How do you escape a girl forcing you to change?

Lauel

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TLDR:
So, I had been dating a girl for a while now, then I entered into long term with her last year. It's smooth now, and has been kind of perfect in all manner.
In the start, I used to drink a bit(very very less), but then I stopped because she opposed very vehemently. I don't mind that, healthy for me after all.
Through all the hoops and stuffs, I chose her, and did so continuously.

Now it has come to my diet. My family, and her family are vegetarian and so are rest of the people around me (including my friends and hers). But suddenly since a month or two, all hell broke loose, and she started attacking my diet, forcing me to choose between her and non-vegetarian diet.

Long Story: I am particularly weak in muscles and bone. With height of 5'7'' I am nothing special. Joined Gym last year, and now I kind of love myself, from biceps to backs, from clarity of mind, to feeling clear minded and full of energy. My bones are really weak, with beginner level of osteoporosis, and non existent amount of muscles(which I have worked upon, and I look kind of handsome too).
Majority of teenage hood and childhood was spent facing an abusive father, and by the time I reached 18(with covid), I would go months not cutting my nails, getting a haircut, trimming my facial hairs, or eating any meal on right time(with not talking to anyone too, looks like depression? kind of yes).
And then I developed severe weakness, since the vegetarian diet wasn't enough, I wasn't mentally happy or stable enough to enjoy any bit of it.
Things, changed last year and I have been pretty happy with my balanced diet of all kinds of vegetarian and non-vegetarian dishes. Hairs are good, muscles mass is nice, and bones feel good too.

But for her this is kind of unacceptable, for me to eat such diet, and yet meet her or touch her.
Now it has gotten to blaming me that I never choose, that I never give her priorities or even worse I lie, don't stand on my words etc.
So, how do you avoid getting caught in this? I have been telling her that she is much more valuable than any thing, that I must choose between her and my balanced diet.
This has been keeping her at the bay, but since a last few days, now I have an ultimatum on me. Choose, or goodbye.
 

BPH

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Break up with her.

You f***ed up when you started listening to her ultimatums, because that showed her that she has that power over you. She can weigh in on decisions regarding your health because she's worried - but forcing you to change or lose her is the start of an incredibly toxic relationship.

I'm not suggesting you break up with her, I'm telling you to.

You are only 20 years old, and this is only 1 year into a relationship where she knows she can make you do whatever she wants because you don't want to lose her. That is not sustainable.
 

AmsterdamAssassin

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Once you allow a woman to dictate how you're supposed to live, you're marrying your mother.

I could say, tell her to mind her own business, but I guess you miss the fortitude to oppose her. Too afraid of the drama, I think.
 

AmsterdamAssassin

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I'm not suggesting you break up with her, I'm telling you to.
He needs to learn that his power resides in his ability to walk away from her drama. Let her scream against the wind.
 

Clockwerk50

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My boy @BPH. Do you know how to break up with her? Do you want to?

It does sound like you are her doormat and you are scared of losing her.
 

BackInTheGame78

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Nobody can force you to do anything and typically people only do this to those they feel are weak enough to "bully" in that manner.

Sounds like she is dating you because she thinks she can control things.

Either walk away or show her she can't and then she likely will walk away because that isn't the type of guy she wants to be with.
 

Serenity

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Some things are personal choices that I expect others to respect. I would not allow anyone to demand I change my diet, I don't give a fvck who they are to me, that's just a hard boundary.

I'm not a fan of ultimatums to begin with, but I particularly hate when it's about something as trivial as this.

If your girlfriend was my girlfriend I would respond to that ultimatum by pointing at the door and telling her "there's the door, you're free to leave". Turning the tables and serving the ultimatum right back at her. She can respect your boundaries or fvck off.

One of two things is going to happen, she either shuts the fvck up about it forever or she walks away in which case it's good fvcking riddance. You win either way, even if she leaves, because trust me, a woman who disrespects you like that is not a keeper.
 

BackInTheGame78

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Some things are personal choices that I expect others to respect. I would not allow anyone to demand I change my diet, I don't give a fvck who they are to me, that's just a hard boundary.

I'm not a fan of ultimatums to begin with, but I particularly hate when it's about something as trivial as this.

If your girlfriend was my girlfriend I would respond to that ultimatum by pointing at the door and telling her "there's the door, you're free to leave". Turning the tables and serving the ultimatum right back at her. She can respect your boundaries or fvck off.

One of two things is going to happen, she either shuts the fvck up about it forever or she walks away in which case it's good fvcking riddance. You win either way, even if she leaves, because trust me, a woman who disrespects you like that is not a keeper.
Typically people like that only select men they think will give in to their ultimatums.

Back to my talking about how some types of women look for "victims" or "targets" or "marks" in terms of the men they choose to date...

This is only the beginning. Even if he successfully navigates that, she will become more and more controlling over time...or just leave since he doesn't fit her victim profile.
 

AmsterdamAssassin

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I'm not a fan of ultimatums to begin with, but I particularly hate when it's about something as trivial as this.
I see any ultimatum as a direct disrespect of my boundaries. Disrespect to me is reason for direct dismissal.
 

Bokanovsky

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Now it has come to my diet. My family, and her family are vegetarian and so are rest of the people around me (including my friends and hers). But suddenly since a month or two, all hell broke loose, and she started attacking my diet, forcing me to choose between her and non-vegetarian diet.
Probably not the advice you're looking for but I would tell her go fvck herself. And ridicule her for her dietary choices (which I'm assuming are a product of some misguided leftard animal welfare nonsense).
 

Kladed

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Don't change. Change the girl.

Lay down some boundaries, you like your current diet/lifestyle. It is also necessary for your health.

If she can't accept that and change then you thank her for the memories made and time spent together, then find someone who can actually adhere to your boundaries and accommodate your lifestyle.
 

The Duke

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TLDR:
So, I had been dating a girl for a while now, then I entered into long term with her last year. It's smooth now, and has been kind of perfect in all manner.
In the start, I used to drink a bit(very very less), but then I stopped because she opposed very vehemently. I don't mind that, healthy for me after all.
Through all the hoops and stuffs, I chose her, and did so continuously.

Now it has come to my diet. My family, and her family are vegetarian and so are rest of the people around me (including my friends and hers). But suddenly since a month or two, all hell broke loose, and she started attacking my diet, forcing me to choose between her and non-vegetarian diet.

Long Story: I am particularly weak in muscles and bone. With height of 5'7'' I am nothing special. Joined Gym last year, and now I kind of love myself, from biceps to backs, from clarity of mind, to feeling clear minded and full of energy. My bones are really weak, with beginner level of osteoporosis, and non existent amount of muscles(which I have worked upon, and I look kind of handsome too).
Majority of teenage hood and childhood was spent facing an abusive father, and by the time I reached 18(with covid), I would go months not cutting my nails, getting a haircut, trimming my facial hairs, or eating any meal on right time(with not talking to anyone too, looks like depression? kind of yes).
And then I developed severe weakness, since the vegetarian diet wasn't enough, I wasn't mentally happy or stable enough to enjoy any bit of it.
Things, changed last year and I have been pretty happy with my balanced diet of all kinds of vegetarian and non-vegetarian dishes. Hairs are good, muscles mass is nice, and bones feel good too.

But for her this is kind of unacceptable, for me to eat such diet, and yet meet her or touch her.
Now it has gotten to blaming me that I never choose, that I never give her priorities or even worse I lie, don't stand on my words etc.
So, how do you avoid getting caught in this? I have been telling her that she is much more valuable than any thing, that I must choose between her and my balanced diet.
This has been keeping her at the bay, but since a last few days, now I have an ultimatum on me. Choose, or goodbye.
Time to hit the road. Tell her to find someone she can control and go fuhk herself with a big cucumber. Get some new friends too, I've never met a vegetarian yet that wasn't a leftarded weirdo.
 

The Duke

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Don't change. Change the girl.

Lay down some boundaries, you like your current diet/lifestyle. It is also necessary for your health.

If she can't accept that and change then you thank her for the memories made and time spent together, then find someone who can actually adhere to your boundaries and accommodate your lifestyle.
Let me save you sometime. You don't put the cat back in the bag once its out.
 

Scaramouche

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Hi Luel,
Feel for you,most of my life I would have vehemently agreed with the "kick her to the kerb"posters,these days I prefer a softer approach,but I still go my own way,call it being"Disingenuous",so you agree with her,but still suit yourself....Your progress will be your greatest ally...Osteoporosis seems a far bigger problem,read up about ways to overcome its inroads into your health...And never argue with a Woman,when they are wrong they are half right LOL.
 
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