how do you get the guts?

[girlsrules]

how do you get the balls to just go and talk to a girl? what do you tell yourself so you wont **** up? please give me advice thanks.

also when you do start talking to a girl should you act calm and nice? help thanks.

 

[green69]

usually I refer back to instances in the past (many of them) where I regretted not doing anything and kicked myself later. That usually helps in motivating.

 

[darth yoda]

What do I have to lose? The worst she could do is reject me. I'd rather have that happen then regret not doing anything.

I'm sure we all have felt that before...

As for convo skills, read the bible young padawan.

 

[skyjcky]

Go at it like you have nothing to lose (which you DONT have anything to lose) as long as you are confident, your all good. Read the DJ Bible, make a lightweight mack plan, and try it out man, be cool about it, remember, its just a girl.. and go enjoy yourself!

 

[I'm Joe Dirt]

Always be polite and calm. Not over polite but say please and thank you, you know what I mean?

Unless your plan calls for acting a little nervous. Sometimes girls like making guys nervous because it makes them feel attractive, and making a girl feel good about themselves is a powerful tool, especially if she doesn't know you are doing it on purpose.

This works (as long as you dont over do it) because it is always more flattering to be complimented when the other person doesnt know you are listening. For example, its almost always a nicer feeling to hear someone say "hey, so and so said you were a hilarious guy!" or "so and so said you did a great job on this project" and stuff like that than it is when someone says "good job" right to your face after you did something.

Same theory here, if you are acting somewhat nervous but cool at the same time, it could be interpreted as a subconcious compliment to her.

If none of what I said above makes sense to you though, just stick to being cool and calm.

 

[So pimp its scary]

girlsrule, I take it that you don't approach because even the idea of approaching makes your balls shrivel up into tiny little nutlets.

I've been in your position before, and I've hated it. First thing you gotta do is to DECIDE that you will get over this NO MATTER WHAT.
One great idea is simply to, when your ballz shrivel up like that just go up and approach any way. Then your tiny little nutlets will start to poke themselves out of your sack again.

Remember, Ballz are a muscle too. You gotta train them, or as you've surely felt... you lose them.

 

[h2o]

Originally posted by girlsrules
how do you get the balls to just go and talk to a girl? what do you tell yourself so you wont **** up? please give me advice thanks.

also when you do start talking to a girl should you act calm and nice? help thanks.

practice.

trust me, you will **** up. that's perfectly fine, because ****ing up is what will make you not **** up in the future...ie, becoming more comfortable, losing the fear of approaching, and learning what works, what doesn't.

you already have guts. you just need to learn to become truly comfortable with yourself.

when you start talking to a girl, act however you want. just be yourself...don't act a certain way or try to conform to any set of guidelines. just be cool, and relax. let go of your inhibitions and live the moment.

just go out there and approach regardless of how scary it may be...that's the only way. :woo:

 

[white_hype]

ALmost everyone goes thorugh the fear in the beginning, your character as a man will determine how fast you get over it and how successful you will become.

I got over it by doing this:

One day I sat down and thought about what I wanted... REALLY thought. I found I wanted to be able to talk to anyone anywhere and be totally fine with it. I wanted to be able to pick up the hottest girls I see ALL the time and eventually find the "perfect" girl for me and get married. Then I thought what was holding me back? FEAR. I feared a lot of things so I drank alcohol. When i drink i lose ALL inhibitions (there is nothing i wont do/say to anyone... seriously I've done some crazy sh1t). That helped but PU'ing while drunk didnt help me achieve my goals so i had to drop the alcohol.

After a while of "practicing" (going up to girls and just having a normal convo with the only goal being to approach/talk to them for 5 seconds) I realised it wasnt a big deal. She could tell me to go fvck myself and that im an ugly ******* and I would have NO problem with it. I would give it right back to her and move on.

Now I am just working on getting better with each time i PU, meaning I try to learn from every expereince and make the next one better.

so
1-find what you want
2-anaylze how you will get there
3-go out and practice (do warm ups ie- just ask what time it is/whats the date/where xyz is... doing 3-4 of these makes talking/approaching easier. DO this every time you go PU)
4-learn from every experince and get better each time. Treat it as a FUN game. YOu have nothing to lose and everything to gain (for example, 1 month ago I hestiated to PU a girl... i caught myself being a b1tch and I just wne tup to her and said some bs "hey do you know where the cool bars are" she talked and talked... ended up hooking up with her, she bought me drinks, paid cabfare, and is hooking me up with concert tickets (she works for a radio station)... ALL THAT FOR JUST TALKING TO HER!!!

she could have just said "nope, cya" and I wouldnt have even cared... I would rather not regret not approaching than wondering what if

 

[ObieJuan]

I'd say the biggest motivating factor for me the first few approaches took some cajones; I was a little nervous but maintained confidence. You'll probably say some silly stuff trying to do C+F but if you don't take yourself too seriously and learn from your encounters you'll do fine. Also the girls were all very nice to me. I wouldn't say go up to just any chick, pick out ones which have appealing body language. I am sure you can spot a girl you can talk to by the way she carries herself. I doubt you'll need to do a bunch of cold approaches, just start talking to women - make casual conversation. Find out her interests, passions, hobbies or pretty much anything else you can- keep it light and have fun with it. This is a good primer for when you do meet a girl you like you'll have honed your rapport/conversational skills a bit and will feel much more comfortable in opening conversations.

Once you have the confidence it will allow you to approach girls you are genuinely interested in and you can go from there. I have one tip for you: take the emphasis off yourself and focus on qualifying her with questions to which in your mind already have answers- this way you can see if she measures up to your expectations and is worth your time to pursue.

For instance if you ask her

"What do you think of theme parks?"

her answer may reflect she's adventurous; if so ask some more questions related to the subject - or use it to share a similar experience. If you get an answer that isn't to your liking, change your frame of mind that she's the opposite of adventurous- maybe more laid back kinda girl who'd enjoy going for a walk in the park. As you can see it should be pretty easy to get her going. If you aren't getting much other than yes or no questions her IL is probably low and you would probably just say something like "Well, I have to run, it was nice talking to you. What's your number? Maybe we can meet up again some other time". Of course you'd only number close a girl you had interest in, but that's up to you.

Do this enough and the task of meeting women will become more enjoyable to the point you will want to meet lots more! Don't worry about rejection- you're just making convo. If they're interested you will have no problems getting their number. If not they will probably just make up some stupid excuse (which I find happens a lot).

Hope this helps you out some.

 

[Junior Sanz]

i always say,

"if i go up to this chic and start talking to her and a bolt of lightening comes down and blasts me, i will NEVER approach another girl again"

 

[medjaun]

I agree with the posters here. For one thing the first few approaches are deffinatly the hardest. You just have to man up, even if you feel really nervous just do it anyways. I've done that and you'll be suprised at how well things will go, you just have to try and remain calm on the outside even if on the inside you feel knotted up.

And like someone else said thinking back to oppertunities you had in the past that you let go is a good way to pysche yourself up. I got really pissed the other day thinking of some girls I let slip by and now I use that to get me going when I feel nervous.

What's great is that after you do face your fear and talk to a girl you'll feel a bit confidence boost which just makes them easier and easier.

Good luck

 

[BxPrince24]

I started using "the ticking time bomb"

My own little method to break outta my shell. If at any time I start to feel nervous, shy, etc... I start thinking to myself tick... tick... tick.. while I'm doing this I'm clearing my mind of all thoughts, then BOOOOOOOOM! I usually let out a WHOOOOOO! or a YEAAAAAH! then I go ahead and do what i wanted without thinking.

 

[crowes22]

Originally posted by girlsrules
how do you get the balls to just go and talk to a girl? what do you tell yourself so you wont **** up? please give me advice thanks.

also when you do start talking to a girl should you act calm and nice? help thanks.

I don't, they approach me. OK, I do occasionally, but it is rare. Very rare. Women will be alot more bold than you might think about letting you know they want to fvck you.

 

[Double]

Re: Re: how do you get the guts?

Originally posted by crowes22
I don't, they approach me. OK, I do occasionally, but it is rare. Very rare. Women will be alot more bold than you might think about letting you know they want to fvck you.

picture!

 

[LordBrian]

Originally posted by green69
usually I refer back to instances in the past (many of them) where I regretted not doing anything and kicked myself later. That usually helps in motivating.

same thing i do...

 

[FollowTheWhiteRabbit]

I dont tell myself anything anymore, I see a girl I want to talk to and I walk over and blurt out Hi, Hey, Whats up, or hey whats up, With a sly smile that screams I think your f.cking hot and I would like to hit that.

Stop thinking, my best moments have happened within the last few weeks for me, every girl I meet is smiling at me and trying to keep me talking to them. Just turn your F.cking brain off, you dont need it analysing every thought. Do what feels natural. Girls dont think, when they talk to you, they just react and blurt out things, ever heard a girl say something stupid?

I see a girl I like I walk up with a smile say hey, hold out my hand and use something situational to start a convo. Then just carry on from the last line they gave you. Its easier then you all think. Girls will talk and talk and talk, and all you have to do is interject once in while to agree or disagree with them.

Keep the topic light, if they start to get serious about something, say there career and what they want from it, you say "Ok enough career planning, lets talk about something more fun, whats your favorite color?" everytime I use this the girl enthusiasticly replies with her favorite color and it brings the conversation back down to a lighter more fun topic.

Just talk, about anything, but keep it light and smile.

Also you need to stop giving a f.ck what some girl thinks of you, shes just a girl, a giggling, smiling flirting girl that wants to be a part of someone elses world(yours). Who cares what she thinks of you, you have your life, which is complete and makes you happy with or without her(it does right?).

Get the right attitude and then the girl doesnt matter, shes an object now and objects dont have opinions. If she fits you good if she blows you off good, she doesnt even give herself a chance to f.ck with you.

 

[So pimp its scary]

Originally posted by FollowTheWhiteRabbit
I dont tell myself anything anymore, I see a girl I want to talk to and I walk over and blurt out Hi, Hey, Whats up, or hey whats up, With a sly smile that screams I think your f.cking hot and I would like to hit that.

Stop thinking, my best moments have happened within the last few weeks for me, every girl I meet is smiling at me and trying to keep me talking to them. Just turn your F.cking brain off, you dont need it analysing every thought. Do what feels natural. Girls dont think, when they talk to you, they just react and blurt out things, ever heard a girl say something stupid?

There are some great insights in that paragraph!

Think about that... or rather, don't think about it *cheezy grin*

 

[Bilogomja]

"how do you get the balls to just go and talk to a girl? what do you tell yourself so you wont **** up? please give me advice thanks.

also when you do start talking to a girl should you act calm and nice? help thanks."

Just first start talking to anyone any chance you get "how are you doing" etc. Then start focusing on the chicks your into, and force yourself to talk with them (even if its some thing like "hi") eventually youll overcome your fear of approaching and you'll be able to move on to actually start conversations. Oh yea dont worry about rejection, it happens to everyone, just dont give a **** and do it.

 

[LongDrinkofWater]

Yeah, at first it's not easy, but once you practice starting up conversations with the people YOU choose it gets easier. It's all about confidence - in yourself. If the idea of walking right up and talking to the local HB10 scares the bejeezus out of you, then back off. Start lower. Start talking with people you DON'T know....put youself in the position of being the initiator of the conversation (subject can be anything). You'll soon find out that it's really not as bad as it appears to be when looking in from the outside. If you're nice and polite, folks will want to continue to talk. You'll find yourself naturally gravitating towards convos with hotter women as you become more comfortable starting conversations. Like everything else, it takes practice.

 

[crowes22]

Re: Re: Re: how do you get the guts?

Originally posted by Double
picture!

heh,heh, I doubt I look much different from you at all. Really.

Yea, women obsess over me, I promise ya, they beg to know why I'm not taken, they tell me I must run real fast, and contimplate in my prescence why some broad hasn't landed me. I keep my mouth shut, and smile.

Join the club brother.

--Crowes