how do you stop caring?

[taiwanesedude227]

A lot of the advice I read says to stop caring what others think of you and to not care if you fail with a girl, but how does one actually go about not caring? For example... if someone insults me I try not to care but deep down inside I am boiling... and whenever I mess up or say something stupid I try not to care but it always affects my self confidence. To me... it feels the same as if someone was telling me to stop liking basketball. I could tell myself all the reasons why basketball is stupid and boring but I'd still enjoy it. How did you change your outlook to simply not caring about what others think about you? Thanks.

 

[Badmannaz]

the only way to REALLY stop caring is to KNOW your hott or just happy with yourself. I know exactly what you mean and it always got to me...so i started to work out....the day i am extremely happy with my self (that's about 5 more months) is the day i know whatever anyone says about i don't give a sh!t.....

more self-confidents blocks out all negative things that are said to you...you have to mentally tell yourself that your worth something and keep saying it till you convince yourself of it...low self'confidence is vulnerable to insults..causes insecurities and self-doubt....

 

[EquityPrivate]

Crazy as it sounds, get rejected a lot.

Pretty soon it doesn't bother you. Really.

You'll care less about what a random girl thinks if you get a thick skin.

Start DJ Boot Camp.

 

[Badmannaz]

Originally posted by EquityPrivate
Crazy as it sounds, get rejected a lot.

 

[Brian20o2]

turning the other cheek is a bigger dis on her and it shows BIG confidence.

 

[Jukeboxhero]

Originally posted by Brian20o2
turning the other cheek is a bigger dis on her and it shows BIG confidence.

That's some solid sounding advice there Brian. How do you suggest doing that? Can you give a good example?

 

[Brian20o2]

Originally posted by Jukeboxhero
That's some solid sounding advice there Brian. How do you suggest doing that? Can you give a good example?

im not good at examples, im better with situationals.

ex. you: gimme your #
her: no sorry i dont do that
you: ok thanks *turn back walk away*

thats a bad one. but basicly turning the other cheek is a non verbal way of saying "is that all you got?"

EDIT: or you could just start laughing when she says no. its kind hard to explain

 

[johnmich]

Yes get rejected and let her knowyou dont care

 

[Gonzalo]

Go through the motions, ie Fake it till you make it.

We all care at first because we are used to care. After all, circa 18 years of social programming telling us that what others think of us is the most important thing definately takes a toll on the DJ padiwan.


But just go for it, if she doesn't want to hand the number say, "Ok, nice meeting you" and move along to other girl. THAT right there is not caring. I disagree with all the guys who say "Pursue her until she calls the cops". That's caring.

You will feel weird at first, but when it becomes second nature you'll realize you can actually move on without much thought. Of course, we always get a kind of emotional attachment (as little as it might be) to the opinion of others whenever we put our egos on the line. It will always be like that. Just learn not to make that the focus of the experience.

 

[So pimp its scary]

I'll use an example from the other day :

I was on the train to work, and it got delayed because some schlepp crossed when the lights were flashing red... so I started chatting with this girl, and the conversation was going good, so I asked her to join me for coffee after work.

She told me she had a bf that wouldn't appreciate... Now, did I freak? She was so sorry too, I was like don't worry about... sorry is more what you'd have to say to your bf if you said yes. Then I continued the conversation where it left off... untill my stop and we parted ways.

--------------------

To better answer the original question though, when you start thinking of it as developing a skill at meeting women rather than thinking how you can pickup this woman... it'll make things easier, AND you won't get so flustered by rejection because you learned a new thing that doesn't work... or just didn't work with that woman.

 

[tmpgstx]

Read this thread also to get a good start ...

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=87247

 

[Mr. Cardio]

do you still believe in santa claus?
No really, answer this question, do you still believe in santa claus?
You probably said no, why not?
Is it because other people said he wasnt real? hmmm, could be.
Is it because your buddies laughed at you? hmmm, could be.

Or, is it because you stayed up on christmas eve, only to not see a damn santa claus, now you know, he aint real.

Okay, what does this have to do with your question? When YOU know the truth of who you are, what other people tell you does not matter. Just like it wasnt until YOU seen that Santa wasnt real, until YOU discover the truth about YOU, you will always care what others think, because you are still searching.

 

[penkitten]

mr cardio , that santa bit was gold !

 

[booga]

+1 for what EquityPrivate said. Also, I'd like to add a few things:

(1) The girls who straight up tell you "no" are the good girls. They respect men & don't want to waste your time & money. The bad girls are the attention wh*res and professional daters. So reward the good girls for their good behavior; just smile & say "nice meeting you, bye."

(2) Rejection, whether in dating or in the job market, is usually much less personal than the rejectee imagines. She doesn't know you, it probably has nothing to do with you. (Bad mood, bad timing, she only dates left handed avocado farmers, whatever).

(3) Just pretend it doesn't bother you. After a while, it will stop bothering you.

 

[Aaron B]

For me, it was waking up to the fact that I am only going to live once and I'm only going to be young once.

I don't want to be an old man thinking back on my youth as one big wasted opportunity.

I also attacked my old beliefs. I used to believe the following:

1. That women don't want sex as much as men.

2. That women were more valuable than me, and she was doing me a favor by letting me sleep with her.

3. That women were to be cherished and respected simply because they are women, regardless of whether they are good people or not.

Now I believe:

1. That women want sex just as much as us.

2. I am every bit as valuable as a woman. (and honestly, more valuable because of my gender - they truly are the weaker sex).

3. Anyone, regardless of gender, has to earn my respect.

I found I had to overcome a lot of social conditioning. Once I became aware of my social conditioning I found it to be very easy to get rid of it.

Now my view is that my job in the mating game is to approach the woman and provide her with the opportunity. If she doesn't want to take advantage of that opportunity, its her problem not mine. Her loss. Next.

I've always been a big "face your fear" type of person. I like to force myself to do things I am uncomfortable with or fear.

 

[Mr. Cardio]

You guys are straight idiots if you think getting rejected makes you better, wisdom and knowledge make you better, they come from coaches and mentors. You can save yourself some time, money, and blood by listening to a person with wisdom in two hours, and getting it right the first time, then by going out and thinking that some dumb azz trial and error game will progress you, no it will hold you back, why? Because once you go out and see what you re doing isnt working, what are you going to do? Ask somebody for advice right? hahha, you could have done that on the first and saved yourself teh wasted time and energy......I mean, is what I am saying brain science? Can you guys not understand what I am saying? A lot of peopel are dreamers and ambitious, but that only counts for 10 percent of success, without knowing what the hell you are doing, you wont go no where, PERIOD.

 

[Mr. Cardio]

My 16 year old niece is very ready and full of energy to get into the car and drive, she is very ambitious and ready to do it!!! YEAHHHH!!! But the problem is, she knows jack shyt about driving, so according to you guys, just give her the keys and let her go out and crash and then she will learn how to drive......fact is, she would have to crash a lot of times to get all the information down right...Now, just as dumb as this example was, your trial and error game is even dumber. So you go out and approach 50 girls and they all reject you. What have you learned, matter of fact, when girls reject you, they dont give a report to you as WHY they rejected you, so you try and figure out some reasons in your head. You think, maybe I am too short, maybe I should be more rich, maybe I should join this, or should have said this, and you are wrong all the time. So in this essence, you will have to go out and bump your head a many of times before you even get half the information right, what fvcking sense does that make? Learn from a coach, you know in your fvcking heart if you can throw the damn football correctly, if you cant, go let somebody show you how, THEN, go out and practise the right way, and you will progress.....you guys trial and error game is is like practising the wrong way and thinking you will progress.

 

[Legend]

I think you have it the wrong way. They arent saying rejection makes you better. They are saying rejection is the path that will make you want to better your life.

Oh today i got rejected...im a better person for it....ummm wrong.

Oh today i got rejected.....i dont like being rejected, im doing something wrong and i need to make myself better. Correct.

 

[booga]

Mr. Cardio, most guys here don't suffer from a lack of coaching. They have the opposite problem: PLENTY of coaching, but they're afraid to get in the ring. Nobody is advocating ignorance. All I'm saying is, everyone who boxes will get hit. Everyone who sarges will get rejected. No exceptions. Just do it & you'll see that it's no big deal. They're not going to shoot you. (Well, in Philly they might, but in most places they won't). The OP's problem is that his self esteem is all wrapped up in it. He needs to get in the ring & get hit. What's idiotic about that?

 

[al77]

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