we are dynamic

almost everyone who knows me would describe me as an extrovert, but given the right circumstances i can become as introverted as anyone else

and vice versa - an person who people perceive as introverted can exhibit extroverted characteristics given the right circumstances

if you consider introverted a negative characteristic and extroverted a positive characteristic, you would be better served to use your internal monologue to tell yourself you are an extrovert which may eventually become a self-fulfilling prophecy

introversion has advantages and you will maintain those characteristics in the future as well. this isn't an on-off switch where you have to be one or the other. you can go from intro to extro back to intro in short order

cliffs: it isn't usually helpful to reinforce negative aspects of your personality, and you can probably become more extroverted simply by using your internal monologue to tell yourself that you are an extrovert