how do you look at someone who cheats?

[backbreaker]

okay as everyone knows I'm a huge die hard arkansas razorback fan. some of you might know as well that our football coach, recently got into a motocycle accident riding his harley, etc. broke some ribs and stuff ubt he will be fine

well **** just hit the fan today. apparently, coach had a pretty hot (i'd say about an HB 8 solid) 25 year old on the back of his harley that was not his wife obviously. to make matters worse, everyone is already on record as saying he was the only one involved in the accident.

but even more interesting i am finding, is the reaction.

you have basically 2 camps.

1. the i don't give a **** camp. it is what it is. it may or may not be something i do but i don't see what this has to do with his job.


2. the I want my coach to represent my program and i cannot stand a person who cheats on his wife camp


it's just really funny. then you have some people talking about "go to marriage counseling". lol unless the marriage counselor has some type of magic potion that is going to turn a 50 year old woman into a 25 year old woman with a coke bottle body explain to me how that is going to work lol?

it's like, and this is really the only place i can say this and the people understand exaclty what i am saying. there is a make believe world, or a politically correct world and then there is the real world. the reality is a decent looking 51 year old man who makes 3.6 million dollars a year and is the most popular person in your state, is going to more times than not have something on the side. I am not saying that it's something i would or would not do, but i am saying that i personally am not going to judge a man for this. It's trying to put morality on sexuality and i don't believe in that.


so the question i have for you is, if you are working with someone say a boss of yours and you find out he is cheating on his wife, would you or can you personally view that person in the same light as you did before you knew? could you still work with him like nothing was an issue? if you had a friend that you knew was cheating on his wife would you stop being friends with him?



here is another part to the story. the 25 year old was engaged to be married this june. she even has her wedding pictures / guest book online. some will say that she is a ***** and a slut but i have always believed that a woman will always, 10 out of 10 times fvck her best option even if it's not possible for that to be a long term option. it's just what women are wired to do. you will get a lot of women calling her a ***** or daming her those same women will never have a man of his statue look twice at her so it doesn't matter what they think.

 

[speed dawg]

Hmm, Houston Nutt's text-gate and now arsehole Petrino gets caught....must be something in that NW Arkansas hillbilly water.....

 

[backbreaker]

the big deal about nutt was not so much he was texting someone it was he was texting someone while on the sideline of the cap one bowl no less than 10 minutes before kickoff.

 

[speed dawg]

Speaking of Arkansas, I know you're a fan, so you should watch 40 Minutes of Hell (ESPN documentary) on Nolan Richardson. Pretty cool show. Actually all of those 30 for 30 type deals have been pretty good.

But back to the point, I don't look down on the cheaters. I mean, those coaches especially, are like movie stars, chances to get pvssy everywhere. I consider myself a pretty slick DJ now, but let's face it I don't get 50 chances to get laid every single day like those guys in the high status, big money, big pub jobs do. We're all human.

Now, I'm not going to be a hypocrite either. His wife should leave him, and he should pay the consequences of cheating, which is likely half his sh1t. But they never do because they like that green paper. The essence of a real player I guess you could say.......just like Hilary Clinton, she ain't leaving Bill.....coincidentally another Arkansas reference.

 

[i1t4yomindi]

If he was my coach, I think my respect would be lost for him. I was just thinking about this right before I read this, actually. I'm reconsidering who I take advice from and really looking at the source and asking "Is this person living the kind of life that I want to live?"

So in that respect, someone who is married and having a secret affair is not too honest. Everyone has their reasons for doing what they do, and everyone has their flaws. The question I'd ask is: Is this really someone who I should be looking up to and respecting?

 

[hansol]

I think the issue is that it's in the public eye. You Americans really have a thing for castrating the male "cheater" (ironically, females seem to get a free pass.) I think as long as it's discreet, life goes on. As soon as it comes to light, then everyone gets on the moral high ground bandwagon.

It's like Carmella Soprano said: fooling around with the goomah is like a glorified form of masturbation.

 

[zekko]

i personally am not going to judge a man for this. It's trying to put morality on sexuality and i don't believe in that.

I think sexuality is exactly where you should be putting morality. To me, morality is there to keep our primal instincts from getting the better of us. You don't want to let our basic urges go unchecked - that's where morality comes in. You don't want to sit around the house masturbating 10 times a day, for example.

Morality is like self discipline. Taking the path of least resistance (going along with your impulses) isn't necessarily the best way. There's no pride in taking the easy way.

Having said that, I'm not going to judge the guy. Nobody's perfect, and I've made my share of mistakes. I don't think a man's personal life should have anything to do with his job, but unfortunately he's something of a public figure so someone may want to hold him accountable. Judging from the way some guys here reacted to the 37 year old teacher with the 18 year old girlfriend, I guess he's lucky she wasn't a student.

I'm happy for the girl's poor fiance. Better he find out his girl is a hosebag now than after he married.

 

[backbreaker]

I think sexuality is exactly where you should be putting morality. To me, morality is there to keep our primal instincts from getting the better of us. You don't want to let our basic urges go unchecked - that's where morality comes in. You don't want to sit around the house masturbating 10 times a day, for example.

Morality is like self discipline. Taking the path of least resistance (going along with your impulses) isn't necessarily the best way. There's no pride in taking the easy way.

Having said that, I'm not going to judge the guy. Nobody's perfect, and I've made my share of mistakes. I don't think a man's personal life should have anything to do with his job, but unfortunately he's something of a public figure so someone may want to hold him accountable. Judging from the way some guys here reacted to the 37 year old teacher with the 18 year old girlfriend, I guess he's lucky she wasn't a student.

I'm happy for the girl's poor fiance. Better he find out his girl is a hosebag now than after he married.

i mean, how can i say this..

i don't necessarily think banging a pretty hot 25 year old is a "mistake". I think he knew damn well what he was doing and would probably do it again, as well as a lot of people who say they would not would.

as the saying goes, if you really know someone you would know better than to idolize them nor hate them. I mean, take me for instance. I don't cheat on my wife, but hell my wife is hotter than the woman he was banging i don't have to. but let's say i did cheat on my wife does that mean i can't give someone good marriage advice? does me having the hots for a 25 year old who wants nothign more than to clean my internal organs of all bodily fluid really off set 4 years of a successful relationship?

even more does a person who has a bad relationship mean they are a bad person? you look up to JFK, FDR? both cheated on their wife's consistently. **** FDR died in his mistresses arms. do people look down at George Washington becuase the entire time he was married to martha washington he wanted to bone sally fairfax and would have had she given him the time of day? are you going to really just forget that bill clington worked himself out of one of the poorest counties in the NATION as a child and got a free ride to georgetown and then yale and then oxford off nothign but his own will because he got a blow job at work?

people love the comfort and black and white but the world is not black and white. you can have sex with someone and not love them. you can have sex with a woman and still be madly in love with your wife.

It's like you see these people and they get in trouble and they make this big storya nd go through all these media hoops to make everyone happy and say and do all the things people want to hear but i don't' believe anyone really believes the **** or believes what they are saying.

I take my father for instance, who is the definition of a seriel cheater. and yet if i Had to name any man on the earth who defined what a real man is, it's my dad. my dad is the only man who can walk in a room and out "man" me. he's a man's man. good looking, not su per smart but not dumb, can work on a car, can cut your yard, works his ass off, pays his bills, drive a nice car, has women interested in him, has sex with women who are intested in him.

my dad and i don't talk very much but not because he's a serial cheater. i can still look up to him and use him as a model for how i live my life after my dad, just not in that particular aspect that i do not agree with. just because he fvcks women that aren't his wife doesn't mean i should not listen to him when he tells me antying you want in life you need to roll up your sleeves and outwork everyone else for it.

i'm not saying it's right or wrong, that's jsut how i feel. unless he's going around telling people that it's okay to cheat, i really don't see the big deal and it doesn't mean that i can't still have professional or even personal respect for the man.

 

[AW1983]

how do you look at someone who cheats?

Simple. I don't. Not my problem nor concern and would not alter my view of a man either way.

(Of course were the cheater a girl of a close friend or family member and they didn't know then I would certainly feel compelled to inform the betrayed party, just as I would want to be informed.)

 

[Findog]

i mean, how can i say this..

i don't necessarily think banging a pretty hot 25 year old is a "mistake". I think he knew damn well what he was doing and would probably do it again, as well as a lot of people who say they would not would.

It's pretty simple. If you make millions coaching an SEC football team and you don't want to be married to a middle-aged woman whose looks are gone and would prefer instead to hit hot women half your age, then either get a divorce or be with somebody who is cool with an open relationship. He can afford to get divorced.

but let's say i did cheat on my wife does that mean i can't give someone good marriage advice?

Yes. Why would I take advice on commitment and fidelity from somebody who doesn't practice it?

Does me having the hots for a 25 year old who wants nothign more than to clean my internal organs of all bodily fluid really off set 4 years of a successful relationship?

It does if you don't have an open relationship. Human beings and men especially are not naturally monogamous, but there are benefits to an exclusive relationship that in theory offset the benefits of having free-agent genitals. If you can't handle monogamy, then don't enter into monogamous arrangements. Infidelity usually kills relationships. Some couples get past it or stay together because they have kids together or for financial reasons, but it is usually a relationship killer.

even more does a person who has a bad relationship mean they are a bad person? you look up to JFK, FDR? both cheated on their wife's consistently.

It really depends on how you define "bad person." It's one thing to do an open relationship where you have a primary partner and you each have somebody on the side and everything is transparent. But if you are chronically unfaithful in all of your exclusive relationships, then at the very least it makes you bad relationship material. You can still do good things in other areas of your life.

people love the comfort and black and white but the world is not black and white. you can have sex with someone and not love them. you can have sex with a woman and still be madly in love with your wife.

Why would a guy like Bobby Petrino with his position and station in life still be married if he wants to bone women besides his wife? I mean it's one thing if he and his wife have some sort of "understanding" but I'm sure his kids are grown and he won't be living in some sh*thole studio apartment after a divorce settlement.

I take my father for instance, who is the definition of a seriel cheater. and yet if i Had to name any man on the earth who defined what a real man is, it's my dad. my dad is the only man who can walk in a room and out "man" me. he's a man's man. good looking, not su per smart but not dumb, can work on a car, can cut your yard, works his ass off, pays his bills, drive a nice car, has women interested in him, has sex with women who are intested in him.

my dad and i don't talk very much but not because he's a serial cheater. i can still look up to him and use him as a model for how i live my life after my dad, just not in that particular aspect that i do not agree with. just because he fvcks women that aren't his wife doesn't mean i should not listen to him when he tells me antying you want in life you need to roll up your sleeves and outwork everyone else for it.

i'm not saying it's right or wrong, that's jsut how i feel. unless he's going around telling people that it's okay to cheat, i really don't see the big deal and it doesn't mean that i can't still have professional or even personal respect for the man

It sounds like your dad is a smart, resourceful guy who is worth seeking out for counsel on a wide variety of of things except for relationship advice.

 

[zekko]

I don't cheat on my wife, but hell my wife is hotter than the woman he was banging i don't have to.

Yeah, but when you're 54, your wife will be what? 51? (I have no idea how old she is so I'm just guesstimating). The question is will she be as hot as some 25 year old then?

but let's say i did cheat on my wife does that mean i can't give someone good marriage advice? does me having the hots for a 25 year old who wants nothign more than to clean my internal organs of all bodily fluid really off set 4 years of a successful relationship?

I don't know, Backbreaker, lately I get this impression you're trying to set up some excuses so that if you cheat, it's okay. Almost like you're looking for permission or something. Maybe your dad has made more of an impression on you than you might think. You know what they say: The apple doesn't fall too far from the tree, chip off the old block, and all that.

Certainly on Sosuave I have no doubt there are a lot of guys who would be ready to give you the green light. "You're a man, it's your nature, it's not the same as a woman cheating, etc.".

Having said that, again I'm not going to judge the guy (the coach). I haven't walked in his shoes. I've done things I'm not proud of. But I'm not going to excuse the behavior. Just because Clinton and JFK cheated, that doesn't make it right. Just as if I were to cheat, that wouldn't make it right.

 

[backbreaker]

Yeah, but when you're 54, your wife will be what? 51? (I have no idea how old she is so I'm just guesstimating). The question is will she be as hot as some 25 year old then?


I don't know, Backbreaker, lately I get this impression you're trying to set up some excuses so that if you cheat, it's okay. Almost like you're looking for permission or something. Maybe your dad has made more of an impression on you than you might think. You know what they say: The apple doesn't fall too far from the tree, chip off the old block, and all that.

Certainly on Sosuave I have no doubt there are a lot of guys who would be ready to give you the green light. "You're a man, it's your nature, it's not the same as a woman cheating, etc.".

Having said that, again I'm not going to judge the guy (the coach). I haven't walked in his shoes. I've done things I'm not proud of. But I'm not going to excuse the behavior. Just because Clinton and JFK cheated, that doesn't make it right. Just as if I were to cheat, that wouldn't make it right.

trust me i can't stand my dad. but not becuase he is a cheater. some things were said and done when i was struggling with my first business that can't be undone. we have our issues. i will leave it at that. He has qualities about him I admire him but i don't go out of my way to talk to him. i might talk to him once a year, just to let him know i'm still alive.


I'm not saying cheating isn't wrong i'm saying that a person is not a bad person just because he cheats. there is a distinct difference.

i am fvcking crazy about my wife. I assure you that there are no situations that could pop up right now that would make even give me the thought of cheating. and i am 28 years old i don't know what my mindset will be like when I am 51 and it's absurd to comment on that.

I mean, I am not saying the guy is a saint. he's a brilliant football caoch. and if we are goipng to put him under the sosuave standard ™ so to speak... he's sleeping with an employee. to me guys who sleep with employees have no game. so i don't particularly condone what he did.

going a step further, this will be the best arkansas team that he has had yet and be the best team that arkasnas has had since at least the late 70's. will almost assurdly have a top 10 pre season ranking and goes into the season with a WR, a TE, a QB and a RB who all should be first round draft picks next year. not only that he gets his two toughest games at home (Bama and lsu) if there was ever a stretch of time in his career to keep his **** in his pants it was this time now lol.

but to say that i couldn't WORK with the guy or go watch his football teams play? it's not like he forgot how to coach quarterbacks becuase he likes 25 year old girls.

Having said that, again I'm not going to judge the guy (the coach). I haven't walked in his shoes. I've done things I'm not proud of. But I'm not going to excuse the behavior. Just because Clinton and JFK cheated, that doesn't make it right. Just as if I were to cheat, that wouldn't make it right.

I think that's the main difference between you and I. In my mind I don't think of things as RIGHT and WRONG in those black and white terms. i'm not saying you are wrong because you do I just don't.

I don't go to AA meetings anymore but one of the things that really helped me deal with my dad, as he was one of my big time resentments I had when I first got into AA, is that you have to understand that everyone is doing the absolute best that they can at that time to live life. My father's best is ovbiously not what i consider my best, but he's still doing his best. My grandmother's BF chased me out side her house with a knife and whens he got home she kicked ME out lol. i did not talk to her for years over that. it wasn't until she was days from dying that i spoke to her and forgave her for that. Do what i Think she did was fvcked up? sure i do. i'm her only grandson. ONLY. to treat me like that when i bent over backwards to help her out was low. but she was jsut doing what she thought was her best.

sometimes a person's best is not what you think it should be but it does not mean they are not trying and when a person is honestly trying I tend to be pretty forgiving.

 

[Slickster]

I always advise fellow SSers not to cheat. I've stated my reasons many times so I won't get into that here. To me this website is about making your life better, and cheating doesn't fit into that IMO.

As far as judging another man for cheating I believe that it's none of my business.

A good friend of mine received a lot of flak from our group for cheating and ultimately leaving his wife. I never judged him because you never know what is going on behind closed doors in a marriage. Years later things have blown over and this guy has managed to get back in the good graces of the group. Turns out his ex wife was cold as ice in the bedroom and had been for many many years. There was just nothing to keep the relationship going. Cheating was the wrong way to get out of the marriage but now years later both of them have found new partners and seem far more happy than they were together. There are still people in our group who judge the guy though and it seems really stupid me. It's his life and they are his mistakes to make.

I'm against cheating but I don't judge a cheater.

 

[betheman]

...There are still people in our group who judge the guy though and it seems really stupid me. It's his life and they are his mistakes to make.

from my experience, the harshest critics are either equally as guilty in their own lives or resentful because he/she has done something they wish they could/should do

 

[Bible_Belt]

http://aol.sportingnews.com/ncaa-fo...-dorrell-who-arkansas-should-hire-gus-malzahn

 

[backbreaker]

http://aol.sportingnews.com/ncaa-football/story/2012-04-06/bobby-petrino-wreck-jessica-dorrell-who-arkansas-should-hire-gus-malzahn

lol hell no. you can keep his gimmick ass offense


if coach is fired it will be the assistant that just went to coach at UAB Garrick McGhee that will be his replacement, im pretty sure.

 

[scrouds]

I would respect a man more if I knew he was pulling hot tail, inside or outside of his marriage.

All men of power should keep mistresses.

 

[SamoJednom]

Personally, I have never cheated. I just don't see the point of it. If you have reached the stage in your relationship where you feel the need to cheat, then just end the relationship. Then go bang that woman.

With that in mind, I also personally would never give anyone a second chance knowing that they cheated on me. The relationship would never be the same as all the trust, if you had any to start with, is gone. No amount of counselling or reconciliation will help rebuild the relationship. It's just not worth investing more emotional/personal time which you can use to help improve yourself. At least that is how my personally/view is towards cheating.

Then again I am also the type of man who would break up a relationship knowing that my woman was socializing with other men/having drinks with them or even staying in touch with old ex's. It has nothing to do with insecurity, I just make lines obvious in a relationship that should never be crossed. It's up to you to establish what reasonably expected behavior is in a relationship.

Anyway, I went off on a tangent. Personally, I don't judge a person knowing that they have cheated. It's their business. But given this guy's position, obviously he is going to get judged by everyone, most will call for him to be fired/resign.

 

[Bible_Belt]

lol hell no. you can keep his gimmick ass offense


if coach is fired it will be the assistant that just went to coach at UAB Garrick McGhee that will be his replacement, im pretty sure.

Malzahn walks on water over at Auburn. They still suspect it was Malzahn who really won the National Championship for them, and not Chizik, whom they showed up to boo at the airport when he first arrived in Auburn. If Auburn finishes unranked again this year, Chizik will be out the door

 

[backbreaker]

Malzahn walks on water over at Auburn. They still suspect it was Malzahn who really won the National Championship for them, and not Chizik, whom they showed up to boo at the airport when he first arrived in Auburn. If Auburn finishes unranked again this year, Chizik will be out the door

he's not particularly well thought of in Arkansas. alot of people (correctly) point the blame at him for the reason Houston nutt was fired.

even besides that, he burned his bridges when he recruited Keihl Frazier and Michael Dyer. that will never happen.

Personally, I have never cheated. I just don't see the point of it. If you have reached the stage in your relationship where you feel the need to cheat, then just end the relationship. Then go bang that woman.

With that in mind, I also personally would never give anyone a second chance knowing that they cheated on me. The relationship would never be the same as all the trust, if you had any to start with, is gone. No amount of counselling or reconciliation will help rebuild the relationship. It's just not worth investing more emotional/personal time which you can use to help improve yourself. At least that is how my personally/view is towards cheating.

Then again I am also the type of man who would break up a relationship knowing that my woman was socializing with other men/having drinks with them or even staying in touch with old ex's. It has nothing to do with insecurity, I just make lines obvious in a relationship that should never be crossed. It's up to you to establish what reasonably expected behavior is in a relationship.

Anyway, I went off on a tangent. Personally, I don't judge a person knowing that they have cheated. It's their business. But given this guy's position, obviously he is going to get judged by everyone, most will call for him to be fired/resign.

I mean i can see some situtations.

like, take petrinos wife Becky Petrino. do you really think she wants to give up being the arkansas's head coaches wife? regardless of who he is fvcking? that's a pretty sweet life style. it's not even about the money, she's worshiped eveyrwhere she goes.

they might agree to a FDR type arrangement where they are married in name only but live separate lives.

Amber a girl i dated when i was younger, her parents did exaclty that. slept in separate beds, dated other people but stayed married because of the finances. they were basically room mates who ate dinner with each other.

but yeah for the most part i Mean, me personally the day i want to cheat i really need to access my relationship with my wife.


but i mean, and becky petrino is not what you woudl call ugly but she could stand to lose a tad bit of weight. you can tell she was very pretty when she was younger. As a man i get that aspect. if you are not going to even try anymore you can't exepct me to not look around.