How do I go about getting an easy cushy government job?

[LonesomeLoser]

I once read the book "Something for Nothing" by Brian Tracy, and in it he bemoans how government employees:

have little or no job performance standards to meet,

are actually discouraged from solving problems, because that will mean their department will not be as "needed" anymore,

are actually reprimanded if they do solve a problem, because it makes the rest of the department look bad compared to the employee who solved the problem,

when there was a government shutdown, 95+ percent of government employees were found to be non-essential, that it didn't matter if they came to work or not,

get ridiculous amounts of perks and privileges,

it takes tons of red tape and hundreds of thousands of dollars to remove one incompetent government employee, so most of the time the powers that be don't go to the trouble,

are allowed to "double dip", retire and collect a pension, and at the same time start working in another dept, and build up another pension; nothing like this is allowed in the private sector,

government employees are generally considered unemployable in the private sector because they are lazy and incompetent, and have no necessary skills.

are unionized,

are rewarded for increasing the size of their department, rather than job performance,

are basically coddled and spoiled in general.

I don't know about you but this sounds like my dream job, getting paid and getting tons of perks for basically sitting around and looking busy.

How do I get in on this? Please help!!

 

[youngwilliam]

Do you live in DC? Then, you're in business!

 

[LonesomeLoser]

No I'm in IL.

 

[Deep Dish]

I am a bureaucratic civil servant and most of what you mostly say are myths. If your described conception of government work would be a dream job, the reality is hell. In fact, I plan on returning to the private sector when I can and precisely because working for the government is mostly an act of ever increasing futility.

But if you want to work for The Man, go to a university, get a degree, and apply for a job. If you want the federal level, visit www.usajobs.com. For state or local government, you're on your own.