How do I tell her I like her without being too AFC?

[gonzo]

I really like this girl who has a boyfriend. We've had arguments lately and although I'm pretty sure she still likes me she is giving me the cold shoulder. She is nice and friendly to everyone except me. She admits that she is being "neutral" towards me and she might change after some time. I think she just wants to punish me and make me jealous (and damn it's working pretty well!).

I'm tired of waiting around like an idiot and I do not think she will leave her boyfriend because her self-esteem is so low that she could not handle being alone.

I want to tell her I like her but with her current attitude I don't think I can invite her out alone to do so or even just kiss her (which I know you will say would be best). I just don't think she would be receptive to that. I'm considering stopping her and telling her I have feelings for her etc but I think that's too AFC. How should I do it?

And before you say it I tried to move on but I can't stop thinking about this girl and it's upsetting me. Just last night an attractive girl was all over me and I just kept thinking: "This girl isn't X." I also see her pretty much every weekday so I can't put her out of my mind even if I wanted to.

 

[Black Panther®]

hmm hmm hmm

this is one of the obvious answers possible.

 

[gonzo]

Well I'm not really thinking straight at the moment. And when I try to think about it I start overanalysing and getting cold feet. I know I've got nothing to lose (not like this is an Asian tsunami type problem in my life). But I want my approach to be as successful as possible and if I look like a weak AFC I'm not sure that will appeal much to her.

Humour me, tell me straight.

 

[Ice Cold]

She doesn't like you.

 

[gonzo]

What makes you say that? I'm pretty sure she likes me. Everyone else is pretty sure she likes me. She might be upset with me at the moment (she says I make her uncomfortable because I constantly tease her and am not affectionate like other guys) but that doesn't mean she doesn't like me anymore (you don't turn feelings off like that, at least I don't).

 

[Ice Cold]

Read your post and find out.

 

[gonzo]

When girls are hurt they say a lot of things they don't mean. It's a natural defence mechanism so they don't get hurt anymore.

Plus, she went and had a drink with a girl in my class after our argument. This other girl texted me and said "it's clear you guys like each other a lot otherwise you wouldn't have such rows".

Trust me she likes me and is just upset.

 

[belividere]

Okay so you're convinced that she likes you. If she liked you as much as you liked her than she would leave her boyfriend and be with you. And yes I know it is more complicated than that because she likes you.

 

[Jariel]

Telling a girl you like her is not AFC; it's more AFC to hide what you feel. Just don't get too intense or soppy with it or you'll scare her away. Just let her know you like her in simple terms and if she's interested in pursuing anything with you, she will make the next move.

You can't do any more than that and thinking too much about it is going to mess you up.

 

[WesCottII]

She doesn't like you.

 

[gonzo]

If guys wait for girls to make a move then hell would freeze over. Single girls wouldn't do that so what makes you think she would leave her boyfriend if she doesn't know that I like her. I'm always teasing her and don't really kino her a lot (I do a bit but nothing that is sexual). For a long time she thought I found her ugly (I told her chin was too big for me and I couldn't ever go for a girl like that) and that I liked another girl (she was always getting jealous of me and her).

Trust me she likes me. Please answer my question. Thank you Jariel for trusting my FIRST HAND EXPERIENCE of this situation.

 

[Black Panther®]

Originally posted by belividere
Okay so you're convinced that she likes you. If she liked you as much as you liked her than she would leave her boyfriend and be with you. .

Wow! thanx man you just resolve one of my own questions that i had in my personal issues with my gurl, lol

 

[Ice Cold]

Originally posted by gonzo
If guys wait for girls to make a move then hell would freeze over.

Don't confuse warm with soft.

You made your move. She's not talking to you and giving you a cold shoulder.

Maybe it's too hard for your ego to accept that she actually doesn't like you. Look at the actions man.

Ignore mode. Cold shoulder. I'm neutral (which is just polite ******** for I don't like you! Fvck off!)

1) She doesn't like you
2) She likes you. She's too insecure and won't put yourself on the line to talk to you and acts all cold and distant hoping that you'll actually prove yourself that you like her... blah blah blah...

Even if she likes you, you should still next her cause she's fvcked up in the head. If you get involved with her, she's gonna play headgames. She'll behave exactly the same... distant... etc... and will expect you to guess what's in her head.

Do you need this? Are you that desperate that you'll accept someone in your life who can even express themselves properly?

But then you may want the headgames...

In this case, go right ahead and ask:

I like you, and you're not talking to me at all. Why is that?

 

[crotchrocket]

She likes you but, is it enough?

gonzo; I decided to put my 2-cents in here because even though I don't know you or her personally, and haven't seen any of your situation with my own eyes, I know EXACTLY what you are talking about. I'm all for saying enough is enough, but this 'premature nexting' mentality is a panzy-assed quiters thing , Alpha males don't run away from resistance, they CONQUER IT! Come on guys!!

I dated a girl off and on for a year that had a boyfriend, and the whole time I wondered why she didn't leave him for me. EVERYBODY that knew us could see we were quite a match, they were right. Even though this guy was a major AFC (phoned her 6 times when she was with me once, phoned her and gave her sh!t for hanging out with me) she stayed with him, and over and over we'd go out she get sh!t for hanging with me, then ignore me for awhile, then we'd patch it up, go out again, then...

belividere wrote; "If she liked you as much as you liked her than she would leave her boyfriend and be with you. " here is the key SHE DOESN'T KNOW HOW MUCH YOU LIKE HER!!!!!! How do I know this is the problem? Because that's the mistake I made in my situation! Being paranoid of being AFC, is in fact making you act AFC. My girl was dating an AFC who told her regularily "I miss you" and was jealous of me and her being out, she knew WITHOUT A DOUBT he really liked her. With me, SHE NEVER KNEW, I never told her anything, I never acted jealous, I'd tease her, act aloof, pay her attention then chase other women right in front of her. This is where you are right on, she is not going to leave a sure thing for someone she has no idea is even that interested, women don't do that and as you mention particularily if she has low self-esteem or is the type that measures her self-worth by being in a relationship or not!

This is what you need to do, TELL HER YOU ARE INTERESTED! It is not whether you tell her or not that makes you an AFC or DJ its HOW you tell her! How do you tell her, this is the hard part, as I don't know you or her I can only tell you how I would do it;

First; you have to have to the attitude 'if it doesn't work out, hey I tried, its too bad but I'm glad I did it, now I can move on' and then do just that - MOVE-ON!
Second; do not have an ultimatum tone to your message, no sappy-ness, no angryness, no desperation
Third; tell her what you want her to know "...just so you know, I see a lot of potential here between us and I would like to see where it could go..."

Trust me on this one!

 

[Cocky-Blond-Guy]

" Alpha males don't run away from resistance, they CONQUER IT! Come on guys!!"

I've always questioned that theory. I personally feel that I should never have to convince anyone that we would be a good match. It should just be obvious. Anyone who has ever met someone and just clicked with them right away knows what I'm talking about. Those are the relationships that are actually worth something. If you connect with someone on multiple levels, everything in great in that relationship will be multiplied all the more.

I can't stand the idea of "pursueing" someone. If I don't click with a woman, then its clear to me that theres probably no real possibilty there - if they don't have a desire to be with me, then why should I have a desire to be with them? I don't.


You might say...what about those girls that play headgames, and don't tell you how they feel.

I reply - If you really do click with them - You should never really HAVE to TELL them you care. It should be obvious in more ways then one. And vice-versa for them. - Granted...there are girls out there that won't show it...but then...thats why they're girls, and not women.

I'm not sure how it is for other guys, but it just seems for me that if I click with her, then I'm pretty much guarenteed. If I don't, I switch in to friend mode...(which might I say, doesn't mean you can only be friends...some of my best relationships started out as friends, and then ended as friends - not a bad thing at all. Friends are forever - almost).

 

[Ricky]

You know what guys and I should post this in another thread

I found out recently that if there is enough chemistry there and good times, all the AFC/DJ stuff doesn't matter quite as much.

Yes to keep things interesting, one can remain a bit of a challenge, but really some of the "rules" of being a DJ don't matter when you get two people together that really are compatible and fit well.

It is in a way to early to say what will happen in my personal circumstance, but it is unlike any other situation and that is also why I haven't posted about it because some young AFC turned DJ kid would just be likely to dismiss it as "oneitis" which this isnt.