How do YOU combat loneliness?

[Deadly_Ripped]

I have friends. I am single. I hook up with women whom I'm proud to say I tapped that fairly frequently. I never go more than 1-2 months without getting at least a one night stand if not a friend with benefits, and I rarely go out just to find someone to sleep with. I have been single for about 2 months now, and before that 2 month relationship I was single for 4 months after a year long relationship.

My problem is that despite the usually steady sex life, and friends to relax with on the regular (who, by the way, like me for the me I have become as a result of this website), I am lonely and it's getting worse. The only women who want to get into a relationship with me have low self esteem. They never provide companionship because their motive for the relationship is purely based on their own need for constant validation. I just want someone with whom to share my thoughts, feelings, etc...
To top it all off I'm fighting this renewed oneitis for a girl who has everything material I find impressive every character trait I enjoy, and a list of personal accomplishments that rival my own. I respect her, and that causes my oneitis. With that in my face 24/7, I can't concentrate on schoolwork, and in the next few days if I can't snap out of this I am going to risk losing the GPA I've worked so hard for.

I imagine that some people might tell me to wake up and smell the coffee, but I doubt these feelings are limited to just me and I doubt they go far beyond the normal human experience.

I just wonder how others deal with the loneliness associated with being single. And please, if you never go through this don't post here telling me to stop being a wussy or some bs like that.

 

[Deadly_Ripped]

As a side note, this is the first time I've really felt the kind of lonely that I could see causing depression and it's been coming on so slow that I doubt it's a mood swing. I'm talking the past few months, even in the unfulfilling 2 month relationship I was in a little while ago, the feeling was growing.

 

[Julian]

Dude, first off dont be so emo.

2nd, you've got a negative and desperate attitude.

Yes i have been lonely. I just didnt allow those feelings to control my life. When i feel lonely i revel in feeling lonely. Its just a drama of life that you gota go through. Just know it will pass and you will find someone...eventually.

Look at it this way, you got a dope ass GPA, sitting around whining about being lonely is gona make you end up even lonelier when ur grades drop and u end up screwing yourself.

get your priorities straight right now, then work on filling the void in your life with something positive. Also this chick u got oneitis for, why arent you gaming this chick.

 

[solo1]

My problem is that despite the usually steady sex life, and friends to relax with on the regular (who, by the way, like me for the me I have become as a result of this website), I am lonely and it's getting worse. The only women who want to get into a relationship with me have low self esteem. They never provide companionship because their motive for the relationship is purely based on their own need for constant validation. I just want someone with whom to share my thoughts, feelings, etc...
.

Im in a similar situaiton, been like that for a few days already. But im always keeping myself busy with senior year/work/etc. I think it's just the lack of emotional, and mental affection/connection of a woman that's missing...physical aspect is all instinct to mate. No matter how much people deny this, a lot of people settle into relationships, particularly women, for the same reasons...and the fact that they're way more insecure than guys.

You may think you want companionship to share that stuff with, but you dont do that in a relationship. you do that with friends.

 

[Faded Image]

Your loneliness is caused by your oneitis. This women's impression upon you, has only given you reason not to look else where.

Your thoughts, and whole emotional foundation is tied into being with her regarldless of what you believe. She's the missing piece to your puzzle and since you can't have her, you feel life is incomplete.

If you loneliness isn't caused by your oneitis, it's caused by the person you were before you came here and started reading this site.

who, by the way, like me for the me I have become as a result of this website

You make it seem as if the person you've become is a front you've put on for people only to be accepted. If the person you've became isn't the person you know you are, your loneliness is only going to continue.

I once believed this site was here to change the person I was. I now know that this site is not here to change me, but to give me a better outlook on life and how people interact with each other through different experience.

You can take it how you want, but you have to be happy with self in order to find true happiness.

 

[cyp6]

This is probly because u feel that this one girl is the one......... And you wannt her so bad that u will do any thing to have her..... I whet thorgh this same thing.... That was my turning point from nice guy to dj try to get over this girl.... She is probly y u have been soo deressed....

 

[bigneil]

Loneliness is fear of being with oneself.

It sounds like the poster is not experiencing loneliness, but rather is feeling the effects of toxicity from following a poor diet. Time for a 2 day fast with cleansing herbs.

 

[Deadly_Ripped]

DevanE I think you've made a few assumptions about my life that aren't true. I'd say my life is more together than most peoples'. I work hard at school, I read, I lift weights 3-4 times per week, I am on a fairly rigid diet (to gain weight), I hike, dabble in photography, and make my friends laugh when I'm around them. No to mention the fact that there are at least three women I know right now who'd date me in half of half of a second.

Bigneil it's funny you mention diet, because I don't drink soda, rarely drink coffee, drink soy milk and water and few juices, have fruit every day, make sure I get pasta and some grains every day, start my day with oatmeal and eggs, and I stay away from candy except for the occasional indulgence which is less frequent than a full moon.

I apreciate the comments though. I wasn't really looking for an explanation of why I'm feeling this way, but more of an explanation of how anyone out there who's ever felt completely disconnected from friends and in particular women dealt with the feeling that come with that. I don't suppose there's an answer though that can fit inside a reply box, or even be expressed over the internet.

 

[Johnny Wolf]

Sounds like you are a serial monogamous. There are a lot of people, usually chicks that are like you...where you always have to have someone in your life. Its a form of depression that many of us, including myself suffer from.

For some reason we just can't be happy unless there is someone to share that happiness with. Its not a bad thing, and it gives you more of a reason to sarge.

 

[mrRuckus]

Sounds like you are a serial monogamous. There are a lot of people, usually chicks that are like you...where you always have to have someone in your life. Its a form of depression that many of us, including myself suffer from.

For some reason we just can't be happy unless there is someone to share that happiness with. Its not a bad thing, and it gives you more of a reason to sarge.

I really really rather prefer being in a relationship than not. I really feel it's worlds better to have someone I can tell and share everything with. The one person i send all the funny links and quotes I find. Since i broke up with my last gf i get these big urges to report my happenings and observations to "someone" and that someone isn't there. My normal friends just don't seem to count in my mind. I've turned that outlet to blogs on myspace... which is kind of good because i get girls posting msgs that say "that's soooo true!" and "you're so funny!" and it strokes the ego a bit.

The thing I miss most about a relationship is the feeling of a "partner in crime."

Of course, I don't let myself be compromised or settle for garbage just to be in a relationship.

 

[Albion10]

One word, HOBBIES! Get some and bury yourself in them. You'll find that you start to meet more women when you're passionate about something other then meeting women.

-Al

 

[Krassus]

Hell if I know. I don't really get lonely. I think I used to when I was younger, but then learned to deal with it. Now it's kind of automatic and I don't have to focus on dealing with it - my mind just does it on it's own. The secret is to have a passion, a goal in life that is so big that it's capable of eclipsing everyone and everything around you. It has to be a big, magnificent dream, your vision of an ideal life so sweet that just thinking about it puts a huge smile on your face. When you have something like that, when you know what you want, when you work towards it every day, you don't have to worry about feeling lonely or rejected or whatnot. You become happy with yourself, internally-validated, so caught up in making your dreams come true that you don't have the time to think about some snobby chick or the flat tire you got on the way to work. You become like an eagle, soaring up in the sky, suddenly realizing that all the things that seemed so troublesome and important are now mere hills far down beneath you. Reach that level, learn to dream, learn to fly and you'll never have to worry about "losing it" for a woman again. Hmm, I guess I do know.

 

[backbreaker]

i can relate to you man.


i gotta be honest, I saw this post a while ago but didn't bother reading it becuase given the title it looked like some newb who just didn't bother reading the bible (dj that is), but you have struck a nerve

Reason being, I know, alot better than anyone here that posted here ovbiously, what you mean and what you are going though.

I think I'm a little older than you (23), I am pretty successful for my age. I am good looking, I get sex on a constant basis with good looking women. I have a nice house, drive 2 nice cars, have money in the bank, I am well learned, I get to travel, blah blah blah.

what you are going though has nothing to do with being a DJ. It's something you have to get past IN SPITE OF to become a DJ.

My dad and I are cool, but aren't really close. I mean growing up he made sure I had what I needed and I had no problem seeing him, I was over his house all the time, but he isn't the guy you have a "heart to heart" talk with if you catch my drift. My mom and I rarely talk , let alone talk about something serious. I call her once a month basically to let herk now i am still breathing, and that's pretty much it.

You just want someone you can literarly talk to. Man I hear ya. NOthing AFC about that. ****, I'm human. I have **** I would like to get off my chest to someone I know actually gives a ****.

IT has nothing to do with Being a dJ, nothing to do with having hobbies.. trust me, I am busy from sun up to sun down but you just can't block out the human need for some type of emotional companionship. I mean, I'm not (nor you) are asking for the world.

just becuase you want to have some **** to get off your chest from time to time doesn' tmake you a serial monogmist. If anything I'm a serial hoe. It's probably the sole reason my old oneitis is still in my life. Becuase she is one of the only people I honeslty feel comfortable talking to about anything remotely serious... not that it happens often but it happens.

however, what I have down is basically realize that these were the cards I were delt. It is what it is. I learnt how to deal with my own problems and comfort myself when need be. I don't need a woman for that. I can make myself happy and I do.

The key is, to be as independant as possible. just understand it is what it is and move on. Dont' unload on the next girl you meet because you will just keep drowning yourself.

After not dating for 3 years (Started my company) boy did I have some **** on my mind. When I finally got in the dating scene I had some instant success. Then I ran into my last LTR I had, a woman named Amber. We met the day before my birthday (june). she begged me from literarly august to December to date her, and out of the blue one day I woke up in mid december and said, **** it, let's date.

Only then did I really slowly start opening up to her. Boy there were times that I wanted to, and I know her now enough to know that she would have been rececptive to helping me, she loved helping me to try to fix my problems that i had, but at the same time, the point I am getting at is, under no circumstances, you can't let your personal problems get in the way of the courting process, even if it doesn't seem fair, or even if she seems like she can be the "one".

If you have to, pay a shrink, if for anything just to go and unload **** that no body wants to hear, because they really don't.

one of the reasons I still come here... becuase there are people here of like minds. I try to sit down with one of my friends and talk about girls and it's like I am on a nother plateau.. they have no idea why I do what I do, how I do what I do, what drives me.. to them I am a lucky bastard.

my house was broken into last christmas (yes, on christmas)... no one really give a ****. I was honestly kinda scared.. I just rented a hotel and had to deal with it in my own way.

what I am getting at is, your problem isn't being lonley as far as women.. for the love of god, don't try to fit a square peg (ONS, **** buddy) into a square hole (LTR) by telling her all of your problems, etc.

One of the biggest things I have done is take up studying. The more I learn about live, the easier it is to deal with my own problems instead of asking for help. But I understand, sometimes you just want to be heard, and my best advice I can give you... deal with it

 

[mrRuckus]

You can bury yourself in hobbies but the hobbies seem a bit shallow if there's no one to discuss them with and are genuinely interested in how you're doing with them.

Playing baseball is nice. Having a cheering section makes it much better.

At least for me...

 

[Thomas94305]

I think everyone deals with this at some point. It sucks. The real cure is to get a circle of good friends. But, that takes TIME, and loneliness is here right NOW.

The first step..as girly as it sounds.. is to acknowledge that you feel this way, welcome to the human race.

The second step is to take an ACTION, no matter how small. You can go to Starbucks and just be around people. Perhaps read about conversations, go say hi to people you pass in the street, start planning in your calendar when/where you'll go out to meet people. That last one is important. A social circle is not to be taken for granted, it needs work and maintenance. Every Sunday, I'll look over the next week, things I've been invited to, places I can just go to, etc, and pick things I want to do. At first, going alone is involved. Over time, companions are there, tho.

 

[banGbro]

You may think you want companionship to share that stuff with, but you dont do that in a relationship. you do that with friends.

Second that. Friends that care about you though, not some chat buddies. Rare to come by. A hobby can also help, such as racing, SCCA, cart, even auto x. Sky diving, scubba diving. It is through what you love doing best that you meet great people (which are usually not found at parties or night clubs).

 

[Luveno]

I'm experiencing something quite similar.

I dated this girl for a while; we hit it off smashingly. She wasn't dating me to validate her own existence, she was doing it because she was genuinely interested. As was I. Things were excellent.

Then she had to move away, so it ended on a high note and a kiss goodbye at the airport. I wasn't moved though: I thought "hey, we're young, and I can always go get her back in the future". I compared the situation to a vacation to a tropical island - its not permanent but you always have the option of visiting again in the future if you so desire.

A few months have passed by, and I'm losing interest in FWBs and ONS. I rarely have anything in common with these girls, and they eventually get too clingy and possessive so I have to cut it off.

And then I heard that the girl from above is dating someone else...now its not the fact that shes having sex with other people that bothers me: if it were I'd be the world's biggest hypocrite. It's the fact that she actually cares about another man.

The feeling that our relationship was like a tropical island has changed to it being like Lebanon: it was a really nice place until the attacks, and now you can never go back to the way it was.

The only other time I ever felt so down about this is when someone in my family died. It's a similar thing: a permanent goodbye. And it is just poor form.

How am I dealing with it: I'm still at it with the occasional FWBs - they're a welcome distraction. I'm studying massive amounts, to achieve my desired success. Sure I'm still a bit down, but whatever. It'll pass.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...I apreciate the comments though. I wasn't really looking for an explanation of why I'm feeling this way, but more of an explanation of how anyone out there who's ever felt completely disconnected from friends and in particular women dealt with the feeling that come with that. I don't suppose there's an answer though that can fit inside a reply box, or even be expressed over the internet.

I understand where you are coming from. You'll just have to accept that once you realize who you are and what type of woman is best for you and it's not typical woman, it's going to take you a bit of weeding through the weaklings. It's a tough search and that's why a lot of guys end up settling for someone who isn't truly compatible.

Ask yourself if you'd rather be a single guy who dates and has some pretty good friends or would you rather be dating someone who isn't right for you? Also consider how that could effect your friendships.

 

[Oxide]

Learn the difference between being lonely and being alone.

I love being by myself at times. I can read books, watch movies, play games I like and of course mastrubate at will.

On the other hand, there are times when I definitely want to go out. If i don't I end up feeling like crap.

So yeah. Find that balance. It is good to stay in, it is good to go out, just in reasonable ratios