How do I play this one?

[jobluek]

Met a -gorgeous- girl through a mutual friend about a month ago at a show and we hit it off right away. Lots of flirting all night and we just had a ton of fun. We exchanged numbers and have hung out every weekend since. On Friday we were trying to arrange a whole group of our friends to hit a downtown club, but the weather got really nasty and everyone bailed, so she suggested we just hit a local bar. We got smashed and ended back at my place. We jump in bed but it was more just flirty, lots of touchy-feely but the clothes stayed on. I thought things were going to get going, but then she was like, no, we're going to get in trouble, we're going to get in trouble.

She has a boyfriend that plays in a band so is gone essentially all weekend on shows. She -never- talks about him and it doesn't seem like they have a very strong thing going. I don't ask about him, either. Each weekend, she's the one that's calling me to see what I'm doing and comes out.

I'm confident that I'm not friend-zoned yet, but pretty close. How do I play this one? I'd like to get with her, but I also don't want to burn the bridge because we have a lot of mutual friends, and she's just plain awesome to hang out with anyway. If I can not get with her, she'd be awesome social proof, because she's an absolute 10, I got tons of looks at the bar when we were out together and she's the kind of girl that random guys come up to her just to tell her how hot she is.

Thoughts?

 

[jobluek]

No suggestions, guys?

 

[Vice]

So she was in bed with you, slightly tipsy? That was a great opportunity, if a girl climbs into bed with you, half the battle is over. I don't know what you were doing with her, but I hope you started tickling her and then went in for the kiss.

And her not talking about her boyfriend is a good thing. So is calling YOU to come out.

Seems like you haven't escalated yet... do it soon or else you'll get friendzoned.

And even if that happens, as you said, she makes fantastic social proof! You have NOTHING to lose and EVERYTHING to gain in this situation!

By the way, how old are you?

 

[jobluek]

Yeah exactly, I was just tickling and messing with her and she seemed to be loving it, she was laughing really loudly and having fun. I kept it going for awhile, at least a couple minutes, but nothing was really progressing, and that's when she was like, we're gonna get in trouble we're gonna get in trouble. I have no idea what she really meant by this (I never asked), but I assumed she meant that we couldn't get it on because she has a boyfriend. I have no idea if that's what she really meant, that's just how I interpreted it.

I felt like that was her saying no and I didn't want to make a move she didn't want me to, I was trying to judge her move and I felt like she was saying no. When I had her going and laughing and stuff, I kinda mocked her because she had her jacket on still, and she said she was cold--another bad indicator for me. I think that's when I toned it down and kinda just went to sleep. I did not kiss her.

In the morning there was no awkwardness at all, I had things to do so took her home, but she insisted we made plans for later that day (Saturday). I told her I was watching the football games with a buddy, but we should go to a club later that night. It was kinda cute, she actually called me 30 minutes after I dropped her off just to check if I got to a store I needed to get to that closed early, she also called me in the early evening just to make sure we were still on that night.

We got our group that we were trying to get out the night before, there were about 15 of us and we hit a great club. We stayed up until like 6am drinking, and I guess she was flirty enough that our mutual friend said we should hook up (our friend knows I have a thing for her), and she didn't openly reject the idea, although that's probably me looking a little too into things.

I think the main thing is, should I not make a move because she has a boyfriend? I've met him a couple times but we're not close or anything, the only times I've met him were because she asked me out to see his shows, where she was with me for most of the time.

And to answer that question, I'm 26.

 

[jobluek]

Hey guys,

Thought I'd follow up on this old post to complete the circle and show how things worked out here.

This girl actually became a very good (or even best) friend of mine, strictly plutonic. The boyfriend is in a band so is gone almost every weekend. After that night we didn't have many "dates" like that -- I think we both realized that lines were a bit crossed (although we didn't talk about it), but we usually were adament about getting people out each weekend to hang out. She's the best wingman ever.

That being said, we actually took a vacation across the world together to visit our mutual friends who moved away. I thought it was a bit unusual when she suggested it, but we both knew that we wouldn't cross any ethical lines. The boyfriend was invited but couldn't come because of work, so it was just us two.

Bottom line, she's a total flirt. I think she's actually extremely socially intelligent, but a poor communicator. A lot of times I can tell what she's thinking and how she'll react to a certain situation, but she chooses not to verbalize anything (some call that playing games).

She also plays the ignorant role with guys all the time. She does outrageous things when we're out, like grabbing a random guy's drink, drinking it, and give it back. With the guys in our social circle, when she's drunk she has no hesitation to stick her hands down their pants. She will approach any guy at the bars all the time, and then says she doesn't understand when they try to hit on her.

I had a bit of a falling out with her, starting just before our trip actually (she had a huge, friendship-breaking fight with two close mutual friends). On the trip, she was simply not a friendly person. Our two friends that we visited actually hate her guts now, for a variety of reasons.

I still see her once in awhile because we are on a team together, but we don't really talk. She also pissed off most of our mutual friends so she doesn't get invited out anymore.

I guess this story is still a work in progress, and to be honest, an interesting psychological study. I think the fact that she's a bonafide 10, she's been trained that she can be completely selfish and get away with it with minimal consequences. She has a long history of finding and losing friends frequently.

 

[brekke]

She sounds horrible. Do looks matter when someone acts like that? Not to me.

 

[jobluek]

She sounds horrible. Do looks matter when someone acts like that? Not to me.

I agree, and I believe that is why she loses so many friends. I'm told she goes through cycles that last about 1-2 years with most (similar to our friendship). The fact that she has looks makes it very easy for her to meet new people.

I initially met her because she just started talking to a mutual friend of ours, a couple years after they had a falling out. It makes sense.

 

[Ease]

So you dated her for 4 weeks but didnt kiss her?

You need to set the scene early man. She sounds like an attention skank, she would have cheated.

If you havent kissed her by the 2nd date, it just gets confusing. You almost friendzone yourself by confusing your intentions.