How do you not give a f*ck what others think

[SeeThruIt]

Ok guys, I'm greatful for the help in my other thread I figured I'd ask about another weakness of mine.

I seem to care too much what other people think of me or how I'm coming across even if I'm not particularly addressing them.

For example I find myself stifled when tryin to talk to anyone not just girls if there are other people in the background. My instinct that they're eavesdropping and passing judgement kicks in.

I can't remember how or why I got like this.

 

[HoneyHitter]

Handling criticism:
1) Does it matter what this person thinks? If not, disregard. If it doesn't matter, but will appear in the media: consider it a compliment.

2) If it matters, what is the useful information the judgement carries.

3) What's the purpose of this criticism?

 

[empath88]

Sounds like anxiety.

Best cure is weigh lifting. Boosts levels of testosterone which gives confidence and reduces anxiety. Or get steroids or clomid to do it directly with a pill. I would add cardio but you SHOULD be doing that already.

To medicate the anxiety, try booze, adderall, or benzos. Stay the Fk away from antidepressants. You can also try supplements like tyrosine but that can backfire and make you even MORE anxious.

There are also effective breathing techniques... maybe use something like post #2 as a mantra with it.

 

[Warrior74]

empath88 might be right. Anxiety. Honestly unless you are important, they really don't care what you have to say. Just like you don't care what the people at the next table over have to say, they aren't important. It's in your head and that's key to recognize. You are defining a problem that doesn't even exist, a fear. Anxiety is just the name for low level fear. How do you beat fears?

 

[SeeThruIt]

I think it's rooted into my personality from being brought up around judgemental friends and family who loved to gossip.

 

[TheCWord]

In any case, try to imagine what a puny place planet Earth is, just a grain of sand in a vast universe. Now does it matter what people think?

Always struggled with this logic. While it sounds all kinds of romantic, everything is relative - and all the people, places and things contained in this grain of sand is all we've got. We don't interact with the rest of the universe, so naturally the things that are sharing the grain of sand with us are going to seem important.

 

[Tictac]

Who knows where self-counciousness comes from or why.

Until you realize that what other people think of you is none of your business, this will keep bothering you.

The good thing that you are aware. So you're on it.

 

[PlayHer Man]

The best way to not give a sh!t what other people think is to not need other people for much of anything. Money, validation, love, etc.

If you get yourself to a place where you are more valuable to others than they are to you.. their opinions won't matter much. In fact.. they will be more worried what you think. Then you will realize most people are insecure anyway and not that focused on you in the first place.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear See Thruit,
Oh like all things,the more you are exposed the faster you develop social callouses...think of the Miller of Dee.

The bread I eat my hands have earn'd;
I covet no man's gold ;
I do not fear next quarter-day;
In debt to none I be.
I care for nobody, no, not I
where nobody cares for me.

Hold your head up high and think how would Clint Eastwood react?

 

[carrot]

this is your monkey mind at work
observe your mind ,
if you catch doing it , BREATH IN ,hold,BREATH OUT ,few times
works for me

 

[SeeThruIt]

The best way to not give a sh!t what other people think is to not need other people for much of anything. Money, validation, love, etc.

If you get yourself to a place where you are more valuable to others than they are to you.. their opinions won't matter much. In fact.. they will be more worried what you think. Then you will realize most people are insecure anyway and not that focused on you in the first place.

This is interesting. Maybe I am unconsciously seeking validation. How do you recommend I get past this?

 

[adam225]

This is interesting. Maybe I am unconsciously seeking validation. How do you recommend I get past this?

Recognise it for what it is and question it. I use to be like you as well (I'd imagine most of us did). You need to remember that people will only try to talk you down because they need to make themselves feel better about who they are - they are like PHM said - INSECURE. Every you talk someone down you are making a comparison - YOU vs THEM. You are essentially saying "I am better than you because of.... " It really is pathetic. You need to remember that we all perceive the world differently as well. What I see as my reality, is different to what you see as your reality. When relating to people, you're either a good person or you're not. It's that simple. You're hair colour, the fact you're overweight, wear glasses, ect.... Are ALL irrelevant....

 

[glass half full]

Quote:


Originally Posted by SeeThruIt

This is interesting. Maybe I am unconsciously seeking validation. How do you recommend I get past this?

Recognise it for what it is and question it. I use to be like you as well (I'd imagine most of us did). You need to remember that people will only try to talk you down because they need to make themselves feel better about who they are - they are like PHM said - INSECURE. Every you talk someone down you are making a comparison - YOU vs THEM. You are essentially saying "I am better than you because of.... " It really is pathetic. You need to remember that we all perceive the world differently as well. What I see as my reality, is different to what you see as your reality. When relating to people, you're either a good person or you're not. It's that simple. You're hair colour, the fact you're overweight, wear glasses, ect.... Are ALL irrelevant....

Quote:


Originally Posted by SeeThruIt

This is interesting. Maybe I am unconsciously seeking validation. How do you recommend I get past this?

Recognise it for what it is and question it. I use to be like you as well (I'd imagine most of us did). You need to remember that people will only try to talk you down because they need to make themselves feel better about who they are - they are like PHM said - INSECURE. Every you talk someone down you are making a comparison - YOU vs THEM. You are essentially saying "I am better than you because of.... " It really is pathetic. You need to remember that we all perceive the world differently as well. What I see as my reality, is different to what you see as your reality. When relating to people, you're either a good person or you're not. It's that simple. You're hair colour, the fact you're overweight, wear glasses, ect.... Are ALL irrelevant....

+1 for sure.
glad you posted this, my ex put me in this boat(around people who already know this, and are mean spirited with it). Thanks for bringing this to light, it's better to see the good side of it, and what it's good for.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

I think it's rooted into my personality from being brought up around judgemental friends and family who loved to gossip.

This is absolutely normal. Worrying about what others think about you is as natural as eating or wanting to bang hot women. Those who say they don't care what others think of them are lying, either to themselves or others.

As others have said, catching yourself in the act is half the battle. The other half is forcing yourself to continue to behave AS IF nobody around you could hear you, or force your mind to remember that they really don't care one way or other.

This will take constant vigilance. The more you practice, the easier it will get.

Making it a habit of "acting out" in public will help you "get over this" quicker.

There's a guy named Hypnotica who is a supposed seduction guru, and he allegedly made a special hat with a big dildo on the front. Then he walked around town for a couple of weeks, and after nobody really did anything other than look at him funny, he realized deep in his gut that the opinion of others REALLY IS worthless.

Just do whatever it takes to build up as much "experience" of other people's opinions being worthless. This means doing stupid things and saying stupid things and noticing that nobody really cares.

There's a school of therapy called "Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy" that has people write out checks for two grapes at the grocery store, or go into McDonalds and order a pizza, or introduce themselves to strangers as "Mr. Peanut Butter" just to build up the "experience" of "other people's opinions don't mean crap."

The ABSOLUTE QUICKEST way (other than wearing a dildo on your head) would be to number close every single girl you see for the next two weeks.

Whatever you do, realize it will take practice. No simple mind trick or metaphor reframe will help.

Practice Practice Practice.

 

[sharkbeat]

For example I find myself stifled when tryin to talk to anyone not just girls if there are other people in the background. My instinct that they're eavesdropping and passing judgement kicks in.

I can't remember how or why I got like this.

Most likely this is a reflection of who you are. Because you think this way, you assume others think the same way. Change yourself, then you shall change how you perceive others.