How do you deal with rejection?

[izza]

Picking up women is all about making good habits. I don't mean good habits like following the 3-second rule, kinoing correctly, or using C&F, though these are important. I mean habits having more to do with attitude: habitually, you want to look at women and say, "I can pick up that girl, I can handle this." The MOST IMPORTANT thing for developing this regular, can-do attitude is how you deal with rejection.

Fear is a healthy emotion that keeps us from hurting or killing ourselves, or doing anything that is against our interests. But so many men, young and old, develop a fear of approaching women that is against their interest. It's as though men developed a fear of eating enough food, so they live their lives in a state of hunger. Men developed a fear of women from an early age. There is a lot of debate on this forum about where this fear comes from - the media, mothers, feminists, society - but we all agree that it's there and it's a shame.

A man can rid himself of this debilitating fear by taking careful control of his emotions. Many people on this forum tell newblars to just go out there and approach, and they're absolutely right to do so. But the problem comes when those newblars fail. I know most AFCs out there probably weren't as bad as me. My reaction after my first couple rejections was: "HOLY CRAP that was so scary, and I just got rejected, I am so INCOMPETENT, I did everything wrong. I should have done X and Y and Z instead. I'm not READY, and I just embarrassed myself!" I basically kicked my own ass. I only share these thoughts because they are something all newbies need to watch out for.

The problem was that I was a perfectionist. I expected myself to be calm, relaxed, witty, urbane and so forth. I expected the women to fall over me once I started making an effort. I got some phone numbers, got rejected a few times, and left crestfallen.

The truth is, I was terrified to approach most women, so my attempts to do so were either nonchalant (women I didn't really care about) or half-azzed (just saying hello then scurrying away if they didn't look interested).

The other problem was I just wasn't ready. I know half the people who read this are going to yell at me for saying I wasn't ready. And they're absolutely right to a point. The truth is that nobody is EVER ready. EVER. Nobody is going to pick up every chick, and some women are going to be extremely evil to every guy. Such is life. Every newblar is scared. But the problem for me was that I was recovering after a breakup, and my heart hadn't fully mourned the girl and hadn't found peace. I was desperately trying to find a girl to replace the one I had lost (through the chumpish behavior that led me here ).

But more to the point, I wasn't yet ready to deal with rejection in a positive manner. When women rejected me, I kicked myself in the azz, when I should have been thinking to myself "hey, great job, you rule man, it takes guts to approach, and you did it. I know it was scary but you can do it, and since you're determined to do it, you will find some great women in the future. I'm proud of you."

Ladies and gentleman, one door to being a DJ is having a positive attitude towards failure. You're human, you're allowed to make thousands of mistakes. In fact, the more you chase what you want, the more mistakes you'll make. Only when idle can you be perfect. There is no better attitude to have in life.

Oh right, the question. Fellow posters, keyboard jockeys, and DJs, how do you deal with rejection? What do you think to yourself when a woman turns you down?

Thanks in advance, and much love to all,

Izza

 

[JonJack]

I take rejection in a fairly nonchalant manner. It's like an "Oh well, she just isn't into me" sort of attitude. I understand the fact that not all girls will find me attractive or find me interesting. I also understand the fact that there will be some that do. So it's all a numbers game.

Improving my game and all that will probably increase the actual number of girls that would find me interesting but then the question of whether I'm comfortable with it comes into play. If I would to ever get desperate or disappointed in failing so much, then I might be tempted to improve my game. Otherwise I see no need to change my approach, even if it is lousy as hell.

 

[nonstop]

the more value you place on a person the greater the rejection will be.

I suspect you placed a higher level of value on these new women because you had just come out of a relationship.

If you were still in your relationship and had approached these women then the rejection would have been less because their value to you would have been much lower.

to take rejection positively you must believe that this girl wasn't the one for you and you've just had a lucky escape while improving yourself.

it's best to just not give a shyt.

if you catch yourself thinking anything negative can it straight away and think of something else.

 

[assius]

Man I will tell you this. I could care less if a girl rejects me. Especially if you dont even know her and its a cold approach. Who gives a crap? Not like you have an emotional bond with her. Listen to this, its much more painful to break up with a girl than to pick one up!!!

 

[izza]

UPDATE:

I would say, if there's one thing I have learned, it's that I don't give a crap anymore. When a girl was mean to me before, I used to get so worried about it. Oh god, what will she say, what will she think? The truth is, I was just pretending to be really scared, or really hurt or whatever so I could feel sorry for myself. Once I let myself enjoy my self-pity, I would do anything to maintain it.

Once I said f*ck this, I don't need this crap anymore, it was gone. There is no way you can teach this attitude or convey it, you can only demonstrate it.

But once you find it, even a bit of it, it's a feeling of freedom that is indescribable.

I

 

[El MonoLoco]

I think I might be able to shed some light on this.....

It mentions it in the Bible I'm sure...too lazy to look it up....

Anyway the reason rejection is so hard to deal with is your perception of the situation....Once you perceive a rejection in a negative way your going to dwell on the negative aspects of the situation....

Instead the trick is to fool yourself, in a way....If you reverse what your goal is or how you perceive the goal your opinion of the outcome will change.....

For example (damnit I should have looked this up first....oh well)
When you go out and actually try to get rejected while still approaching people you will see the rejection as a positive instead of a negative because that was your goal. The more you do this the easier approaching will be as you have nothing to lose.....Once you become at ease with approaching and talking to people you can flip your strategy. After being rejected a bunch you will know what to look for, you will remember how to act how not to act, etc.....

Also if you take the rejection as a learning experience and try to gain knowledge from it the sting of the rejection won't be so bad.........Another thing......

Change your goal......this has helped me tremendously........Instead of approaching for a specific reason, ie getting the # or whatever, just approach for a conversation, approach because your curious about something....anything to take your mind away from your actual goal....Once you remove the pressure from yourself you will relax more and be more open to whatever happens.

 

[organizedconfusion]

i usually get pissed off and feel like crying , then i get angry for being such a little b*tch! then i blame the world, my parents, my dad , girls, then i get into this big tantrum like ; f*ck the world, i hate girls, i guess i am just a fag, f*ck this and that blah blah blah ...then eat something and take a nap. once i wake up ,it's like nothing ever happened ..and then back to the drawing board to take over the world one woman at a time

i wish i could say that i take it with pride and a 'can do' attitude, but in actuality- i am still at the point of acting like a little b*tch when it comes to rejection, and i can get nasty real quick- my tounge lashings been known to chop down EGOs and cause an avavanche of tears within a girl right on the spot

the most important thing for me to do for the next few months is to activly get rejected, so i can deal with it without acting like a little b*tch all the time.big cry baby!

if i catch myself dwelling, i'd just shake my head and tell myself to 'snap out of it' or 'dude, quit acting like such a fag' - i feel better afterwards :cheer:

 

[Damian]

This world runs on an Action-Consequence system. Each of your own actions lead to their own consequences. If you are rejected, if you crash and burn, there is always a reason. There is always some mistake that you made. Be self critical, but don't get hung up over a little mistake. Take the time to analyze your actions, and then improve upon yourself. You make mistakes to learn from them.

-Damian

 

[organizedconfusion]

i do that also, usually after my huge theatrical tantrum though god, i am such a child sometimes

 

[Ol'BlueEyes]

I'm used to rejection, but I'm not numb to it. I think,"Ok, there's another one."
Problem is, I expect it.

 

[PeoplesChamp]

I find myself living out the rejection in my mind before it ever happens insofar it may never have the opportunity to happen since I become paralyzed by hypothetical outcomes. It's way counterproductive and I don't recommend it.

 

[eps]

I get f*cking drunk and laugh it off

edit: Hell I might as well say i'm drunk right now

 

[organizedconfusion]

sweet

 

[tmpgstx]

The way to take rejection with a grain of salt is to *truely* place as much or value on yourself than you do her.

It can't be faked. You have to find a way to patch it up if you've been walking egg shells in bad relationships only to be dumped for your efforts, a hopeless romantic, and/or a guy that never gets attention. These thee types of guys suffer *women self esteem* bigtime.

Bend but don't break.

 

[wheelin&dealin]

Originally posted by izza
How do you deal with rejection?

Rejection?? I've never experienced this before.

 

[jshively]

I face it simply as who cares and how could someone I don't know affect my wellbeing both physically and mentally.

Brush it off if someone does not want to be with you then look at it as some divine presence is protecting you.

 

[$BD]

I go like.. ''Well they have no fcking idea what they're missing, cya lata ho!''

 

[Cheat_LBJ]

Personally, I base my response directly on how hot the girl is.

If I get shot down by an 7-8-9-10, I just chide myself for thinking I had something to offer them that they couldn't get from any number of guys who are better looking than I am.

If I get shot down by a 4-5-6, I get rather depressed and usually stop approaching for the rest of the night.

I don't do 1-2-3s, even I've got standards.