How do you get out of this????

[RobLB]

When Women Want You Back

After a woman dumps you and you begin to move on with your life, she feels unwanted, undesireable, and jealous of any other woman who feels wanted and desired by you. She's doing what's natural to make those feelings go away: she's pursuing you! Once she gets you back and her emotions calm down, she may lose interest again because it's no longer bothering her. You try moving on again and her feelings come back! She again reacts to them, and the cycle continues. This is why men get thrown into the "Friend Zone" after a breakup - because she can't handle the emotional shaking of completely cutting ties.

The "Friend Zone" is a neutral area where she still has control over you and how you affect her emotions without actually being in a relationship. If you start straying, she can c0ckblock you or show you a bit of sexuality to make you think you still have a chance. When you're stuck in this neutral zone, she can have her cake and eat it by screwing any guy she likes while keeping you from disrupting her emotional equalibrium.

This was posted by "Desdinova"

( my earlier post)http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=101119

I can't get this chick out of my head. I even have banged 2 diff girls since her, and I've got this other hot 28yr old chasing me as well!!! Everytime I feel like I'm moving along she contacts me, through text or phone. I don't want to become enemies with her and totally diss her and ignore her either. I am a guy that doesn't like to have enemies, especially girls. I can walk up to any girl I've ever dated and carry on a friendly conversation with them,...and I'm 40!!

Anybody have a stick long enough to reach through this computer and beat me in the head with it?? :trouble:

Thanks

 

[Sinistar]

From your last thread:

There's this girl that I went out with for about 3 months that was a really great relationship but things turned sour and ended.

often the word 'but' negates that which preceeds it. So was it really a "great relationship" if it turned sour and ended within 3 months? Also curious who ended it and why?

I have been sucking up a little too much with her lately,...maybe I should cancel the date and get her emotions going again.
Hey this might be fun...I mean she fvcked with me, now it's my turn!!

from the looks of it, you DO NOT want to get her out of your head. You are incongruent, actions not matching words, etc.

So really, what are your expectations here - be specific?

 

[RobLB]

I kinda fvcked it up because i became to obsessed. We actually talked about it and I backed off but I think it was too late. I really do wanna move along but we(my company) still deal with the company she works for and I kinda got attached to her kid as well, so I still have contact with her. That is another thing,..I pick him up sometimes when she works late so I'm kinda screwed. I have a kid as well and they go to the same school,..that is atctually how we met.
In a way maybe I'm thinking things might work out one day, but then I'm thinking I'm just gonna end up getting screwed again. Lately though we have been getting along great but just as friends. A little touching here and there(always initiated by her) but nothing beyong that.I mean this chick is beautiful and smart but she does have a few screws loose,..but what woman doesn't?? I think she's just towing me along until somebody else comes along.

 

[ElChoclo]

Just try a slow freeze dry approach instead of a snap frozen approach. Keep it business like and polite. Avoid touching opportunities. Just as you escalate attraction, do the opposite and bring it to a halt. Let the 28 year old take your mind off the whole problem.

 

[Natch]

Bro , I love ya but she sounds like she's being very uncool to you.
If she's screwing with your head just to prop up her ego ... do you really want someone like that in your life?

 

[Sinistar]

I kinda fvcked it up because i became to obsessed. We actually talked about it and I backed off but I think it was too late.

I think you'd be hard pressed to find another guy on the board that reached the 'obsessed' stage and still managed a successfull LTR (or STR for that matter). Count yourself lucky, at least she didn't call the man on you. And once you "talked about it" you pretty much handed over the remaining 2% of power that you still had left.

She will do what she needs to to survive (ie be safe, feel emotionally okay, etc). Right now she's got it made, your close and she knows she has an effect on you. Her perception of you is clearly the Beta ego booster. You are safe, predictable and friendly. Can you live with that because the first Alpha crossing her path will be doing the things you can only hope for at this point (alright that was the long stick you asked someone to reach out with and clock you with).

Clearly your lives are intertwined. You may not be able to unwrap things completely however you can probably make some healthy changes. Just know there might be a day she asks you to pick up her kid so she can run away and get wildly fvcked by some other dude. It wouldn't bother her Girlfriend so why should it bother you, right? (There's that long stick one more time).

Why not be the other dude. Keep spinning those plates, it sounds like you're doing alright in that department. Be nice to the ex and be indifferent. Re-frame her contact as her handing back that control you lost. Treat her kid with respect and remember its her job to be that kid's parent, not yours. If you cross that line you're just falling into the saviour/rescuer trap and you're fooling yourself with a proxy relationship (ie via her child). Proxy relationships such as with the ex's family, friends, co-workers, etc are a clear sign its over and everyone knows it AND accepts it .... except you.

Yeah, be the other dude. Be busy, dating and seen with other women. I'd be willing to bet that you'll find another HB who makes you forget all about her and only then will her desire level (temporarily) increase enough to seek intimacy again. And by then you won't even want it anymore. This distance will have you seeing things more clearly.

You were honest, everyone respects that. All those positive, rosy, optimistic expectations are taking you down a path you "know" to be wrong yet you consciously fight to acknowledge. Assume your "worst" case, she's already moved on to someone else. What would a logical, Alpha do? Now go do that. Work on healthy beliefs for you and healthy expectations will follow.

 

[DoubleA]

RUN AWAY!

You're being too emotional. In that situation I say do nothing. Keep living. It sucks but if you die tonight will she be the last thing on your mind. NO.

You just have to much time on your hands. Let those other ladies in and see what they can do.

Hit me up, if you want to chat. Stay strong.

 

[RobLB]

Just a little (funny) update on the situation.....last night i had the ex's kid only because I had my kid and they are good friends and play well together, and she's in school at night. Well she picks her kid up around 10 and the 28 yr old comes over right after she leaves.(those plates got pretty close,..hehehe) Well we haven't even been on a date yet but we have been texting and talking on the phone pretty much for the last week,.plus she cuts my hair, but as soon as she gets to my house,..it was ON! Man what a night!!! I think this chick really likes me but I don't wanna get serious with anybody right now. I hope she sees this and this doesn't end badly cause she is one cool chick.

Who ever thought of the "Plate Spinning" technique should get royalties.