I just got some advice from one of my good buddies who is the absolute man when it comes to women. In my post, I mentioned even a few things I shouldn't have done (and nobody caught 'em, either.
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Trance said it right... have fun together. The number one thing that scares women away from a relationship is the fact that somewhere, deep in your mind, there's a plan of attack to get her to fall in love with you. She doesn't know what it is, but she knows its there, so it's gonna scare her away from you. You have to keep her COMFORTABLE. A lot of things in the DJ Bible that is taught is to be assertive and aggressive. The harder lesson it teaches, though, and I missed it myself, is when to be assertive and aggressive and when it's best to back off, relax, but remain aloof. It depends on your ultimate goals. One night stands? You better be nothing but assertive and aggressive. Long term relationship? Aggressive at times, passive at others, mainly because you're dealing with someone who you already are friends with.
My mistake I made, which luckily I was able to recover from, was the fact that I did just that... I had a plan of attack to get this girl to become my girlfriend... when I shouldn't have even THOUGHT about it. I should've been concentrating on having fun, getting her out on a date, etc. Not worrying about becoming official with the girl. If you do everything right, that -WILL- happen naturally. I noticed in myself that when I started trying to get this girl to become my girlfriend, -I- even felt uncomfortable at times. After what we went through, we had a little talk, and it gave me the chance to realize my **** up, and that I should move on. I consider this girl a friend now, and I'm working on moving on to meeting and dating other women, and things between me and the girl are almost 10 times more comfortable than they ever were, which is a great feeling, btw.
That's why you keep things at a friendship level. Go out, show her that you are fun. Scratch the whole "talk about her feelings" **** I said. If she wants to talk about them, listen, but don't seem entertained. Only half-listen. This will get her going crazy, especially if you go from being super interested to appearing bored. If she likes you, and has a high enough interest level, she'll try and figure out what to do to make things better and get you more interested in her.
I do agree with a few things they said, even though I told ya not to listen to their posts. Basically, they are right, and I just didn't see it. You don't NEED to prove to her that you are not like her ex. She will learn that on her own will. If she wants to see you as her exboyfriend, then she will. If she has a high enough interest in you, she will doubt herself, and take action accordingly. The way to do this? HAVE FUN WITH HER. Take her out on exciting dates. Don't go to dinner all the time and talk about stupid ****. That's what every other guy in the world does. Don't worry about her being distrustful of you. That's what AFC's do. Worry about you, and whether or not you're having a good time. If you're not, start from scratch with another woman you don't have feelings of attachment towards. It's the only way you'll learn because you'll see it for yourself, very much like I did. Hope this helps.
PS- The reason I made this post so long is because I feel as though this forum is very ANTI-FRIENDSHIP oriented. A lot of posts made by people with advice usually tends to say that "you should never become friends with the girl, EVER, because if you do, you're in the friendship zone, and you can never get out of it." While yes, this is true, there are circumstances that put you in the "friendship zone" or merely make you "friends." Does anybody else feel this way? Or am I talking out my ass?
