How do I get out of this relationship?

[adler321]

Hello people!
I have a problem. It seems I cannot break out of this relationship that has been going on for 3 months now.

It all started so quickly, I was ****ing her on the second date. She is not exactly my type, she is overweight,
but I like the sex and doing things together.
She is a really nice person, that I grew to care for a big deal.
The sex is so good, she does everything in bed.
When it comes to interacting, she assumes submissive role
and I am the dominant. Very rare with women these days,
eventhough she is not the traditional type. I think that's
what keeps me interested in being with her, and she
totally feeds me that! The only problem that I have with her
is that she is obese. I am in a pretty good shape, and all
my friends tell me that I can do better.

I tried breaking up with her, but felt so sorry for her,
that I went back the second day! I know, pathetic.
I got drunk and called her and she came to pick me up
to take me to her bed. Sucker!

Anyway, now I think she feels even closer to me and
she thinks I am her prince. I think instinctively I must
end this, because it doesn't feel right. I feel trapped,
suffocated. I have been faithful to her all this time, and
never dated anyone else. I practically spent all my time
together with her, I don't even spend time with my friends
anymore! I want to end this, but don't want to break her
heart. She confessed to me that she was molested by her
family member, and I truly feel sorry for her. But I don't
want to settle for a fat chick. I don't want to stay with
her out of pity. I think we should both move on.

Any advice on how to break up cleanly and stay
away? I was thinking of cheating on her, and have her find
out, because that is a deal breaker, but afraid that she will forgive me.
Damn!
She seems to have this pull on me, I feel bad about even
thinking of breaking up. I am in great pain over this.
Did someone have a situation like this?

Any help? Anyone?

Thanks

Adler

 

[Wyldfire]

How overweight is she? I mean, is it a lot or what? Based on your post it sounds like YOU like her and that it's other people's opinions that make you think you should dump her. If you do like her why don't you tell her that you want to get in better shape and invite her to join you and help motivate and inspire each other to do it? As long as you address the weight issue in this way it's not damaging to the relationship and can have very positive results.

If she's receptive to doing this, then you can work out with her, better yourself AND shut your friends up. Heck...if she has everything else you like and you can help her lose the weight in a supportive way then you'll end up with someone who makes you pretty happy.

 

[ApocalypseCow2]

Adler, I had a similar situation. I was in a relationship for two years. The girl was loving and giving. But I wanted out. As you get older, you realize that a lot of times, when you break up with someone, you find that you still really like them. You'll rarely find yourself in a situation where a girl is such a b1tch that you will gladly break up with her. Usually, there is some good part of the relationship that you will have to sacrifice.

It took me months to get up the courage to finally break it off. We sorta broke up a couple times. Finally, one day, I really just ended it once and for all. I think she appreciated the honesty. Jerry Seinfeld had a good joke once: "Breaking up with someone is like trying to tip over a refrigerator. You can't do it in one push...you gotta get it rocking first." What was really hard was that I was well liked among her family. I got along great with her brother, who is sort of anti-social and doesn't click with many people. Her nieces and nephews loved me. Her parents thought I was great. Trying to breakup with someone when you are that tied into their family is *tough*.

I don't think you should cheat on the girl. That's really an immature way to break up with someone, and why would you want to ruin your reputation? Just tell her you aren't ready for commitment right now. She'll get over it eventually.

 

[Desdinova]

She confessed to me that she was molested by her
family member, and I truly feel sorry for her.

You've just hit your first red flag. When a woman has experienced something like this, she's most likely to be emotionally fvcked up. This could also be the root reason for her being overweight. Women who feel 5hitty about themselves don't take care of themselves.

If she has never had therapy, you're going to have problems with her in the future.

You've got two choices here.

1) Help her work through her past sexual abuse by encouraging her to go to therapy. The results *may* include weight loss.

2) Dump her.

Whatever the case may be, you cannot be her knight in shining armour. You can't make everything better with love.

 

[ApocalypseCow2]

To follow up on what Desdinova said....

Do *NOT* wait for this girl to get her sh1t together before dumping her because "you don't want to dump her during a difficult time." I tried that once, and I wasted months of my life going out with someone I knew I was going to dump.

 

[Wyldfire]

Adler, your second post sounds like you actually do want out.

So break up with her. It doesn't sound like a very good relationship from your second post.

 

[Desdinova]

Hard to tell if this chick is trying to buy your attention. Personally, I like women that buy me 5hit. To me, it just shows high IL. But this is what really caught my eye:

Yesterday I went out with my friends and she kept calling me and
asking me if I was with some girl, what I was up to.. etc.
She then started saying things like: I don't want to have a relationship if you go out drinking with your friends. I don't quite
remember everything, I was wasted.

She's trying to control you. What kind of woman is going to ask you "are you with some girl"? The woman should be saying "I want to be your girl!"

Your relationship has also become conditional on the basis of your friends. If you quit hanging around your friends, you're "guaranteed" a relationship. BULL5HIT. If she gets her way with this issue, she'll work at getting her way with others. You'll suddenly find that you're a doormat.

You have two choices here.

1) Put your foot down with her
2) Ditch her like you've been planning.

If you're not good at putting your foot down with women, she's a good one to practice on. It builds up your tolerance to a woman's b1tching, whining and crying. If I were you, I'd make use of this opportunity to practice this before you kick her to the curb.

Another thing to beware of is her trying to manipulate you by saying "Look at all the 5hit I bought you, and you want to dump me?" It's a control tactic. Don't give into it.

 

[englishman]

Let me know what happens, I was just in a similar relationship.... the girl had low self estem but was really attractive but never quite took care of herself, always clingy, phoning 10 times a day, In the end it was suffocating, and she wouldnt stop no matter how many times I asked/ told her to....was to bad, cause when a women is fat or thinks something is ugly about her (even if there isnt) it can create a bit of humbleness which is fvkin refreshing considering how many women have princess issues out there...but how far do you go to fix em? and is she fixable?
ps, In the end we broke up, but it was hard, I need a bit more of desdinovas personality I think......love the sigs he's got....

 

[cave dweller]

problems.....

Hey,

It is not your responsibility to solve her mental problems.

Let her go and move on.

cave dweller

 

[adler321]

Well, gentlemen and ladies, I had the talk with her yesterday.
I told her that I did not love her, and that I was afraid to
miss a chance to really fall in love with someone, if we were
still together. She cried and begged me not to do it, but
I did. Remember it was not the first time trying to break it up.

This time I wanted to know what she thought about it.
Turns out, she agrees that maybe we both think there
is more than there actually is. She said it would be ok, if there
is no love on my side, those things take time... blah blah.
She loves my adventurous side and of course the sex. hehe...
But I think it is her desperately trying to keep me around.

Anyway, I said that we could still be friends (mistake?).
But waking up this morning, I don't know if I can be just friends,
without fuking her. I mean she wants sex with me still.
I don't want to slip back into it (no pun intended, hehe). Besides, I am afraid to sleep with her now, because she
might pull a pregnancy stunt on me, now that I am not
her boyfriend, to get me back.

Anyway, I just need to stay away from her, I think.
Breaking off all of the contact will probably be a wise choice,
no friendship $hit.

Going through some difficult guilt trips, but somehow feel
liberated.

Thanks for all your support people!

I don't know if you will listen to my advice, but here it is:
Don't settle for less, like I did. Reach for the stars, when
it comes to your choice for an LTR. Oh, and make sure
she is HOT!


adler

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Good, now don't get drunk and call her again.

 

[FratAndDiddy]

the way i'm reading into this is the sex keeps you around for more.
i believe you know this already, but it's really not good for you to keep slipping the hound dog to her on the side for enjoyment. i would do what you said and break up and move on.
however....
if you want it , set the terms. if she agrees then do your own thing and keep her busy with sex. but this usually backfires because they dont look at it like we do. jealousy and control will still be in the back of her mind and eventually you will end up being the bad guy.

move on, it's your best policy to integrity

 

[adler321]

I am moving on... No more sex, no more friendship with her!
Nothing! I know she can figure out a way to pull me back
in if I stick around. I don't want to take that chance!

The best way to get over this, is find someone else soon.
It is amazing though how I got used to that relationship
so fast and so much and how difficult it is to forget about it... Eh,
moving on...

Thanks everybody for your advice!

Adler

 

[Ebach]

Your friends tell you you can do better. Can you do better? If you like what you're getting (booty call) then why would you want to break up? (just make sure she understands that it's a booty call and not a serious long term relationship).