You wont 'cure' jealousy, this is a psycho-biological function that most animals have evolved over the centuries as an insurance that their genes will be passed on to the next generation. Male lions and most male great apes will actively kill the young of previously dominant alpha-males; jealousy is a common drive in us as well. It's not that it's good or bad, it just serves a function that may or may not be relevant and many of us aren't always cognizant of.
Now insecurity is another matter altogether. You wont curb the jealousy drive if you're insecure about yourself or situation. Understand that jealousy will necessarily be triggered by your own insecurities. A woman that percieves her mate as insecure will most likely - in her own best interests - seek a male who is confident and can be the provider she requires to ensure survival and the survival of their offspring. A woman's primary drive is security; if you display behaviors that express your insecurity, you don't posess what her primary drive requires. As a response to this she'll necessarily seek this security from an alternate source. The stimulation of your jealousy is her response (whether conscious or not) to this dynamic.
"That's great Dr. Tomassi, but how do I become more secure so as not to fall into this trap?"
That's the tough question. This comes with maturity of course, but more importantly it comes with understanding and accepting yourself as a commodity with regards to the security that you represent to a woman. If a woman's intimacy/sexuality is her commodity, a man's is his ability to provide her security. I've personally worked for several very successful millionaires in my line of work, who represented the pinnacles of confidence and security in the arena of business and their personal ambitions, but were absoulutely unaware of interpreting themselves as commodities with regards to women. To these guys it was complete voodoo, women are unknowable and they were happy to relate this to anyone who would listen. They were millionare AFCs, not because they lacked confidence, but because they never made the connection that their confidence related to a commodity dynamic with women. Oh they knew that women were attracted to their wallets, that was self-evident, but they failed to understand that it was themselves and what they could provide long-term that played upon these women's primary drive - security. Ultimately, these guys would go through a string of failed relationships and divorces because the women who they did manage to get together with eventually came to the conclusion that they didn't posess the confidence that money can't buy - they could master their respective business, but they WOULDN'T master them.
I had a general manager of a major casino here tell me how fortuante I was to find a beautiful and loving wife. We got into a conversation about women and he expressed to me how he couldn't believe that I'd allow my wife to go out with friends without me because she was gorgeous. I told him the biggest mistake I could make would be to show a lack of confidence by becoming posessive of her. First of all I trust that my wife took our marriage vows seriously (and has done so for 8.5 years) and second, the minute I restrain her from testing me on this I lose her respect and her perception of my self-confidence.
Remember this -
The person in any relationship with the most power is the one who needs the other the least.
That might sound Machiavellian, but it's tough love. When you express that someone is held in higher esteem than yourself, you display a lack of confidence. I think it was POOK that wrote this, but we only chase what runs away from us. By allowing my wife the option to go out without me it sends the message that "I'm confident enough in my own self-worth as a commodity that if you do cheat on me, there will be several women in line to take advantage of what you've just turned down by your actions."
And that's the trap - ONEitis paralyzes us into this mindset that we aren't the commodity and women are. That we'll never find another girl so we'd better take what we can get, do what we're told is expected of us and guard our access to her intimacy like it's the Hope diamond. In fact this is the surest way to suffocate a woman. The truth is her intimacy is no more valuable than the security that you represent to her. I'd even go so far as to say it is less valuable in most cases if you look at it as an exchange. There are a lot of women who'll fvck you as a form of agency to your security and the end result is that you (and hopefully she) get off. Whereas your potential to provide security is localized in you and the quality women percieve in you. Her agency (sex) is an immediate reinforcement, a man's (security) is a delayed reinforcement. Is it any wonder why women complain about how men are afraid of committment? They want that security as reinforcement a soon as possible. The man who isn't a commodity is rarely confronted with this problem.
Start thinking of yourself as a commodity, something others value. Assess what you represent to the opposite sex in these terms. Overcoming insecurity starts with you becoming aware of your own value and becoming confident that others will want some part of it. The next step is finding ways to express this in your own behavior because it's this behavior that will determine the response of a woman with regard to your security potential.
