How do you move on?

[newme]

I have been with my 'ex-partner' for 8 years and we were about to get married two months ago.

When I met her I was Don Juan and was ****y and dominant, which I think she liked, but I also had a huge capacity to love.

I didn't want just any girl and went through intense establising phase with her but she stuck and so we went on.

Over the years I grew her and put her first in allor of ways although I was selfish in others.

I was a bastard and an amazing lover at the same time to which I am still trying to work out. I feel bad and proud at the same time.

After an increasingly worse year of fighting and tension, and despite the fact we were getting married, she decided to cancel the wedding and left the house.

I had tried to make an effort in my own way to help us but I was in no position myself by this stage.

Since she left I worked out that I am the one who is dependant and had continuously tried to get her back and realise what she was walking out on.

Even though she acted sweet as pie during our relationship (to others) she changed and hurt me so bad. I still can't believe what she has done.

I lost it and cried and begged her to stay several times and almost killed myself at one point it was that bad for me.

I lost my life, my job, my posessions, my money, her, everything and have now relocated back to my home city. It is still hard for me.

I could go on about what has happened and how much she has screwed me but what I am concerned with is how to 'move on' as I can't seem to do this.

Every day is another struggle and I have tried to be the bastard and go out and find other women for comfort and all that but it's not working.

Nothing seems to work.

I just can't seem to get past this and as others have said here it's like a bad dream.

I am drinking every day started smoking and doinf things that I hate, all I have left is sport and a few friends and family that keep it together.

What advice can you give me brothers?

 

[AshamedConfused]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=87039

Read the whole thing.
Read every Joekker's post, TWICE.

Reread the whole thing again if you finished it, and crystalise all the information in it.

 

[Zero2]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=87039

Read the whole thread.
Read Joekker's reply to Trim TWICE each time.

Reread the whole thread each day.

Crystalise that in your mind.

 

[Phyzzle]

I lost my life, my job, my posessions, my money, her, everything and have now relocated back to my home city.

What the heck happened to your job and your money?

 

[grinder]

I’m assuming you have read the DJ Bible, but there is so much there many don’t get through it. Here’s that link

http://www.jbspencer.com/djb/

KillaPeteHog put together and excellent ebook that is much easier to digest and the link is here.

http://rapidshare.com/files/7536714/2books.zip.html

Unfortunately, none of this will make much sense and your ability to learn is greatly diminished as long as you are drinking.

So, the obvious number one thing to do to “move on” is to STOP DRINKING! It makes you stupid and depressed.

 

[newme]

Thanks guys will do

 

[newme]

well couldn't afford the house and the bills and so had to pay for a while until moved into debt, I gave her everything and she came and picked it up while I wasn't there! I moved interstate to create positive change and gave away everything else...all costing me hugely including my job. She has everything, I have nothing except for debt our dog and a few small items...

 

[newme]

but i's ok...I just want to move on and be happy...should have said that in last thread

 

[jophil28]

I have been with my 'ex-partner' for 8 years and we were about to get married two months ago.


What advice can you give me brothers?

You need to post your age in your profile.

 

[newme]

im 30 years old

 

[penkitten]

it could take you a long time to get to know yourself, find out who you are these days... if i were you i would start now, by going out and having some fun just to prove to yourself that you are a fun guy.

 

[Interceptor]

newme,

Penny's right, bro.

You need "ME" time.


Now here's somethig that may scare you or motivate you..
.......most experts say it takes roughly 1 to 2 years of healing for every year of a relationship to get 'over' the break up.

This means, you do not have time to fvck around, bro.

Get to the gym. Mandatory.
Sign up for Martial Arts classes. I have to say, MANDATORY too, man. Being honest here.
Look into Yoga, and REIKI. Optoinal, but has a lot of help for you specifically.
Read the Book of Pook.MANDATORY.
Read anything by Dr. Paul Dobransky.MANDATORY.
Look up anything about inner game issues.MANDATORY.
Look up anything about healing with psycho analysis, and methods like Emotional Freedom Techniques.Optional, but WILL help, and does give you real results.
Integrate daily Meditation into your lifestyle. MANDATORY.

When you are hurting, you NEED to HEAL..


Start the HEALING process now.

 

[jophil28]

im 30 years old

No - you need to amend your profile by clicking on the "User CP" link at the top left of the page. Then enter your age.

 

[newme]

thanks guys! sweet I will change profile now

 

[newme]

I do boxing every second day and have lost 15 kilo's

I am the best looking I have been ever, I look like a Calvin kline model dammit

I have tried meditation, yoga, martial arts, self help books, Dr Phil, counsellors, talking to girlfriends...you name it, I am a doer.

I have even watched 'Scarface' like a billion times...first you get the money, then you get the power, when you got the power, then you get the *****

 

[joekerr31]

I lost it and cried and begged her to stay several times and almost killed myself at one point it was that bad for me.

I lost my life, my job, my posessions, my money, her, everything and have now relocated back to my home city. It is still hard for me.

I could go on about what has happened and how much she has screwed me but what I am concerned with is how to 'move on' as I can't seem to do this.

go read the thread that was suggested and my advice. it is applicable.

but in terms of addition comment you need to understand something.... as much as she has screwed you, YOU have screwed yourself over 100x more.

as horrible as she has treated you, you are treating yourself 100 times worse than she ever did.

moving on is about nothing more than reclaiming yourself. its about believing in yourself again. that's it.

 

[penkitten]

its ok if your "me" phase lasts a few years....its normal.