How do you justify getting married?

[AmberBug~]

That post doesn't make sense. "Screening" means finding out if someone is your type.

Yes it is- many people (particularly younger people or inexperienced people) have not figured out what "type" they mesh best with. Or they do but if they fall for someone who isnt their type, continue to date them. I know the typical alpha male is not my type- I dont do well with people who are arrogant. I have girlfriends who seem the same way as me yet continue to date alpha males and not be 100% happy because they get attached or think the person will change. As a female I can tell you with ALOT of women think they can change a man

I dont mean type just in "Oh I like dorky/alpha/hippie types" but personality traits and characteristics of a person that they will do well with

 

[backbreaker]

Yes it is- many people (particularly younger people or inexperienced people) have not figured out what "type" they mesh best with. Or they do but if they fall for someone who isnt their type, continue to date them. I know the typical alpha male is not my type- I dont do well with people who are arrogant. I have girlfriends who seem the same way as me yet continue to date alpha males and not be 100% happy because they get attached or think the person will change. As a female I can tell you with ALOT of women think they can change a man

I dont mean type just in "Oh I like dorky/alpha/hippie types" but personality traits and characteristics of a person that they will do well with

you were actually headed down the right street, then you made a wrong turn and now your post isi n a ditch.

you had an extremely valid point at first. If you do a search for my name, the thing that i scream the most is that 80% of the bull**** that you are dealing wtih can be cured by simply screening your women. stop allowing people with bull **** to be in your life and lo and behold,m there won't be much if any bull **** in your life.

but then, when you tried to explain your point of view you lost control of the car. My wife could not possibly be any more opposite than i am. she wont' shut the **** up lol and i don't talk. she likes to go and travel and **** and i'm a hermit that likes to sit at home and work. she has a huge social circle, well over 50 or so friends.. lol i got 2. i'm hot tempered she's mother Teressa. we do share the same passion in horse racing but that's not why we get along so well. we get along because neither of us is about any bull ****. she doesn't have any stupid silly ass baggage most women have, she doesn't do drama and neither do i. she will tell you just as quick as i will take that **** somewhere else. we are both no muss no fuss people, we know that there are certain things that both of us have to do to keep the marriage happy and well oiled, we don't play with each others strings, we dont' use each other, we don't manipulate each other. you have no idea what alpha male means. I'm arrogant, i know i am but that is not wht makes me an alpha male. I'm just an arrogant prick who happens to be quite ****ing alpha lol. In fact that view point is quite PUAish and that reeks of something that a 21 year old set starved kid would say. My father is the most alpha mother****er on earth and there isn't anything arrogant at all about him

As a female I can tell you with ALOT of women think they can change a man

you say that you don';t like arrogant men.,. but isn't the thought that your pvssy alone can make a man straighten up and fly right the epitome of arrogance? it's like the crack head calling the pill head a drug addict

in fact your post for the most part, is an embodiment of what is wrong with women today.. you are so ****ing worried about pointing out every ****ing flaw a man has that you are too busy to see your own. every bad relatiosnhip you get in you turn around and find a new flaw to blame it on and never looking in the mirror.

 

[zekko]

As a female I can tell you with ALOT of women think they can change a man.

This is the same mistake a lot of guys make as well. You shouldn't find a mate and then try to mold them into what you want. Find a person who is what you want in the first place, don't settle for less. Then things will go so much smoother.

we get along because neither of us is about any bull ****. she doesn't have any stupid silly ass baggage most women have, she doesn't do drama and neither do i.

This is a huge thing with me also. Why put up with BS in your life when you don't have to? One thing I really despise about the PUA community is they tell how how women love drama, and you have to always be stirring up drame with them or they'll be bored. Maybe that's a helpful hint for one night stands, I don't know.

But obviously none of these people have ever met a solid woman that doesn't carry around all that baggage, and it's too bad for them because it's a breath of fresh air. All I know is I've never had to stir up a bunch of fake drama to attract a woman.

 

[betheman]

... I have girlfriends who seem the same way as me yet continue to date alpha males and not be 100% ....

this concept of 100% happy is fc king ridiculous, people need to ditch this crap notion. this is life, there is no 100% happy!

let me tell you this, if you are a woman and you find yourself hitting near that 100% happy button, you will be bored, women need and like drama, to varying degrees, as a man, the best, most stable woman, like/need drama much less than the less stable woman. everyone has baggage, everyone. there has to be a degree of compromise, no one is perfect. you will never be that happy with a man who supplicates, who treats you 'like a princess', deep down inside you know it. you sound like you need to be in control, good luck, you will find a man to control, but he wont be worth it and you will get bored

 

[mrRuckus]

Correlation doesn't always mean causation. That's true.

But most 40+ men I know not married aren't doing too well health-wise, physically, mentally, or emotionally. Good women are great to have by your side.

Maybe that's why they aren't married rather than not marrying making them that way.

Most 27 year old men I know aren't doing too well health-wise, physically, mentally, or emotionally. It is because they are dumb and lazy and too stubborn to see there's another path even if you're right there to kick them in the teeth and shove the evidence right in their faces. Really, most people in most circumstances deserve what they get in the western world.

 

[AlNess]

My stance/justification: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showpost.php?p=1918199&postcount=9

Marriage implies intent and family-oriented leanings, especially when children are in the picture. I always believed in this to some extent, but it became even more apparent to me as I got older. My wife and I are quite conservative, and we both feel that it would have been a disservice to our daughter had we decided to have and raise her out of wedlock. It would seem half-assed and not indicative of complete, 100% commitment. It would look like we were living out our relationship with one foot out the door. Also, though my wife and I were raised in very loving households, neither one of us was raised in a traditional 2-parent household. We want our daughter to have that. We always see people in here wishing things were still like they once were with regards to gender relations; I apply that same sentiment with regards to family and raising children. I can't have it both ways, nor do I want to. I do not want my daughter growing up in a household representative of modern, liberal, feminist underpinnings. If she grows up to believe that she doesn't need a husband to raise a child, it won't be because of any influence I helped set into motion.

Of course, it is technically possible to have and raise children in a LTR. It is also possible to learn how to play a musical instrument without learning how to read music; but without the formal foundation, it will feel like something's missing. I am old enough and realistic enough to realize that marriage does not have a guarantee, but for what my wife and I have and want, that is a symbol of us putting our best foot forward.

That is why for my wife and I, it's the right thing to do. It has absolutely nothing to do with "feminized social contrivances" or anything along those lines. In fact, if one is not planning on having children, I do see far less of a reason for formal marriage.

 

[HeadLightsOn]

I got married because I found an awesome woman. She has an awesome personality and she is model hot. I have pics to prove it.

What the hell has any of that got to do with marrying her? If anything what you say sounds quite beta. Nothing against you getting married, good on you, but the reasons you stated - doesn't make sense to me.

 

[Married Buried]

What the hell has any of that got to do with marrying her? If anything what you say sounds quite beta. Nothing against you getting married, good on you, but the reasons you stated - doesn't make sense to me.

I'm sorry I hurt your feelings and it doesn't make sense to you.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Some insight

i can understand why some guys would still want to get married but for chrissakes understand what you're getting into, the risks involved, and know what you stand to lose in case things don't work out.

Above all, do what you can to protect yourself as much as possible.

Absolutely! Don´t do it because of social or religious conventions.

Stuart Jeffries kicks off the special sex issue by asking if conventional coupledom inevitably means the end of passion: http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/nov/10/sex-is-monogamy-dead

Annie explains: "When you're in the tunnel of childrearing and career-building, that whole side of things just tends to get put on the back burner. People really don't understand that sex is the glue that keeps you together. The physical in a relationship is the foundation it's built on."

Doug, a journalist on the Denver Post, agrees: "We did still have a sex life," he says. "We communicated pretty well. But life just got in the way. Work, money, kids. It's easy to lose that time for each other in a relationship."

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/nov/10/sex-marathon-couples-revisited

 

[Epimanes]

I'm curious to see your thoughts. Real talk, what did you expect to get from marriage vs. outside of it and did it turn out how you expected? I see nothing but heartache from every married couple I've ever known. I've been in the company of well-to-do families as well as those struggling (financially) and with those I've gotten to know and who subsequently opened up to me, it's always been the same story.

Somebody cheats.

Every. Single. Time.

In all these years I've never met a truly happy married couple.

Well .. now you have just met someone who is happily married. Go ahead ... ask me how I do it.

To be honest We were not always happy .. infact its only been 2 years of super happiness in our marriage. The rest of it has been tough .. just kinda winging it as we go .. we no longer wing it ... we have it figured out. Its fricken fantastic.

 

[goundra]

DON'T HAVE KIDS until you have an investment strategy that will let BOTH of you not work, or at least, enough for one of you to retire and care for the kid. has to make a LOT of money, to pay for the extra expenses of having babysitters, etc, so the main caretaker (and the other spouse) can take LOTS of brakes from childrearing duties. Don't have more than one kid, ever. the earth can't take what load it now has, ferchrissakes! don't make it worse!

this means that you gotta have an investment that CLEARS 30k a year. I can tell you how to do that on 100k. If you can't save that much in 15 years of working (you being 35) and 10 years of her working (her being 30) then you are among the many having no biz having kids! Get it RIGHT, and save yourself, your spouse and your kids the horror, ok?

If you can clear 30k a year on the investment, and the other spouse can clear 40k a year by working, THEN you can have one kid. otherwise, you have to move to the 3rd world, and run some sort of a net biz. Over there, you and kids can have a pretty nice life on 20k a year, and there's little or no income tax, no social security (15% bite on everybody) So a little biz can do you fine. here, tho, you'd better have a 60k a year CLEAR income, and that means you have to gross almost 100k. that is IF one of you has a job with a FINE medical insurance program, that includes spouse and kids, and a pension after 20 years. The only outfit that does is the FEd gov't. and they won't let you draw the pension until you are 50 years old.

get rid of the money worries, BEFORE you add the kid complication, or you are ruining your life, basically. prices double every 15 years, or worse, and the 1/4 million $ that it takes to raise a kid NOW, is going to be 1/2 millon $ in 15 years, guys. You can retire on much, much less. so that kid is going to keep you beating your head against the wall, for 30 years or more after you could have quit and relaxed.

 

[azanon]

1. There is more income to be had.

2. You don't have to fk random btches and think about STDs.

+1, especially for point #2. I absolutely hated fvcking with condoms, and glad I haven't had to bother with them for the past 19 years of my happy marriage.

 

[backbreaker]

this article written by pook, best sums up why i am married, and happily married at that

http://dapook.blogspot.com/2007/12/no-i-dont-have-children.html

simply put, my wife is an asset. considering my income has grown substantially since she's moved in, i mean that literally and figuratively. yeah i could **** tons of girls if i so chose, but they aren't assets, they are time drainers, emotional drainers, they are 100% liabilities.


I found a woman that is a true asset to my life; she gets me, she's hot, she's even tempered which helps soothe my hot temper nature, she's holds me accountable for my goals and the person i want to be.

 

[Epimanes]

this article written by pook, best sums up why i am married, and happily married at that

http://dapook.blogspot.com/2007/12/no-i-dont-have-children.html

simply put, my wife is an asset. considering my income has grown substantially since she's moved in, i mean that literally and figuratively. yeah i could **** tons of girls if i so chose, but they aren't assets, they are time drainers, emotional drainers, they are 100% liabilities.


I found a woman that is a true asset to my life; she gets me, she's hot, she's even tempered which helps soothe my hot temper nature, she's holds me accountable for my goals and the person i want to be.

Great post man... I totally get it when you say your wife is an asset. Mine totally is ... keeps me accountable as well. I would not have married her if she was not an asset. We totally compliment each other. Our strengths and weakneses are opposites. What I suck at my wife is good at .. and vise versa. We are best friends ... and she totally understands me. I guess after 19 years she better lol .. Of course its not all roses and candy 100% of the time .. it has ups and downs .. but the ups far outweigh the downs.

 

[XR 600]

men in the modern age post 1970s get married for 3 main reasons

1. societal shaming

2. not ending up the lonely old man.

3. the 'guarantee' of passing genes ) )

but all exist under the umbrella of Patriarchy

Patriarchy creates wealth and affluence as well as a hyper-inflation of female reproductive value, thus male wealth and resource will inevitably flow towards women in any patriarchy, leading to a population of women with sufficient leisure time and wealth furnished by their only required contribution to society being reproductive ability.

This leisure time, and the women’s ability to gauge her over-inflated value results in an entitlement mentality, that creates licentiousness, demands for increased political influence, and eventually an unlimited demand from women for government protection and provision.

This leads to unrestrained government growth, and eventually to societal bankruptcy and collapse.

Classic! I get such a kick out of posts like this! Makes me laugh.

 

[Poonani Maker]

^^ Yep, they made debt "easy." It was an inevitability to funnel the giant sucking sound (a la Ross Perot) that is Woman. We, as men, held this reckless abandon back for thousands of years, but the crack in the damn split wider and higher, so now, we have no longer ANYthing of value, or worth, and value is no longer measurable. Debt used to be really hard, and most houses were paid for in cash or 80% down, before the mid-1960s.

 

[LiveFreeX]

American to American marriage is stupid. You could easily come out on top through marriage to a 3rd world person.

1. Citizenship

Job Opportunities
Better community services (healthcare/provisions for children)
Foreign lifestyle
Experiencing a different culture
Foreign / Old world cultural values
Culture for your children
Ability to escape your present circumstances
Safer country
Easier life / less expensive cost of living.

2. Inheritance

Her family could provide better opportunities for you
Her family could own property which they will be passing on to you/her in the future
She could have a large inheritance coming to her
She could be part of a rich/power family

3. A friend for the end of the world.

I saw this somewhere on sosuave and really liked it: A person who you can reminiss with "remember when?"
Someone to take on your adventures and share your problems
Someone to shoulder your responsibilities

4. Providing a stable life for children

Everyone kid wants to grow up with a MARRIED mum and dad. Tell yourself what you will, every child wants their mum and dad to be together, EVERY CHILD.

 

[yyc12]

Job Opportunities
Better community services (healthcare/provisions for children)

In a 3rd world country?????? seriously????? :crazy:

 

[americaninbangkok]

I'm curious to see your thoughts. Real talk, what did you expect to get from marriage vs. outside of it and did it turn out how you expected? I see nothing but heartache from every married couple I've ever known. I've been in the company of well-to-do families as well as those struggling (financially) and with those I've gotten to know and who subsequently opened up to me, it's always been the same story.

Somebody cheats.

Every. Single. Time.

In all these years I've never met a truly happy married couple. Plenty of them appear to be so on paper, but once they open up you see a bit of the ugly side. I had one in recent history which looked GREAT when you see them, but then you find out the wife has been cheating. She wanted to cheat on him with me. I just wasn't attracted enough to her and she plays a bigger role in my life which I don't want to jeopardize, so she went for one of my coworkers.

One of the girls I'm seeing asked me in bed last night what my thoughts were on fidelity (her careful way of having 'the talk') and I told her straight up I don't have an opinion about it. I've seen too much duplicity, too much 'backwards' behavior to believe that any of it is coincidence.

I'm now on my 4th year of being single (plenty of relationships/fwb, but nothing monogamous) and I couldn't be happier. I can see myself having a child in the next 10-15 years and ideally being in a relationship with the mother (possibly monogamous at that point), but marriage?

Why? Just why? I'm not trying to bash anyone who's married, but the more I see and learn the more I'm turned off from the idea, ever. Help me understand.

I didn't get married until I was 39. Before moving to Thailand I had a couple of long term relationships, lots of short term ones, and more one-nighters than I could remember. When I moved to Thailand I was around 32/33. For the first couple of years I went nuts, banging chicks to the point of daily exhaustion because of it. Every day was a revolving door of p-u-s-s-y. One went in, one went out.

After a while, it gets old. I got older. I did 100 chicks in 30 days and at the end of the month I was tired of the whole routine. I needed a break. I slowed down but kept nailing my fair share. So I definitely sowed my oats before getting married.

When I hooked up with my wife I had a pretty hot regular and a few other stragglers. At first, I didn't think our relationship was going anywhere. Slowly but surely she won me over. It took maybe a year before I was convinced and started thinking of her seriously.One night I had to make a choice between the hot regular and the wife. I chose the wife because I felt the regular was too flighty and liked to party a wee bit too much to my liking.

The old lady wasn't yappy or bossy, was a solid chick who was a team player, looked great, and we had always had good times together. After around three years, we got married, and she got pregnant. Then a year and a half she got pregnant again.

Sometimes marriage is easy and fun, sometimes it's rough. After all, you can't just think of yourself, especially with kids. I wanted kids...There are bills to pay, mouths to feed, and boys (or girls) to raise and prepare for life. Also, I was always traveling for work which made it tough.

But...once you get past the crappy diapers and the babies being blobs, it gets easier. Now my sons are 12 and almost 11 and they're getting to be where we can hang out together, tell jokes, laugh, and have fun. It's a good gig.

As far as the wife, she's like any woman...they have their moods. They have their times when you just leave em alone and don't bother with them and times when you have fun with them. But after two kids she hasn't gained any weight (maybe a kilo), she doesn't nag, she's quiet, and we want the same things out of life. Plus, I'm 50 and she's 36 - this works. She's not too young, not too old.

Now I'm looking forward to when the kids are old enough to fend for themselves and we can travel and live anywhere we want. It won't be long.

 

[LiveFreeX]

Thank you American in Bangkok, that was a refreshing read.

In a 3rd world country?????? seriously?????

Its nice when you belong to a 1st world country that provides free healthcare but for Americans, they don't have that. My friend up north fell into a cavern this past month. He is in a full body cast with several pieces of metal holding his body together. He has had various surgeries and been sewn back together in several places. He will likely be in the hospital 6 months. He is covering the entire cost of the hospital plus round the clock care, so far with all the surgeries it has added up to $1,500 dollars American. He figures by the time he gets out of the hospital he will have spent roughly $5,000. He has a private room, with WIFI and TV shows on demand and an on-call nurse. China's healthcare facilities aren't the greatest but they are certainly affordable.

In the USA he would be bankrupt for his entire life.