How do you let a chick know you AREN'T as RICH as you APPEAR?

[STR8UP]

Here's the problem.

I'm land rich, cash poor.

The thing is, people ASSUME that I have a huge monthly income and a fat bank account because of my real estate holdings, owning a business, living in a high end apt. and such.

At this point I only pay myself $2000 per month salary. I also have a little rental income, but most of that I don't see, it just goes into an account.

You know, I wouldn't have a problem paying a chick's way if I WERE truly rolling in cash every month. Fact of the matter is though, I'm not quite there. Hopefully WILL be by this time next year, but that remains to be seen.

The way I see it, if I'm dating someone who doesn't make much money, I'm obligated to help out if I expect her to keep up with my lifestyle.

But in my present situation, MANY women I meet probably make more than I do monthly. I have all of my bills paid so I can afford to live better than most off my salary, but I don't think I should get stuck footing the bill if there isn't a big gap in our incomes.

How do you go about disclosing this?

 

[Kwah]

I wouldnt even disclose that you have all the assets. Sounds like if 2k a month isn't enough to satisfy her shes not in it because she likes you. I would just be straight about it. If for god knows what reason she keeps wanting to know just tell her all your assets are tied up and you have a limited cash flow at the moment. Then drop her gold digging ass.

 

[Master of the Universe]

I don't know why you would want to disclose it - it's your life and none of her business.

That being said, if you want the chick to know that you're land rich not cash rich, I would do it in the form of a story. Let's say the two of you are having a conversation. In the conversation enthusiastically share with her your dreams and goals.

Let her know how your goal is to be truly wealthy, and that in order to do that you're practicing delayed gratification and paying yourself only enough to get by - and that the real rewards will be down the line.

The thing to keep in mind is that you are not telling her this as a way of apologizing for not spending big money on her, and it's not done so as a way to brag. You're only sharing this with her because you feel comfortable and are enjoying her company.

This should serve to lower her expectation of you spending extravagant money on her, and as a free bonus it'll have her see you as an investment in the future - even if she's not getting material rewards now, she may in the future if she's able to keep you until you make it to the big time.

Hope this helps,

Master of the Universe

 

[violator]

I think the disclosure of your financial assets would be good test of her IL in you as opposed to your wallet. Just to test her, say that you do alright, just enough to get by, but that you are a hard worker who hopes to make it someday. If she stays, then her interest is genuine. If all of a sudden, she pulls a disappearing act, then you know she is a golddigger.

I am pretty much in the same situation. I am an attorney with my own practice and am working on several other businesses. I gross about $300K a year. However, I don't look the part. I have a decent looking apartment, a decent car and don't dress flashy, nor do I wear jewelry.

When I finally tell a girl what I do, they usually don't believe me, because I don't fit the stereotype succesful lawyer. I can easily appear to be a carpenter. But, I want it that way because if a girl shows interest in me before she knows what I do or how much I make, then she passes the test and I weed out the leeches and gold diggers.

 

[PiNkMaGGiT]

next time your out with this chick stop some random dude in the street and ask him for change. She'll catch on pretty quick

 

[STR8UP]

Originally posted by Master of the Universe
I don't know why you would want to disclose it - it's your life and none of her business.

That being said, if you want the chick to know that you're land rich not cash rich, I would do it in the form of a story.

Great advice.

I don't want to disclose anything to them, but my store commercial is on MTV constantly, so as soon as they hear I own XXXXXX they start to make assumptions. They find out I only work a few hours per week, that I just got back from Europe, that I am buying a highrise condo, etc. and it just snowballs.

I'm all about saving some mystery and all, but some of these things just come up in convo. Not to mention people who know me cheerleading me to other people.

A friend of mine, the guy who does my video production is cool as hell, and he knows all kinds of chicks. Whenever he introduces me it's always as the owner of XXXXX, so the assumptions start to fly. Same way with pretty much everyone else I know. They introduce me with a status building opener (which in turn boosts their status, but thats another subject).

 

[Kwah]

So what company is this? Since Im Canadian it probably means nothing to me anyway. MTV is the music channel right?

 

[Guitar_Whizz]

I was under the impression from your post on getting wealthy, STR8UP, that you had plenty of money????????

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Here's a couple of suggestions. First and foremost stop feeling that you need to impress a woman with what you have or what you do. You may not feel that you are purposely but your post makes me think otherwise.

You mention being more willing to pay for dinner if you had more funds. That's admirable but there is no law that says that you need to especially if you are not in a committed relationship. Impress women with your personality and not with what is on the menu. Stick to coffee dates or "wallet friendly" family restaurants if you REALLY like a particular woman.

Another example is when you mentioned that when they find out what business you own the make wild assumptions. How exactly do they find out? Are you on the commercials? Like with dinner, do not feel that you need to impress or disclose exactly what you do right off the bat.

For example, if your company sells things you can easily say that you are in retail. You may say that you sell music equipment or whatever, but the focus should be on you as a person and not what you do for a living. That should also keep up her interest level since you would seem more mysterious.

And as for your apartment, it should be off limits to women who aren't definite LTR material. It should be obvious that she is into YOU and not what you have or what you do. Your Fortress of Solitude should be only be available to someone who can appreciate your situation and you as a person.

In a nutshell, you may need to start evaluating the quality of women you are meeting. Anyone who is easily swayed by material things may not be the right type of woman for you. Not to say that you should avoid women that appreciate the finer things but ones that more so appreciate the hard work that it takes to afford those things.

 

[Drex]

Originally posted by Guitar_Whizz
I was under the impression from your post on getting wealthy, STR8UP, that you had plenty of money????????

Read again, he said he is "land rich" meaning he owns real estate, a bussiness etc. He may not have a ton in his bank account but if he really wanted to he could sell what he has and come out with a lot of money. He'll be "rich rich" pretty soon I bet you this.

 

[dietzcoi]

But do not pay for everything for the woman!!

That is typical AFC!

Are you trying to buy her affection? Won't work.

Keep your money in your pocket. You are right to weed out the golddiggers

Or do you want to pay a high alimony like I am?

Dietzcoi

 

[Guitar_Whizz]

My apologies STR8UP, I know you are 'land rich' and I didn't mean to sound patronising with my reply. I understand why you posted this message now.
By the way, I am truly inspired by your post on getting wealthy STR8UP, and I am about to read Building Wealth and Rich Dad, Poor Dad.

 

[tomyv]

somewhat the same

I have a good career, some real estate, etc. A lot of them think I have cash, but nothing is farther from the truth. I pretty much tell them I'm broke, i.e. exagerating to the other side. Good way to sift out the gold diggers. Never is much of a problem for me.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Re: somewhat the same

Originally posted by tomyv
I have a good career, some real estate, etc. A lot of them think I have cash, but nothing is farther from the truth. I pretty much tell them I'm broke, i.e. exagerating to the other side. Good way to sift out the gold diggers. Never is much of a problem for me.

I'm pretty sure that you guys know the difference between rich and wealthy. Have you noticed how many think that they are one in the same and feel that if you are established, you are rich by default? I've also noticed that women that know the difference between the two are established enough to care less about what I have.

 

[tomyv]

yup

Rich is a very relative term. I see it every day. Good book to read is "The Millionare Next Door." Most people in there 20's and 30's driving bmw's and living that lifestyle aren't, and probably never will be wealthy. It's what we call debt. This country thrives on it. True wealth is usually not so flashy, i.e. you achieve it by living BELOW your means. Basically younger girls chasing "rich" guys, never left the high school nice car days. But of course most of them aren't bright enough to realize these people live paycheck to paycheck.

 

[Walden]

"Honey" <grunt> "I'm" <squeak of bedsprings> "not" <gasp> "as"<pant> "rich" <gasp>" as I" <sound of Walden busting a nut> "appear".

 

[OzzyBoy]

I would say so and if she doesn't like it well stuff her.