Well Water Man like they say the first step to dealing with any problem is identifying it. Yeah your an AFC and yeah you have bad, bad oneitis. But what matters is your here now, and hopefully ready to bury the past.
The important thing is that the desire to change is your own. Not because you are motivated by some woman to change for her, or because your friends or family want it. Change can only occur if you truely want to change.
So it seems that emotion tends to get the better of you, and along with that notion of the hollywood perfect relationship. First realize this: EMOTION IS THE ENEMY OF LOGIC. It will get you to do stupid things, it will cause you to ruin your life and people will use it against you to own you.
Like Puetro Rican Lover, he insulted you, even jokingly. He could see you were emotional and stuck a sharp verbal barb in you. He got you to all angry and to spew out some barbs of your own. As a consequence he got offended and won't share any advice with you. Of course emotion is also the enemy of Puetro Rican Lover because out of spite he is holding back the info and not helping a striving afc to become a DJ, this also has consquences. Because if every time a DJ got fustrated with an AFC and refused to share their wisdom this site would be useless as it would be like a university without the teachers.
That aside lets get on to the second issue. A lot of guys out there have been to put it lightly misinformed and mislead about dating, women, sex and relationships and marriage. Nothing is perfect in this life and all of those things I just metioned are not perfect either. Yet society, the media, and even your own parents will tell you how wonderful love is and how perfect it can be. What they should be saying is that yes you can have a good relationship but it takes a lot of work, luck and the right people to pull it off. The thing about finding even a decent chick to date is that you have to screen out a lot of potential dates because they are either not compatible, pyscho, gold diggers, or commitment junkies.
Your new mindset should be that concept of love between people is not perfect, because people are involved. Doesn't make relationships any less fun or for that matter sex any less fun, but you can't blindly give anyone the benifit of the doubt. TRUST MUST BE EARNED. Girls who act like flakes and lead guys on cannot be tolerated. You must take the lead in the relationship, you must decide who, when and where and why you are going to date and even committ. The whole saying "The man may pick but the woman chooses." line is a load of crap. The minute you give up control she will give up interest.
By now you should realize some of this, which is the silver lining for all of us when we were AFCs and got burned bad. We learned something from it and decided to change. We all have done and now its your turn. Check out the DJ Bible, check out Pook and Anti-Dump posts and ask questions and even try the boot camp thing and you will start to mold yourself into something more if thats what you are looking for.
-Grey Fox
