shortie
Don Juan
Hi everyone,
I have been a reader for a few weeks now. i was recommended here by a friend after things went south with my relationship.
We had been together for over 8 years. yes it is a very long time. we have been on and off where we took a week or two here and there and didnt talk to each other. We stayed together through college and even when both of us got jobs. we never actually lived together and that stems from the fact that both of our parents were not understanding of our relationship due to cultural views. Over the past summer, she told her parents out right that she was dating me and was serious about it. They completely flipped out, threatened to kill me, kill her, make everyone miserable. she ended up lying to them that she dumped me but the damage was done. Her parents didnt trust her very much and she hated her parents for reacting that way. problem was that this loomed over my head that she ruined her relationship with her parents for me. mind you neither of us live with our parents but are in the same state so we see them quite often.
so at the end of the summer she moved across the coast for a year of masters. there she made quite a few friends and it seems that they have filled her head with a lot of doubt about this relationship. that she needs to explore more, date other people, im holding her back in some way and other stuff that i guess they figured she needed to hear. so a few months in, shes acting distant and we are talking more like friends than someone in a relationship. I ask her what is going on and she says she isnt sure about us. i tell her that she should really think it over and let me know what is going on. she comes back a day later and says that its over. this was mid nov, we email back and forth for a day or two and then i start the no contact rule. since then she emailed me about 4-5 times asking how i was and such and i gave her generic responses and moved on. she eventually asked me to meet up when she is back in town and i refused. She never responded to that email and after 2 weeks, i was messing with my gmail settings and unblocked her by mistake. she IMed me and stars asking the usual how are you and stuff. im a bit ticked off about her nonchalant behavior so i give her a bit of cold shoulder but it seems that she is completely unfazed by that now.
the conversation went something along the lines of how are you formalities and then i asked her about the email and she said she understood and had nothing to say. turns out that she wants to be friends because i was her best friend or watever. i said well that ended with everything else she ended, to which she just said sigh and ok and she'll give me my space. I have a bunch of her stuff that i was thinking of giving back but at this point i realize that i cannot bare to see her face to face so im just thinking of throwing everything out, including her gifts to me.
I guess you can say that i was a chump this whole time since i devoted all of my time and effort to the relationship, making it work and bending over backwards for her. In the end i just cannot understand how 8 years of a relationship can end so abruptly? and not just abrupt but how can she not show any care for everything that we had. i was just getting used to suppressing the pain and trying to move forward but this recent chat has put me back to where i was the day after she told me it was over.
i have started to work out, i have been going out with friends and hanging out more. But at the end of the day i feel like i am very alone without her. I dont know how to get rid of this feeling. I dated just one other girl for a few months before her so i have had no need to try to flirt/chat with girls in the past 8 yrs. I have no intention of jumping back into the game immediately but I honestly cannot see myself jumping in even if i wanted to. I dont even know how to approach girls let alone ask them out or watever.
but thats besides the point, the main reason i came here was for any unusual advice that you can give me in trying to get rid of this feeling and try to move forward. im just really lost in all of this, it seems like there is no tomorrow. I'm probably going through severe depression and at the same time i get these anxiety attacks from thinking about all of this. it was hard to sleep in the first week but i got into the habit of falling asleep. however last night i couldnt sleep again cuz my mind keeps thinking about this chat over and over again, and everything else from the past 8 years to how she left me in a heartbeat without any feelings and without looking back.
Is there anyone who has experienced the same and what can i do to help myself?
I have been a reader for a few weeks now. i was recommended here by a friend after things went south with my relationship.
We had been together for over 8 years. yes it is a very long time. we have been on and off where we took a week or two here and there and didnt talk to each other. We stayed together through college and even when both of us got jobs. we never actually lived together and that stems from the fact that both of our parents were not understanding of our relationship due to cultural views. Over the past summer, she told her parents out right that she was dating me and was serious about it. They completely flipped out, threatened to kill me, kill her, make everyone miserable. she ended up lying to them that she dumped me but the damage was done. Her parents didnt trust her very much and she hated her parents for reacting that way. problem was that this loomed over my head that she ruined her relationship with her parents for me. mind you neither of us live with our parents but are in the same state so we see them quite often.
so at the end of the summer she moved across the coast for a year of masters. there she made quite a few friends and it seems that they have filled her head with a lot of doubt about this relationship. that she needs to explore more, date other people, im holding her back in some way and other stuff that i guess they figured she needed to hear. so a few months in, shes acting distant and we are talking more like friends than someone in a relationship. I ask her what is going on and she says she isnt sure about us. i tell her that she should really think it over and let me know what is going on. she comes back a day later and says that its over. this was mid nov, we email back and forth for a day or two and then i start the no contact rule. since then she emailed me about 4-5 times asking how i was and such and i gave her generic responses and moved on. she eventually asked me to meet up when she is back in town and i refused. She never responded to that email and after 2 weeks, i was messing with my gmail settings and unblocked her by mistake. she IMed me and stars asking the usual how are you and stuff. im a bit ticked off about her nonchalant behavior so i give her a bit of cold shoulder but it seems that she is completely unfazed by that now.
the conversation went something along the lines of how are you formalities and then i asked her about the email and she said she understood and had nothing to say. turns out that she wants to be friends because i was her best friend or watever. i said well that ended with everything else she ended, to which she just said sigh and ok and she'll give me my space. I have a bunch of her stuff that i was thinking of giving back but at this point i realize that i cannot bare to see her face to face so im just thinking of throwing everything out, including her gifts to me.
I guess you can say that i was a chump this whole time since i devoted all of my time and effort to the relationship, making it work and bending over backwards for her. In the end i just cannot understand how 8 years of a relationship can end so abruptly? and not just abrupt but how can she not show any care for everything that we had. i was just getting used to suppressing the pain and trying to move forward but this recent chat has put me back to where i was the day after she told me it was over.
i have started to work out, i have been going out with friends and hanging out more. But at the end of the day i feel like i am very alone without her. I dont know how to get rid of this feeling. I dated just one other girl for a few months before her so i have had no need to try to flirt/chat with girls in the past 8 yrs. I have no intention of jumping back into the game immediately but I honestly cannot see myself jumping in even if i wanted to. I dont even know how to approach girls let alone ask them out or watever.
but thats besides the point, the main reason i came here was for any unusual advice that you can give me in trying to get rid of this feeling and try to move forward. im just really lost in all of this, it seems like there is no tomorrow. I'm probably going through severe depression and at the same time i get these anxiety attacks from thinking about all of this. it was hard to sleep in the first week but i got into the habit of falling asleep. however last night i couldnt sleep again cuz my mind keeps thinking about this chat over and over again, and everything else from the past 8 years to how she left me in a heartbeat without any feelings and without looking back.
Is there anyone who has experienced the same and what can i do to help myself?
