How Do You Hold Frame Going Out Solo?

[shortsuave]

While developing your seduction skills is a major (and probably one of the most difficult) social skill that should translate over nicely to developing relationships with the same sex, at the end of day some of us just don't have (and many never) a whole lot friends; add to the fact that as we age, and many of our peers start to get married or enter relationships, the amount of people that will want to go out with you to a club, bar, and especially daygame, can be very low.


Since college I've been asked by people who see me at an event or party, "Who did you come with?". While I'm confident enough to answer that I'm alone if that's the case, I also understand that to women, especially new women you're meeting, a man going out solo can come across as awkward and lacking social proof. So how do I fix this then?

Therefore, I'm asking- what are your strategies for going out to clubs and bars solo?

My Approach​

Club Promoters: My Idea To Fix This Issue: Something that has been sort of a swiss army knife for me in regards to going out solo has been developing relationships with club promoters; I'll go to a club at it's opening right when all the promoters are talking and strike up a conversation with them, collect their number, etc.. Most of these promoters allow you to hop onto their table for free if you bring a certain amount of girls with you to the club...CHECKMATE! Instead of paying for a risky $150 date where you MIGHT smash, you flip the script with a "Hey I'd love to get to know you better, my friend is actually a promoter over at [hot night club], why don't you and your friends come? Free drinks and a bunch of social proof because you have access to a table and a connection to the club.

Say you don't even have girls to bring to a promoter's table that night....no biggie. Most of these clubs are going to charge $50-$100 for guest list entry, and if you know the promoters or staff well enough, you might just get in for free. But even if you have to pay to get in to the promoter's table that night, it's still worth it because of the social proof. You have immediate access to the 20+ girls at his table, the 100+ girls in the club, AND you can tell any girl that you meet at that club, "My friend has a table, why don't you join us?"

 

[Mertz09]

Well.... If you put it that way...then it is not that hard is it?

 

[shortsuave]

Well.... If you put it that way...then it is not that hard is it?

what's not hard?

 

[Foe]

Therefore, I'm asking- what are your strategies for going out to clubs and bars solo?

The title is weird "holding frame while going out", not sure what frame has to do with it. My personal strat is to meet as many people as possible, generally by the end of the night everyone in the bar has had some exposure to me and by doing that I guess I come accross as confident and popular. Girls are just part of that croud and I'll get a good feeling of which ones are keen or not and then play them off each other until I get a lock.

Been doing it for years and I really enjoy it, infact Im in a relationship now and I miss it.

 

[shortsuave]

The title is weird "holding frame while going out", not sure what frame has to do with it. My personal strat is to meet as many people as possible, generally by the end of the night everyone in the bar has had some exposure to me and by doing that I guess I come accross as confident and popular. Girls are just part of that croud and I'll get a good feeling of which ones are keen or not and then play them off each other until I get a lock.

Been doing it for years and I really enjoy it, infact Im in a relationship now and I miss it.

Holding frame is a relevant term because holding frame essentially means to lead. How is a women supposed to feel confident in your leadership when you're demonstrated a lack of adherence to a basic social norm (going out with other people). Lack of adherence to social norms is along the lines of a lacking common sense, and a bad leader has a low level of common sense.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

Holding frame is a relevant term because holding frame essentially means to lead. How is a women supposed to feel confident in your leadership when you're demonstrated a lack of adherence to a basic social norm (going out with other people). Lack of adherence to social norms is along the lines of a lacking common sense, and a bad leader has a low level of common sense.

I don’t think girls care that much about this. I go out solo quite a bit. I usually just chill. grab a drink and listen to the music and dig the crowd vibes. I’ll admit it’s a bit passive. But I’m lazy & interesting things still happen. I’ve had girls just come up and talk to me. Or If they are in my vicinity, I might talk to them. I’ve never had one ask me why I was alone.
I generally don’t put much stock in social norms.

 

[RangerMIke]

I don't go to clubs and bars anymore as a habit and when I do, I'm not alone. It's really not possible for me anymore to be in that environment and actually have 'fun', so I don't do it. So I don't have any advice other than to go with the intent to have fun and meet people. Just strike up conversations with people that are there and see what happens.

I guess the only advice I can give on 'frame' is that if you are going there to hook-up with chicks... well you have already lost 'frame'.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Holding frame is a relevant term because holding frame essentially means to lead. How is a women supposed to feel confident in your leadership when you're demonstrated a lack of adherence to a basic social norm (going out with other people). Lack of adherence to social norms is along the lines of a lacking common sense, and a bad leader has a low level of common sense.

Are you just making an issue where there is none?

Except for my cat, I mostly go out alone and just have some drinks. No woman ever wondered if I 'lacked adherence to a basic social norm' by not going out with other people.

Another thing is that you should move on from 'frame' by internalising, so you don't worry about holding on / losing 'frame'.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

How people react to you has everything to do with you my dear. If you are cool, others will be cool to you. But its how you vibe.

Some chick asks who you are with? Say myself or me, myself & I. Say that confidently. You can always say (at a party for example) My buddy was going to join, but he got delayed getting back to town & so I decided to check it out on my own....

I have gone out alone countless times. Usually to dinner but sometimes to charity functions, social functions, art openings. Many times I've made a new friend or social/business contact. Sometimes I've ended up going out with people after an event, to dinner, to drinks, sometimes with women, sometimes with men, sometimes in a mixed group. If you are cool, people will invite you along. The key is be interesting, observe the established social order, don't monopolize the new people's time & don't overstay your welcome; depart while they still want you to hang out.

In my 20s I came to enjoy going places alone because then I wasn't beholden to other people who maybe wanted to stay somewhere I found boring, or who I liked hanging out with until I was ready to go somewhere else that maybe they didn't want to go.

In other words, greater freedom to do as I please.

All my friends came to understand that and I carried that over into business travel and socializing even today. Now I have my husband to accomodate, but that's simple enough.

Going alone has perks. Embrace them.

 

[Mertz09]

I don’t think girls care that much about this. I go out solo quite a bit. I usually just chill. grab a drink and listen to the music and dig the crowd vibes. I’ll admit it’s a bit passive. But I’m lazy & interesting things still happen. I’ve had girls just come up and talk to me. Or If they are in my vicinity, I might talk to them. I’ve never had one ask me why I was alone.
I generally don’t put much stock in social norms.

When I was in my 20s and young 30s, I went out alone to the clubs and bars a lot, unless I was traveling, fishing or hunting etc. Back then there were quite a few really good clubs-bars here in H-Town in mid-town where I lived. Sometimes I would meet friends or just enjoy the night alone and meet chicks. I can't ever remember a woman asking me who I was there with, and I don't think they really cared anyway. As they say "It is what it is" and it was what it was.
I had some great times and enjoyed it a lot.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I don’t think girls care that much about this. I go out solo quite a bit. I usually just chill. grab a drink and listen to the music and dig the crowd vibes. I’ll admit it’s a bit passive. But I’m lazy & interesting things still happen. I’ve had girls just come up and talk to me. Or If they are in my vicinity, I might talk to them. I’ve never had one ask me why I was alone.
I generally don’t put much stock in social norms.

Social norms differ per environment. Here in Amsterdam it's quite normal to go into a café or pub alone and just drink by yourself.

Like @Hamurabimbi, I just go out and cycle/ride to a relaxed jazz café and have a beer while conversing with the clientele.

This is one of the ways for me to enjoy the night life. I don't like discotheques and nightclubs, I used to work as a bouncer / cooler and the whole atmosphere puts me off.

If I want to be active, I got to a tango salon, where male dancers are scarce and women always enjoy dancing with me.

While women asked if I was 'available', nobody ever asked me is I was alone.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

. Too bad solo Don Draper didn’t maintain frame.

 

[self_is_an_illusion]

frame: it’s me vs the night

 

[Bingo-Player]

Having just done this last night in a foreign country its all about controlling both yourself and your environment

Being alone can be perceived as being lonely or it can be perceived as being ultra confident

Which side of the coin you land on is entirely down to you

 

[SW15]

Going out to bars alone isn't that big of a deal. I've done it before and done approaches that way. Not one woman ever questioned me as to why I was alone.

That said, it is way better to do approaching with another person. Things can get very boring in between approaches without another male friend/wing with you.

Having a wing is good for 2 and 3 sets.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Or, if you do go to a bar, make sure that you’re dressed one step above the people that frequent it.

Watch the bartenders for a little while, and try to get the attention of the coolest looking one, male, or female. When you talk to them make eye contact, order your drink, and even if it is a beer, you make sure to give them a tip that is noticeable and thank them profusely for helping you. I usually drop a $20.

Now you have made a bartender friend for life they usually know everything that’s going on where you are and all of the places around it and knows all of the regulars and truly what’s going on. second time leave a smaller tip like a five.

If you have any questions about the venue or anything about it, you make sure to ask them, and they will gladly help you out. This is part of how you put a place on lockdown.

When you order a drink for you, and whoever your target is make sure to order from that bartender because they are going to wing for you. A barkeep is the damn best wingman or woman known.

 

[self_is_an_illusion]

Love this

 

[DarwinTaurus]

I normally go out solo, however finding and holding frame in the traditional sense of confidence is not a problem for me, rather, it is hard because I live in a small town, and everyone (well, the locals anyway) knows everyone, so I can become self-conscious due to that factor.

 

[Mertz09]

Or, if you do go to a bar, make sure that you’re dressed one step above the people that frequent it.

Watch the bartenders for a little while, and try to get the attention of the coolest looking one, male, or female. When you talk to them make eye contact, order your drink, and even if it is a beer, you make sure to give them a tip that is noticeable and thank them profusely for helping you. I usually drop a $20.

Now you have made a bartender friend for life they usually know everything that’s going on where you are and all of the places around it and knows all of the regulars and truly what’s going on. second time leave a smaller tip like a five.

If you have any questions about the venue or anything about it, you make sure to ask them, and they will gladly help you out. This is part of how you put a place on lockdown.

When you order a drink for you, and whoever your target is make sure to order from that bartender because they are going to wing for you. A barkeep is the damn best wingman or woman known.

Exactly! I used to do this very thing when I was younger and frequently going to clubs & bars.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Exactly! I used to do this very thing when I was younger and frequently going to clubs & bars.

It's how I made most of my tips in the night life.