How does one become emotionally strong?

[youngmack]

How? I find that im too weak emotionally, im too sensitive. Every little things gets to me wtf.... I blame it on the fact that i was raised by my mother and didnt have a father or male figure in my life. Also im a cancer ..and cancers are known to be very sensitive.. Just my luck right...

Help anyone oh and btw im 16 years old.

 

[SoSuave666]

First, I would suggest stop reading horoscopes. Second, I was mainly raised by my mother and sister. My father was a good man but extremely distant--something that I believe was damaging to my psyche. Anyway, it's all part of the unplugging process. I don't know if becoming unemotional is the goal. Perhaps controlling your emotions is more accurate. If you lose emotion, you become a robot. No one likes a robot. It is very important to know when to use emotion, and what type of emotion works best. I find that vulnerability game, used sparingly, is a HUGE turn on for women. They love a man who is totally in control but has an inner core that most people don't get to see (and when they do see it, it is only a glimpse). Teetering on the brink of stability and chaos is something that women love.

For your question, try going from one state of mind to another. I find that music helps. listen to sappy romance songs and you will inevitably think about a love for someone or something. Listen to bada$$ songs and you'll feel like a total king. Same thing goes for movie choices and friends you talk to. Choose wisely. Emotional stability also comes with confidence. If you are confident in yourself, you will be able to control your emotions better. Don't eat fatty foods and drink too much alcohol. Work out and release testosterone. The confidence will give you a euphoric, self-promoted high. If you aren't into working out, stimulate your mind by reading something that interests you. There are a plethora of ways to self-improve and build confidence, just find your niche. When you do all these things, women will come. They can't be your priority, especially at 16.

 

[GADavid]

I don't think it's something you can stop, nor do I think its always a bad thing. It depends on what way you are too sensitive. If you get offended easily, thicker skin will come with experience. If you get caught up on things that make you go wtf, you need to know that you cannot control what other people do and therefore it doesn't matter how you feel about it. Focus on yourself; it's what 99.999% of people do.

Also, realize that life is the most ridiculous experience we will ever have. Don't take it too seriously.

 

[BatJuan]

I agree with the others who posted. Just to add: There's a difference between being emotionally strong, and in control. I've found that while I've been emotionally strong (as you desire) for many years, my attempts to make myself even more "sound" and in control have led me further and further down the path of uncertainty. In other words, the things that bother you now may be hurting you in some ways, but once you correct those things, more, much less forgiving emotions will come to haunt you down the line.

My advice is to forget about controlling your emotions, but instead just face the things that get you emotional. Over time you will become immune to it, but you won't go so far as to really control them, because you honestly can't.

 

[bigneil]

Even if you are not over-the-top emotional, which is obviously not good, women can still read your emotions. So you can be stoic and serene on the outside but she knows if you're heartbroken or jealous anyway and will still refer to you as "getting emotional".

Love is an emotion. A real man pursues what he loves and doesn't feel a need to hide it.

 

[Damian]

Emotions are the inevitable truth. No matter how you try to lie to yourself, cover it up, or suppress it, an emotion will always exist.

You seem like a logical, intelligent person. You're trying to figure out how to deal with these emotions in a way that prevents them from shaking you to your core.

So you want to be more emotionally strong. Unfortunately, learning how to CONTROL them is damn near impossible. That and the fact that you are going through puberty means your body is flush with hormones that can exacerbate moodiness. The whole point of having emotions is that they well up from your heart and no matter how hard you try to suppress them, they will inevitably rise to the surface.

I encourage you to consider this alternative: Instead of trying to suppress or control your emotions, become adept at dealing with them in a way that can be controlled.

Consider this analogy:
You're learning how to cook a new recipe. You have gathered all the necessary materials: tools, ingredients, etc. Now, the thing is, you'll probably completely mess up making the dish a few times until you discover the nuances of whatever ingredients and tools you're working with. It will take some time for you to mess up and learn what the indicators are for when to flip a burger, or how long to wait before adding an ingredient. These things will take time and practice.

I have shown this method to many of my colleagues and it has not failed me once.

You want to be able to deal with emotions? It will take practice, just like everything else you are going to try to learn. Want to become a "mack daddy"? You're going to have to practice, mess up, and learn from your mistakes. Want to learn how to do calculus? You've got to practice the methods until you have it figured out. Why not apply the same approach to learning how to deal with emotions?

You're sad because somebody put you down? I guarantee it will happen again, but you can use the opportunity to learn how to deal with embarrassment and humiliation. Try not to show weakness in public, of course, but you have to take some time where it is safe to just let the emotions out. Tell a friend, cry about it, write it down in a little black book. There is absolutely no shame in taking five minutes to feel truly upset about something. At first it will take a lot of time, but as you keep practicing feeling through emotions, you will learn what it takes to get yourself out of a rut. The only word of warning that I will give is that you must be very careful not to indulge in destructive behavior during the process, especially when learning how to deal with intense anger. The whole point is to learn how to deal with emotions in a platonic, if not constructive, manner. That means no breaking things, hurting people, or lashing out at innocent bystanders.

Yes, it sucks. Nobody wants to be in pain, but it is an inevitable consequence of life. Many people put up emotional defenses and hide behind ****y/funny routines to keep themselves from being vulnerable, but this also means that they are unable to form trusting bonds with people because they are always so worried that they'll get hurt. If you want to be able to truly FEEL any emotion, you'll have to be able to deal with ALL of them.

Youngmack, your heart is a muscle. If you want it to be strong, you will have to use it and have it work constantly.

When you find somebody to care about, I hope that you will put your heart into it. At the same time, when you do encounter pain and anguish, I hope that you are brave enough to face it and follow it all the way through. You definitely do not want to be *that guy* who is always bitter because he carries around all of his emotional baggage. You have a lot of people here who would be more than happy to lend their time and advice. There is not enough time in the world for it to be wasted upset about a past you cannot change. All we can do to be emotionally strong is to learn how to confront our emotions and move on.

 

[Gro0ver]

I'm also an emotionally sensitive type (cancer as well). My mum had a much bigger part in my upbringing then my dad.

I would say i'm quite emotionally strong, but that's because I channel negative emotion into physical activity which makes me feel better. If i'm feeling down i'll do a circuit workout outside or some breakdancing and immediately after i feel better.

It's channeling the negative emotion into something positive. Also good self management like eating correctly, choosing friends/girlfriends wisely, etc.

I'm also older then you so i've learned this over time find an activity that works for you and keep a good balance in your life and you will be able to deal with almost anything.

edit: Oh yeah and music like someone mentioned....hiphop makes me feel like a boss.

 

[DJerk]

By not asking "How does one become emotionally strong?"

 

[Atom Smasher]

When you feel emotions that seem disproportionaltely strong, take a deep breath and as ask yourself, "What must I be thinking in order for me to feel this way? What am I telling myself in order to have this emotion?"

This way you reconnect with your rational thought process and you can start to identify how you can change the thoughts that trigger the emotions.

For example, a girl is rude to you in school and you feel alarmed by it. Take a deep breath, center yourself, and ask yourself what meaning you are assigning to her behavior. Then you will be able to re-frame the event in a more positive light.

In the example above, you will no doubt shift the meaning of her behavior from "There is something wrong with me" to "It's not about me. It's her issue. Perhaps she's having a bad day, is naturally rude, or any number of other reasons. I'm not going to let another person's mood or surface perception of me affect me in any way."

For me, it has been all about rationally challenging the thoughts that bring about the emotion.

 

[duke104]

The only way to get stronger emotionally is through experience. Going through rejection, experiencing setbacks, etc. is what gets you to grow thicker skin and become a stronger person. Eventually you come to realize that things you once freaked over is really pretty small when you look at the big picture. Hope this helps