As you mentioned, none of us were there to assess the dynamic and energy between both of you, nor can we analyze every detail of what was said to make a better assessment. Nonetheless, I’m throwing this out there, and hopefully, some of it resonates with you:
1. People are really stubborn, and throughout all of our lives we become self-absorbed with our own tastes, opinions, and experiences, forming a shell to prevent any foreign influences from obstructing our ideas. In order to break down their walls and draw them out, you must conform, adapt, and validate people’s moods, beliefs, and tastes. This way, they won’t feel threatened by someone else’s strangeness or different habits, and people naturally love seeing their ideas reflected in others. Once they are open to you, you will be able to infect them with your mood and heat as you desire.
Unfortunately, from what I gathered, you did most of the talking and qualifying, which is why the 70/30 rule is often suggested for first meet-ups. If a woman is truly attracted to you, she will do most of the talking, and this dynamic will naturally fall into place. If she had truly opened up to you, she wouldn’t have hesitated with the forearm touch, resisted sitting next to you during wine, or felt uncomfortable discussing going to your place. Even though your invitation may not have been malicious, she may have perceived you as untrustworthy or disingenuous.
2. You had a concrete location, time, and activity for the initial meet-up, but beyond that, you had no clear plan. You didn’t have a time limit, a plan for what to do next, or a way to smoothly isolate her. After the bar, you became indecisive, wanting sex, then not, then considering an LTR, then worrying about damaging her green flags today. This inconsistency likely made you come across as uncertain and lacking direction.
Your mistake here was improvising everything after the initial meeting, to the point where you had to buy spaghetti and sauce last minute because you hadn’t prepared in advance. This not only signaled laziness but also made it seem like you were only thinking about yourself. What usually makes people feel valued is seeing the effort someone has put in for them, and that effort is often rewarded with their willingness to invest in return.
3. Because of the lack of emotional buildup and proper logistics, she rejected your offer. When she expressed discomfort, you insisted again, which likely triggered her defenses. The repeated attempts to pull her in for a kiss with hugs, despite her turning her head, reinforced the idea that you were focused on your own desires rather than hers. This comes off not just as impatient but as a lack of self-control. The issue here isn’t necessarily the invitation itself but how it reflected your internal state, you essentially showed her that you were so interested in her that you had no reason to wait. This is not only egotistical but also suggests a potential inferiority complex.
