How do you handle Finances/Money in your marriage?

[Reyaj]

It seems a lot of dudes work and the wife is the one that manages the money...

How do you all do it? Do you each have your own checking account, or do you have a joint account? How do you control/monitor each other's spending? Any double standards?

I know I want to have my own money but I can tell already my wife is going to want to know everything...

 

[backbreaker]

considering i make all the money i manage it. i do my finances differently than most people i have I want to say 8 different bank accounts, one a general account i make deposits into and then i just transfer funds into whatever account needs what. like we have an account just for paying bills, one for groceries, one for my business expenses, i have an account for my horse racing stuff, then we have like a misc/party account, an account for our son to buy him stuff with whatever he needs, etc.

so with that stated, she only has access to the accounts that are revelant to her. joe's account, groceries, the party account. I actually pay the bills/use bill pay.

so that way if there is 400 dollars in the party account and she wants to take her friends out to eat she doesn't even have to ask it's there. but at the same time, she can't drain my horse racing or savings account or my general account

also she gets a trust fund check each month and she has her own savings accont setup and puts half of it there, and the other half she puts on her own checking acocunt to do whatever the hells he wants with. and with all that said if she ever wants anything all she has to do is ask i don't set it up like that to be cheap it's just how i like to set my stuff up. we also have a joint amex card and a joint gas card.

 

[sageproduct]

It seems a lot of dudes work and the wife is the one that manages the money...

How did this tradition even originate? It completely baffles me because aren't men generally more predisposed to quantitative skills than women?

 

[speed dawg]

I manage the money. I'm good with numbers. We have one checking account, and I know everything that goes in and out of it. We have other accounts for savings and such. We have one credit card that I keep in my wallet, and use it only for reimbursable work expenses and online purchases.

In regards to that one account, we both have debit cards attached to it. One checkbook that I control. We live within our means, ie, I know how much money is brought in per month minus all fixed expenses (savings, bills, etc.). The rest I keep track of until we reach our limit then we stop spending for the month.

It's really that easy. I don't believe in separate accounts. It does not work, in my opinion. Don't get married if that's how you view it.

 

[The Duke]

When I was married I let her handle all of the checking/bill paying/accounts/credit cards/whatever. That stuff was just busy work to me and I didn't want to take time for it. However towards the end of my marriage I started going thru all of the accounts and quickly saw that the money was not being managed well. I made more than she did, but we both made good upper middle class salaries. Money was never an issue, however I just saw she was wasting a lot that I never knew about. There also wasn't as much getting put into savings as I had originally thought.

I have learned that the majority of women out there are pathetic when it comes to managing money.

If I was to get married again, I will either have separate accounts and each will be acountable for certain bills or I will control all of it and she can get a small monthly allowance.

 

[pdx1138]

I have learned that the majority of women out there are pathetic when it comes to managing money.

Thats been my experience.

One of my ex's made the same salary I do and was living paycheck to paycheck while I usually dump half in savings each month
and our monthly expenses were identical.

 

[backbreaker]

You know what i have honestly found from my expeirence. Most women I know aren't bad at all managing money. My wife is pretty good at it though not as percise as I am. My mother is a freaking nazi when it comes to budgets.

But most women are horrible when it comes to SAVING money. My mom makes about 105-110k, at least she did last year, and she might have 4k in her savings account right now. She can't save money. It burns a whole in her pocket she has to give it to church or go on a cruise or do something. she can't just say okay i made 5 grand this week i'm going to put 2k of it in the bank. not possible. my wife is the same way. she gets a trust check and she will put half of it in the bank for our son and then she runs out the door lke a drug addict on the first of the month rotfl. already know where she's oing she already has the **** picked out she's gonna buy from the mall. lol she always buys me something because she knows I won't ***** if she comes back with presents. Usually I get some shoes or a shirt or something out of the deal. I mean it's her moeny and i have more than enough in savings from my previous business plus I put close to 20% of everything I make in the bank for a rainy day but it's just the principle of the matter. That's not a good precedent to set.

But everyone has their quirks and she likes to blow her check on goodies. And she does put about half of it back in the bank account but that's not savings that's operating expenses for our son I make her do that. I could make her save money but she would pout.

 

[The Duke]

Thats good advice Danger. It also holds each other accountable for their own actions!

 

[speed dawg]

If she complains about this setup and wants to mix the money, then you can bet she sees you as a wallet.

Wouldn't this just been another screening technique? To sort of let you know that, hey, maybe I shouldn't be with this broad.

What if you two ever had kids? How will you split that? And even if you don't get married, sooner or later you'll be considered common-law. What if she goes into horrendous debt spending 'her' money? What if you want her to stay home to raise kids? Don't take this as me hating on your method, I'm more curious about it. Sounds like it works for you at the moment. It just doesn't appear to be solid enough to be able to proclaim "Don't ever mix your money with your wife/gf" for everyone across the board.

On another note, for those who fear losing everything in a divorce, remember that most men lose it all because they don't fight back. Most times we know that the men gets wussified, so the wife loses respect and leaves/cheats/whatever and she wants the divorce. The men never lawyer up and fight, because they think they will eventually win her back. I know men who have been divorced for 20 years who still think their exes are coming back to them. On the other hand, the woman typically not only fights, but sees her ex as a lower man, and despises him, thus causing her to be even more ruthless, the more spineless he becomes. Divorces should be 50/50, just like you split your money.

 

[Married Buried]

My wife doesn't manage the money. I do and I have never missed a payment. I have all the due dates in my head.

 

[Married Buried]

I forgot to add, we have a joint account. The reason is when we got married I was the broke one and she had all the money.

 

[speed dawg]

I honestly don't see any situation in which you should mix your money. I see no benefit whatsoever. The only reason to do so is to split bills, so why can you not do that verbally rather than mix money and give the probability of fighting over the money?

We'll just have to agree to disagree. In my own personal opinion, keeping things split is almost like you're not 100% committed, sort of like you're already planning the split if it ever happens. That's no way to have a (lasting) relationship in my opinion. And as far as wife staying at home with kids, we disagree there too.

While I agree with this in some cases, I can vouch for many men who didn't want their wives back, and were totally screwed by misandric courts. My one buddies wife even had psychiatric counseling and STILL won the kids. And she was even caught lying in court!

Don't fool yourself, if men fought back it would not change that women by default get the children. That is the first major step to getting the assets and cash flow in any divorce.

I agree, and family court is where judges and lawyers get shot with automatic weapons. It absolutely needs reform. I will never argue that. My solution was always to let the men take the boys, and the women take the girls. That's too logical for the liberal court system though.

 

[Bible_Belt]

How do you all do it?

My girlfriend pays most of the bills, except for rent. My money is our fun money. Lately, most of it gets re-invested back into business pursuits. When she and I got together, I had her file Chapter 7 and get rid of almost $50k in credit card debt, which was only possible because she lived with me. She has a fairly high income, but is horrible at managing money. I have a horrible income, but I'm very good at managing what I have, so it works out well.

 

[speed dawg]

I had a discussion with a friend of mine the other day in regards to how he feels the need to be married, as he felt calling this woman his "girlfriend" just felt so childish......We also talked about the values that are instilled in us as boys, which I think is key here......
From the 60's and 70's, women and girls have been taught to rip up their social contract with men as pertaining to obligations on their part. While at the same time, boys and men are held to their social contract (Girls in line first, always protect ladies, etc,...).....This inevitably leads to an adulthood where men are playing by old-fashioned rules and shamed or ridiculed if they do not. The only rules that were thrown out the window was anything that was detrimental to the "cause" for women......Thus we still have the predisposition today among mature men to commit our resources (share accounts) while we are no longer guaranteed to receive women's contribution via the social contract.......When you step back and take a look, it is mainly the women that benefit from this resource sharing and mainly men who suffer from it.

I 100% agree. I have bunches of examples of this, including my wife's father, who is the ultimate natural alpha, yet somehow a beta in his current marriage. They have a 'joint' account with he and his wife's name, then she has a separate account. Somehow he views this as his obligation. It's terrible, the women having their cake and eating it too. In regards to me, all I can tell you is that my household does not operate that way. I literally make all decisions and my wife sees finances the same way I do. If she was making more money than me, it would be the same way.

We have had issues with her dad trying to tell her that she needs 'her' money, but we nip that sh1t in the butt real quickly.

Add to that the fighting that will inevitably take place over how money is spent (Do you now need permission to buy that nice new Porsche you always wanted? Do you now have to buy her something of commesurate value?) and you have a recipe for disaster.

Maybe a little. But that's going to happen no matter what. I mean, how do you decide who pays if you and your girl go out to eat? That used to be a big ordeal for us until we combined expenses.

Yes we may disagree SpeedDawg, but I know you are smart enough to see that you are shooting yourself in the foot over morality that was taught to you at your own expense and for the benefit of whatever woman you choose to share your money with........Bottom line is, you have everything to lose and almost nothing to gain by mixing your funds. The only reason to do so is a sense of obligation to the morals instilled upon us by a femcentric society that wants you to keep up your end of the social contract which women abandoned long ago.

Nothing moral about it. But my family and marriage is one unit. I am very religious as well, but we won't get into that here. I actually see my way as the most 50/50 way there is. But, it's not 50/50, it's more like 100/100.

 

[twentee]

I see to it that she gets a US citizenship, she pays me about 20k a year, on top of what she costs me. She gets to keep about 10k a year, after taxes, and she sends a helluva lot of it back to her home country. It is enough to make her the biggest hero her family ever heard of!

Considering that I am setting her up to retire in the US on her investments, after being here just 6-7 years, it's a fantastic deal for a third world lady. I get a sweet, lovely, sexy, smart young trainee and lover, she gets what to her (and millions just like her) amounts to Heaven on Earth. Once she's been here 5 years, she will be getting a Title II gunmaker's license (machineguns and silencers) That, and the things I know about such things, will let her clear 100k a year, just by working weekends. It's very easy to do this, actually. the license costs just 1k US per year.

 

[Married Buried]

I see to it that she gets a US citizenship, she pays me about 20k a year, on top of what she costs me. She gets to keep about 10k a year, after taxes, and she sends a helluva lot of it back to her home country. It is enough to make her the biggest hero her family ever heard of!

Considering that I am setting her up to retire in the US on her investments, after being here just 6-7 years, it's a fantastic deal for a third world lady. I get a sweet, lovely, sexy, smart young trainee and lover, she gets what to her (and millions just like her) amounts to Heaven on Earth. Once she's been here 5 years, she will be getting a Title II gunmaker's license (machineguns and silencers) That, and the things I know about such things, will let her clear 100k a year, just by working weekends. It's very easy to do this, actually. the license costs just 1k US per year.

I doubt you really do this, because you would never admit to it freely like this on the web. It's a serious crime and they will catch you.

 

[Reyaj]

This thread is becoming a great read for practical purposes....

I think the debate vs joint and separate accounts in marriage depends on the wife...

If you both have decent paying jobs and could afford to buy your own things then I think having separate accounts works well. You can decide what mutual expenses you both share and divide them up as far as who pays each.

Where I think it gets complicated and joint accounts are needed is if one party is financially dependent on the other. In most cases this would be the woman.. Say your wife doesn't have anywhere as near a good job as you do.. or lets say she doesn't work and she is a full time housewife....

She is going to need to need an account she has access to and get cash from.

My wife and I have separate checking accounts and credit cards. We pay each other balances each month on what we owe jointly (utilities and other bills, vacation expenses, etc.) Of course we don't keep a constant ledger on who buys what. But as a general rule, she buys groceries and pharmacy stuff, and I pay for nightlife, dinners out, and the like. Our accounts are linked but only so that we can transfer funds INTO the other's account. It works for us and we don't look at each other's statements or anything silly like that.

I am not quite sure I understand your arrangement Sampspade. If you both have separate checking accounts why do you both need to pay off each other's balances? Why couldn't you use your own accounts to pay the assigned expenses? I don't get the need for having the accounts linked? Not judging.. just want some clarification

 

[Desdinova]

When I was married, we had separate accounts. We split the bills according to our incomes. I had all the major ones (mortgage, car payment, insurance, taxes) while she had all the minor ones (heat, water, electricity) and groceries were usually shared. Many times she couldn't keep up her end of the bargain because she would go out and spend money on crap, sometimes cutting into her ability to pay the bills. I had to bail her out numerous times and of course I would give her 5hit about it. It would have been better if I would have controlled 100% of the finances, but I knew she would have none of that.

 

[Tiguere]

Pageonce Manages My Finances.