How do you get the girl to invest time and effort as much as you do.

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

I know I am I always good with investing good quality time with a girl but lately with my past girls I’ve been worried too much about being taken for granted. I love doing stuff for people but I want close to as much effort in return. Of course I sound somewhat selfish but I don’t go buy something someone and then ask for something similar in return. But I don’t want to be the guy who gets taken for granted, used or his time and effort not shown any respect.

It is things like giving my girl a backrub, going to places, always initiating things to do, having all the ideas, lead all the sexual stuff on and other generous crap. I mean if I always do a sh*tload more things than her and she hardly returns the favour, then am I right to believe she is using me, not putting value on me, disrespecting my time or just gong along for the ride.

I am having problems like:
• Phonecalls: I am always ringing her more times than I do. And if I don’t, then we usually just don’t get things happening for the night. I’ve checked her phone one day and she never rings anyone up. I feel like if wait for the girl to call then I lose my lead and nothing much would happen. But when I ask the girl to call then I feel like she is not doing it on her own and feels pressured. I don’t want to be the person who rings up people all the time.

I love it when a girl rings me up all the time. Makes me feel like I’m really special, wanted and like a true pimp haha. But I need help on what you true DJ’s do to get them dialing my digits.
• Initiating Sex: My girl never once initiated sex. She states that she’s not the type of person to lead to sex. I mean we’ve been going out for quite a while I don’t think she’s doing it to make it look like she’s not a sl*t.
• Getting girls to generally do a lot of stuff for me on their own. Maybe I should read up more on Carnegie’s book “How to win friends and influence people”.
• Getting them to take me out and act on their feelings for me.

I have a friend who is an expert at getting girls to do a lot of stuff for him, buys him presents, rings him up all the time but he would never tell me. Trade secret I guess. What do you guys do to make this happen?

 

[00Kevin]

Trade secret.. find another market. Asian, Latino, Italian, etc.

You can't expect a unionized employee to do anywork for you.

 

[Charm]

The secret your friend is probably employing is called LYING to them.

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

Lying hey???

I didn't think of that..Hmmm I'll set aside moral issues to try that one out.

How though? What kind of sh*t do you tell them to bait them to bite?

 

[Scorched]

hmmmm
Act like their dad...
Keep them digging for validation and compliments...
Keep the phone conversations short... Always end it before they do...
yeah...

 

[Faded Image]

I am having problems like:
• Phonecalls: I am always ringing her more times than I do. And if I don’t, then we usually just don’t get things happening for the night. I’ve checked her phone one day and she never rings anyone up. I feel like if wait for the girl to call then I lose my lead and nothing much would happen. But when I ask the girl to call then I feel like she is not doing it on her own and feels pressured. I don’t want to be the person who rings up people all the time.

I love it when a girl rings me up all the time. Makes me feel like I’m really special, wanted and like a true pimp haha. But I need help on what you true DJ’s do to get them dialing my digits.
• Initiating Sex: My girl never once initiated sex. She states that she’s not the type of person to lead to sex. I mean we’ve been going out for quite a while I don’t think she’s doing it to make it look like she’s not a sl*t.
• Getting girls to generally do a lot of stuff for me on their own. Maybe I should read up more on Carnegie’s book “How to win friends and influence people”.
• Getting them to take me out and act on their feelings for me.

STOP SEEKING ATTENTION.

You seem to have a need for seeking attention to validate your self-worth. Seeking the attention you want will only cause you tons frustration and eventually a downfall in your relationship. Stop paying so much attention to her and focus your energy elsewhere.

GIVE HER NO MORE THAN WHAT SHE GIVES

It's okay to give to her but when she's not meeting you on equal plains that should raise a dreaded red flag for her being a TAKER. It happens in plenty of relationships everyday in our society being that one person is the giver, and the other person it the taker. You my friend are the giver in this situation and you've trapped yourself in this predicament to salvage you relationship. What do I mean? You're doing everything in your power to save your relationship, so you're the one showing the affection, giving back-rubs, initiating everything while she sits there careless.

She eventually will become bored with you (if she already isn't) if you continue being needy and investing to much into her.

The moral of the story: Invest in yourself more than you're investing in your girl.

 

[azanon]

This is one area i'd like some refined knowledge on as well for reasons i'd care to not go into.

Here's my issue; I know the general advise is avoiding oneitis, but what if you just insist on breaking that rule for specific reasons. There are good reasons sometimes, but i dont want to go into that.

Anyway, In a oneitis scenario, if you're the one with the higher interest level, but the potential is there with the other girl, it seems like such a complicated balance to try to increase her attraction level by "taking action" yet not being so proactive (calling, emailing, etc) as to come across as needy/pushy/clingy. Having a good balance, and adjusting on the fly is a very difficult thing sometimes.

Right now, i'm suscribing to the reward system; contacting more if they deserve it. But even that has flaws because what if they're doing little to be rewarded for. Sure, you can say "next her", but sometimes you simply want a particular woman too much to see that as the viable solution.

 

[sexy_kuta]

simple. how to get the girl to invest more in you?

you add more value to yourself. then she will worship you.

you cant invest things into something that has no value.
, like a nice car. you take care of it..

to her, you have to be different, something that most guys arent, you need to add value to yourself. she needs to see in her own eyes that your worth it. and that if ur gone, she will have a hard time finding another one from u.
u need to SHOW her that your different that most guys.

 

[azanon]

to her, you have to be different, something that most guys arent, you need to add value to yourself. she needs to see in her own eyes that your worth it. and that if ur gone, she will have a hard time finding another one from u. u need to SHOW her that your different that most guys.

My problem is less "having the value", and more getting the truth of that across. Does that make sense? You can know you are a great catch, but they don't know that until you actually do something to make it evident. Sometimes you can be valuable, but if you're the one that initiates everything, its like you're fighting an uphill battle where you have to explain to them in so many words why "if i'm so valuable, then why am I the one pursuing". Its like a GD catch-22. You have to pursue them to get them, but sometimes pursueing them raises that flag up inside them making them wonder why you want them. Meaning, the girl is thinking "someone that's SO valuable (the idea you're trying to sell them) should be just fine without them so why pursue them unless your "value" is a lie.

Its all damn confusing. I hope the explanation of my delima makes some sense. Its all related to push/pull; and yeah ive read the bible. I just find the delicate balance of it challenging and wish I could refine the art more.

 

[donpepot]

hmmmm
Act like their dad...
Keep them digging for validation and compliments...
Keep the phone conversations short... Always end it before they do...
yeah...

Exactly....

 

[sexy_kuta]

My problem is less "having the value", and more getting the truth of that across. Does that make sense? You can know you are a great catch, but they don't know that until you actually do something to make it evident. Sometimes you can be valuable, but if you're the one that initiates everything, its like you're fighting an uphill battle where you have to explain to them in so many words why "if i'm so valuable, then why am I the one pursuing". Its like a GD catch-22. You have to pursue them to get them, but sometimes pursueing them raises that flag up inside them making them wonder why you want them. Meaning, the girl is thinking "someone that's SO valuable (the idea you're trying to sell them) should be just fine without them so why pursue them unless your "value" is a lie.

Its all damn confusing. I hope the explanation of my delima makes some sense. Its all related to push/pull; and yeah ive read the bible. I just find the delicate balance of it challenging and wish I could refine the art more.

then you have no value. when youk now you have value. WHy is it your job to get them to notice you? what do they have that makes u work ur ass off. why do u have to get them to notice U in the first place.

a girl can see a winner from a mile.. trust me. believe in yourself and have confdience. if your girls not interested in u. U walk awya showing that u have MORe value that her. then she willl notice and come back. girls do that all the time wit me. when i get theirn umbers. they expect ME to call.. but i try to make it 50/50. i call for the first 2-3 weeks then if she aint claling i stop every single contact. a month later shes calling me.. why? because she sees the value in me. she knows that i dont NEED her. because i can find better. to me SHe isnt much value. everything you do is done with value. the way you dress. the way you talk. the way you act. the WAY you react ot EVERYTHING AROUND U. you dont need to get anyhting across. she will notice. and if she doesnt. your nothing, your ego is farther than your value.
theres a difference in being ****y and being high value..

being high value is gettin noticed , being ****y(too much ****y) about it shows your inceure and u need them to notice so you try hard.
but theres a difference in ****y and funny and too much ****y

 

[ryannath]

azanon, i'm kinda in the same situation. I had a woman call me and invite me over one night to have sex with her and we did. It was about a month ago. She really hasn't called me since then, and I haven't her, but she did try to talk to me once on yahoo messenger a couple days after we had sex, but I wasn't on and just got the offline message of a smiley face. I keep wondering if I should call her or just wait for her to call me. I'm not sure if I call her if she will think I'm needy/clingy. But, then again, I wonder if I don't call whether she will think I don't wanna see her again. So, I might be overthinking it, but it's damn confusing.

 

[azanon]

then you have no value. when youk now you have value. WHy is it your job to get them to notice you? what do they have that makes u work ur ass off. why do u have to get them to notice U in the first place.

a girl can see a winner from a mile.. trust me. believe in yourself and have confdience. if your girls not interested in u. U walk awya showing that u have MORe value that her. then she willl notice and come back. girls do that all the time wit me. when i get theirn umbers. they expect ME to call.. but i try to make it 50/50. i call for the first 2-3 weeks then if she aint claling i stop every single contact. a month later shes calling me.. why? because she sees the value in me. she knows that i dont NEED her. because i can find better. to me SHe isnt much value. everything you do is done with value. the way you dress. the way you talk. the way you act. the WAY you react ot EVERYTHING AROUND U. you dont need to get anyhting across. she will notice. and if she doesnt. your nothing, your ego is farther than your value.
theres a difference in being ****y and being high value..

being high value is gettin noticed , being ****y(too much ****y) about it shows your inceure and u need them to notice so you try hard.
but theres a difference in ****y and funny and too much ****y

OK, so what i'm hearing is that if you've let her know in so many words you like her, then the way to increase attraction after that point is to simply do nothing until my effort is being matched.

I guess i struggle with this because I think of myself as naturally witty, so I get tempted to solve the "problem" by using it somehow; which naturally requires me to contact her again. I just feel like i'm not using any skills by doing nothing. I guess its hard for me to accept that sometimes simply doing nothing is my best move.

I just need a kick in the ass.

 

[sexy_kuta]

OK, so what i'm hearing is that if you've let her know in so many words you like her, then the way to increase attraction after that point is to simply do nothing until my effort is being matched.

I guess i struggle with this because I think of myself as naturally witty, so I get tempted to solve the "problem" by using it somehow; which naturally requires me contacting her again. I just feel like i'm not using any skills by doing nothing. I guess its hard for me to accept that sometimes simply doing nothing is my best move.

I just need a kick in the ass.

listen bro, always be yourself. you will find someone like you. if u wanna find someone as good. you gottta be good as them. good match, im not talking about looks. im talking about value, personailty.. overall.

dont stress yourself. you cannot create value to yourself in one night. to me it took like a year. i started to shape up right.. build up my confidence. i LEARNED TO Walk away. i learn NOt to take any disrespect. I learned not to be used.

i learned that i do not need to put on an act. i gave myself respect. im honest with my feelings. im straight up. and also im respectful.

i wasnt born with those traits. i developed them. and ppl notice them. they get attracted to those traits because they are rare to be in one package.

i'll admit i got LOTs to improve. i got lots to change. i hate a few things about me but im only 16, i got my whole life ahead, i got kids in the future that i can teach.

so dont stress man. do it for yourself. not for girls. feel great about yourself. work out. get a good body so u enjoy looking in the mirror and showing off oyur hard work..

 

[sexy_kuta]

OK, so what i'm hearing is that if you've let her know in so many words you like her, then the way to increase attraction after that point is to simply do nothing until my effort is being matched.



I just need a kick in the ass.

YES! until ur effort is matched. if not you walka way, dont stress yourself over a 5'3 120 pound human being.

you need to set your limits. show her what you are about then lay back and let chase you.

 

[azanon]

listen bro, always be yourself. you will find someone like you. if u wanna find someone as good. you gottta be good as them. good match, im not talking about yooks. im talking about value, personailty.. overall.

dont stress yourself. you cannot create value to yourself in one night. to me it took like a year. i started to shape up right.. build up my confidence. i LEARNED TO Walk away. i learn NOt to take any disrespect. I learned not to be used.

i learned that i do not need to put on an act. i gave myself respect. im honest with my feelings. im straight up. and also im respectful.

i wasnt born with those traits. i developed them. and ppl notice them. they get attracted to those traits because they are rare to be in one package.

i'll admit i got LOTs to improve. i got lots to change. i hate a few things about me but im only 16, i got my whole life ahead, i got kids in the future that i can teach.

so dont stress man. do it for yourself. not for girls. feel great about yourself. work out. get a good body so u enjoy looking in the mirror and showing off oyur hard work..

You know, one of the things i love about forums is that it takes away the discriminators. Here you are 16, and yet you've given me a few things to think about to stay the course, even though much of it was just a reminder of things I already know. Like i said above, i'm selling a good product (body, money, all that's there), its just my sales pitch that needs refinement. You helped me, so thanks.

But any other tips are welcome too!

 

[sexy_kuta]

You know, one of the things i love about forums is that it takes away the discriminators. Here you are 16, and yet you've given me a few things to think about to stay the course, even though much of it was just a reminder of things I already know. Like i said above, i'm selling a good product (body, money, all that's there), its just my sales pitch that needs refinement. You helped me, so thanks.

But any other tips are welcome too!

i also learned that you can get motivation from anywhere.

no problem man, keep it up

 

[typical]

The moral of the story: Invest in yourself more than you're investing in your girl.

That line says it all.

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

So basically what you guys are saying is the make an initial investment, make it count so that she notices it, pull back and then wait for her to reciprocate.

If so, how exactly do you pull this off.

 

[Charm]

You dont have to pull back, just dont go idle because you're waiting for her to respond. KEEP IMPROVING your life no matter what, keeping adding personal value and remember, there is not only ONE her, there ary many "hers". You are always making new approaches on new women.