How do I make an approach natural?

[Dark Haired Alpha]

OK, I have done a few approaches in my life already, but I don't really seem to be able to make the approach seem natural, it's always kind of awkward, aspecially when I'm stopping girls on the street.

The question is simple - how do I make an approach natural?

Thanks

 

[Dannyrt34]

Don't make it awkward

So everyone's had an awkward conversation before, either because the person was really weird, or they talked about something you had no interest in whatsoever, or they seemed really nervous. Think about the causes for these awkward conversations.

Now think about some excellent conversation you've had, you had confidence in what you had to say. You need to break the ice in these conversations. USE HUMOR TO DO THAT! The second you make a girl laugh, she immediately feels way more comfortable talking to you, and you feel alot more comfortable too. Personally, I don't like talking about the weather and general stuff with the girls, for example, I like to immediately use a line that kind of makes the girl feel as if she's trying to pick me up.

Let's say I'm walking down the street and a girl gives me eye contact and a smile. I might walk up to her and say something like "Shall we talk? Or would you rather keep flirting from a distance?" Sometimes she'll come back with a flirty comment, and then you introduce yourself. I notice if you start with something flirty, it keeps the awkardness at bay, mainly because you both know what each other is after already. So just think of something creative, and keep it fun.

 

[Dark Haired Alpha]

So everyone's had an awkward conversation before, either because the person was really weird, or they talked about something you had no interest in whatsoever, or they seemed really nervous. Think about the causes for these awkward conversations.

Now think about some excellent conversation you've had, you had confidence in what you had to say. You need to break the ice in these conversations. USE HUMOR TO DO THAT! The second you make a girl laugh, she immediately feels way more comfortable talking to you, and you feel alot more comfortable too. Personally, I don't like talking about the weather and general stuff with the girls, for example, I like to immediately use a line that kind of makes the girl feel as if she's trying to pick me up.

Let's say I'm walking down the street and a girl gives me eye contact and a smile. I might walk up to her and say something like "Shall we talk? Or would you rather keep flirting from a distance?" Sometimes she'll come back with a flirty comment, and then you introduce yourself. I notice if you start with something flirty, it keeps the awkardness at bay, mainly because you both know what each other is after already. So just think of something creative, and keep it fun.

Ok, but how do I start making her laugh right from the beginning... I have no problems with humor, but it comes itself during the conversation, but I usually don't get the chance to keep the conversation long enough to start using humor.

 

[Dannyrt34]

The Key to the humor

Ok, but how do I start making her laugh right from the beginning... I have no problems with humor, but it comes itself during the conversation, but I usually don't get the chance to keep the conversation long enough to start using humor.

It doesn't have to be something that has her rolling on the ground laughing. Such as my line that I mentioned above "Should we talk? Or would you rather keep flirting from a distance?" I admit, the girl rarely ever busts out laughing when I say that, but it shows that I don't take the pickup too seriously, and she shouldn't either. Therefore, you both feel comfortable in the situation.

But remember this, When I use that line above, combined with the right voice tone, and body language, it's quite a charming thing to say. Often the girl's response is "Oh that's cute".

I'm sorry about the confusion, but when I said use humor, that don't mean you have to go up to her and do a standup comic routine. It means to act like this pickup is something natural, something fun.

It's so simple, but heres an example:
If you go up to a girl and just say "Hi, you're cute, whats you're name." in a serious tone of voice, like how you'd talk in a business meeting or something. Chances are, you won't get a good response from her, and the pickup will seem way too serious, making it feel very awkward.

Now back at that same situation:
Except this time when you greet her, reword the sentence, and use a happy, loud, and upbeat voice tone. "Wow! You're beautiful! what's your name????" Now this time, since you seem happy, fun, and charming. She will respond much better to you. Remember whenever you're in any conversation, BEFORE you say ANYTHING! Think it through in your head, think of things like "What's a better way to say this." or "How can I say that in a way that will seem more fun." Practice this and you will get better.

 

[lYlasTer]

Everything you say should sound like it's coming out of your mouth the first time.

In my spare time I like to do magic, and I like to do patter with my tricks. To make it good, I have basic lines I've used repeatedly because they work. BUT I make it sound like it's the first time I'm saying it to sound natural, and keep it flexibile so it fits that particular audience.

With a woman, there's always a few basic stuff I use, but I'm always ready at a moment's notice to come up with something witty or funny to say.

 

[diplomatic_lies]

Start responding, rather than initiating. Reacting is more natural than acting.

 

[Dark Haired Alpha]

Start responding, rather than initiating. Reacting is more natural than acting.

Dunno if I understand you well, please explain, thanks

 

[izza]

Well, I'm not sure what you're asking: how do you make an approach feel natural, or how do you make an approach *seem* natural?

For the first, most would say practice. I say practice helps, but the truth is it takes a lot of will and reflection on your life and emotions to make it feel natural.

As for seem natural, it's just acting or repression of emotions. Almost all people are scared sh!tless! Every once in a while, you will just magically know what to say and how to say it, and poof, you'll just get up and do it. It will always seem natural when it feels natural. There's nothing wrong with approaches that don't feel natural or don't seem natural. What's important is that you're approaching. This will give you the experience to reflect on and improve upon.

Keep up the good work.

 

[diplomatic_lies]

Dunno if I understand you well, please explain, thanks

What I mean is, instead of thinking of new things to say, listen to what she's saying, and respond. What you say has to correlate with what she is saying, or else you come off as being fake.
In other words, don't used canned lines, memorise c&f routines, pre-made stories, or any form of artificial nonsense. Learn to converse naturally, without any preparation.

 

[dreamxhenry]

OK, I have done a few approaches in my life already, but I don't really seem to be able to make the approach seem natural, it's always kind of awkward, aspecially when I'm stopping girls on the street.

The question is simple - how do I make an approach natural?

Thanks

simple pratice,after awhile it will become natural end of story.

 

[HuuBinh]

Dark Haired Alpha

Let me enlighten you on this. Cold approaches aren't supposed to be natural, so don't force it. Most guys don't have enough confidence to approach girls. Therefore, girls rarely get approached properly by a cool and confident guys. When a guy like you approaches her, of course it's going to feel a bit different/uncommon/unnatural because this rarely happens to her. Instead of forcing your approach to be more natural, use that feeling of awkardness/nervousness/newness as an advantage. You want to project these emotions because they are authentic to you instead of hiding them.

 

[izza]

Excellent post

Dark Haired Alpha

Let me enlighten you on this. Cold approaches aren't supposed to be natural, so don't force it. Most guys don't have enough confidence to approach girls. Therefore, girls rarely get approached properly by a cool and confident guys. When a guy like you approaches her, of course it's going to feel a bit different/uncommon/unnatural because this rarely happens to her. Instead of forcing your approach to be more natural, use that feeling of awkardness/nervousness/newness as an advantage. You want to project these emotions because they are authentic to you instead of hiding them.

My man, great post. I like that idea about projecting nervousness and awkwardness and so forth. What I like about your view on things is that you're always keeping things simple, candid, and practical.

 

[Marlimus]

To be quite modest my approach anxiety is GONE. I've found that the best way to make an approach natural is to start off by saying something playful, and smile. Approach her as though you are both little kids and you are about to pull her hair or tickle her. She will respond to your playful vibe. I'm not necessarily talking about ****y and funny, although it helps. Go out there and PLAY as though you were a child again. You don't have to be a buffoon, but surprisingly, immaturity is better than boredom.

 

[izza]

To be quite modest my approach anxiety is GONE. I've found that the best way to make an approach natural is to start off by saying something playful, and smile. Approach her as though you are both little kids and you are about to pull her hair or tickle her. She will respond to your playful vibe. I'm not necessarily talking about ****y and funny, although it helps. Go out there and PLAY as though you were a child again. You don't have to be a buffoon, but surprisingly, immaturity is better than boredom.

Examples?

 

[Marlimus]

Examples?

"I don't usually talk to strangers, but you don't look dangerous so I'll make an exception in your case"

"I'm serious. In this day and age, a guy has to protect himself. You wouldn't take advantage of me in my vulnerable emotional state, would you?"

Run a search on my last field report titled for further details, it should be FIELD REPORT #16 OR #17.

 

[Krassus]

Everything comes from within. If YOU feel awkward, the approach will feel that way, and so will the girl. You must first become ABSOLUTELY COMFORTABLE with it yourself, and only then the rest will follow. Translation: practice, practice, practice!

 

[DonJuanByNature]

The Answer Is>>>>>

Just do it (approach) MANY MANY times OVER AND OVER, and after a while it will become natural.. Does'nt even matter what you say, as long as you say naturually.. If you don't know what to say, then just say what you feel "Wow, I saw you from accross the street and I thaught you were stunning, I had to come over and get your name...smile" .... practice over and over... and it will be as easy as wacking off in the shower...

 

[DonJuanByNature]

Everything comes from within. If YOU feel awkward, the approach will feel that way, and so will the girl. You must first become ABSOLUTELY COMFORTABLE with it yourself, and only then the rest will follow. Translation: practice, practice, practice!

your right about practice, but your WRONG about comfortable... i.e. even though I have done it over 10,000 times, if I see a girl that I REALLY LIKE (rare) it is not as easy, but my practice takes over and i do the same rouitne as if she was just like any other girl, although I am actually interested in her. So, the point is dont worry about feeling comfterble, just go with the motions and u will become good at it.. i.e. A person doing the beheading (cutting off head in old days as form of punishment) may be uncomfterble about doing it, but afterwhile will look really smooth at it... I.e. YOU know that your uncomfterble (which can show), but if you practiced a lot, she will not even know, cause you smoothened your approach and it looks like your comfterble..

 

[rsxtreme]

Everything comes from within. If YOU feel awkward, the approach will feel that way, and so will the girl. You must first become ABSOLUTELY COMFORTABLE with it yourself, and only then the rest will follow. Translation: practice, practice, practice!

 

[mejorimposible]

whats the point of aproaching girls you dont like? i mean, ok its for practice, but in the end you dont want to **** her, and you use the same routine as if you would, is that fair?