How do you know you’re in love with someone?

[Murk]

I’ve been doing some introspection for the last 6 months. I don’t know if I’ve ever been in love despite multiple LTR’s and more bodies than I care to even think about or mention.

Not one women I seriously saw myself marrying or having kids with. In my mind, that was the litmus test for love. So I deep down never gave my all in any relationship regardless of length. However, I’m starting to realise maybe I’m just broken. Maybe I’m looking for a unicorn (some of you have accused me of this over the years).

I’m not getting any younger, I can afford a child, ideally I’d like to marry and be monogamous. I don’t know if I’m capable of love, maybe I am just selfish and always think I can do better. I’ve managed to be faithful in the past and resist temptation. I believe I’m capable of monogamy. I just don’t know if I will ever be happy like I see others doing.

I actually believe (despite what many of you will say), I have destroyed my pair bonding ability. I’ve done too much, I’ve fried my dopamine receptors.

How do you know you’re in love?

 

[BPH]

Have you ever gone well out of your own way, without being asked, to do something seemingly insignificant, just to make somebody happy?

That's love.

 

[Velasco]

I believe how your mother loved you as a child (and how they were loved as a child by their parents) and even to this day, is how you love girls. I didn't realize how much my mom loved me until she almost lost me forever. How badly it affected her. When compared to other parents it looked like she didn't care about us (me and my siblings). Just did what she needed to do to make sure we obeyed her rules and not give her too much sh1t.

Which is what I want from girls. For them to obey me and not give me sh1t. And I think realizing that you actually love this person can only be understood at some event that may trigger you thinking you might never see them again.

If that happens and you don't care, then you don't love them. But if you do, then your in love. Just not the way you've been taught to think about being in love with someone, and thinking your incapable of it.

 

[Barrister]

I think "love" as a concept is a difficult one when it comes to romantic relationships. I have found myself in the past thinking I am doing something because I "love" someone. In reality, there usually is a deeper reason to me doing it. We are just programmed ("blue pilled" in some cases) to believe we are doing things for the "right" reason and because you will do them if you "love" someone. I think love really comes down to willingly being ready to give up your own health and life for another person. This easily applies to children. But how many would actually do this if it came down to saving their woman?

Do I think you can reach "love" with a woman? Yes, I do. But I think it is incredibly rare to find a couple like that. Most married people aren't like this. And most people who are simply dating and say they would do this are likely just in their honeymoon phase where the chemicals in their brain are in overdrive for the woman.

I don't think you are even remotely alone in this. And it has little to do with whether your pair bonding has been fried to oblivion.

 

[Dr.Suave]

How do you know you’re in love?

I think its different for everyone. Maybe you meet a girl who does not have the body of a 10 but she´s cute and and doesnt have any deal breakers; no toxic stuff, not jaded, very feminine, bunch of green flags, little or no red flags.

She has a lot in common with you (maybe both of you like superheros, star wars, game of thrones, etc Maybe her main values aling with yours, she´s not a woke feminist), she gives you peace of mind,

Your life is a net positive with her in it, by a lot. And you have a good feeling about her, like she´s the person you were always supposed to end up with. Dont give up bro, you will probably meet her when you least expect it.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

This is pretty accurate.


Can’t sleep. Can’t eat. Heart pounds. Sweaty…

 

[Bokanovsky]

"Love" has different meanings depending on the context. In a romantic sense, "love" is simply a stronger form of "like". You love a woman when you think that she is your best possible option. Conversely, you are not going to love her if you feel like you have settled and could've done better.

In the family context, love means something entirely different. Here, "love" refers to a form of obligation. You love your children not because you think that they are the best children you could have possibly had but because you gave them birth and are now responsible for them. Same thing with parents. Few people have "perfect" parents but you have no choice in the matter. They are the people who gave you birth and you feel a sense of obligation towards them.

 

[Bokanovsky]

If you would catch a bullet for them. That's how I seduced my wife.

What caliber was it? Please don't tell me it was a .22

 

[BillyPilgrim]

This is pretty accurate.


Can’t sleep. Can’t eat. Heart pounds. Sweaty…

And to think Sammy Hagar couldn't think to tell people.

 

[Millard Fillmore]

I’ve been doing some introspection for the last 6 months. I don’t know if I’ve ever been in love despite multiple LTR’s and more bodies than I care to even think about or mention.

Not one women I seriously saw myself marrying or having kids with. In my mind, that was the litmus test for love. So I deep down never gave my all in any relationship regardless of length. However, I’m starting to realise maybe I’m just broken. Maybe I’m looking for a unicorn (some of you have accused me of this over the years).

I’m not getting any younger, I can afford a child, ideally I’d like to marry and be monogamous. I don’t know if I’m capable of love, maybe I am just selfish and always think I can do better. I’ve managed to be faithful in the past and resist temptation. I believe I’m capable of monogamy. I just don’t know if I will ever be happy like I see others doing.

I actually believe (despite what many of you will say), I have destroyed my pair bonding ability. I’ve done too much, I’ve fried my dopamine receptors.

How do you know you’re in love?

I've had a few LTRs and thought this of myself too.

I've come to the conclusion that the less crazy/invested/gaga I feel (i.e. the typical dramatized "love" stuff you see in films etc.), the better for a functioning, loving relationship. There have been previous LTRs where there was too much headspace involved for me which I rationalized as part of love. In fact it was just the wrong female giving me drama because she sensed I knew it wasn't a good long term fit. Two mature respectful adults should not be living on a roller coaster.

Whereas my current situation gives much more space and compliance with no pushback or drama. I get to live my life and she can live hers and in the twain we meet and live ours. None of this "you complete me" horse shyt.

Of course there is sexual attraction, love, romance, etc. But just having feelings won't keep the engine humming long term.

I should say that I'm not typically the "marrying type" and don't see monogamy as feasible in the long term, but the more space a girl gives me the less likely I am to stray. So for me it's got to be a girl with enough confidence to be as sober as I am about it. In the past I mistook a girl's uber possessiveness for love and investment when in fact it was just major insecurity. No thanks.

Hope that helps....just my perspective.

 

[Murk]

Have you ever gone well out of your own way, without being asked, to do something seemingly insignificant, just to make somebody happy?

That's love.

Yes all the time, I have done things I didn't want to do to make someone happy. That's relationships, friends, family, colleagues, clients. I think overall I can be a very selfless person. Even the bad times in my life, my parents dying etc... I thought "It's happening to me because I can handle it, so better me than anyone else" - that has been my mantra for 15+ years and in dark times gave me a lot of strength.

 

[Murk]

This is pretty accurate.


Can’t sleep. Can’t eat. Heart pounds. Sweaty…

Then I've felt it many times!

 

[Murk]

In the past I mistook a girl's uber possessiveness for love and investment when in fact it was just major insecurity. No thanks.

Hope that helps....just my perspective.

But that is how women show love, if a women is obsessed with you, you're on her @Desdinova high score.

I'm thinking maybe I have felt love but disregarded it because I thought I'd feel something more. I'd catch a bullet for most people I know and love, rather me than them, I've already made my peace with this life and God.

Sorry for triple-posting the thread I can't be bothered to edit it into 1 reply.

 

[Millard Fillmore]

But that is how women show love, if a women is obsessed with you, you're on her @Desdinova high score.

IME that's not love. It's an ego trap for men.

Women who obsess in an unhealthy manner are not showing love. It's one thing for her to have admiration. Quite another if she's acting jealous, possessive, etc. That's just her insecurity manifesting. I've dealt with obsession, it's no fun. Just another form of disrespect for which I have zero bandwidth. I need my space and my life and she can have hers.