How do you feel when you ask somebody to do something for you, but they refuse?

[Astral100]

I think this is the most appropriate place to ask such a question although it does not necessarilly has to do with woman rejection.
Basicall as stated in the topic, How do you feel when you ask somebody to do something for you, but they refuse? I am very interested in the thought process of the mature men. As I am now, although I am aware of things like positive mindset, power of detachment and everything else, when the actual moment comes I can't help but feel annoyed or sometimes even shocked by the refusal.
Let's say I ask my buddy to lend me his notes to make a copy, or show me what is he reading at the moment and he answers with something like - no, I won't. How does a mature man react in this situation?

Or let's say classic example, your neighbour listes to the loud music, which distracts you from whatever you are trying to do, and when you politely ask him to lower the sound he simply ignores you or flat out refuses, maybe even in a rude form.

While it is a bit far from seduction, it is closely related to the not giving away your power and I am currently confused as to how to deal with situations like those.

Could the members on this board give an advice on how would a mature man would behave in this situation?

 

[Hitman10000]

Conflict resolution steps:

1. Talk to the other party and discuss how you feel about something and see what viewpoints they have, try to come to the consensus that works out for the both you. You should never back down from your original strong point and stick to it no matter how much the opposite party tries to convince you. You must be fair and equal in this and you should follow upon what you state.

2. Talk to a third party to negotiate the problem in the same manner above, having a third party decreases biases on both sides as well as a mediator who can work out opposite viewpoints.

3. Fight or Flight (You either attack back equally or greater but the result is unpredictable or avoid the situation entirely.) This is the final stage where the negotiation process has completely broken down.

 

[poster_guy03]

to the OP,

One of the tidbits I've picked up on this site is that it can be more productive to "tell" someone to do something than to "ask" them to do something. Now, granted, it may not work for all situations and certainly not for the loud music example you gave..... Or with critically thinking individuals....

With women it amounts to this: when you tell them, you are acting in control and it relieives them of some responsibility. When you ask them, you are giving them the opportunity to think about and make their own decision. For example, "Give me your number" (as an imperative) versus "Why not give me your number", or "May I have your number" (interrogatives).

 

[Astral100]

To Hitman:
Thanks a lot, great post. Indeed there was always an option for a calm discussion of the reasons or even getting a third party involved. And of course preserving is also important. It didn't occur to me though until you pointed it out. It is indeed a mature way of handling a conflict. Thank you.

To poster_guy03: You are right, this is one of the very basics that need to be incorporated in your behaviour when dealing with women. Unfortunately this doesn't work very well outside of the dating/seduction field, especially with other males.

Any other opinions?

 

[joekerr31]

its very simple yet abstract.

either you are someone that people view and think "if i f*ck with that guy there will be consequences" or you aren't.

and the biggest variable of this is whether you can look someone in the eye without being jittery.

i dont care if its a woman, someone at work, or a criminal with a gun to your head, you can de-escalate almost ANY situation if you are able to calmly look someone in the eyes and apply reason to the situation.

now, that said, there are times in life where you are dealing with neanderthals and the only options you have are to get the authorities involved. like if you hear your neighbour beating his girl up all the time and you see her with a black eye all the time. you confront him and he tells you to f*ck off and die.
at that point you have no choice but to either ignore the situation, move, or call the cops.

but 95% of the situations you face can be resolved by looking people in the eyes and making it very clear that you're serious about what you are saying and that you aren't going away until the situation is resolved.

that said, in situatiosn where you are looking to take your buddies work and take a short cut and copy his notes this may not work. if you asked me for work i'd done just so you could copy it and not have tod o it yourself id tell ya to go f*ck yourself.

 

[DJDamage]

Become a self-sufficient man. Don't rely on anyone or depend on anyone for favours or let little nuisances distract you from your goals.

 

[joekerr31]

nothing. and i mean absolutely NOTHING feels as good as being self sufficient in this world.

i've had a tough life, and i'm self sufficient now. heck i could lose my job and not work for 7 years before i used up my savings and had to get another job.

being self sufficient IS unbelievably satisfying as a man.

can't agree mroe with the previous post.

don't cut corners. trust me, they may help you in the short run, but they defeat the trials and tribulatiosn you have to go through to become a self sufficent man.

 

[Astral100]

To joekerr31: You have quite a few nice insights here.
I totally agree about the fvck with me and face the consequences standpoint. The problem here is with actually conveying that kind of personality. Guess I still have to toughen up a bit to project it.
I also noticed that I hear those things more often when I don't have my confidence together.

About "you can de-escalate almost ANY situation if you are able to calmly look someone in the eyes and apply reason to the situation" and especially "aren't going away until the situation is resolved" in my experience it didn't work very well. Maybe it is me, or the guys I was facing are neanderthals, but normally there still is resistance where you cannot completely achieve your objective.

Now about your example about "taking notes and fvck yourself" I wonder how would you react on this if you were the guy asking for notes?
This is actually the thing that I am looking for. To know how a real man handles being said "fvck off/yourself" in his face.
Oh and I appreciate tough love too. Thanks

To DJDamage: Well said. And I also agree with joekerr that "being self sufficient IS unbelievably satisfying as a man." That is one more thing that I should be striving for.
I would like to add though that it is impossible to become completely self-sufficient. It's more like - become a self-sufficient man in areas that you can take care of yourself.