How do you handle temptation?

[jobluek]

Hey guys,

I've been single pretty much my entire life up until about three months ago, so am trying to adjust to being in a relationship. Just to preface my question, my girlfriend of 2+ months is awesome; really really sweet, laid-back and will do whatever with me, cute, and likes sex even more than I.

That being said, I'm wondering how you all handle this. I'm very social and last weekend at a friend's party, met a really cool single girl who was definitely flirting with me all night. She's a cute doctor (literally curing cancer), and we had great conversation. (My gf was there but is really shy, so only talked to the people there she knew.)

I want to follow up and make friends with the doctor; this is OK, right? I'll admit I have a bit of a crush on her. However, I want to be a good guy, and I know I have a good girl right now.

So I guess the question is, how do you all handle temptation? It's been 2+ months and I go out a lot, and nothing was unusual about this night...so this can't be that unique of an experience.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

A lot of life is about our choices. There are many potential paths. Weigh what means what to you, what you wish to pursue, and measure your potential consequences upon whatever path you choose.

Make many friends.

But the grass too is always greener.

 

[Jeffst1980]

This is a situation where you need to be honest with yourself. You don't want to "make friends" with the hot doctor chick; you're interested in her and you want to see where it goes. When you start pushing boundaries, it becomes a slippery slope awfully fast; if you TRULY want to avoid temptation with a girl you find attractive, you have to draw the line with her at anything past casual acquaintance.

It sounds to me that you want to be single--especially since you've JUST entered into a relationship. I'm guessing you got into a relationship with your gf simply because you had no reason NOT to. The truth is, though, there isn't must reason to enter in ANY relationship unless you're seriously considering marriage in the somewhat near future. I spend the first half of my twenties in one committed relationship after another before I finally realized that it's OK to be single and play the field. You don't settle down because you found a decent girl and you don't want to lose her; you settle down because you want to get married and start a family.

Sometimes, you have to throw back a perfectly spectacular girl simply because it isn't the right TIME for you. If you'd prefer to be single deep down, that's perfectly fine (and preferable, as you haven't even hit your prime yet)--just don't lead her on and exacerbate the situation.

As for being a "good guy," look at it this way: The guy who is upfront about his desire to stay single and non-exclusive with women is not the bad guy; the bad guy is the guy that pretends to be on board with commitment, marriage, kids, etc. for a number of years until he can no longer keep up the charade. Be honest about what you truly want and you will save your partners a lot of suffering in the long run.

 

[Slickster]

I've been single pretty much my entire life up until about three months ago, so am trying to adjust to being in a relationship. Just to preface my question, my girlfriend of 2+ months is awesome; really really sweet, laid-back and will do whatever with me, cute, and likes sex even more than I.

If you've been single most of your life you should probably be playing the field and getting more experience before you decide to settle on one woman.

That being said the description of your current girlfriend is pretty much what every single guy is looking for. Especially the laid back and will do whatever with me part. The fact that she likes sex more than you is icing on the cake.

What happens if you dump her for doctor girl only to find out that she is high stress, high maintenance, moody, b!tchy, controlling, super busy with her work, not much time for you, no time for sex, doesn't really like it, attention *****, flirts with other dudes, etc?

Most women out there are to some degree as described above. Lots of guys spend a life time looking for that cute, fun, laid back chick that they connect with. I'm not saying rush out and marry her but don't get too caught up in a girl because she is a "doctor" and you had a good chat with her. Catch her on a bad day and you probably wouldn't be tempted at all.

It's totally natural to want what you can't have. When you are "stuck in a relationship" you'll always want to be single and vice versa. It takes a whole bunch of crappy relationships to truly appreciate when you have a good one.

Take a browse around the forum here if you want some insight into how "most" girlfriends behave. If your current gf is as cool as you say then I'd say you are a lucky guy and you should stick with her until she proves otherwise. In the meantime it doesn't mean you can't meet and chat with other women.

If the temptation is too much then choose to be single. Leading people on is never a good path and not only wastes her time but yours too.

 

[jophil28]

Hey guys,

I've been single pretty much my entire life up until about three months ago, so am trying to adjust to being in a relationship. Just to preface my question, my girlfriend of 2+ months is awesome; really really sweet, laid-back and will do whatever with me, cute, and likes sex even more than I.
.

Have you and she had "the talk" about agreeing to be exclusive ?

 

[Jitterbug]

A doctor working on curing cancer will have her career is priority number 1. You'll be way down on the list, after her career, friends and family. Don't go there.

 

[Drum&Bass]

I've been single pretty much my entire life up until about three months ago, so am trying to adjust to being in a relationship. Just to preface my question, my girlfriend of 2+ months is awesome; really really sweet, laid-back and will do whatever with me, cute, and likes sex even more than I.

well....what did you think was gonna happen ??...You've been this 30 year old virgin and all of a sudden you jump straight into a Finals Game (a relationship) without getting any Pre-Season practice (sex with other women).

Don't be like Tiger Woods and end up marrying the first COOL girl that comes into your life (without experiencing MANY other women first). You need to meet and have sex with LOTS of different women or you will turn into a whiney sniveling nice guy always asking for other peoples help on how to control your sexual appetite.

 

[jobluek]

I've had a few short-term girls and hook ups in college, but admittedly I'd been on a pretty long cold spell until I met this new girl. Yes I can count the girls on one hand, but I've met a lot of people: enough to know that I have a good one right now. I think Slickster makes a good point, I could break up and pursue a new girl and it'd likely end in me realizing that I'd be blowing it with a better girl right now simply for the illusion of something better (grass is always greener syndrome).

I think I'm just so used to being single and being able to pursue whoever I want that it's really throwing me off that I'm not allowed to now, and was wondering how you guys handle it yourself. I'm sure this type of thing has to happen all the time, which is probably why cheating is so common. Also for me, and I'm not sure if this matters, but I don't think I've had that much success with women in the past, so when a cute one likes me I hate to let that opportunity pass. Like a lot of people on this board, I've approached hundreds of women in the past.

As for Jeffst's comments, I also think you make a lot of good points, and at this point I don't want to rule out settling down. However, that would be something in the future and don't want to rush into anything, but I think I'm old enough where this should be at least an option. A lot of my friends are also doing the same, and for good reason. However at 3 months into a relationship, I definitely think that's too quick of a conclusion to come to.

My reason for this post was that I assumed all of you guys dealt with this and it was really common, I was hoping to get feedback regarding how you've all handled it in the past (or present).

 

[Oxide]

I see multiple girls at once. The one that is better than the rest gets more time. I am considering her to be a great girl but I will not marry her and will most likely want to pursue other quality women, so I can't offer her anything more than hanging out a couple of times a week.

If I was in a relationship I would be with a girl who is the best for me, and I would keep other girls as casual acquaintances.

 

[Slickster]

My reason for this post was that I assumed all of you guys dealt with this and it was really common, I was hoping to get feedback regarding how you've all handled it in the past (or present).

If I want to be playing the field then I lose the girlfriend and see whoever I want. Promise them nothing and enjoy the ride.

When you have a gf it never makes sense to cheat. In the long run you are just wasting everyones time. Most importantly yours.