How does one "fake" a social life when he doesn't have one?

[gonnamakeachange]

There are so many things a man can't do (or look weird for doing it), if he doesn't have any friends. An example would be going to a bar or club alone.

So, how do you fake a social life until you make real friends and start getting invites to go places?

What's the fastest way to make friends if you only work everyday (no school)?

I'm 24 (almost 25). Last time I had friends was high school, but we drifted apart.

I'm tired of doing nothing on the weekends, but if I don't have friends then where can I go that won't seem weird?

 

[K2000kidd]

I'm assuming you are not really an outgoing person
start inviting people out YOURSELF maybe have a BBq or watch the game at your house
go to a concert, Invite a few coworkers over on a saturday for poker, get a few guys
together and hit the strip club or or go to a sports bar during playoffs
find someone to do SOMETHING with
then build from there.

 

[Commandante]

Work: Check out the company courses! Your employer may support some (mainly sport-) activities. You can join even if you are not that good in it. They will see they can count on you because you are ready to play if they don´t have enough player for the team. Playing with bad players is still better than not to play at all.

Clubs: Find some clubs/bars where people with the same interest get together. It isn´t weird to talk to strangers when whatching a game on TV or to sit to a poker table without knowing the players. Bars outside of the downtown have more regular customers and they will remember your face after a while.

Internet: There are local internet-communities organising IRL meetings for leisure activities. Go and join them! There you can meet a lot of people who are new in the town and/or are single and/or want to leave their comfort zone.

 

[gonnamakeachange]

I'm assuming you are not really an outgoing person
start inviting people out YOURSELF maybe have a BBq or watch the game at your house
go to a concert, Invite a few coworkers over on a saturday for poker, get a few guys
together and hit the strip club or or go to a sports bar during playoffs
find someone to do SOMETHING with
then build from there.

No, I'm not very outgoing. I was ALWAYS an introvert.

But it is a very good idea to invite people to do something instead of waiting for someone to invite me!

How can this bring females into my life? I suck at getting girls because I don't be around girls that much. I'm never going to get practice if I don't start having females around me.

 

[gonnamakeachange]

Work: Check out the company courses! Your employer may support some (mainly sport-) activities. You can join even if you are not that good in it. They will see they can count on you because you are ready to play if they don´t have enough player for the team. Playing with bad players is still better than not to play at all.

Clubs: Find some clubs/bars where people with the same interest get together. It isn´t weird to talk to strangers when whatching a game on TV or to sit to a poker table without knowing the players. Bars outside of the downtown have more regular customers and they will remember your face after a while.

Internet: There are local internet-communities organising IRL meetings for leisure activities. Go and join them! There you can meet a lot of people who are new in the town and/or are single and/or want to leave their comfort zone.

I really appreciate this advice.

Anyone else have some ideas?

 

[GQ_Confidence_1]

There are so many things a man can't do (or look weird for doing it), if he doesn't have any friends. An example would be going to a bar or club alone.

So, how do you fake a social life until you make real friends and start getting invites to go places?

What's the fastest way to make friends if you only work everyday (no school)?

I'm 24 (almost 25). Last time I had friends was high school, but we drifted apart.

I'm tired of doing nothing on the weekends, but if I don't have friends then where can I go that won't seem weird?

I think its a limiting belief to think that you have to have friends in order for a girl to like you. Plenty of guys that move to a new area, etc that have girls over.

My neighbor is renting a house to 2 or 3 roommates. They moved here maybe 2 years ago. Have girls over, parties, had a 4th of july party.

Big difference between being a loner in his basement, playing dungeons and dragons all summer, who hasnt seen the light of day in 9 months, vs someone active, healthy, normal, that doesnt have any friends.

Getting out, people will remember your face afterwhile. Build up some familiarity.

 

[gonnamakeachange]

Getting out, people will remember your face afterwhile. Build up some familiarity.

Where do I go in a big city? I'm not familiar with any bars and clubs. My city has lots of museums, coffeshops, etc but I don't know the clientele. I want to be someplace where other 20-somethings hangout.

 

[Warrior74]

Don't be afraid to go out alone. And don't be afraid to talk to random people.

After college I found myself in a new city with no friends what so ever. I hit the clubs, met a few people. I would see the same faces and strike up conversations. I would tell people I wasn't from here or I didn't get out much, what's going on this weekend? What's plan B tonight? If they liked me they usually would invite me and we'd exchange numbers. This was with both guys and girls. I wasn't making a play for every girl I met I this point, just getting to know people.

I was also into djing and breakdancing and found out about the local rave scene. I started attending events and eventually started to produce and MC and throw shows. Eventually I had my own circle around my music.

I also hung out with my coworkers who were in a different social circle, went to company events and shows that they were into. This spun off into my freelance business and my clients who I go to certain events with and talk to on a regular basis.

Right now I have about 3 different circles I roll in. It's best to create a wide net of contacts and people, and remember..some circles you have to keep separate and can't blend...some groups of people don't mix well together.

 

[Hughman]

Don't fake it?

Go get a real social life.

Bars, sports societies, art classes, fashion shows, hobby groups, drinking with coworkers, enrollment to night-school. They all work.

 

[Commandante]

I really appreciate this advice.

I´m glad to help.

 

[DonGorgon]

tell lies like women do .. women love fantasy...

 

[JediMasterdebaiter]

There are so many things a man can't do (or look weird for doing it), if he doesn't have any friends. An example would be going to a bar or club alone.

So, how do you fake a social life until you make real friends and start getting invites to go places?

What's the fastest way to make friends if you only work everyday (no school)?

I'm 24 (almost 25). Last time I had friends was high school, but we drifted apart.

I'm tired of doing nothing on the weekends, but if I don't have friends then where can I go that won't seem weird?

You ARE faking a social life right now. Turn off your computer, go outside and enjoy real life social interaction. Sweet baby Jesus the answers aren't as complicated as some of you Donna Juanita's make them to be. Are you a so-called 'man' who can't make a decision? Sounds like a woman to me....

 

[snowdog]

The only way really is to make friends and get a social life!

 

[Poonani Maker]

Become a fisher of men. Also, take up fishing. It's relaxing. I caught 50 fish today. My left hand smells like pus5y.

 

[LinkinParkROX]

An alternate, easy way, if you've got the right skill set, is to meet a girl and date her.
After a while, she'll introduce you to her friends and *boom*, social life.

 

[Duffdog]

No, I'm not very outgoing. I was ALWAYS an introvert.

This is your main problem. You need to decide that you don't want to be an introvert anymore. Make the conscious effort to be an outgoing person and leave your days of shyness behind you.

 

[omkara]

How can this bring females into my life? I suck at getting girls because I don't be around girls that much. I'm never going to get practice if I don't start having females around me.

The reason it is important to socialize in general, and not just specifically try to get girls, is because it will help you with many of the skills that will help you get girls. Getting more used to talking to people--friends, strangers, coworkers, classmates, etc. will make you a smoother and more engaging conversationalist. It takes practice and willingness, and with that you can gradually expand your comfort zone. Don't wait until you meet a hot chick to start refining your social and presentation skills. It's better to do the ground work beforehand so that when you get the opportunity you are ready and confident in your ability to charm her. (I know this because I'm not just the president of the introverts club, I'm also a client.) I have even hung out with less attractive girls (who are cool) just to get practice.

In my experience being socially facile is not so much like riding a bike, as like learning a language. You can never forget riding a bike, but the memory of a foreign language fades after a while if you stop using it. Similarly I have had periods where I've been relatively good at being social, and had confidence, but then I lost it when I started living with a girl and stopped being social. Eventually she got bored with me for that reason. My knowledge never went away completely, but after some years of being isolated I was (and still am) way way out of practice.

I agree with GQ's point that it's not necessary to have friends in order to get girls. But it can certainly be one more thing in your favor, either to have friends, or to have the ability to talk to people in your environment. It makes you look good. It also makes you look powerful, because in modern society social skills are so important for the purpose of survival--more so than physical dominance.

 

[drak_ool]

Omkara, that s one of the best posts I've seen in a while, 2 thumbs up dude

 

[GQ_Confidence_1]

Where do I go in a big city? I'm not familiar with any bars and clubs. My city has lots of museums, coffeshops, etc but I don't know the clientele. I want to be someplace where other 20-somethings hangout.

Plenty of places.

I have a dog, I've been taking her to this park about a 10 minute walk from me, everday for the past few weeks. About the same time everyday, late afternoon. I've built up some familiarity with the people there.

-This laura spencer looking personal trainer (from the insider). She works out with these two older women.

-And some other women that are regularly there. The other day this woman on a bike with a dog came up and talked for 5-10 minutes.

She gave off a little bit of a kooky vibe. Like the kind of lady that has 6 cats at home, and who worries about saving the environment. She wasnt that bad, but she wouldnt be everyones cup of tea. But the point is just getting out.

Same if you went to the beach or other places. I think many guys on this site put way too much pressure on themselves socially, that they've got to be going out all the time, they've got to have friends all the time.

You have to be a lot more relaxed.

Honestly a lot of guys on this board, their paradigm is just whacked. They wouldnt make it if they were plopped down in another city and didnt know anyone.

Another thing, is finding things (places) that are really you. Then you have more authenticity, you're not as pressured, you're more in snych with where you are. Say you're interested in business or sales. And you go to an outdoor mall that has a lot of vendors, kiosk sellers, etc. Eventually, maybe you'd ask them about how sales are doing, or how things are going. That'd be a lot more authentic, then something that isnt you at all.

You get the best results when you're not trying so hard. I think all the guys here would agree on that.

 

[sheep-man]

maybe night activities, you could start going to stand up comedy clubs and things like that things where exciting interesting people go to,