How do you get rid of nervousness and anxiety going out one-on-one?

[hop On hop Off]

As some of you have read, I am going out with this girl I live. It is tomorrow. http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=222072

I have nervousness and anxiety problems. A good date turns bad when I KNOW I like her. When I don't know, I attract great girls.

I tell myself, do not worship looks, I am the prize, take her off the pedestal. It gives me dominance and avoids friend zone. But it does not help me with a natural flow.

My mind goes blank. I am taking her the museum tomorrow. And she is wanting to bring another girl along. I am debating if I should allow that. It could help me when there is a dead silence, or spark up the atmosphere. But it will destroy the build up and isolation.

So, can anyone here tell me how I should act in this situation? Both in the case with a friend along, or just us.

 

[BraddH]

Just be authentic. Be authenticly interested in her. Don't try to pretend anything else - it will eventually backfire and you will just be wasting your time. And if it didn't work, it comes down to her not being interested in you.

Just remember that most girls are attracted to alpha males, go learn that word so hard before you even go to the date and consider whether you are wasting your time going out with this girl or no.

 

[hop On hop Off]

Brad,
That's a great advice. Reading that makes feel a lot more confident. I think a lot of times it's the way to approach to things. Your suggestion simply changed the way I think, that's all I needed. Thanks!

 

[Donaldinho]

That's terrible advice from Brad. "Just be yourself"? I thought that was pretty well covered as BS. Learning the word alpha? WTF kind of advice is that? You need to BE alpha, and it's ok to fake it till you make it, but just learning what it means gets you nowhere.
Now, on some real advice: DO NOT let her bring a friend. That's not a date.
I don't know how you can deal with the nervousness, but just don't get too involved. You're not there to marry/ltr this girl, you're there to spin up another plate. If you're afraid you're gonna mess up, so what? There's other plates out there. Just think of it as practice. Whatever happens, you'll have more experience.

 

[Bible_Belt]

You should welcome her friend and make sure they both have fun. That's what a good leader would do.

 

[Daniel_March]

The only way to reduce anxiety is to gain experience in dating. What you are experiencing at this stage of your life is perfectly normal and we have all been through it.

So bearing in mind that it is normal, try to avoid analysis of your anxiety. Best thing to do is to observe it, acknowledge that it is present and accept it as an experience that goes along with the date.

The friend is coming along for back up, so that nothing overly personal happens on your little museum walk. Focus on the girls and act laid back in the sense of not trying to prove anything. Don't laugh to loud, dress well and talk less - listen more. Ask general questions, keep it light. If you follow those guidelines your anxiety won't show

 

[hudpes]

You should welcome her friend and make sure they both have fun. That's what a good leader would do.

How the hell did you get those green dots giving out advice like that? Your date can only bring a friend for a threesome, not for a date. Her intending to come with a friend is a clear statement that she wants to be friends. Would you bring your male friend to a date with a girl you want to bed?

OP, I'm sure you've made a mistake somewhere along the line, maybe it wasn't clear that you want to take her on a date (never tell her where you're taking her) maybe she doesn't feel comfortable enough around you, but in either case, if she wants anything from you romantically, bringing her friend makes no sense at all...

 

[Bible_Belt]

If you can't handle two women in a museum, you're not going to be able to handle two women in bed.

It's a sh!t test. You win by owning the situation. Be fun and make the friend have a good time, but rip on the situation all you like. Walk between the two of them, put an arm around each one's waist, and say things like, "wow, I've never been on a date with TWO girls. This must be how threesomes start!"

As long as it comes off as funny, you can get away with anything. Your revenge for her bringing the friend is embarrassing both of them. It has to be fun. If they're not laughing at you teasing them, you're doing it wrong.

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

I tell myself, do not worship looks, I am the prize, take her off the pedestal. It gives me dominance and avoids friend zone. But it does not help me with a natural flow.

How do you "tell" yourselves these things? The best way is a re-frame: Asking yourself questions. Do I need to impress this woman, or does she need to impress me? Is she the prize or am I the prize? Are her looks the only thing that matters? Etc.

I am taking her the museum tomorrow. And she is wanting to bring another girl along. I am debating if I should allow that. It could help me when there is a dead silence, or spark up the atmosphere. But it will destroy the build up and isolation.

It's the museum. There could be many reasons why she wants to bring a friend. Not all bad. Chicks do this sometimes when they are nervous. Or she could be thinking "friends", but, remember, you do not care because you are the prize. She is here to impress you, not the other way around, therefore, this friend will most likely get in the way of her impression making time(unless the friend is a war pig which is there to make your chick look better, in that case, your girl as some serious self-esteem issues). Or it could just be a $hit test, and friend suzy won't be able to make it at the last minute. I would just go with it: "agree and amplify".

You should welcome her friend

I would do this^. This shows outcome independence. Why do you care if she brings a friend? Best case scenario you end up with two chicks wanting to jump on your totem pole....love triangle, threesomes, good stuff. Worst case, you get FZ'd. So what. WHO CARES. <-----you don't, right?

 

[hudpes]

If you can't handle two women in a museum, you're not going to be able to handle two women in bed.

It's a sh!t test. You win by owning the situation. Be fun and make the friend have a good time, but rip on the situation all you like. Walk between the two of them, put an arm around each one's waist, and say things like, "wow, I've never been on a date with TWO girls. This must be how threesomes start!"

As long as it comes off as funny, you can get away with anything. Your revenge for her bringing the friend is embarrassing both of them. It has to be fun. If they're not laughing at you teasing them, you're doing it wrong.

This, I like. But you'd have to be pretty damn suave to pull it off...

 

[hop On hop Off]

It's me and two girls, I am taking off. I will report to you soon. Thanks so much SoSuave.

 

[hop On hop Off]

I also wrote it as a separate story. http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?p=2206060#post2206060
But since I promise to report back here. This is what happened.

Just got back from museum with my housemate. The other girl housemate came along.

It would've been a perfect date without the other girl. There were outdoor walking in the park. I led the way, they followed. I didn't bring my phone. So, she took pictures for me throughout the trip. I made some funny ****y pose, she laughed hard.

Half the time it was silence between us three, half the time we talked. I really don't know what to talk about. So, I kept distant, but made sure I was not aloof.

I would reach for her hand if it was us two! There were some KINO: she asked me to take pic, vice verse. Hand touched a dozen times. She didn't react surprisingly.

I took them to a bar restaurant afterwards. Order her a margarita, she doesn't drink, never got drunk, but she liked the drink. While dining, the other girl kept on talking to me and looking at me. But she did the opposite. She kept quiet, never asked me questions, showing no interest. When I looked at her in the eye, she would engage with me for a few seconds and look away. What kind sign is this?

I asked her to come to church tomorrow. She replied with an "again". She kept on asking the other girl to come along. The other girl refused. And my girl didn't say yes, didn't say no. I told her the time, and she is coming. She asked for what time, I told her. And we leave it at that.

So, what do you guys think? What do you think about me and the girl? What is next?

 

[Bible_Belt]

She's just not that into you. Move on.

 

[hudpes]

Ask out her friend.

 

[Comatozed]

vodka shots

 

[hop On hop Off]

Field report (day 2):

Today I took her out. On the way, I tried to hold her hand inside the car. Then, I tried a kiss close inside the car. She didn't react to hand KINO, but backed away from k close, with surprise and disgust on her face.

I thought the worst for a guy is being friend zoned. With that mindset, I wanted to make it clear that I interested her. Several things were in my mind: break that invisible physical barrier; dominance; escalate to test the water.

I put my hand on the edge of her seat, she didn't back away. Then, reached out for her hand, and held it. She didn't withdraw (until it was near home). When I went for k closed, she backed away again saying we grew up in different backgrounds.

So, what is next?
She messaged me as soon as she got home. She thanked me for all my hospitality, she has no plan to join me in future events. She still want to thank me and she is glad to meet me. She also asked me to visit her when I am around town, she will give me a tour.

I noticed I can no longer she her Facebook posts, though we are still friends. I hope she is not talking trash.

My reply, I am sorry for today, you will find a great BF one day. If you want to keep in touch, feel free to reach out.

 

[Married Buried]

Field report (day 2):

Today I took her out. On the way, I tried to hold her hand inside the car. Then, I tried a kiss close inside the car. She didn't react to hand KINO, but backed away from k close, with surprise and disgust on her face.

I thought the worst for a guy is being friend zoned. With that mindset, I wanted to make it clear that I interested her. Several things were in my mind: break that invisible physical barrier; dominance; escalate to test the water.

I put my hand on the edge of her seat, she didn't back away. Then, reached out for her hand, and held it. She didn't withdraw (until it was near home). When I went for k closed, she backed away again saying we grew up in different backgrounds.

So, what is next?
She messaged me as soon as she got home. She thanked me for all my hospitality, she has no plan to join me in future events. She still want to thank me and she is glad to meet me. She also asked me to visit her when I am around town, she will give me a tour.

I noticed I can no longer she her facebook post, though we are still friends. I hope she is not talking trash.

My reply, I am sorry for today, you will find a great BF one day. If you want to keep in touch, feel free to reach out.

Stop trying to explain your actions and be all apologetic. It is killing you. Do what you want to do and if she doesn't like it then forget about her. The worse thing you have done is all these texts trying to explain your motive. If you were just radio silent when she went cold things would be much better.