how do I respond to her?

[ckdon]

so this girl, 9.0 , she has asked me out quite a few times (i would say about 8 times; of which 5 calls were for dinner).

I was always busy so we never got to do much. we do hang out once a week for like an hour and half after college, she shows many IOIs and does a lot of kino, etc

but overall i have been ignoring her , acting like a jerk basically (sometimes unintentionally). I love the girl though.

so, for the past few days she went cold (i.e. no text messages whereas she texts me EVERY morning and throughout the day and past midnight)

I hit her up with a nice opener I read somewhere (edited to fit our situation of course):

hey HB9.0, how you doing? been having some cravings, sugar, and it has to do with you. I'm in the mood for some ice cream, we should get some pronto. Tomorrow, on me, sound cool?"

her: hey CK! I'm great, you? are you feeling alright? (i think she asked cause I suddenly asked her out out of no where, wheras she 99% initiates contact for like 2 months)

mee: yeah never been better! why do you ask?

her: because you said you have cravings! are you in your right mind?

me: of course, any problem?

her: no..

me: if you have one, just let me know

her: i dont...

me: listen, i'm from far stupid. just putting it out there, so no games

her: huh?

i dont respond, she texts 10 mins later again:

her: what did you mean?

me: nothing. I gotta go do something, hit you up later.

her: no tell me I didnt get what you mean

I dont respond. she texts again:

her: im a little slow, i didnt get it. what do you mean by "listen, i'm from far stupid. just putting it out there, so no games"

I have NOT RESPONDED since. the convo started 45mins ago, her last message was 15 mins ago.
-------


OK, from what I sensed, she thought I said cravings for her? Which doesnt make sense since she is going crazy with IOIs and kino when we meet at college.

she also hasn't said anything about our date/dinner that I asked for tomorrow. no comment on it so far.


what should I say? about her question? and about the whole date thing she hasn't comment on yet?

 

[Purefilth]

what did you even mean?

EDIT OUT OF POSTS : ok, i see what you're saying, there was probably no need to say that at all though - some things you just ignore.

Now youve gotten her lil hamster spinning all over nothing. LOL

just smth like "Ill tell you tomorrow @ABC-XYZ for dinner'

then dont tell her

EDIT EDIT she'll most likely interpret it as you saying 'I am asking you out, and dont want any headfvck mind games'

"yeah hopefully she'll get the message across without me having to directly say it.

In the unlikely event she tries to flake, how should I take on the situation?

if she does it before our planned time I can easily counter with a "it's ok, I'll take someone else with me"

but if she comes up at our planned time and location and then tries to flake, how should I deal with her there?"


Q1}if she flakes, then offer another day - but not right away, leave it a day or 2
Q2}if she's there, its not a flake.... if she tries to run off early - then maybe she had other plans already, and fitted you in around them.

remember you aren't giving much notice here and if she is a 9.0, you wont be the only prince trying to drag her back to your castle. Just be cool


"PROBLEM is; she IS a bit slow (as she even admits it herself). so many times I have to explain things I say because of the way I say them smh"

LOL

NOT A PROBLEM FOR A SMASH & DASH - only gets really annoying if you try to wife her up.


ONE MORE EDIT!!!! is it this chick? http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=198591 cos you really have to make a fvcking move bro!

 

[ckdon]

I meant that I sensed her having a problem with the word "cravings", but she wont say it. So I meant I'm not stupid I know what you meant even though you say you have no problems.

 

[Piers Nivens]

man im in a similar situation. i dont show interest to the 9.5 and she shows a lot but has lessened it :/

 

[ckdon]

what did you even mean?

EDIT OUT OF POSTS : ok, i see what you're saying, there was probably no need to say that at all though - some things you just ignore.

Now youve gotten her lil hamster spinning all over nothing. LOL

just smth like "Ill tell you tomorrow @ABC-XYZ for dinner'

then dont tell her

lol haha, yeah she starts spamming my inbox like crazy but at times I fear I am making her lose interest because I don't show much interest to her nor do i initiate kino/arrange dates much myself , etc . I know I know, wrong of me but I have reasons

she has however, become a little teensy bit distant, i.e. texts less compared to 2 weeks ago, hasn't tried to meet up herself since 2 weeks etc. but I think I can still turn this around.

 

[ckdon]

EDIT EDIT she'll most likely interpret it as you saying 'I am asking you out, and dont want any headfvck mind games'

yeah hopefully she'll get my message without me having to directly say it.

In the unlikely event she tries to flake, how should I take on the situation?

if she does it before our planned time I can easily counter with a "it's ok, I'll take someone else with me"

but if she comes up at our planned time and location and then tries to flake, how should I deal with her there?

 

[ckdon]

PROBLEM is; she IS a bit slow (as she even admits it herself). so many times I have to explain things I say because of the way I say them smh

 

[DonJuanabe]

"I hit her up with a nice opener I read somewhere (edited to fit our situation of course)"

Your problem here is that you tried too hard with a girl who didn't require any of that BS. To be honest, this opener is stupid. Plain stupid. It sucks. All you needed to do was say "Hey HB 9 I'm in the mood for some ice cream and ice cream is always really fun with a cool chica -- how about tomorrow night?" Simple, playful. Not stupid.

You do not need to play games with this girl and that is what you are doing. You waited far too long to go out with her and now you're making things confusing and difficult. Don't do that. You don't want her hamster brain spinning around due to negativity which is what you're causing. Simple, simple, simple. Positive, positive, positive.

Got it?

 

[ckdon]

"I hit her up with a nice opener I read somewhere (edited to fit our situation of course)"

Your problem here is that you tried too hard with a girl who didn't require any of that BS. To be honest, this opener is stupid. Plain stupid. It sucks. All you needed to do was say "Hey HB 9 I'm in the mood for some ice cream and ice cream is always really fun with a cool chica -- how about tomorrow night?" Simple, playful. Not stupid.

You do not need to play games with this girl and that is what you are doing. You waited far too long to go out with her and now you're making things confusing and difficult. Don't do that. You don't want her hamster brain spinning around due to negativity which is what you're causing. Simple, simple, simple. Positive, positive, positive.

Got it?

I see what you mean, and quite frankly I agree. I did mess up on not asking her out while she kept asking me out, and now that I came out of nowhere asking her she got a bit shocked/tipsy.

What I fear is that I THINKKK, she thought I meant I have cravings for HER and she kinda responded in a rather non-appreciative way ? I think? That got me confused myself.

I told her what PureFilth said, so I'm sure she'll ask me about this tomorrow. Do I ask her why she asked me what she asked me (the whole cravings? are you in your right mind? thing) or what?

 

[ckdon]

Also, I definitely agree about the games part. She is beautiful, but she is very simple and straight forward.

Currently, she's going through depression, and says "You don't know anything". A week later (this week) it was brought up again and I asked "what exactly is depressing you?" and she says "I'll tell you someday".

She's shy, she's a bit slow, she's simple and straight forward, but she's beautiful, has shown high interest, interest went down a little and now I'm getting this mixed BS here.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

"I hit her up with a nice opener I read somewhere (edited to fit our situation of course)"

Your problem here is that you tried too hard with a girl who didn't require any of that BS. To be honest, this opener is stupid. Plain stupid. It sucks. All you needed to do was say "Hey HB 9 I'm in the mood for some ice cream and ice cream is always really fun with a cool chica -- how about tomorrow night?" Simple, playful. Not stupid.

You do not need to play games with this girl and that is what you are doing. You waited far too long to go out with her and now you're making things confusing and difficult. Don't do that. You don't want her hamster brain spinning around due to negativity which is what you're causing. Simple, simple, simple. Positive, positive, positive.

Got it?

Exactly! Its funny how when we are younger both guys and girls play hardcore games to protect their ego and comfort their fear of rejection.

In this situation its clear the lack of experience is showing on this one.

Here you have a prime target who is showing consistent high interest and instead of taking advantage of the opportunity, you play cat and mouse. Yes it might intrigue her for a bit esp if she really is a solid 9 since she likely isn't use to rejection; but when a person comes to you and says they want to buy your product, you don't say "are you sure?" You say "will that be cash or credit today?" and close the deal.

Lastly its obvious you were playing games, you never want to be obvious about it, always covert to keep her guessing.

What you have done is made a simple situation complicated all because you don't want to be rejected.










PIMP

 

[ckdon]

what did you even mean?

Q1}if she flakes, then offer another day - but not right away, leave it a day or 2
Q2}if she's there, its not a flake.... if she tries to run off early - then maybe she had other plans already, and fitted you in around them.

remember you aren't giving much notice here and if she is a 9.0, you wont be the only prince trying to drag her back to your castle. Just be cool

1. Sounds good, I'll ask her again 3 days later I suppose.
2. Makes sense, and it is basically 99% confirmed she'll show up. I think the mess up is on my part, do to my ****iness/jerkness/unavailability, I drove her away a little and maybe instilled some fear in her that she ended up thinking maybe SHE is being too desperate and brought things down several notches in terms on contact and trying to arrange meet ups.

"PROBLEM is; she IS a bit slow (as she even admits it herself). so many times I have to explain things I say because of the way I say them smh"

LOL

NOT A PROBLEM FOR A SMASH & DASH - only gets really annoying if you try to wife her up.


ONE MORE EDIT!!!! is it this chick? http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=198591 cos you really have to make a fvcking move bro!

DAMN you good bro; caught me. Yeah, unfortunately it is the same woman :/ I know I'm messing up bad. Fvck man, life is twisted from all angles at the moment, things are going tough and it's hard to keep everything in check (one of the reasons I seemed so unavailable to her that she went down notches). I gotta catch up, ASAP

 

[ckdon]

Exactly! Its funny how when we are younger both guys and girls play hardcore games to protect their ego and comfort their fear of rejection.

In this situation its clear the lack of experience is showing on this one.

Here you have a prime target who is showing consistent high interest and instead of taking advantage of the opportunity, you play cat and mouse. Yes it might intrigue her for a bit esp if she really is a solid 9 since she likely isn't use to rejection; but when a person comes to you and says they want to buy your product, you don't say "are you sure?" You say "will that be cash or credit today?" and close the deal.

Lastly its obvious you were playing games, you never want to be obvious about it, always covert to keep her guessing.

What you have done is made a simple situation complicated all because you don't want to be rejected.










PIMP

Yeah, I understand my mistake. Along the other bros here, can you also drop some advice instead of just insight? What I've been told so far is GREAT, but the more advice the merrier, especially if you all agree with each other.

 

[ckdon]

think she fell asleep (she falls asleep early) and its 12:30AM here

i had messaged her with PureFilth's advice 23 minutes after her last message, been like 47 minutes since my message now, yeah she fell asleep LOL

she'll text me in the morning as usual.

EDIT: so let's get one thing cleared. if she flakes, out of revenge or whatever (for me being so unavailable to her, jerkish, etc), I should play cool and ask her out again few days later rather than acting all ****y again?

Sounds about right, just making sure I dont create more damage.

 

[DonJuanabe]

If she asks what you were craving tell her you were craving ice cream but not just ice cream, ice cream with her. "Why me?" Because I hadn't seen you in a while and I realized how much fun we have when we're together.

Why tell her that? Because:

Currently, she's going through depression, and says "You don't know anything". A week later (this week) it was brought up again and I asked "what exactly is depressing you?" and she says "I'll tell you someday".

is her way of saying she is depressed because she thinks you don't "like" her. Tell her you have fun spending time with her and she'll smile.

And stop over-thinking things. When a guy over-thinks he screws everything up. Just go with the flow.

 

[Purefilth]

1. Sounds good, I'll ask her again 3 days later I suppose.
2. Makes sense, and it is basically 99% confirmed she'll show up. I think the mess up is on my part, do to my ****iness/jerkness/unavailability, I drove her away a little and maybe instilled some fear in her that she ended up thinking maybe SHE is being too desperate and brought things down several notches in terms on contact and trying to arrange meet ups.



DAMN you good bro; caught me. Yeah, unfortunately it is the same woman :/ I know I'm messing up bad. Fvck man, life is twisted from all angles at the moment, things are going tough and it's hard to keep everything in check (one of the reasons I seemed so unavailable to her that she went down notches). I gotta catch up, ASAP

we live and learn my friend. At least you're not making a girl your main priority in life. sort the other shiv first. Bvtches come and go, Believe me.

Make your mistakes, learn from them.

LISTEN TO DONJUANABE seriously, he's good man

 

[ckdon2]

If she asks what you were craving tell her you were craving ice cream but not just ice cream, ice cream with her. "Why me?" Because I hadn't seen you in a while and I realized how much fun we have when we're together.

Why tell her that? Because:

Currently, she's going through depression, and says "You don't know anything". A week later (this week) it was brought up again and I asked "what exactly is depressing you?" and she says "I'll tell you someday".

is her way of saying she is depressed because she thinks you don't "like" her. Tell her you have fun spending time with her and she'll smile.

And stop over-thinking things. When a guy over-thinks he screws everything up. Just go with the flow.

Awesome advice man, just awesome. I'll admit, I do over think things. Sometimes I just freakin sit there and start thinking about what to do with her. The thing is, I didnt think of anything when she was chasing me, and now that I noticed the interest drop, things changed and now I AM THE one thinking things over , what to do about this, how to fix it , etc. The other massive stressful things in my life only make this worse. But gotta take care of everything at the same time, that's a must and I definitely have other things in priority.

The first advice is solid, spot on. Would not have thought of it myself, so I know I have my arms loaded for tomorrow.

Your analysis on her depresssion seems pretty spot on as well, she keeps telling me she is depressed, stressed, life isn't going good, needs someone who can be there for her when she is depressed etc. Keeps saying she wants to get married and have a husband who will support her, and then keeps asking me when I will get married, etc.

It makes more sense now. May God help me and that I am not thinking wrong, only to be disappointed. But it def makes sense.

Thanks a lot guys, all the advice compiled really made tomorrow look piece of cake; couldn't have come up with these things myself (PureFilth, DonJuanabe, PIMP).

 

[ckdon2]

we live and learn my friend. At least you're not making a girl your main priority in life. sort the other shiv first. Bvtches come and go, Believe me.

Make your mistakes, learn from them.

LISTEN TO DONJUANABE seriously, he's good man

Yeah man, life is only moved forward because of mistakes and learning from them. Mistakes are actually gold rather than something to look down upon, they teach us and improve us for tomorrow. So I have no regret in making mistakes, just fear for the less appealing results.

Definitely have things in priority over this stuff; life's too short and busy to only cater to this whilst forgetting other things.

 

[marmel75]

Yeah man, life is only moved forward because of mistakes and learning from them. Mistakes are actually gold rather than something to look down upon, they teach us and improve us for tomorrow. So I have no regret in making mistakes, just fear for the less appealing results.

Definitely have things in priority over this stuff; life's too short and busy to only cater to this whilst forgetting other things.

When Thomas Edison invented the lightbulb someone asked him "How did it feel to fail 10,000 times?" He replied "I never failed, I simply found 10,000 ways that didn't work."

Moral of the story is too many people give up before finding out what works.

 

[Trump]

Exactly! Its funny how when we are younger both guys and girls play hardcore games to protect their ego and comfort their fear of rejection.

In this situation its clear the lack of experience is showing on this one.

Here you have a prime target who is showing consistent high interest and instead of taking advantage of the opportunity, you play cat and mouse. Yes it might intrigue her for a bit esp if she really is a solid 9 since she likely isn't use to rejection; but when a person comes to you and says they want to buy your product, you don't say "are you sure?" You say "will that be cash or credit today?" and close the deal.

Lastly its obvious you were playing games, you never want to be obvious about it, always covert to keep her guessing.

What you have done is made a simple situation complicated all because you don't want to be rejected.

Agree. I've done the same thing back when with a young girl, all this advice and game playing messes with you head, Trying to protect your ego while still trying to score...doesn't work. Just be straightforward, if she's in, she's in, if not, move on.

Texting isn't a great way to game play either, can't see body language, emotions, reactions, should only be used for setting up a time to meet.