How do you care Less?
- Thread starter Starwolf
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Starwolf said:
Also to add, the listings I have from numbers 1 - 7 are the only REAL things in my life right now. They are the only things that are of real value, has real substance to them, etc.
The women I'm meeting are just all bullshyt. The engagement is very short, which means that if you don't get to what you want fast (sex) then you most likely are going to lose A LOT of time and potentially extra money in the process. In terms of quality, they have no quality. Either they have weight issues (which they hide by wearing spanks under their clothing), they have a bunch of kids by XYZ number of thugs, they have HORRIBLE financial problems, or the chick is a pseudo-golddigger and I say "pseudo" because most of the time they don't even know how to fvcking gold dig properly.
I also don't have Family or Friends listed there either, really for the same reason. No substance, just bullshyt.
Today I find that the only real friends I need are those I work with everyday where we help bring each other's visions to pass. If I'm not doing some type of business with a guy, I really don't see the need to have the guy around me. They become jealous, they backstab you, when a chick comes around they try to do this retarded AMOG shyt, a lot of times they lack ambition, they are BROKE...etc, etc.,...it's just annoying as hell.
RangerMIke
Master Don Juan
Find a purpose and stick to it.
Date lots of women.
Problem solved.
Date lots of women.
Problem solved.
seasonedplayer
Don Juan
Think of what they will look like when they are 45 years oldStarwolf said:
Firestar786
Senior Don Juan
Answer to Op : just have other important things going on. It will radiate 
the reason she is aloof and can answer with just a hmm is because to her your an option of many, She has many options as most women do.
but you, you put so much interest in just one female, that it is natural for you to actually give a F*ck.
you are basically attempting to lie and not show your true emotions. i.e. you have an interest in her and no matter what it will show thru.
you can mask it but all women can read you!
your only defense is; be a man an she will like you for that, and her approval will make no need for you to explain a thing.
if you get many plates you will naturally loose interest in just her and naturally be aloof to her actions.
ONE BIG key if you want to really Lern how to not behave is: go get a ugly fat girlfriend to fall in love with you or at least like you so much and date her.
she will creep you out fast with too much attention, buy you too many gifts, and be super nice to you to where she is of no excitement to you,
she will answer all your text within seconds, be at your begging call and no matter what you will despise her for it, as she's not what you want.
What you will lern from this, is that thats how most women view the majority of afc or men, the same way you will be aloof and never need to explain yourself to this fat chick is the same way women are around us.
We wonder how they do it how can they be so cold so aloof to all are attempts, and reason is because to them we are just a fat girl giving gifts and attention. instead be manly and tap into it coming from natural place not intellect.
but you, you put so much interest in just one female, that it is natural for you to actually give a F*ck.
you are basically attempting to lie and not show your true emotions. i.e. you have an interest in her and no matter what it will show thru.
you can mask it but all women can read you!
your only defense is; be a man an she will like you for that, and her approval will make no need for you to explain a thing.
if you get many plates you will naturally loose interest in just her and naturally be aloof to her actions.
ONE BIG key if you want to really Lern how to not behave is: go get a ugly fat girlfriend to fall in love with you or at least like you so much and date her.
she will creep you out fast with too much attention, buy you too many gifts, and be super nice to you to where she is of no excitement to you,
she will answer all your text within seconds, be at your begging call and no matter what you will despise her for it, as she's not what you want.
What you will lern from this, is that thats how most women view the majority of afc or men, the same way you will be aloof and never need to explain yourself to this fat chick is the same way women are around us.
We wonder how they do it how can they be so cold so aloof to all are attempts, and reason is because to them we are just a fat girl giving gifts and attention. instead be manly and tap into it coming from natural place not intellect.
I can attest to this, gone through it twice, about to get back to it for a 3rd time. It get's hard tho when you have to explain this to a girl you really like and it hurts her. But I think a mature woman should understand this and be supportive of it.Yorkex said:
I've always wondered how to not care about stuff, too. I used to work with a guy who would say that he was a sociopath, because he felt nothing whatsoever about anything. Whether that was really true or not I don't know, but he sure didn't seem to care about anyone or anything. And you know what? He was the person the office tended to gravitate to, the one the girls always wanted to talk to.
There's a lot to be said for a f this attitude and outlook, because really, who and what can you really count and rely on?
There's a lot to be said for a f this attitude and outlook, because really, who and what can you really count and rely on?
exactly the type of behavior i'm looking to adapt.
many of the posters here have advised on keeping busy with more women or other things. But this is just occupying yourself so that your neediness doesn't have a chance to come out.
thats actually not addressing the core issue
If aloofness could come naturally from within it would be fcking awesome.
there must be a way to learn this.
I've even read the book from Eckhart Tolle "The power of now" which teaches this concept a bit. The book lets it seem easier than it is though.
I wish I knew. Experiencing enough crap so that you're just numb to it all at some point? Focusing that energy spent on caring on other activities makes a lot of sense, but I think a lot of it is confidence and a general mentality that nothing good or bad lasts forever, too.Starwolf said:
As to how to get there, easier said than done. I've tried fake it till you make it, with mixed results.
Between_The_Lines
Master Don Juan
So you can what, become a shell of a human, a Patrick Bateman? I think what you're looking for is mastery over your emotions, not their complete annihilation.Starwolf said:
There's a stark difference between keeping busy for the sake of distraction, and keeping busy because you're working toward accomplishing something. The former is reactive, rooted in weakness and anxiety, in running away from something out of fear, while the latter is affirmative, strong, self-assured, pushing aside distractions and whatever has little value with increasing regularity as it focuses more strongly on its goal.Starwolf said:
Between_The_Lines
Master Don Juan
ExactlyStarwolf said:
There's no need to tell a person everything especially a woman. Keep it short and to the point of what you need to say. The less they know the better and keep it to yourself what you don't want others to know.Starwolf said:
By putting yourself, your needs, and priorities ahead of others and making others wait for you. Not becoming emotional or worrying over every little thing a person does or might not do.Starwolf said:
By focusing on yourself, your career, and hobbies keeping busy.Starwolf said:
When you are doing what is best for you and what you like that means less time to tend to other people.
Buy using more action and less words.Starwolf said:
Action is the best way to get your point across instead of explaining words to women.
Men take action and don't waste their time explaining things.
Soolaimon is entirely right there is just one small thing that is nagging me.
Why have this urge in the first place? To explain?
The solution seems to be those things that are mentioned.
But personally I wanted to say:
The position is wrong.
Seek to improve your position.
Make sure you end up in a position in which there is not a need to try to lean on women in that way or to ask for their approval.
Most of what you do is a result of where you think you are.
Become clear on where you are.
That means to say: start checking what stuff is beneficial to you in your life, and what is not.
Move towards a position of higher value. A position of higher value is a position in which lower value things disappear from you.
High value people do not watch excessive TV, or at all. High value people have important or passionate stuff to do. I am finding it hard to get to that word. High value is something that creates high value. Seek to create high value in your life and you become it. They are your children. Passionate implies that it is something you could do, but it is not very necessary. But it is about necessity. Necessity is something of which they cannot say "Ah, it is not so important if he canNOT do that thing." It implies that you have a right to be living your life, to be doing the things you want to do. They are important. They are essential. They are valuable. You must disenfrantise people of the notion that what you WANT is not of any importance. For a guy, what he WANTS is of value. You WANT that girl, then you should HAVE it. But having is not important. Having is not of any importance. Only wanting is, in this case. And not wanting from a case of need. A case of desperation.
No, a quiet, self-assured admittal of what you want to have or do. Then again it becomes clear that it is not about having. It is only about doing.
Disenfrantise yourself of the notion that you want to possess a girl. You only want to do things with her. I think the notion of having stuff done to her body is the most excruciatingly attractive thing a girl can imagine. Just a little something. Be physical. She likes her body. A body is physical. A girl is physical.
Why have this urge in the first place? To explain?
The solution seems to be those things that are mentioned.
At least, that is not the solution, it is the outcome. Perhaps you need no more than the ideal situation and than just become or be that.
But personally I wanted to say:
The position is wrong.
Seek to improve your position.
Make sure you end up in a position in which there is not a need to try to lean on women in that way or to ask for their approval.
Most of what you do is a result of where you think you are.
Become clear on where you are.
That means to say: start checking what stuff is beneficial to you in your life, and what is not.
Move towards a position of higher value. A position of higher value is a position in which lower value things disappear from you.
High value people do not watch excessive TV, or at all. High value people have important or passionate stuff to do. I am finding it hard to get to that word. High value is something that creates high value. Seek to create high value in your life and you become it. They are your children. Passionate implies that it is something you could do, but it is not very necessary. But it is about necessity. Necessity is something of which they cannot say "Ah, it is not so important if he canNOT do that thing." It implies that you have a right to be living your life, to be doing the things you want to do. They are important. They are essential. They are valuable. You must disenfrantise people of the notion that what you WANT is not of any importance. For a guy, what he WANTS is of value. You WANT that girl, then you should HAVE it. But having is not important. Having is not of any importance. Only wanting is, in this case. And not wanting from a case of need. A case of desperation.
No, a quiet, self-assured admittal of what you want to have or do. Then again it becomes clear that it is not about having. It is only about doing.
Disenfrantise yourself of the notion that you want to possess a girl. You only want to do things with her. I think the notion of having stuff done to her body is the most excruciatingly attractive thing a girl can imagine. Just a little something. Be physical. She likes her body. A body is physical. A girl is physical.
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Dryden said:
Explaining comes from insecurity. Men who are not secure with themselves and are worried about other people's actions or thoughts always explain.
The guys who believe in setting boundaries with women are a perfect example of that.
They are worried about her possibly cheating on them with other men. So they feel the need to explain to her how they feel and need to hear her words agreeing to what they want.
Is explaining their concerns to those women going to make any difference in the outcome of their relationships? Of course not. But their insecurity needing to explain and hearing her verbally agree makes them feel it will.
Doing that is useless and pointless but they will still argue for it no matter what.
Boundary Guy: I don't like the idea of you hanging out with other guys in an exclusive relationship.
Woman: Ok I won't do that anymore.
So they explained their concerns to the woman and she agreed. She can still hang out with those same guys with no problem if she really wants to even though she said she won't. Explaining their concerns did not solve their problem. The woman has to not want to hang out with those men on her own to make it successful.
If they were high value men they wouldn't need to explain to these women out of insecurity nor would those women need other men of less value around.
Dryden said:
When you have high value people will recognize your value.
A personal relation
Personally, I have always been *extremely* insecure. But this insecurity can be directly mapped or translated to my life's circumstances. I've found out enough about myself and my past to be able to say that..... I guess that:
- e.g. I have avoided conflict in my life because I was sure to end up on the side where the beating takes place.
If there is no one backing you, you are not eager to get in trouble. You are like an alien, you better not overstep your bounds or you'll get the hurt. If you are well established you can get away with many things, if you have no one around you who will vouch for you, you may get in deep trouble if you attempt the same.
And I believe insecurity is deeply rooted in not having anything in terms of support. Havingness then provides your experience. If you have stuff, you experience yourself as abundant or strong. If you don't have stuff (relationships, people, income, money, cars, houses, women, ....) you experience yourself as lacking and weak.
But then they say that the world is the result of what you are, and what you are is not the result of the world. They call this "being the cause of your experience, instead of at the effect of it". This is to say that your thinking about yourself will form your life, or your world, but your world cannot really form your thinking about yourself, or should not even have that power if you wouldn't let it.
That is then saying that you can have any thought about yourself that you want. You don't have to be limited in what you think of who you are of what you are worth.
Bad results from the past do not have to say much about what can happen now. Or who you are now.
If you are unwilling to create a new idea about yourself, you will never grow.
But the reality is often that we let our current set of circumstances dictate what is possible and what is not. Believing in success when all you've experienced is failure, is pretty tough. It means you have to go with the flow and try to make it through with your personality alone. Keep up hope even when appearances seem to indicate the contrary. If what the world presents to you is going to be the indicator of your success, you won't get any at any junction. Because the world is based in your past. It is based in your past thinking and the results created from it. You've gotta become prosperous in your own mind in order to become prosperous in the world.
That is not something you can do in one jump. Well, perhaps you can. But the ...determination you must have becomes pretty high. Jumping into the abyss is not for the weakhearted. I have jumped in many times and often ended up hurt, not because I jumped in so completely, but because I held back in mid air. You force yourself to make the jump, but your presence is not strong enough to make it through. You fall back on something you know but now you are in the danger zone and you did something risky. If you try to ride a storm you better keep it up or you'll 'die' midway. Perhaps this amounts to idiocy.
And you leave behind you a trail of people who feel guilty for what they've done to you.
Being pummeled by failure after failure, hate after hate. And no one becomes happier because of it. They all cringe as they see you go down again, and they are often the ones who put on the hurt.
And nothing seems to be able to stop them. Not their own minds. Not their own hearts. Not their own souls. Certainly not their bodies, although their bodies could save everything if they let them.....
Hurting someone because he seems to have hurt you and it is often a figment of the imagination.
I am now locked up inside a 'federal prison' for 3 months. Everything seems to transpire against you. The rules dictate that things must be taken away. You can end up in a neverending spiral of despair and hurt because you must still be the one to save yourself and there is no one backing you.
Apparently everyone is waiting for you to choose yourself. To put yourself first. To prioritize yourself. To let other people fall by the wayside because you are worth more than they.
If you ended up having to select a team, would you pick yourself?
I definitely would. But I'm not sure if other people would like it if I did. That's the whole problem I guess. I still care about what other people think of me. Because their opinion seems to determine my outcome?....
I still care that people don't get hurt, even as they hurt me and I vow to hurt them back. I have not often experienced so much pain in my life. So where is "security" then?
People start telling me how they cut their wrists. I try to get away but I can't, because the past is dragging me back. The past of having dealt with these people and being forced to relive that and they think they know you but they don't.
I'm not sure what I'm missing and I'm not sure I care anymore. It seems to come to a point where I lose everything I ever had, and then some.
Still trying to hold onto it though. But where is security now? I vow to dissuade anyone from loving me. Because there is only more hurt waiting there.
Sure I must be pretty depressed. But it is not a depression anymore, it is a rage. A smoldering fire that can usurp cities. And I do not even hate anyone or anything. Have not touched a single person. They make me into one though. One who would do these things. And I seem not to be able to stop it.
Sure, I've been a crook. I guess. Confession time, but not now.
I guess I'm mired in my own belief of my innocence, but I am not sure about it. The more I learn about standing up for yourself, the less I do it. I can't care anymore. It's been too late. I guess the point will come where I give up and let them do with me whatever they want. That will be my salvation then, I guess. Owning up everything and coming clean on everything. Even if it is scarcely anything worth mentioning. So why hide it then? Why try to fool people? This is getting rather painful, to be so out in the open like this.
Can you tell me why insecurity arises?Soolaimon said:
Personally, I have always been *extremely* insecure. But this insecurity can be directly mapped or translated to my life's circumstances. I've found out enough about myself and my past to be able to say that..... I guess that:
- e.g. I have avoided conflict in my life because I was sure to end up on the side where the beating takes place.
If there is no one backing you, you are not eager to get in trouble. You are like an alien, you better not overstep your bounds or you'll get the hurt. If you are well established you can get away with many things, if you have no one around you who will vouch for you, you may get in deep trouble if you attempt the same.
And I believe insecurity is deeply rooted in not having anything in terms of support. Havingness then provides your experience. If you have stuff, you experience yourself as abundant or strong. If you don't have stuff (relationships, people, income, money, cars, houses, women, ....) you experience yourself as lacking and weak.
But then they say that the world is the result of what you are, and what you are is not the result of the world. They call this "being the cause of your experience, instead of at the effect of it". This is to say that your thinking about yourself will form your life, or your world, but your world cannot really form your thinking about yourself, or should not even have that power if you wouldn't let it.
That is then saying that you can have any thought about yourself that you want. You don't have to be limited in what you think of who you are of what you are worth.
Bad results from the past do not have to say much about what can happen now. Or who you are now.
If you are unwilling to create a new idea about yourself, you will never grow.
But the reality is often that we let our current set of circumstances dictate what is possible and what is not. Believing in success when all you've experienced is failure, is pretty tough. It means you have to go with the flow and try to make it through with your personality alone. Keep up hope even when appearances seem to indicate the contrary. If what the world presents to you is going to be the indicator of your success, you won't get any at any junction. Because the world is based in your past. It is based in your past thinking and the results created from it. You've gotta become prosperous in your own mind in order to become prosperous in the world.
That is not something you can do in one jump. Well, perhaps you can. But the ...determination you must have becomes pretty high. Jumping into the abyss is not for the weakhearted. I have jumped in many times and often ended up hurt, not because I jumped in so completely, but because I held back in mid air. You force yourself to make the jump, but your presence is not strong enough to make it through. You fall back on something you know but now you are in the danger zone and you did something risky. If you try to ride a storm you better keep it up or you'll 'die' midway. Perhaps this amounts to idiocy.
And you leave behind you a trail of people who feel guilty for what they've done to you.
Being pummeled by failure after failure, hate after hate. And no one becomes happier because of it. They all cringe as they see you go down again, and they are often the ones who put on the hurt.
And nothing seems to be able to stop them. Not their own minds. Not their own hearts. Not their own souls. Certainly not their bodies, although their bodies could save everything if they let them.....
Hurting someone because he seems to have hurt you and it is often a figment of the imagination.
I am now locked up inside a 'federal prison' for 3 months. Everything seems to transpire against you. The rules dictate that things must be taken away. You can end up in a neverending spiral of despair and hurt because you must still be the one to save yourself and there is no one backing you.
Apparently everyone is waiting for you to choose yourself. To put yourself first. To prioritize yourself. To let other people fall by the wayside because you are worth more than they.
If you ended up having to select a team, would you pick yourself?
I definitely would. But I'm not sure if other people would like it if I did. That's the whole problem I guess. I still care about what other people think of me. Because their opinion seems to determine my outcome?....
I still care that people don't get hurt, even as they hurt me and I vow to hurt them back. I have not often experienced so much pain in my life. So where is "security" then?
People start telling me how they cut their wrists. I try to get away but I can't, because the past is dragging me back. The past of having dealt with these people and being forced to relive that and they think they know you but they don't.
I'm not sure what I'm missing and I'm not sure I care anymore. It seems to come to a point where I lose everything I ever had, and then some.
Still trying to hold onto it though. But where is security now? I vow to dissuade anyone from loving me. Because there is only more hurt waiting there.
Sure I must be pretty depressed. But it is not a depression anymore, it is a rage. A smoldering fire that can usurp cities. And I do not even hate anyone or anything. Have not touched a single person. They make me into one though. One who would do these things. And I seem not to be able to stop it.
Sure, I've been a crook. I guess. Confession time, but not now.
I guess I'm mired in my own belief of my innocence, but I am not sure about it. The more I learn about standing up for yourself, the less I do it. I can't care anymore. It's been too late. I guess the point will come where I give up and let them do with me whatever they want. That will be my salvation then, I guess. Owning up everything and coming clean on everything. Even if it is scarcely anything worth mentioning. So why hide it then? Why try to fool people? This is getting rather painful, to be so out in the open like this.