Have you ever had one of your close friends go after a girl youre with or talking to? I was recently with a girl for a couple months and things are beginning to go south. i find out that this "friend" of mine is texting her 24/7 and judging by the way he acts im almost positive that hes trying to go after her. how do you deal with someone like this? hes been one of my best friends since high school. i know technically me and the girl arent together but its just an unwritten guy code; you dont go after the girl your best friend is talking to. ive confronted him about it in the past and he claims that he just sees her as a friend blah blah. i can smell his bs from a mile away. how do i deal with him?
How do you deal with a "friend" like this?
- Thread starter duke104
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justanothernormalguy
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You make the girl so pleased to be with you that when she gets those texts she doesnt give a crap. If you arent together, you cant do anything. That guy is disrespecting you, he isnt your friend. Get over him, dont be jealous. You are with this girl not him.
Do not crowd this girl to make her attention on you, in fact do the opposite. Give her space. If you bring this up with him, he might go to her and use the 'X said that he thought I was coming on to you, he got really upset' which makes you look aweful, and might even make her wonder 'I thought you were coming on to me...' and her interest level might raise toward him.
You need to be a man, men dont worry. Just don't get attached to this girl, if she goes off with him you can't stop it. Just laugh at them if they do and be that guy that she can't get out of her brain when she is off with this other guy, because you DIDNT CARE. You might get her back after this, but why would you want a girl that will run off at the next sign of someone else being interested.
If she does something, NEXT
If she doesnt, great.
But by being that jealous guy, you hurt yourself and relationship. By worrying, you do nothing but cause damage. This is fact. If she is the type of girl that would want to run off with someone else would you even want her? No. So There is NO POINT worrying. You would be better off giving her a bit of space and freeing your mind from her a bit because you sound like your getting attached. Iv been pretty much in your situation.
However, if she then asks to be exclusive you have to tell her you dont want to be exclusive and commit until she can respect that you don't like her texting this guy because of X,Y,Z.
PM me if you want help
Do not crowd this girl to make her attention on you, in fact do the opposite. Give her space. If you bring this up with him, he might go to her and use the 'X said that he thought I was coming on to you, he got really upset' which makes you look aweful, and might even make her wonder 'I thought you were coming on to me...' and her interest level might raise toward him.
You need to be a man, men dont worry. Just don't get attached to this girl, if she goes off with him you can't stop it. Just laugh at them if they do and be that guy that she can't get out of her brain when she is off with this other guy, because you DIDNT CARE. You might get her back after this, but why would you want a girl that will run off at the next sign of someone else being interested.
If she does something, NEXT
If she doesnt, great.
But by being that jealous guy, you hurt yourself and relationship. By worrying, you do nothing but cause damage. This is fact. If she is the type of girl that would want to run off with someone else would you even want her? No. So There is NO POINT worrying. You would be better off giving her a bit of space and freeing your mind from her a bit because you sound like your getting attached. Iv been pretty much in your situation.
However, if she then asks to be exclusive you have to tell her you dont want to be exclusive and commit until she can respect that you don't like her texting this guy because of X,Y,Z.
PM me if you want help
I have a different position. Every person is different but I just imagined myself and my bestfriend(s) and if one was to do this "to me".
Justanothernormalguy has a point about it being on yours/hers mutual attraction / interest. Becasue if it's not your buddy its going to be another dude that you just dont' know about.
But if it were me personally and I could tell that it was BS, and I wanted to get w/ this girl(that must not want to get w/ you that bad?) I would tell him that he was full of sh1t and let him know I don't think that it's OK.
I'm never afraid to level like that with my friends, you shouldn't be either otherwise he's not really truly your best friend imo.
[Edit]:What does kind of worry me though is you say you have been "with" this girl for 2 MONTHS?!?! I'm assuming based on how you worded you still havent made a move in this time frame, or she's rejected your moves. I would move on after 2 months dude.
Justanothernormalguy has a point about it being on yours/hers mutual attraction / interest. Becasue if it's not your buddy its going to be another dude that you just dont' know about.
But if it were me personally and I could tell that it was BS, and I wanted to get w/ this girl(that must not want to get w/ you that bad?) I would tell him that he was full of sh1t and let him know I don't think that it's OK.
I'm never afraid to level like that with my friends, you shouldn't be either otherwise he's not really truly your best friend imo.
[Edit]:What does kind of worry me though is you say you have been "with" this girl for 2 MONTHS?!?! I'm assuming based on how you worded you still havent made a move in this time frame, or she's rejected your moves. I would move on after 2 months dude.
justanothernormalguy
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You could say something to him, if you have to, but I advise against it because he can go and tell her everything you supposedly said and even lie and make you come across horrendously bad to her, like a desperate loser. as you arent even going out. Thats not to say you are, and that you dont have the right to be angry with your friends, but sometimes confrontation can come off worse. The person with the patience often wins more than the guy who instantly stands up to trade blows.joverby said:
I suppose that could be the case. I just was speaking from my own experience / friends. I just know if my friends arent living up to my expectations of what a friend should be, I tell them. Don't have to "trade blows" but just tell him you think he's being a sh1tty friend.justanothernormalguy said:
On the other hand I think you shouldn't be so hung up on some chick who it sounds like you had barely anything going on with for over 2 months. Let your buddy fvck her if you couldnt.
i like the advice from justanothernormalguy. however, ive done what joverby says. i have confronted him about it in the past and told him to back off. i later found out that he sent the girl his and mine conversation where i said that. she thought it was really weird that he would tell her that and she just shrugged it off. the past couple weeks ive been distancing myself from her just so i can clear my mind. im gonna continue that and see how it goes. by the way, me and the girl have hooked up before, just not sex.
This guys isn't as good of a friend as you think he is. I would I have serious problems with this dude if he did that to me. I wouldn't call him my friend and in that case I certainly wouldn't give a sh1t what he was doing or this girl you've been after for 2 months and yet to get.
And if it's failed to happen after 2 months I wouldn't get my hopes up. Start talking to new girls, but seriously fvck that guy.
And if it's failed to happen after 2 months I wouldn't get my hopes up. Start talking to new girls, but seriously fvck that guy.
justanothernormalguy
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Did I or did i not predict he would send her the conversation haha.
God I know guys too well. We are so underhand.
Ok look, you want this girl. You need to act to him and her like it doesnt bother you that he texts her, you need to project that hes the creepy loser.
Its a tough situation, if you want my opinion, you need to grab her attention NOW. You need to make her have such a good time with you that by the end of the day/night she doesnt think about anyone else and she sees a future or LTR with you. Then after that the next few dates you can follow up with some a official/exclusive tests. I am not talking about taking her to a fancy restaurant blah blah. Often the best dates are the cheapest, because its more about YOU AND HER not the fancy restaurant she is impressed with. Think about something you can both do that is fun and offers lots of oppertunities for kino.
God I know guys too well. We are so underhand.
Ok look, you want this girl. You need to act to him and her like it doesnt bother you that he texts her, you need to project that hes the creepy loser.
Its a tough situation, if you want my opinion, you need to grab her attention NOW. You need to make her have such a good time with you that by the end of the day/night she doesnt think about anyone else and she sees a future or LTR with you. Then after that the next few dates you can follow up with some a official/exclusive tests. I am not talking about taking her to a fancy restaurant blah blah. Often the best dates are the cheapest, because its more about YOU AND HER not the fancy restaurant she is impressed with. Think about something you can both do that is fun and offers lots of oppertunities for kino.
yeah the thing is im not even concerned about the 2 of them doing anything. this guy has no game whatsoever. its just the idea that someone who i thought was a close friend would backstab me like that.
not that it means anything but this girl has only been with 1 guy her entire life and she didnt put out till after 2 years of dating...
not that it means anything but this girl has only been with 1 guy her entire life and she didnt put out till after 2 years of dating...
BlackMack177
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I was just about to say this.duke104 said:
I agree with justanothernormalguy if you're just trying to get the girl
But i think the real problem here (and what I would be more offended by personally) is your friend's blatant disrespect. Now I'm a firm believer in bros before hoes, and that two guys should never let a piece of ass ruin a friendship. But that means that a man should never pursue a girl his friend has real interest in and is pursuing. that sh1t is not only lame (really?? he can't find his own girl so he has to latch on to ones you talk to??) but it's extremely shady.
unless you strike out, I would take offense to him trying to get the same girl you're going after. This is the problem is social circle dating
Lucifero
Senior Don Juan
This is what you probably think:
http://files.sharenator.com/Oh_Noes_Oh_noes-s512x463-49736-580.jpg
This is what I think:
It's... http://www.classymommy.com/blog/uploaded_images/GameTime-Walmart-774971.png
http://files.sharenator.com/Oh_Noes_Oh_noes-s512x463-49736-580.jpg
This is what I think:
It's... http://www.classymommy.com/blog/uploaded_images/GameTime-Walmart-774971.png
Are you sure you are doing what you should be doing in regards to the girl? Does she know that you guys are dating? Have you had sex with her yet? Are you seeing her in a group setting or spending lots of alone time with just the two of you?
The reason I ask is this, I have a buddy who will get all head over heels over a girl and then never make a real move. Oh he takes them out to the club, or takes them to shows and dinner but he never gets sexual in anyway. Also he constantly brings them around his friends. In fact he will be out with her and call us up to come hang. Then when she finds one of his friends more socially aware, cooler, better looking, what have you, she leaves him for his buddy. He's been dropping friends for 10 years over this, but he can't see that HE IS THE PROBLEM. I've had some of his women try to hit on me or ask me if he's gay.
So I say all of that to say this. Are you doing what you should be doing? And are you making any of these mistakes?
The reason I ask is this, I have a buddy who will get all head over heels over a girl and then never make a real move. Oh he takes them out to the club, or takes them to shows and dinner but he never gets sexual in anyway. Also he constantly brings them around his friends. In fact he will be out with her and call us up to come hang. Then when she finds one of his friends more socially aware, cooler, better looking, what have you, she leaves him for his buddy. He's been dropping friends for 10 years over this, but he can't see that HE IS THE PROBLEM. I've had some of his women try to hit on me or ask me if he's gay.
So I say all of that to say this. Are you doing what you should be doing? And are you making any of these mistakes?