How do you pull yourself out of a slump?

[silverfox]

For most of 2005 I had pretty much given up on the thought of ever having another relationship. I'd been single for a long time and despite moving to a big city I wasn't part of a big social circle or anything and didn't have any outlets for meeting women.

Then I stumbled acrosss David D's dating tips, the Game and wound up here. I decided to try and use some of this stuff and started approaching more and just making conversation with women I met out and about.

It was nerve wracking at first but then I learnt that approaching and even rejection aren't so bad and can be fun.

I've never been a bar or club person so I just talked to girls in stores, waiting for the train etc. I had high hopes for bookstores but never really seemed to see any women I wanted to approach.

I wasn't really getting much in the way of numbers or dates but it felt good to be doing something.

Then the holiday season hit. All of a sudden it's couples everywhere, I go to two Christenings for my friends' kids where everyone is talking about babies. and marriage.

I would bet that most of the guys in these couples have never even heard of sosuave, DYD, the jealous girlfriend opener etc but they still seem to do OK.

One of my best friends even apologised to me if I felt out of place for being the only single person there. I had never thought of that before.

So then I start feeling like I really have missed the boat and I lose all incentive for approaching. Spending NYE on my own probably didn't help either.

The thing of it is that most people are surprised to learn I am single and have been for a while so I know that it is really the psychological stuff that holds me back and drags me down.

I need a shot in the arm to get out of this negative rut. Any suggestions?

 

[JH6]

just start opening every girl that you see, out at starbucks, in the supermarket, anywhere.

Also on the same run your internet game, myspace.com, its not taboo anymore.

if your really in a slump, then nail a fat/ugly chic, and get your game going again.

Good luck mate!

 

[Ricky]

I know the feeling. I think feeling in a slump is partly because you have this picture right now of a perfect relationship and everyone you know is in one. This of course may not be true.

Instead of focusing on getting a girlfriend, focus on a smaller part of the puzzle, that is all the interactions with alot of women.

I am single again too. It's amazing how falling back into the single department seems to put you in a tougher place. It always seems easier to meet girls when you already have one.

But you get that same momentum when you go out and sarge. After the first interaction or number close you keep improving and you get momentum.

 

[insidious]

Originally posted by JH6
just start opening every girl that you see, out at starbucks, in the supermarket, anywhere.

Also on the same run your internet game, myspace.com, its not taboo anymore.

if your really in a slump, then nail a fat/ugly chic, and get your game going again.

Good luck mate!

This is the key dude.

You gotta expose yourself to women, open up, and only through that can you begin to build inner strength.

Make an ass of yourself, that's fine, but do it on YOUR own terms. Only then will you have pride. When you are the laughing stock because you failed at something you were trying to be what you weren't will you face true embarassment.

A few weeks ago, at a popular chain store, I was standing there, paying, with BS Xmas music in the background, when I made the dumbest comment/question about the music, but it was intentional and done with self-assurance. The girls kinda giggled and glanced at each other, but it was not derisive nor snotty. Point is, my comment was not about to get any of them to jump my bones, but it did get me noticed, and not in a bad way. I went home feeling pretty good about myself.

You just gotta throw yourself out there and not apologize for yourself. That's the only way to ironize your backbone for the occassional failure which surely awaits in the future.

 

[Colossus]

Originally posted by Ricky
I am single again too. It's amazing how falling back into the single department seems to put you in a tougher place. It always seems easier to meet girls when you already have one.

So true. Your state of mind changes. I dont really feel like dissecting it, but I agree that the cure is action, which will genereate momentum. And once you get a few girls going, your confidence will be like 500% higher and your natural game will just flow easier.

 

[Maverick001]

Originally posted by silverfox
For most of 2005 I had pretty much given up on the thought of ever having another relationship. I'd been single for a long time and despite moving to a big city I wasn't part of a big social circle or anything and didn't have any outlets for meeting women.

Then I stumbled acrosss David D's dating tips, the Game and wound up here. I decided to try and use some of this stuff and started approaching more and just making conversation with women I met out and about.

It was nerve wracking at first but then I learnt that approaching and even rejection aren't so bad and can be fun.

I've never been a bar or club person so I just talked to girls in stores, waiting for the train etc. I had high hopes for bookstores but never really seemed to see any women I wanted to approach.

I wasn't really getting much in the way of numbers or dates but it felt good to be doing something.

Then the holiday season hit. All of a sudden it's couples everywhere, I go to two Christenings for my friends' kids where everyone is talking about babies. and marriage.

I would bet that most of the guys in these couples have never even heard of sosuave, DYD, the jealous girlfriend opener etc but they still seem to do OK.

One of my best friends even apologised to me if I felt out of place for being the only single person there. I had never thought of that before.

So then I start feeling like I really have missed the boat and I lose all incentive for approaching. Spending NYE on my own probably didn't help either.

The thing of it is that most people are surprised to learn I am single and have been for a while so I know that it is really the psychological stuff that holds me back and drags me down.

I need a shot in the arm to get out of this negative rut. Any suggestions?

silverfox,

Why is it a negative rut? You`re not meeting the kinds of women that you want? So what, you will.

Friends of yours are coupled up? So what, you will be too when you`re ready.

You see couples everywhere you go, especially during the holidays? So what, you`ll have the babe worthy of you when you`re ready.

So the question remains, are you ready? Is both your Inner and Outer Game finely tuned? Notice that I placed Inner Game before Outer and that is exactly the sequence to follow.

I totally disagree with the notion that Inner Game can be solidified by practicing the Outer Game exercises if you will. Only you know the state of your Inner Game. If it`s tight, but it doesn`t sound like that from your post, then by all means zero in on and approach every bird that you fancy.

Otherwise, take some time off and work on yourself. Exercise, eat right, get enough sleep, spend time with those friends and family that you have strong and supportive ties with, get/explore hobbies that are engaging and fun, bring some spirituality or religion into your life, kickstart your career or get that business you`ve always dreamed of started. Become the prize.

Arrive at that place where you`re the guy who has it together, who has good friends and solid relationships with his family, whose career/business is going places and is busy with myriad activities that only allow you the time to see really quality women.

Really, is the purpose of your life to hook up with chicks?! Of course it isn`t. Women are only to enhance the amazing life you have or will have made for yourself.

Having a quality woman in your life is great, don`t get me wrong.

Having a quality life yourself and then allowing a quality woman to share in it, is even better.

Just my 2 cents.

Cheers,
Mav

 

[DoubleA]

Slump??!

Oh yea how could I forget.

Four years ago, maybe longer, I went through I huge Slump. I mean it was soooo bad. I actually though it was a punishment from The Almighty.

The quickest way to end a slump is too get laid. Get laid.

Once you get the monkey off ya back, so too speak, you'll be able to start fresh with a new perspective.

Getting in shape, eating right, and becoming refined is only part of it. If you do that and not break the slump the effect could be detrimental to you mentally.

Get on a dating site if needed.

 

[silverfox]

Thanks Guys - I appreciate the words.

I have most of my outer stuff sorted out. I am in good shape, have a decent job and place to live etc. It has always been about inner game and I have only recently started to struggle with this after I read DYD (so even though Dave D has his detractors I owe him a lot for that) and the DJ boot camp guide.

Call it inner demons or whatever but I always seem to be battling against them and one slip and I am back on the downward spiral.

One thing is I seem to see tons of girls when I am commuting or walking to or from home (I live in an area where there seem to be lots of attractive women from 20-40) but I never meet any of them socially or see opportunities to meet them. I know some guys say, ah just say hi when you see a girl you like on the street. It might work some places but it doesn't work so well in London. I can get EC but smiles are hard. So right now I fee like the Ancient mariner (water water everywhere... )

As a small start, I held my head up and stood up straight as I walked home and even that helped a little.

A lot of times when I am walking I will see a girl and try and make EC and she just looks away and turns her nose up. This was getting me down but now I just laugh to myself and think, "you're cute but you're not all THAT."

I am thinking about trying an evening class. I train intensively in martial arts as it is but it's not the best thing for meeting women. Cookery, dancing of some kind...I lived in France for year so maybe I should go to a language class.

So anyway, I know what I have to do, now I just have to do it. Maybe I should start one of those - "I'll make 100 approaches if it kills me" threads and I would expect you guys to get on my case and make sure I do it.

BUt seriously, thanks again. I appreciate it.

 

[JackPrescott]

Originally posted by silverfox
Thanks Guys - I appreciate the words.

I have most of my outer stuff sorted out. I am in good shape, have a decent job and place to live etc. It has always been about inner game and I have only recently started to struggle with this after I read DYD (so even though Dave D has his detractors I owe him a lot for that) and the DJ boot camp guide.

Call it inner demons or whatever but I always seem to be battling against them and one slip and I am back on the downward spiral.

One thing is I seem to see tons of girls when I am commuting or walking to or from home (I live in an area where there seem to be lots of attractive women from 20-40) but I never meet any of them socially or see opportunities to meet them. I know some guys say, ah just say hi when you see a girl you like on the street. It might work some places but it doesn't work so well in London. I can get EC but smiles are hard. So right now I fee like the Ancient mariner (water water everywhere... )

As a small start, I held my head up and stood up straight as I walked home and even that helped a little.

A lot of times when I am walking I will see a girl and try and make EC and she just looks away and turns her nose up. This was getting me down but now I just laugh to myself and think, "you're cute but you're not all THAT."

I am thinking about trying an evening class. I train intensively in martial arts as it is but it's not the best thing for meeting women. Cookery, dancing of some kind...I lived in France for year so maybe I should go to a language class.

So anyway, I know what I have to do, now I just have to do it. Maybe I should start one of those - "I'll make 100 approaches if it kills me" threads and I would expect you guys to get on my case and make sure I do it.

BUt seriously, thanks again. I appreciate it.

Focus on yourself. Know what I'm doing tonite? Biceps, traps, and 3 miles on the treadmill. I'm not worried about ladies tonite. If there are some, wonderful. If not, too bad. I want, and need women, dont get me wrong, but career, and physique come first and foremost. There is a kareokee contest I want to enter (To win, not just to compete)....There is a career in Health Care I need to buckle down and study for, there is my job, there are my friends, there is a lot going on right now I need to concentrate on. And yes, on the backburner, there are a couple I am working on, but they arent a real high priority, they are INTERESTED however, I did something right for both of them, and there is a time and place for both of them, meanwhile I am still on the prowl, there are others to meet, and the year is still young. If either of them wants a piece of the rock, they know where to find me. But I have many, many other priorities this year, if a relationship materializes, great, if not, I have so much going on, that there really isnt time for one now.

 

[doctor]

Remember that Eye Contact is something you have to think about carefully.

I can look anyone in the eyes until they look away. I'm so comfortable doing it now that I don't even think about it. I've got it programmed in.

I noticed something after learning this skill though. At first I made eye contact only with those who were making eye contact with those who were making it with me first. Then I started initiating a little. Then there was a tendancy to look for it all the time.

Nip that one in the bud. It's just another form of neediness.

Then you get the balance equilibrium state. You may also notice women AVOIDING it never making eye contact with you (especially if you've fixed all your bodylanguage and are walking confidently with slow controlled movement). However, LOOK at where she's looking:

Away - she's avoiding you cause she thinks your a creep.
Down - COMMUNICATES LOWER STATUS. She doesn't feel she's worthy of you. She can detect something coming from you.


That said you still want to get things a little in check and you are probibly LOOKING for eyecontact way too much, or worse have the serial killer look on your face. But still take the feedback from it. You may be a victim of your own success. Like I was at one time.

 

[silverfox]

Golden advice Doctor. Thanks!

I definitely have my "dojo" face on sometimes so I probably look a little aggressive. That's something I've worked on. One time I was walking along and thinking about something that amused me so I was grinning to myself and the next thing I know I got a beautiful smile from a girl walking towards me.

Now that you have explained the looking away and looking down like that I can think of when it has happened both ways. Very interesting.

Was chatting with one of my friends tonight and he is going to wing me so things could be on the turn. We were talking about doing a crash n burn mission or something. Could be a lot of fun with two of us.

 

[Ricky]

The other thing you have to be careful of in a slump is not placing too much value on any one interaction. But this is tough if you aren't creating alot of interactions, or if the girl is particularly beautiful or your type.

This might be my biggest sticking point, because I always look for signs of interest when I'm having a convo and I hate it when I don't think it's there. This can make my nights momentum based, if I get off to a good start with the first couple women I meet then everything else seems to fall into place. But if I get off to a bad start, I start to overanalyze, and act needy. Not a good thing.

 

[Sabian]

Hi.
I cant reiterate too strongly that this is a contact sport. The more women you talk to...the more success.
Develop an air of 'uninsultability' and belief that you approaching a girl is the best thing that can happen to her.
If you keep doing the same thing..your results will never improve so if you are in a rut and you stay there...???
Try some really wild and wacky stuff as openers and have fun.
Bottom line...go and do it.

Make it so!
Sabian

 

[Heathscythe]

Knock out the weeds...

How do you define ugly? And is nailing it what you want to do? Not me. This isn't about me. But how about the overuse of cliches. Ya know that song "Never Make a Pretty Woman Your Wife"? Good beat, even better lyrics, if you understand them.
Children can stay children all their lives, quoting, misusing, and storing up useless knowledge. It shows their intelligence or lack thereof when they begin paraphrasing. Ignorance is frusturating indeed. The song is not referring to an outer shell. If I asked for a raise of hands how many in the audience thought it was so, a sea of hands would wave before me, however.
Here's another cliche. Alcohol = Truth Serum.
No, it does not make humans speak the truth, that is about as naive as the belief that hypnotism can cause a human to act as a chicken or a rabid dog against their own free will. What is true however, is that many children, trapped in middle age bodies are hungry for attention and will stop at nothing to get it. What you can take from alcohol is this. If you are perceptive enough to read body language, facial expressions, paraverbals, etcetra, then and only then can you extract truth from a drunk. How many times has a drunk tried to look you in the eyes and claim that she or he is not? or how many times have you lied drunk?
A wise man is not going to hit the clubs looking to sarge and go to bed with garden varity chicks for confidence, even if it means eventually being able to bed a ten. A wise man doesn't need to sauce a girl up to read who she is. Because with wisdom comes courage and without courage wisdom is waste. Grow up. Another problem with cliches comes from the game of telephone in this community. If you haven't thought about what you're saying and don't have a shred of experience to back yourself up, hang up, before your bad connection gets someone messed up.
If you're bored, man, and thinking you can't relate to folks around you knock out the weeds. Be honest. You don't need openers. When a female that is actually worth your while comes around openers and cliches aren't going to cut it. There is more depth to chemistry than some dorks think. While those tired fishing hooks baited for compliments search the slimy black holes in the hearts of humanity's dregs, there is someone out there worth talking to and she may or may not be pretty, definately not by club standards where the marketable truth serum has inevitably slurred the mouths, minds, and eyes of every Joe Blow in the room, but that is up to you to decide.
Back to the song, my favorite cliche, a woman who thinks she's hot is missing the big picture, and in other words sucks to deal with as a partner, and more often than not, in bed.

 

[Kid Quick]

...from my personal point of view
find an ugly girl to marry you

I wouldn't go so far as to marry an ugly girl, but I love the song. If I ever wanted to get married I'd rather have a 6-7 who's faithful, cool, and keeps herself up than an 8-9 who nags me non-stop and does things to make me question her fidelity.

 

[Bonhomme]

For me, it's never been to indiscriminately hit on every woman in sight, but to keep myself psyched up by thinking of successes and just getting out a lot, and look super-sharp and have a good time when I do.

Then things fix themselves...

 

[Vulpine]

This mirrors my slump.

I've been in a couple LTR's that ended up miserably. Unfortunately, in my misery, all my reflections on myself became negative. Depressed and alone, I fell into a slump. Then, in my reflecting, I remembered that a woman accused me of being "diabolically smooth" and yet another told me I "had manhood oozing from my pores". Where had this manhood gone? I used to have all sorts of game, but I bottled it up and put it on a shelf during the LTR's. What was in that bottle? Where DID I put that? I actually began rummaging around in my things. I was looking for something from my macking days that could help jog my memory. I found them. My "f... me" shoes. A pair of square toe'd Doc Martens that I polished to a patton leather shine - if they were on, it was on. A flood of memories came back to me. Memories of failures, memories of successes, and memories of wingman/pointman triumphs and defeats. I remembered.

Now what? I'm still in a slump. I need to re-create some of those scenes. Whatever happened to my wingman? My wingman has always been a testosterone jacked alpha who doesn't have much control. He always assumed he was on point - I never felt a need to bruise his ego. I gave him a call. I turned out he just terminated the LTR he was in and was in a rut himself. *the angels sing, the clouds part*

Him: Wattup dood?
Me: Let's go out... NOW.
Him: (lots of wuss excuses)
Me: No, No, No! Let's go. Now.
*click*

We exchanged situations and I blew some sunshine up his yoohoo. We needed to be back out there. And I convinced him of it.

My official rut-breaker:

I'm 30. I met and tagged a 20 year old 9 (I do mean 9-this chick is all-around awesome). My buddy gave me some static about robbin' the cradle. I told him how great the pu55y was and about her piercings - then urged him to find one to break his rut.

Some people go out "hoggin'" to find a fatty or a fugly chick to break the rut. Don't settle - go for the ultra-young hotties. They don't know the game, so their defense isn't as strong. And, they want an older guy to do them like they've never been done. It's easy prey, and in this day and age, the young chix are much more into no-strings-attached f-buddy relationships. That being said, I'm tagging the 20yo9 again this weekend.

 

[silverfox]

Nice work, man!

That's a real rut-breaker if ever there was one. Twenty is definitely legal and if you can go there then more power to you. Probably a little young for me but I'm a couple of years older than you.

Funny you should mention it. One of my friends suggested the hogging thing to me earlier today. That's not my scene.

 

[englishman]

Originally posted by doctor
Remember that Eye Contact is something you have to think about carefully.

I can look anyone in the eyes until they look away. I'm so comfortable doing it now that I don't even think about it. I've got it programmed in.

I dont think ill ever get whats so important about eye contact in north america, why do you want to stare everybody out? looking to fight em or sleep with em?

 

[Heretolearn]

just meet more people in general - it will work itself ou!