How Do I Handle This?

[U-571]

Been reading stuff on this site on and off for a couple years now. Finally, I actually need some advice with a situation.

I have worked with a girl for a year now who is 3 years older then I am (Don’t know if that’s relevant). Now at first I had no attraction to this girl – her face is about a 7 but her body is really nice as she stays in good shape and takes care of herself. However, over time I have gotten to know her more and I definitely think she is someone who has it together and we have fun chatting and laughing. So this is basically someone who I wouldn’t mind going out with to see if there is actually anything between us. By the way I am leaving this job to go back to school in a couple weeks so there is no concern about workplace relationship stuff here.

I am 2 months out of a long-term relationship and have been talking to a few other girls. The girl in question broke up with a boyfriend of only about 1.5 months a couple weeks ago.

Rewind to about 3 or 4 months ago (at the time I did not see the girl in question as an option as I was exclusive with my then gf). During this time period I spoke my mind and criticized this girl for certain characteristics about her which bothered me and I said to her on a couple occasions “I would never date a girl like you”. The criticisms were not overly harsh but were things like “your spoiled” and “you don’t live in reality” as she is overly optimistic and has grown up in a well off family. There is nothing really wrong with her but I felt like she could get knocked down a peg.

Here is where things get a little bit confusing for me. I just moved into a new apartment a couple weeks ago. Last week she randomly offers to go food shopping with me and then come over to my place to show me how to cook a few dishes. I am clueless in the kitchen (she knew that) and she is apparently a very good cook and knows all about food. This was completely her suggestion. Now this girl is extremely hard to read as she is not the kind of girl who would overtly show IOIs (especially in the workplace) and instead totally relies on the guy to make all the moves. I have also told her on a couple occasions that I don’t like females as friends as we don’t share common interests and that the only women I am interested in are ones to see romantically.

So my two questions:

-What was her intention by offering to go food shopping with me and show me how to cook a few dishes at my place? Am I just a friend and she is helping me out or is she trying to indicate something here?

-If she does come over, how do I proceed with this? If I am unsure of this girl’s interests do I proceed with caution or do I make a move and see what happens?

Help me out here guys, I am totally confused on this one.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

She wants to go to your place and cook = she is interested in knowing more about you.

She wants the man to make all the moves = she wants you to make a move on her.

The beauty of this is that you don't even have to ask her out on a date or meeting. She's already making it easy for you. By going to your place, you get to skip several steps and additional "dates" and save a lot of time. By offering, she's already (in her mind, at the very least) put herself out there as much as she's going to, it is up to you to take the ball and score.

Not very hard to figure it out. The only thing you will get out of waiting and putting this off any longer is a pair of blue balls. Make your move, and if she's at your place, having fun and laughing, she is interested in you to make an advance, so make sure you kiss her and make your life easier than coming here unsure of how she feels about you.

 

[U-571]

Thanks Gangster. Your right.

The chances are probably much greater that she is interested in me than this being some weird friend-helping-friend thing.

I am treading into uncharted waters here. I have never been involved with a person who I knew as a co-worker so the dynamic just feels a little different (as in: she could be just be friendly because we work together or genuinely interested).

What made me question her interest was that I am 23, she is 26 and from what I know the guys she dates are typically late 20's. Although age is just a number it is one of the reasons I questioned her potential interest.

I really have nothing to lose anyways by making a move. If a girl comes to my place, unless she is really clueless and retarded, she has to know she is "fair game".

I have to stop over analyzing this and just see what happens. She is probably coming over next week. I will hopefully do a follow-up post.

 

[U-571]

Bump... Just wanted to get some advice on how people think I should play this?

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Bump... Just wanted to get some advice on how people think I should play this?

Nobody has added to this thread because you have all the answers already.
If you need my permission, fine. I GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO LET HER HANG OUT AT YOUR PLACE, AND TO KISS HER AND TAKE IT AS FAR AS YOU TWO WANT!

You mean you haven't started doing what I told you to do? In other words, just go along with her plan. It is better than anything I or other here could come up with. She wants to go with you grocery shopping, then go to your hosue and cook and spend time with you. What's so hard about executing that plan? Son, are you gay? I don't think so. Or would you like me to lead you by the hand and coach you on your get together? :crackup:

If you don't seize the moment, somebody else definitely will and will ram their 10 inch personality into her and you will be a long forgoten thought. Is that the type of thing you want happening? Do you want to come back and whine about how she's not returning your texts/calls?

It is ok to let women do something nice for you. She is already putting herself out there. Seize the moment! When you let women do favors for you and nice stuff, they develop a stronger attraction for you. Many reasons for that, but don't worry about that now. They feel like they have "earned" your approval, and therefore value you more. They feel like they have "invested" in you, so they value you more. Try it out. It's ok!

 

[1 Bad Dude]

She's coming down off of regular r'ship se.x. and looking for a fix. You are right in her scope. Don't be afraid to make a move. Ultimately, you have two choices: go with the flow and see what happens or take control and see if she lets you.

Going with the flow is letting this play out and capitalizing where you see opportunities. Gangster Of Love is pretty much spot on here.

Taking control takes MORE confidence than what I can see from your post. You could flip it and tell her "How about the two of us have dinner and drinks at your place. If I like your cooking, then you can help me shop." Of course, you will still want to be in the kitchen with her. To "help out" and take advantage of kino opportunities. Ask her to suggest a wine to bring or what kind of beer she likes if wine isn't her thing.

The choice is yours. I would just go with the flow myself, no expectations. Either way, have a movie so the two of you can get cozy on the couch together.

 

[Kailex]

Nobody has added to this thread because you have all the answers already.
If you need my permission, fine. I GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO LET HER HANG OUT AT YOUR PLACE, AND TO KISS HER AND TAKE IT AS FAR AS YOU TWO WANT!

What the person quoted said.
Why add on to already excellent advice? I don't think it's necessary to have 5 to 10 people agreeing with Gangster.

 

[U-571]

...I know... I know....

I haven't made a move because she was on vacation this week (out of the city) and during that time I have over-analyzed this situation. There is another girl I am talking to but this one represents a new and unique challenge for me (co-worker element).

I'm just going to stop thinking about this and play it naturally as it happens. If and when she comes over to cook dinner I will just slowly escalate, as 1 Bad Dude said in the kitchen I will test her interest by kinoing her and then going from there. In the off chance that she actually is just doing a "friendly" dinner then I will soon find out. If she isn't (which I am 95% sure it isn't) I will go in for the kill.

 

[U-571]

Update

So the chick got back from her vacation on Monday. She made no mention of anything to do with the plans that she initiated before. Later on Monday I say to her: "You gotta come over for dinner sometime." Her response was something like: "Oh ya you're gonna cook for me... that could be interesting." She didn't seem very enthusiastic or anything about it.

I'm thinking she got back with her ex-bf during her holiday break back home. Her demeanor completely changed towards me despite us not talking since two Fridays ago (before she left for vacation) when she was all perky towards me and mentioned the plans.

Nothing I can do about this one, just got to forget about it. I guess the lesson here is that you have to strike while the iron is hot...Unfortunately, I couldn't because she went on vacation the next day after she said that stuff to me. This girl is so unsure of herself it would be a waste of time for me to deal with her anyways - I couldn't deal with a hyper emotional woman who changed their mind every couple of days.

Damn though...really wanted to bang this chick. Such a tight body. Oh well.

Lesson form this: ACT quickly when they show interest (although I couldn't have done anything about this here)