How do I get rid of this mindset?

[DiegoSantori]

Sometimes being a perfectionist can be a bad thing. My perfectionism affects every aspect of my life. No matter what I do, I am obsessed with making it “better”, even if it is already perfect.

The worst part about all this is that I can't enjoy conversations anymore. I constantly think about what I should say, what I shouldn't say, that saying this or that could leave a bad impression with the girl, etc..

Ideas anyone?

 

[mangotot]

I don't know the answer man but the key is to be flexible - someone capable of taking all stations.

 

[:-)]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ltNhwj-F7c8

 

[SeymourCake]

Perfect your imperfections.

 

[Casillas]

"Whatever happens, happens" I start to live with that philosophy and nowadays its hard that something or someone affect me. Instead of trying to control all the situatons, just relax and enjoy your life.

 

[prison/con.net]

double plastic bag over your head. tie cord around neck, sealing the bags shut. big shot of dope, and your problems are over.

 

[gravityeyelids]

Alcohol.

But in all seriousness, you have to see this as a strength. The greatest artists, scientists, philosophers, athletes are NEVER happy and NEVER satisfied. That is how you stay hungry. They HATE compliments, they HATE awards and recognition because they convince themselves that they can always do better.

It's not convenient by any means, but it is a blessing.

 

[JohnChops]

Alcohol.

But in all seriousness, you have to see this as a strength. The greatest artists, scientists, philosophers, athletes are NEVER happy and NEVER satisfied. That is how you stay hungry. They HATE compliments, they HATE awards and recognition because they convince themselves that they can always do better.

It's not convenient by any means, but it is a blessing.

This, 100%. I have your problem, but I learned to control it. People celebrate meritocracy these days like getting a B on a paper and going out to celebrate by drinking or whatever. If I ever got a B an anything, I'd sit my ass in my chair and study or re-read my paper to see wtf I did wrong and how can I fix it/learn from it. I also hate being told im doing "good" or when I get awards, it is not a big deal to me because I was doing what I was supposed to do anyway.

Not many people are like us. Take it as a gift. Once you control it, you will enjoy it.

In school or any other part of my life that is non-recreational I let it fly freely because it can be a great tool in those situations to become great.

Recreational stuff, whenever I feel myself starting to think "How can I be better? What should I say next?" All I do is slowly start to breathe and relax (this took awhile for me to be able to grasp and learn it). Relax and let those thoughts be an afterthought, do not even acknowledge them. By doing this you are 1) choosing which thoughts you would like to acknowledge and which you would like to throw out and not think of and 2) it brings you back into the moment where you can listen and then you wont need to figure out what to say next, you can just build off the conversation "in the moment".

It's a funny psychological quarrel we all have. In reality we can choose which thoughts to acknowledge and which thoughts to toss to the curb. People process so much sensorimotor information on the daily that it is quite hard to figure out which ones to focus on. Some focus on the negative and some focus on the positive. Hence why people can have a different attitude even though their outcomes were quite similar.

In short, relax, focus on being in the moment (don't focus too hard ), and choose which thoughts you want to bring to light.

 

[Poon King]

STOP worrying so much about the outcome of any particular situation. What are you trying to accomplish with this "perfection"? Do you even know? :crackup:

Live by your beliefs and not by the image you want others to see. Free yourself.

Being a perfectionist comes from a fear of looking/feeling foolish in the eyes of others. But most of these "others" are idiots. That's the stupid thing about obsessing over what others think. You basically degrade yourself to the point where you elevate everyone but yourself.

I see all conversations as an opportunity to learn, educated or be entertained. It should never be about impressing others. Trying to impress others is degrading in all situations.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Ask yourself what you are trying to prove and who you are trying to prove it to.

I was discussing with someone elsewhere the other day that so-called perfectionists are inherently the most imperfect characters. Some people I have met genuinely believe their farts smell of roses and their sh!t tastes of Green and Blacks. They are also among the most intolerable AND intolerant people I have met. Any deviation from their ideal of 'perfection' throws their sense of self worth into a spin because it's what their whole existence is based upon.

There's nothing wrong with striving for excellence. But understand that even when you are confident and successful (no, especially then) some people will still f*cking loathe you. You will never be bezzie mates with everyone, so stop trying.

Set realistic goals; noone (really) admires failure, least of all the failure them self. Don't be afraid to re-adjust your sense and object of accomplishment (even temporarily). It provides foundation to build upon.

 

[Serenity]

If it isn't enjoyable it's far from perfect, your definition of perfect is imperfect

 

[LuckyStrike88]

Anyone can tell you anything on what to do. But you can't change you.

You have something that motivates you, that gives you energy. It is doing things better. You have to use that motivation, don't waste it.

The main thing here is is that you are wasting it. Getting shut down because you are constantly on your toes on what to say and thinking about what to say is bad. People feel how you feel, especially women. And they won't respect you for this behavior.

Use your drive of perfection to let go of the constant self monitoring. You want perfection right? Then use that drive to let it go.

I can tell you one thing there is no perfect thing to say, it's not even about saying the perfect thing and succeeding. How could you ever get to that point, no one can. You are chasing a ghost, so let it go.

You don't think, you just be you. Unfiltered, weak, strong, ballsy. It doesn't really matter. Not being on your toes and just showing yourself without being on guard makes you feel really, really good.

Women will respect you, trust you, and want to be around people that are in a good vibe.

Having said that, you have to show some balls. Saying edgy things, teasing her without caring what people think is actually something that is very attractive to girls. Right now your doing the opposite, don't be stupid. Let it go.

Sometimes being a perfectionist can be a bad thing. My perfectionism affects every aspect of my life. No matter what I do, I am obsessed with making it “better”, even if it is already perfect.

The worst part about all this is that I can't enjoy conversations anymore. I constantly think about what I should say, what I shouldn't say, that saying this or that could leave a bad impression with the girl, etc..

Ideas anyone?