how do I stop being insecure?

[dudewut]

I will spare you the sad and pathetic details, but basically a girl I have mild to severe oneitis for almost a year now deleted me off facebook. Now I really dont think its such a big deal but I got a lot of thoughts running in my head like:

"Did she think I was a creep? Why are her profile images unclickable? But then her tagged photos are not....it could be that its because I am not friends with the uploader of that photo"

"maybe it was to help me move on, or to help HER move on, I mean she did tried to regain contact that one time, and I evaded as sosuave advised"

So I guess the question is, how do I get a thicker skin and stop being a little insecure little girl? The term, I believe is "manning up"

I have to nip this on the bud because I think no matter how many materials I read, it would not help as the thoughts of failure are lingering in the back of my head and then I DO fail!

I guess WHY she deleted me is irrelevant now, but how do I stop thinking about it and getting paranoid? Why must I take every little thing and disect it?

 

[r0cky]

Insecurity is a synonym of fear. The only way to get rid of any fear is by exposing yourself to that fear. If you want to lose your fear of spiders, you must touch a spider. If you want to lose your fear of rejection by women, you must put yourself in situations where you're probably going to be rejected.

 

[Scars]

It's probably just a passing phase. You feel anxiety because some girl deleted you off a garbage networking site. You have things like "omg, she's probably going to tell all her friends I'm a creep now" running through your head.

Who the fvck cares?

If anyone gives you heat, at least you had the balls to make a move on her. That's what I used to tell anyone who used to clown on me when I got rejected. I was a newbie once too, reading PUA material (towards the end of HS). I would try and apply all the things I read here and guess what? I didn't really have much luck at the beginning. I tried to show some of my friends this site, and they used to laugh and say "you need some website to tell you how to get a girlfriend?" etc.. And that would always be my reply. "At least I have the balls to talk to a girl", which used to shut them up pretty quick, because I never saw them every trying it. Nowadays, I have highly surpassed those friends in lay counts. I'm actually not even friends with the people I knew in HS. I have a new social circle filled with guys who are naturals and "get it", and hott woman that I keep around for social proof. All I have to say is fvck the haters, and don't let this bump in the road get you down. Stay confident, even when you feel like the whole world is laughing at you. This is true confidence. Be unshakable. This girl probably deleted you because she got some sick enjoyment knowing it would probably bother you on an emotional level. Guess what happens when you act unshaken and apathetic towards her? It means she doesn't win. You WIN. And woman don't like losing. Take this sh!t as a learning lesson and stride man. Don't let this woman shake your confidence, it's what she wants. Don't let her win. You are a MAN. Don't be afraid of your sexuality either. It's normal for us to hit on woman. It's what we do. So go out and find a replacement. Fvck this oneitis sh!t. Go spin multiple plates, it will keep your head in line and prevent stuff like this from happening. Either that or focus on self improvement. Point is, don't feel insecure. There's no reason to be. You did absolutely nothing wrong. So brush this anxiety to the side and keep living life as you had been before.

Good luck.

-Scars

 

[Nimikiya]

I will spare you the sad and pathetic details, but basically a girl I have mild to severe oneitis for almost a year now deleted me off facebook. Now I really dont think its such a big deal but I got a lot of thoughts running in my head like:

"Did she think I was a creep? Why are her profile images unclickable? But then her tagged photos are not....it could be that its because I am not friends with the uploader of that photo"

"maybe it was to help me move on, or to help HER move on, I mean she did tried to regain contact that one time, and I evaded as sosuave advised"

So I guess the question is, how do I get a thicker skin and stop being a little insecure little girl? The term, I believe is "manning up"

I have to nip this on the bud because I think no matter how many materials I read, it would not help as the thoughts of failure are lingering in the back of my head and then I DO fail!

I guess WHY she deleted me is irrelevant now, but how do I stop thinking about it and getting paranoid? Why must I take every little thing and disect it?

Hi.... I want to know in details that about which thing you feel insecure... Moreover... Your putting details here would make me able to talk about it too...

 

[dudewut]

It's probably just a passing phase. You feel anxiety because some girl deleted you off a garbage networking site. You have things like "omg, she's probably going to tell all her friends I'm a creep now" running through your head.

Who the fvck cares?

If anyone gives you heat, at least you had the balls to make a move on her. That's what I used to tell anyone who used to clown on me when I got rejected. I was a newbie once too, reading PUA material (towards the end of HS). I would try and apply all the things I read here and guess what? I didn't really have much luck at the beginning. I tried to show some of my friends this site, and they used to laugh and say "you need some website to tell you how to get a girlfriend?" etc.. And that would always be my reply. "At least I have the balls to talk to a girl", which used to shut them up pretty quick, because I never saw them every trying it. Nowadays, I have highly surpassed those friends in lay counts. I'm actually not even friends with the people I knew in HS. I have a new social circle filled with guys who are naturals and "get it", and hott woman that I keep around for social proof. All I have to say is fvck the haters, and don't let this bump in the road get you down. Stay confident, even when you feel like the whole world is laughing at you. This is true confidence. Be unshakable. This girl probably deleted you because she got some sick enjoyment knowing it would probably bother you on an emotional level. Guess what happens when you act unshaken and apathetic towards her? It means she doesn't win. You WIN. And woman don't like losing. Take this sh!t as a learning lesson and stride man. Don't let this woman shake your confidence, it's what she wants. Don't let her win. You are a MAN. Don't be afraid of your sexuality either. It's normal for us to hit on woman. It's what we do. So go out and find a replacement. Fvck this oneitis sh!t. Go spin multiple plates, it will keep your head in line and prevent stuff like this from happening. Either that or focus on self improvement. Point is, don't feel insecure. There's no reason to be. You did absolutely nothing wrong. So brush this anxiety to the side and keep living life as you had been before.

Good luck.

-Scars

Damn good pep talk! THANK YOU!

 

[dudewut]

Hi.... I want to know in details that about which thing you feel insecure... Moreover... Your putting details here would make me able to talk about it too...

Well, after reading Scars' post I pretty much wont get into the littlest details about it but I'll throw you a bone;

-Me like girl
-Me asked a girl out and we went out, twice
-Some confusing events that tells me she likes me and sometimes she dont
-I moved on and was just, like, fvck it!
-Developed oneitis (severe malignant oneitis that comes and goes)
-Doing a lot better as time goes by
-She deleted me off facebook (for unknown and irrelevant reasons)
-Scars' post made me wake up

So yeah, well screw it not that I can do anything about it anyway

 

[theshortmannn]

don't feel bad man.

Honestly, don't feel bad. If you just take one step back and look at this whole situation with a different perspective, in the whole scheme of things, her blocking you/deleting you off her facebook isn't THAT big of a deal. It's really HER problem, HER issues, and has nothing to do with your personal character. Really, don't take it personal.

As I was growing up, going through high school, college, etc. I got rejected by plenty of women - the first girl I ever liked (and *surprise* had oneitis for a very long time, 2-3 years(?)) flat out blocked me on AIM (this was fb was invented, wow I feel old. I'm 23 btw.) I took this as a personal hit on who I was, my identity, my ego, everything.

As I got older, though, I realized that the reality is girls respond to YOUR game, aka flirting, aka swagger MORE so than who YOU ARE deep down. I spit mad game to this girl while I was in college, and we hit it off, she was interested and everything. I thought to myself, how can this prettier girl like me when this not-so-pretty girl did not back in high school? Attraction...isn't logical. So don't take this 'rejection' as anything personal. Maybe you didn't game her right. Maybe you said the wrong things at the wrong time. If you really think about it...does she really know you, for you? All she can judge you by is how you interact with HER during those moments in time in which you did. It's really your GAME where you went wrong, and not YOU. You question whether you're a 'creep' or whatever. The reality is...there will be girls out there that may think you're a creep, but what the **** ever. If you're not a creep, you're not a creep.

The bottom line is: don't take her rejection as an attack on your ego. The reality is she didn't like your game, and not that she didn't like you as a person. My belief is that newly formed relationships, especially when young, in high school and college are superficial to a degree. It's not until you are invested in a person for quite a long time say 3-4 years that you can judge a person based on character. All it is now is mastering the game, and bringing in the girls. If she rejects you after a few years of being in a relationship, then start thinking twice about your character.

Really, don't take it personal. You're better than that. She's a waste of time anyway if she really has to block you on fb and everything. Oh yeah, and never EVER be invested in a girl for that long.

Now I am no dating guru, but those are my two cents. Thanks for listening.

 

[Aaron B]

through concerted energy and effort

there are no shortcuts

learn to love yourself and develop mental toughness

your perspective is key: you might look back on this deletion a few years from now as one of the best things that ever happened to you

lastly, this experience is not failure. failure is being trapped in a crappy relationship that makes you miserable. ask me how i know.

 

[Vice]

You've got a long way to go if some girl deleted you off Facebook. But you're already ahead of most guys by even asking the question about how to stop being insecure, some guys are so insecure that they don't even have the balls to look themselves in the mirror.

This is a learning experience for you, whatever you did. All of the guys on here that are successful have learning experiences, at a heavy cost (missed opportunities with hot girls) that is more than worth it in the end.

Expect more failure, more rejection. But keep pressing, because success is right around the corner, usually after your biggest failure. That's something Tony Robbins swears by.

So go ahead and get to your biggest failure as fast as you can, sweet success is coming.

 

[FairShake]

We're all insecure. Some of us just hide it better than others.

 

[Daniel_March]

Here is a simple trick...

Everytime you catch a negative though shout at it in your head or out loud "SHUT THE **** UP!!!!" try do add emotions to it as well. It works wonders, Cognitive psychologists teach this to their clients with low self esteem.

 

[Alex DeLarge]

Same thing happened to me. I usually don't get oneitis anymore unless the girl is SUPER into me, and this girl was at first. I've talked about her in numerous posts on here. She cleaned for me, did errands for me, bought me drinks and dinner when we'd go out etc..

We wound up going exclusive but she thought I was constantly cheating on her when I wasn't. I just have a lot of girls in my group of friends. I try and explain that to her and she doesn't buy it even though she has a lot of dudes in her group of friends, I told her I didn't care and I trusted her.

I tried to fix things cause I really liked this girl.. She wasn't just another chick I was attempting to bang. I sorta had emotional diarrhea and told her I liked her a lot and I couldn't even look at other girls anymore cause she was the only one on my mind. She called me crazy and just stopped talking to me, deleted me off FB too.

I guess showing a woman respect by not cheating on her and showing her some emotion makes me crazy? I feel like I'm in the fvcking twilight zone haha. She wasn't just a girl I had gone on 3 dates with either, we'd been seeing eachother for a month almost every day to every other day and having a great time together..