How DUMB can I be!!!

[Tantric]

Well...

An ex-lover came back into my life. We always had an amazing time together, sex was amazing and connection was HUGE, She would tell me how "she did not know what love was until he met me"...how she has feelings for me...tells me she loves me, I tell her I love her, etc....but...she never wanted to actually "committ" to anything. She would fall for mega a$$holes who treat her like shyt...

Hook-up, connection, awesome time, then she backs away...

It's been 5 years of this...and turns out she was an alcoholic...

She contacted me via facebook 8 weeks ago, and as I was single we started talking again.

She has been sober for a year, and something about her seemed really, really, different...

We were hung out 4 times in the past 3 weeks...

Amazing time, connection, attraction, hand-holding. The first time we hung out, she told me how much she wanted to kiss me. i didn't go for it, as she tends to say things wtihout meaning it...

Past 2 weeks have been excellent...

Called her a few days ago to hook up with her this weekend...


Then she emails me a few hours ago and tells me her ex-BF is coming into town (latest a$$hole she was madly in love with), and she is so excited...she hadn't seen him in 2 years and they are going to Knott's Berry Farm, etc.

Didn't realize I was that into her again, until my heart sank like the Titanic after I read the email.

She still wanted to hook up this weekend, but would have to play it by ear.

I told her I have a long week and would probably be too tired anyway. I wished her luck with her guy.

I then deleted her number and blocked her from my facebook account.

Now THAT is waht I call DUMB...

Christ...

Of course, I now have to deal with her calling me and emailing me...have to figure out what to say, or if i should just ignore...

MEGA Stupidity on my part...should have not even bothered...

AFC is ME!!

Fvck...

 

[jophil28]

At least you are not posting here saying .." I really think that I have deep feelings for her. She may be the woman of my dreams . How can I win her back ? ".

Dude you just lived through an experience which gave you some glaring insight into how readily a woman will "play" you for an ego boost and then discard you when a newer playmate comes along.

However if the situation were reversed and you did that to her, the Dating forum over at LS would be going into nuclear meltdown with feminine outrage.

I guess that your story is a great argument for NEVER recycling an ex g/f.

 

[jophil28]

Of course, I now have to deal with her calling me and emailing me...have to figure out what to say, or if i should just ignore...

MEGA Stupidity on my part...should have not even bothered...

AFC is ME!!

Fvck...

ASk STR8Up for some advice on this one. He seems to get into similar dilemmas frequently.

 

[jophil28]

I'm just starting to realise much of the time a woman's words can be pretty much worthless.
.

Warning ! There is a widely held belief on this forum which says that " A woman's words are worthless- believe her actions".
This belief is also flawed. Their actions are NOT reliable at all. Women are consummate actresses. Their "actions" can be as contrived and bogus as their words.

The Truth is in their behavior OVER TIME and in the way that their statements match their actions. Congruence is Key.

How much time ? There is no clear answer to that question, BUT three months is probably a reasonable probation.

A genuine (read "Quality" ) woman will act CONSISTENTLY on a daily basis with some minor variations allowable. MINOR !
Her actions over this period will match her words. She will keep her promises, arrive on time, act respectfully to reflect her morals and ethics, and listen to you when you have even a minor grievance..She will not want to date other "male friends" or visit her ex B/f who just arrived back in town.

The key here is that she will consistently make you the "main event" in her life and she will do so by saying and doing things which are absent of contradiction.

 

[Tantric]

Very true jophil28, very true...

Boy, I can't WAIT to get her email, "why did you block me from facebook/not call me/not email me/not return my call..."

(that was scarcasm, by the way)...

Back to aloof and ignore, no contact...

Always feel like crap doing that...by whatever

 

[NewMan]

Knee jerk reactions in these kinds of situations are normal - hell, I just pulled one off myself - and posted about it - and now wished I hadn't said what I said to my ex. But it's live and learn - and we are better for the experience.

I wouldn't worry about it - if she asks, just lay it on the line - just tell her your not inteterested in being firends....

 

[Tantric]

I did get to thinking how I am perceived by walking away...in some ways, I do not want to look like a pu$$y...like she "hurt me"...it sorta announces,
"hey, I am too hung up on you to be around you"...

Then the other part of me is "fvck it"...if she wants to hang out, maybe an occasional fvck...cool...

hmmmm...now blocking her from my facebook seems kinda pu$$y-like too...

 

[ferggy99]

Warning ! There is a widely held belief on this forum which says that " A woman's words are worthless- believe her actions".
This belief is also flawed. Their actions are NOT reliable at all. Women are consummate actresses. Their "actions" can be as contrived and bogus as their words.

The Truth is in their behavior OVER TIME and in the way that their statements match their actions. Congruence is Key.

How much time ? There is no clear answer to that question, BUT three months is probably a reasonable probation.

A genuine (read "Quality" ) woman will act CONSISTENTLY on a daily basis with some minor variations allowable. MINOR !
Her actions over this period will match her words. She will keep her promises, arrive on time, act respectfully to reflect her morals and ethics, and listen to you when you have even a minor grievance..She will not want to date other "male friends" or visit her ex B/f who just arrived back in town.

The key here is that she will consistently make you the "main event" in her life and she will do so by saying and doing things which are absent of contradiction.

There is truth in what you said...hell A LOT of truth in what you said! But I just had a girl do that to me (I posted about it) She was always consistant with me, alwys kept her word, everytime it had been a few days since we talked she e-mailed me. I wound up getting a "I will never see you as anything be a friend, that is just how it is". But I probably made major mistakes all along the way...but hey I am human, not perfect. I don't plan on trying to be!

 

[STR8UP]

Warning ! There is a widely held belief on this forum which says that " A woman's words are worthless- believe her actions".
This belief is also flawed. Their actions are NOT reliable at all. Women are consummate actresses. Their "actions" can be as contrived and bogus as their words.

The Truth is in their behavior OVER TIME and in the way that their statements match their actions. Congruence is Key.

Very true.

Also, I have chicks displaying all of the classic signs of high interest when I manage to get them face to face, just to have them flake out on me next time around. I KNOW there's chemistry and attraction, they aren't "acting" in the moment, but I can't simply rely on the feedback I get when they are around. It usually turns out there is another guy with a higher priority so it doesn't matter how much she likes me.

I have to go on patterns of behavior watching for inconsistencies. You gotta look at the big picture.....can't rely on a snapshot.

And as far as the subject the OP brought up, the trick to something like this is to maintain your composure. It's hard to do and I sometimes slip up when I want SOOO bad to tell a woman where to go, but it won't get you ANYWHERE.