How do you over come your greatest insecurity?

sociallyanxious

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My greatest insecurity is that I sill live at home with my parents, even though I am in college and pay out of pocket I feel like at my age I should be farther in life that I am. My room isn't nice in any way, I live in the basment, which is unfinished and not nice in any. This is the one thing that stops me from approaching women since I feel like women would not be attracted to me because of my living situation. Im going to be here for atleast another 4 years.

How do you overcome your greatest insecurity? Have you even been in a situation like me? On top of all my other problems this takes the cake.
 

mangotot

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Why don't you move out? That will solve the great insecurity.
 

zekko

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mangotot said:
Why don't you move out? That will solve the great insecurity.
This. I understand the economic benefits of living with your parents, but there comes a time when you have to leave the nest. There's nothing better for your confidence than being able to stand on your own two feet.
 

sociallyanxious

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I don't consider that an option at this point. I only make $25k a year so its either get my own place or pay for school. I consider school a better option since it will lead me to a career.
 

Atom Smasher

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Either move out now (even into a single room), or do the following:

1) Make your present living space a pleasant place to spend time.
2) Start saving, even the tiniest amount to start, toward moving out.
 

Poon King

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sociallyanxious said:
My greatest insecurity is that I sill live at home with my parents, even though I am in college and pay out of pocket I feel like at my age I should be farther in life that I am. My room isn't nice in any way, I live in the basment, which is unfinished and not nice in any. This is the one thing that stops me from approaching women since I feel like women would not be attracted to me because of my living situation. Im going to be here for atleast another 4 years.

How do you overcome your greatest insecurity? Have you even been in a situation like me? On top of all my other problems this takes the cake.
You have a good reason to live with your parents.. so there is nothing to be insecure about. I could see if you were just a loser. But that's not the case.

Are you insecure about this in general or just in the context of attracting women? If its about women.. f*ck that. You can smash college girls until you're 30 easily.

I have one buddy who lived at home with his parents until his late 20's and saved loads of many. When he finally moved out he was able to buy a nice condo in the city and now he has more women chasing him than he has time for.

You're thinking short when you should be thinking long.
 

sociallyanxious

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Poon King said:
You have a good reason to live with your parents.. so there is nothing to be insecure about. I could see if you were just a loser. But that's not the case.

Are you insecure about this in general or just in the context of attracting women? If its about women.. f*ck that. You can smash college girls until you're 30 easily.

I have one buddy who lived at home with his parents until his late 20's and saved loads of many. When he finally moved out he was able to buy a nice condo in the city and now he has more women chasing him than he has time for.

You're thinking short when you should be thinking long.
I am just insecure about it in the context of women. I am saving at the moment and have been doing so for a while now and my plan all along has been to make sure that when I move out I will not be coming back.
 

ZTIME

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sociallyanxious said:
My greatest insecurity is that I sill live at home with my parents, even though I am in college and pay out of pocket I feel like at my age I should be farther in life that I am. My room isn't nice in any way, I live in the basment, which is unfinished and not nice in any. This is the one thing that stops me from approaching women since I feel like women would not be attracted to me because of my living situation. Im going to be here for atleast another 4 years. When you approach these women, it's not like you need to carry a brochure with pictures of what you drive and where you live. So as long as you feel good about the person you are and have a solid reason for your current living situation (which you do), then all you need is a little confidence and some good game. Heck if you land one that allows you to crash at her place a couple nights a week, you'll then have the bonus of getting out of the cellar twice a week! (literally)

How do you overcome your greatest insecurity? Have you even been in a situation like me? On top of all my other problems this takes the cake. If this is the worst thing you have to be insecure about, I'd say you're doing just fine!
“The only real failure in life is not to be true to the best one knows.”- Buddha
 

zekko

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sociallyanxious said:
I am just insecure about it in the context of women. I am saving at the moment and have been doing so for a while now and my plan all along has been to make sure that when I move out I will not be coming back.
Okay, I missed the part where you were in college. Like Poon King says, you have a good reason for living at home. If you're going to college AND saving money I'd say you're doing pretty good. Again, like Poon King says, you should be thinking long term, don't worry about this for now. Sometimes you have to make social sacrifices in order to advance your career, which is more important than women. That's your main mission right now.
 

Papa_smu

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Poon King said:
You have a good reason to live with your parents.. so there is nothing to be insecure about. I could see if you were just a loser. But that's not the case.

Are you insecure about this in general or just in the context of attracting women? If its about women.. f*ck that. You can smash college girls until you're 30 easily.

I have one buddy who lived at home with his parents until his late 20's and saved loads of many. When he finally moved out he was able to buy a nice condo in the city and now he has more women chasing him than he has time for.

You're thinking short when you should be thinking long.
I may be hijacking the post, but I really needed that. I'm in the same situation as the OP, sans college since I have graduated.
 

Do not be too easy. If you are too easy to get, she will not want you. If you are too easy to keep, she will lose interest in you. If you are too easy to control, she will not respect you.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

Tenacity

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So you make $25,000 a year and are staying with your parents to save money so you can pay for college?

- How much is your annual tuition? Do you have any scholarships or grants? Did you try Community College first and then transfer into an affordable State School (note I said affordable)?

- What city are you in? Is the cost of living high?

- Do you have any kids?

Assuming you have no kids and you are living in a decent cost of living area, I don't see why you can't move into a Studio Apartment. I was homeless at one point when I was starting out and my first place of my own was a Hotel Room. I opted to stay in the Hotel over a Studio Apartment because it was one of the nicer Hotels (Days Inn), I was on a monthly pay for $600 - $650 a month, with everything included with the hotel like cable, utilities, my room had a stove in it, I got my morning room service where they would clean the room/change the sheets, as well as the free breakfast. I was also on food stamps during this time.

Here's the thing, I'm not going to give you a motivational "spew" about how you should never fear this, or you should "overcome" your insecurities. I believe that you need both FAITH and FEAR, because both tell you two different REALITIES.

Faith - Tells you what you could become, shows you your opportunities, tells you what you should be striving for, reaching for, etc.

Fear - Tells you what you have done wrong, where you have fvcked up, WHO could fvck you up, potential danger near, what might go wrong, etc.

Ignoring your Fear and Insecurities is just as bad as ignoring your Faith and Passions. With that being said, the reason you are insecure is because the women that you would prefer to go after, most likely prefer a man who is established. As a result, you telling them that you don't have your own place (even a Studio Apartment) makes you believe that it will be harder to get them to date you...and you probably ARE CORRECT.

So you have one of two options, either you avoid dating right now until you get your own place, or you go after women anyway and try to find women that understand your situation. I don't know what kind of women you are going after, but I'm black and can tell you...BLACK WOMEN sleep with grown a.ss men who aren't established all the time! They have some thug, deadbeat, piece of shyt sleeping on their couch. At least you are going to school and working on getting established, so hey, approach some black women dude, they don't give a damn about a guy having his shyt together.
 

sociallyanxious

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Annual tuition is about 7k, I don't have any kids, and in my area studio apartments are about 550 in an ok area and like 800 in a great area.

That's a good way of putting it. That is exactly why I'm insecure about it. I don't find very many black women attractive.

I think that I might be able to make it on my own at the moment but I don't want to have to struggle with money. Financial problems are very stressful. Not only that but my vehicle is not the best and I am going to need a replacement within a year or so.

Its hard for me to get out of my comfort zone.
 

sharkbeat

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sociallyanxious said:
I think that I might be able to make it on my own at the moment but I don't want to have to struggle with money. Financial problems are very stressful.
If you get out of your parents house, you will certainly get hit by financial problems.

Not only that but my vehicle is not the best and I am going to need a replacement within a year or so.
Vehicles don't matter. Really. This attitude is the by-product of capitalism marketing. The message is always buy buy buy. You will never have enough.

Yes, there are women who judge you by your car.
Yes, there are women who despise men living with their parents.
But these women should not be part of your life anyway. If they become part of your life, they will make your life even more miserable. You don't want someone, or some people, especially women, that can make you more insecure than you already are. If you get a woman who likes dudes with fast cars, your life with her will be full of hell, as she will nag, nag, and nag for you to get a faster car.

Learn to enjoy what you have. Don't be dictated by someone else's lifestyle or marketing campaigns. Life can be enjoyed without owning things. It's not about how much money you have, how big your house is, or your car. It's the simple pleasures of life, like a walk outside on a good day, a company to chat with, a pet to make you smile, a meal, a hot coffee/tea.

That makes life a happy life.
 

LiveFreeX

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How do you overcome your greatest insecurity?
Cold Steel sword fighting. I don't like blades so I practice sword fighting. I consider it my greatest insecurity. That and Sharks, the latter.. well, I just don't go in the water at the beach.

How do you get over yours? Move out or instead of going to college, go to community college, learn to be a carpenter and build yourself a nice apartment in the basement or buy a ****ty 25k house and fix it up so its live-able/rent-able and beautiful. Women LOVE a 'handy-man' type of guy... besides carpenters tend to clean up pretty well. Also New Zealand is hiring carpenters or you can work a couple months contract on a cruise-ship. College is usually a huge waste of money anyway.

In my house I will hang a sword on the wall beside a picture of a shark. Why don't you hang a picture of the way you want your basement to look and go about changing it.
 

Tenacity

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sociallyanxious said:
Annual tuition is about 7k, I don't have any kids, and in my area studio apartments are about 550 in an ok area and like 800 in a great area.

Well, if you HAVE to move out....you can. If you buy some used furniture and find some apartment units that pay a good chunk of your utilities, then I think you would be good to go with a studio apartment at $550 - $625 a month. You are making $2k a month before taxes. Your tuition gets you the annual tax credit, and you could honestly put that low amount of tuition on a Stafford Loan which is going for a very low rate right now at 4.66% which isn't bad. You could easily pay that loan off over a 5-10 year period instead of using up all of your cashflow to pay for it right now. Focus on getting out of college within 2.5 years, network, and have a job lined up paying you about $35k - $40k at least.

That's a good way of putting it. That is exactly why I'm insecure about it. I don't find very many black women attractive.

A lot of guys don't find black women attractive other than black men, but you could always use them to get cheaper, quicker, faster pvssy in the meantime. It's not a life long thing, just something to keep you occupied during this time and once you get "on" you can go after better pvssy.

I think that I might be able to make it on my own at the moment but I don't want to have to struggle with money. Financial problems are very stressful. Not only that but my vehicle is not the best and I am going to need a replacement within a year or so.

Its hard for me to get out of my comfort zone.

Well, hey, I'm sure everybody on this forum would be in a "better financial situation" if they lived without having to pay rent, mortgage, utilities, furniture, and vehicle costs (purchase, repairs and maintenance). But these are costs of being an Adult my friend, you make $25,000 a year and have access to 4.66% a year Stafford Loans up to $10,000 - $12,500 a year. You also have access to discounts, loyalty clubs, budget calculators, and a number of other things that can assist. Plus you live in a low cost of living area with no kids, you have more than enough to move out right now.

You might say to yourself, "I don't want to take out any debt," but once again, that's what a lot of us had to do and are doing to maintain our adulthood. Don't feel so bad about having debt, if you have the right type of debt, at low rates, and are using it properly.....debt is just a TOOL.

But if you want to continue staying with your parents, it's up to YOU, but at your age yes you are too old to be there. This is an excellent strategy for a person 17 - 21 years old, which is someone fresh out of HS and finishing Community College/Undergrad. While you are finishing Undergrad, you are just at the older side of the scale.

Like I said, Insecurities are just as important as Faith/Passions.
 

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sociallyanxious said:
My greatest insecurity is that I sill live at home with my parents, even though I am in college and pay out of pocket I feel like at my age I should be farther in life that I am. My room isn't nice in any way, I live in the basment, which is unfinished and not nice in any. This is the one thing that stops me from approaching women since I feel like women would not be attracted to me because of my living situation. Im going to be here for atleast another 4 years.

How do you overcome your greatest insecurity? Have you even been in a situation like me? On top of all my other problems this takes the cake.
If a girl cares so much where you live at the moment she is not the right one:)
 

KingBeef

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Well said Tenacity... I'll just add a few things that you strongly consider while your still learning about finances and sustainability...

1. If you say your making 25,000 a year (considering that your working) and your good at what you do....why not look around for a better paying job? ALWAYS EXPLORE YOUR OPTIONS, YOUR MINDSET ON YOUR PERSONAL VALUE AND WORTH SHOULD HAVE NO CAP...

2. To repeat what Tenacity said earlier, study all those financial tools online and try to have a decent understanding on how to balance your budget/cash flow.

3. Before anything, I would save $5000 (minimum, depending on your towns cost of living) before embarking on anything...

4. If you have any friends that go to the same school that you do that live on/off campus ask them if they know anyone in that circle that has something available, maybe even relatives and their friends...you'd be very surprised what you can find for a cheaper price. Also look THOROUGHLY thru online ads and papers, gems exist if you can catch them in time....

5. Understanding how to live "within your means". Just an example, while at school m-f I would always eat breakfast and lunch out, that was about 12 bucks a day, 5 times a week, thats 60 a week x 4 weeks in a month, Thats 240 a month. 3/4 of that I couldve saved if I did grocery shopping and just eat at home/prepare lunches. A little goes a long way. In general, LEARN HOW TO BE VERY PARTICULAR ON HOW YOU SPEND YOUR MONEY...
I think you know where I'm coming from..

6. FREELANCING.... Could be a powerful option for you. Computer/tech support, fitness, tutoring, services, you name it....if you are very good at your trade and can learn how to juggle everything with your busy schedule...it could potentially pay for at least half of your bills, maybe even more....WE'VE ALL HEARD STORIES OF SOME CHICK PAID HER WAY THRU SCHOOL STRIPPING. KNOW YOUR OPTIONS...

7. Perhaps should've been first but it's very important (these are not in any particular order)
TALK TO YOUR PARENTS/FAMILY AND GET THERE COMPLETE SUPPORT. Your family should be elated that you want to be your own man and make your mark on the world. Not only for confidence but also for "peace of mind" that you could always comeback with no issues if it didn't workout.

8. If you can accomplish "all of the above" you can do this, in my opinion. I can also respect if you wanted to stay home and save....but know, DON'T EVER LIMIT YOURSELF TO ANYTHING, A MAN OF VALUE ALWAYS HAS OPTIONS. YOU JUST HAVE TO DISCOVER THEM FOR YOURSELF AND UTILIZE TO THEIR POTENTIAL. NOTHING SHOULD GET IN YOUR WAY. And finally, even after 3 months of being on your own and it doesn't work out and you go back to stay with your parents...Ego wise, is it a failure if it doesnt turn out? NO, BECAUSE IT WAS JUST AN EXPERIMENT. JUST AN EARLY CHALLENGE IN YOUR LIFE WITH VERY LITTLE DRAWBACKS...JUST A TEST.

YOUR PRIMARY CONCERN IS YOUR EDUCATION AND YOUR EVOLUTION AS A MAN.
 

Scaramouche

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Dear Socially Anxious,
Yeah...move out good idea....Oh,and ask your Mum if I can have your Room,I am not noisy and can carry heavy things LOL...On a serious note,save till you have a deposit on a home close to your University,a big,run down place,the roughest place on a good Street,then move in and rent rooms to Students and whoever...when your savings are a good Deposit,and the Money you put away each Week plus the Rent,equals your repayments you are off...gradually as you do up a Room at a time,work on the Garden your Equity will improve,then sell and move on...that's how I made myself a Millionaire at 34!
 

Scaramouche

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Dear King Beef,
Socially Anxious earn money stripping?...You are crazy,I have seen him,he has cross eyes,a sunken chest,a pot belly and Pigeon toes LOL.
 

sociallyanxious

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Thanks for the advice guys I appreciate it.

However, I don't qualify for any student loans at all. I have considered finding a better paying job but the only better paying jobs in my area That I know of are not very stable, I hear about people getting laid off, and also my current job works around my school schedule pretty well. I must finish school. It scares me not to finish. I feel like I Will end up a loser working for a low wage for ever.
 

What happens, IN HER MIND, is that she comes to see you as WORTHLESS simply because she hasn't had to INVEST anything in you in order to get you or to keep you.

You were an interesting diversion while she had nothing else to do. But now that someone a little more valuable has come along, someone who expects her to treat him very well, she'll have no problem at all dropping you or demoting you to lowly "friendship" status.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

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