How do I win at this game? I'm a girl

[OtherSideOfTheCoin]

Hey y'all- I hope you can help me out. Tomorrow is V-day and I don't know what to do... sooo bummed. Have many offers... but not from the one I want to take me out. To go or not to go???

Here's a bit of background.

Randomly met this guy about 2 months ago. I went out on a limb and asked him to hang out... he gave me his number so I was stuck calling him first. Went out that night had a good time...

Have been out a few times since (prolly like 5-6) we kiss and hold hands and touch and things but no sex.

For the record I don't just sleep with anyone and would rather a committed rs before I have sex (no rush to get any STDs). Although it was hard resisting temptation I managed. As well I don't want to come off as cheap and easy. I respect myself and want to be respected...

The calls have gotten fewer and further between. I try not to call him too often as I don't want to come off desperate and usually we do the turnabout routine... he calls me then the next time I call him.

We were talking daily (for the first 2 weeks) until I found out he was on the rebound... I thought I should give him the space he needed to sort things out. So calls became less and less (I stopped calling him - just waited for him to call me). I was pretty much over it... and it seems everytime I am over it, not thinking about it... he calls me and keeps things fresh in my mind. ugggg.

I saw him a couple weeks ago and we've only talked once since that time. He did catch the bug that's going around. But last convo on the phone was kind of short - i called him and he was still not feeling great... I said something that hinted to him that I like him a bit more than a friend... and he seemed to take it well - but he did not comment on it one way or the other. I guess it's better than flat out rejection...???

When the call ended no one said talk to you later - or call me etc... this call was last week (almost a week ago now) and remember it was me that called him last... so it's his turn.

V-day is tomorrow.. I'm not going to sit on my ass waiting for this dude to call me.

I'm hot and I've got offers to be taken out ... but I don't have an offer from HIM - the one I'm actually interested in seeing.

If he calls should I tell him I made other plans and let his mind run amuk? Should I let him take me out?

As well... WTF??? I'm not even sure he's going to call me.. Should I call him and wish him a happy V-Day? This is lame... why games? Why so much good energy wasted on trying to figure this out?

I'm sorry that I'm female and invading your board. I'm a way cool chick if it means anything...

If you guys have any meets in hollywood let me know where and when... would love to chill with some new peeps.

Should I just write this guy off? Even if he does call - just ignore the calls???

 

[ShortTimer]

(I stopped calling him - just waited for him to call me).

This is probably what killed it. By you not calling he may have thought you weren't interested.

Yeah yeah, you said he needed space: but did HE say he needed space or did you just think he did? Don't make decisions for hiim, if he wanted space he's a big boy and can tell you that. If he's not a big boy then you don't need to be dating him.

 

[OtherSideOfTheCoin]

good point! BUT ???

K, so I made the decision that he needed space - that I did not want to be rebound chick and have my heart ripped out of my chest... he called a week later and since then we've been doing the back and forth... he calls then I call - etc.

It's the night b4 V-day and he's not reserved me... so if there's ANY predict what are the odds he'll call me tomorrow? And what's a call on V-day mean?

Do I take another guy up on his offer - he was faster acting? if dude calls do I tell him I've made other plans? Do I tell him I'm out with a guy? If he asks me out for Vday do I accept or let him know I'm not a last minute type - especially on Vday?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Fellas, this is why you should never rely focus your attention on only one woman if you aren't in a relationship with her.

Anyway Otherside, call the guy tonight and tell him that YOU want to take HIM out for the holiday. If he's interested, he'll accept.

 

[OtherSideOfTheCoin]

Huh?

What about my post says a guy should never focus attn on one chick at a time?

Because I have offers to be taken out on Vday? Just curious...

I'd be much happier if the guy I fancy right now was focusing his attn all on me and told me about it.

As for the guts and glory approach - that's not really for me. I don't care if I'm shot down... but I'm old fashioned and in this particular sit... i feel I've done ALL the gutsy moves first. I'm the one that always asks him out, I've paid 50% of the dates we've been on, I asked him to chill the first night, I called him the and asked for the first date...

I think Vday is a fine time for ME to be called, for me to be taken out etc...

I do appreciate you taking time to reply though

 

[lerxst]

What Senior d'Anconia is saying is that one of the guys that you have put on the backburner is probably thinking the very same things about you as you are about this dude you are trying to bag. Comprende?

Maybe he is just not that interested?

 

[comote]

Because you are an attractive woman acting,thinking, and feeling exactly the way that we want the women we are interested in to(well I guess you could put out but otherwise . . .).

All kidding aside either this guy is just not that interested or maybe he is a player looking to get some and he decided that there greener pastures elsewhere. There is the possibility that he is really shy as well(but I doubt it, sorry).

I can be quite shy with women but if I am really interested in a woman I will still make a move. If I am sure that she is interested and I am really interested(and trust me, he has to know you are interested) then I will definitely make a move. If I know a woman is interested and I am "kind of" interested than I might flake like this guy seems to.

 

[OtherSideOfTheCoin]

K- I can see what you're saying -

So I do totally agree that he may just not be interested... But why would he keep calling me?

It's not like I leave him messages or call him and he's returning my calls. I'm not a crazy stalker chick... he's had many outs but after a week or 2 he calls agian. Not even to make plans to see - but to say hi.

Last convo we had... he called me, left a msg and I called him back. His msg said sorry I've not called in a while I got sick and have been resting and not in the chatty mood...

If the guy is not sure I'm into him then he's blind. I can totally accept the fact that he just may not be interested... but why does he continue to call me?

I guess this time will tell... neither of us said talk to you later... and neither of us said call me later which is usually how it goes... I won't call... but I can bet if he does not call me tomorrow... he'll call me in a week or 2.

So what are y'all up to on Vday - the single ones that is?

 

[comote]

You did not read my post carefully ...
I did not say he was not into you, I said he was not THAT into you. Granted the sick thing may be a reason but if I was sick, and I knew a girl was into me, and I was really into her, I would call and have her come and take care of me.

Single, not doing anything tomorrow, went out way too much this past week.

 

[OtherSideOfTheCoin]

You're rite...

You did say not THAT into me.

Do I still stand a chance I can salvage this? So much effort - oyyyy.

Where are you located?

 

[lerxst]

Re: K- I can see what you're saying -

Originally posted by OtherSideOfTheCoin
So what are y'all up to on Vday - the single ones that is?

Ah, Vday is one of those days where men such as we go out and meet girls like you, who were tired of sitting by the phone for the guy to call you and decided to go out, and share a night of fun with you.

My advice:
Go out and have some fun because you want to. You already suspect he'd be doing the same. The dude will still be orbiting you regardless.

 

[OtherSideOfTheCoin]

This is kind of fun...

I've never posted on the net.

Thanks for the replies... It's much appreciated.

So where would guys like you go... to meet girls like me? I'm over 21 so I have no age restrictions...

 

[ShortTimer]

Re: K- I can see what you're saying -

Originally posted by OtherSideOfTheCoin
So what are y'all up to on Vday - the single ones that is?

If we're single then we'll be masturbating of course.

Originally posted by OtherSideOfTheCoin
So where would guys like you go... to meet girls like me? I'm over 21 so I have no age restrictions...

Uh... no offence but I always thought single girls stayed home on V-day and pouted.

*shrug*

 

[OtherSideOfTheCoin]

I'm not your typical single girl

I don't pout and being single is more reason to go out on vday. be it with someone or alone... I won't be alone for long - I'll have fun.

 

[ShortTimer]

Re: I'm not your typical single girl

Originally posted by OtherSideOfTheCoin
II won't be alone for long

Must be nice being a hot girl. So what's that like?

 

[Chrispy]

Hi - welcome!

He doesn't sound interested, because he's on the rebound so he's probably bummed out. I think you should just show you're fun to be around, but hey if he's not interested, you're not going to wait, right?

Go DJ on him...be less available and he'll be more interested. And in the meantime, go with the other options too...or at least talk about

Oh, guys, btw I know a lot of pretty girls with a lotta options..and y'know what...it's not any easier for them than 'ordinary' girls..in fact it's actually a bit harder for them.

 

[NewMan]

There are a couple of possibilities here.

1) He's still not over his ex - he's having contact with her or trying to get her back. In this case there is not much you can do - except ride the wave (if you so wish).... But if I were you I wouldn't wait around.

2) He's got someone else he's banging right now. Could be a fvck buddy that's giving him easy, no strings attached sex. In which case, he's could be thinking that you maybe to much work or high maintenance.


By the way, if he's just out of a relationship, chances are he doesn't want to get back into one anytime soon. He may see that by going after you, that's what would happen. I don't know what your conversations have been like, but if you've spoken about past relationships, or what kind of things your looking for - you'd be wise to stick with answers such as "I'm just looking for someone to have fun with right now"..... i.e. no pressure.

 

[OtherSideOfTheCoin]

Thanks for all the responses

I appreciate all the responses.. I'll try to respond to each where I feel necessary.

ShortTimer - I don't think one needs to be hot to welcome company. I think they need to be approachable and confident.

When all else fails... sit alone in a bar or restaurant, make eye contact with someone you would not mind joining you... play the fun little game of looking at them until they look at you, then shyly look away like oops got caught... smile a little bit (yeah I know you're a guy, but you'd be surprised)... see if she walk over to you? Even if it's just to say hi - even if she does not come over to you... see if she's smiling, like ohhh this is a fun game? If she's got a totally disgusted look on her face, don't look back in her direction at all... or embarass the **** outta her - pretend you were flagging down the waitress... she'll feel like a jackass! hehe. I'm mean.

If she was flirty with you but never came up to your table on you're way out... make a comment of - keep smiling, it suits you... and leave immediately. Don't look back for a number or expect anything. Granted if she's sitting with a dude that looks like her date... forget going up to the table bit...

Anyway - you may see me and not find me attractive (I may not be your type)... but I'm hot to me and tha'ts all that matter... I'm outgoing enough to walk up to someone and start talking to them. Some times when I'm out alone, I don't want company... I want me time.. and I keep it that way. All depends - my point is, you don't have to be hot to welcome company.

I know things got messed up with this beau beucase I had a bad month and found myself thinking - hmmm wonder if he's into me? Wonder if I'm his type... when normally I don't don't give 2 ****s and I'm just happy to have met a new person and found a new friend.

I messed this up... (I can't change weather he likes me or not... but I can change how tight I hold on, before I realize I'm being a dumb girl and move on)... The signs are there - I just opted to ignore them and hope... nope, won't sit waiting - won't wait hoping... onward and upward. His loss.

Number's been deleted from my phone. Thanks for the replies and than for not getting bent outta shape that I'm female and invaded your board... y'all have good advice and the bible will take you far with the ladies - if you apply it. Especially the bit about confidence...

 

[Slickster]

Whatever the reasons or excuses the others have given for this guy not calling don't really mean anything do they?

Simply put, he's not "really" interested. If he was you wouldn't be here. So stop with the worrying and wondering why he hasn't called or why he's not into you.

It doesn't have to be the end though. You just have some work to do in order to increase his interest level.

You're female and this should come naturally.

Good luck.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by lerxst
What Senior d'Anconia is saying is that one of the guys that you have put on the backburner is probably thinking the very same things about you as you are about this dude you are trying to bag. Comprende?

Maybe he is just not that interested?

BINGO!!!