How do I stop falling...?

[jammy1257]

Hello guys, I was wondering if you could help me out. I want to know how do I stop falling for my female friends?

I know plenty of you are going to say go approach a girl but I honestly do not want to date as I have no job and being a student it's hard, I know girls are attracted to guys with money but as I don't have much I also need to save it to get my driving license.

Recently I fell for my close friend and she said she found it sick which hurt me a lot now I want to know how to get over this and stop falling for my female friends in the future.

 

[MrRhythmic]

Don't be put off ANYTHING by a girl telling you that you falling for her is "sick". That's either idiocy or a bad choice of wording on her part.

I'm guessing you haven't been with too many women, so maybe clear that up. You become more selective the more you get, see. At least, that's what happened to me. I used to be interested in a lot more different girls than I do now.

 

[Tyson420]

She actually said that? That's ****ed up.

 

[irocknike23]

She actually said that? That's ****ed up.

ya thats very cold. most of the time the chick will just give you the lets just be friends talk but damn thats cold.


and all i can say about not getting attached is get the lust out of your mind. i dont know you but i assume when you see attractive female friends you probably think of what can be and how happy you would be and she starts looking better

IF thats the case when your around your female friends play it cool and dont think anything of it

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

At least she was honest. She hurt your feelings so bad that now your going to improve yourself. This is the first step of the rest of your life. Just remember what she said and remember that you can always improve yourself.

 

[Chamber36]

Find out what it is about these women that attracts you to them and what these girls have in common with each other. Then you'll have to go into the world and meet more women who share these characteristics. Show a genuine interest into them and you'll find out what it is in women that you want.

You'll be asking them questions in order to find out about yourself.

 

[jammy1257]

I think I fall for them because I am needy and not emotionally mature yet, I tend to cling and I usually am a loner. I have a circle of friends but they are not "true" friends as I only ever see and speak to them when in university and to be honest I don't think I have any real friends at all. I've put in a huge amount of effort to stay in touch with my old friends from school, college but no one seems to care and don't bother to get back in touch. I know it seems like I'm nitpicking but I just feel like I don't exist.

Whenever I had my female friend around she actually put in the effort to text me and ask me how I was and she was always there to talk to me whenever I was bored, she even went to the trouble of making a surprise birthday party for me as I once told her I never celebrated my birthday before. Now I'm just totally confused as to why she would do all these things that shows that she "CARED" about me and then just flat out tell me in such a heartless way that she does not feel the same.

 

[MrRhythmic]

Now I'm just totally confused as to why she would do all these things that shows that she "CARED" about me and then just flat out tell me in such a heartless way that she does not feel the same.

She was using you as an emotional leaning post, most likely.

Women do this - they cling to what they have until they have something better.

From your post it sounds like you aren't at all comfortable with who you are. Love yourself a bit more.

 

[jammy1257]

I wouldn't quite say I'm not comfortable in my own skin, but I do have insecurities as lame as that sounds... I'm your shy, quiet introverted nice guy in which I happen to talk more online except when I know the person enough to talk to them in real life.

How do I get girls to talk to me after I have approached them, there's always something about interest, every girl I happen to talk to don't feel motivated to come up and talk to me after I have approached them.

I'm very angry at the whole situation but I was wondering if I could somehow get PAYBACK?

 

[MrRhythmic]

I wouldn't quite say I'm not comfortable in my own skin, but I do have insecurities as lame as that sounds... I'm your shy, quiet introverted nice guy in which I happen to talk more online except when I know the person enough to talk to them in real life.

How do I get girls to talk to me after I have approached them, there's always something about interest, every girl I happen to talk to don't feel motivated to come up and talk to me after I have approached them.

I'm very angry at the whole situation but I was wondering if I could somehow get PAYBACK?

Try to balance out the online/real life chat. That's a good starting point. Use your online chat to set up meetings, even if it's just casual to start with.

In order for a girl to want to talk to you after contact, they have to want you - create attraction. There are TOO MANY tips on this site for creating attraction.

The best payback is self-improvement. You roll up to her in 6 months with a beach body, a good job and a hottie on one arm, she's gonna know she missed out. You get it?

 

[Jariel]

It sounds like you might be suffering the old "nice guy syndrome". You say you don't want to date because you've got not money etc etc. That sounds like an excuse just not to try. The reason your friend thought the idea of you and her was "sick" is because you're not portraying yourself as a sexual guy.

Even if you're not interested in dating/relationships, is there anything to say you can't go and get laid?

I'm totally with MrRhythmic here and suggest you take time out to improve yourself. Look at the issues you're not happy with and push yourself to change them. I'm a living example of a "nice guy" turned DJ through self improvement and I look back on my former self now and cringe.

A harsh truth, as I came to realise for myself, is that you can't blame anyone other than yourself. If girls think the idea of being with you is sick, it's upto you to take responsibility and change that!

For me, the magic solution was to get into a bulking diet and start hitting the weights. Not only did it make me look bigger, badder and better, but it made me feel bolder and more confident....like a real redblooded man! A lot of nice guys suffer from low testosterone and a good diet and gym routine can help increase it.

 

[Tyson420]

I don't want to seem like the devils advocate but you should have known that chick was LJBF material though still. I don't think there was any indication that you were anything more than friends.

 

[bigneil]

If she said it's "sick" she's not even a good friend then, or a good person for that matter. This example underscores why you should never be friends with a woman who rejected you.

 

[Tyson420]

If she said it's "sick" she's not even a good friend then, or a good person for that matter. This example underscores why you should never be friends with a woman who rejected you.

Maybe it was the delivery. For some reason I find it hard to believe that anyone is that cold.

Some details might be left out.

 

[jammy1257]

We had loads of arguments for the past few months mostly because of my insecurities so I will admit. I still don't think she has any grounds to go and say that to me though, it just makes me feel really ugly or unattractive which is weird because there were times where I caught her looking at me with glances then she darts her head once I catch her and caught her checking me out a few times too.

What is LJBF?

One more thing, is there any use of the "dilated pupils" indication, basically I read a few articles on indicators of interest and if the female's pupils get bigger when looking at you she is attracted/likes to you but that isn't what got me attracted to her. I tested this beforehand because you know your pupils get bigger in the dark and smaller in the light, so I did this by watching her eyes closely but not creepy, she looked at some guy her pupils went to normal size and when she looked at me her pupils got bigger, also I KNOW for a fact whenever she finds a guy attractive and she's in the presence of one, she gets defensive so she crosses her arms.

 

[MrRhythmic]

LJBF = Let's just be friends. Can work both ways - obviously better if you get there first.

 

[jammy1257]

LJBF = Let's just be friends. Can work both ways - obviously better if you get there first.

I'm confused, if you tell a girl LJBF won't that mean just that, your friends with her only which means you have no chance of hooking up with her ever? Since your putting your intentions of being friends out there.